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ChildofGodyay Mar 12
dear me:

dont you dare think its your work!
dont you dare think its you who made it happen!!

students were against him.
him. afraid.

i was uncertain.
my faith was shaking.
but LORD you guided my thoughts: "But God wont tell me to force it. So God wont allow it to fail either.
God is with me.
two options:

do it or dont.
if not force him.
i thought. why would God want me to force him? surely God will make this succeed in JESUS NAME!!!

after prayer.

i was still uncertain.
shaken.
afraid for him to say it didnt work.
it did.

IT DID!!!
IT DID!!!
I NEVER EXPECTED THAT TO HAPPEN!!
NEVER!!!!!!!!!

GOD IS REAL!
ITS ALL HIM NOT ME!
NOT ME!
NO ME!
NOT ME!

it.isnt.me.
YESSSS GOD IS REAL DUDE NOT KIDDING PLEASE PRAY MY FAITH WILL BE MORE STRONG!!! NO MORE EXCUSES ANDOU TO HEAVEN! DONT BE DECEIVED! JESUS DIED FOR YOU AND ME IN OUR PLACE WITHOUT EVEN BEING KNOWN BY US! DESPITE OUR REBELLION AND HATRED, HE LOVES US STILL!!!!!!!!! HE IS REAL
expectations crowded my mind in the days when my desperation was sorta high.
it felt like i fitted in with the rest, fitted into their league of rash lovers and surface swimmers.

it started with a "had enough."
which led to me having to rush and led to my second decision and then it hit me ******* me but yet so soft and subtle--it seemed to be.  

bothering and confusing, assumptions were made.
And they tormented me yesterday and the day before, and the day before....it nearly got me today.

i saw _ again and i chose to shut my eyes, just not completely, i chose to slip by but not ignoring the fact that i knew _ saw me at the corners of _ eye.
i didn't even wave goodbye or smiled a "hi".

sigh, how could i forget, the making of a moon?
a laughter that made me cringe and sin,
a memory that never seems to fade away, a lasting portrait still swings in my mind today.
only when i see _
.

if i don't know i have let _ down already, when _ expected a nicely wrapped gift from me.
my heart and my chest was tied tightly together, and i seem to be unable to breathe, and i seem to pause           only to know that i am sinking in, bre e e eeeeeeeee a t hing in.

i place them into
                               your hands,
                                                      i do not know what will happen, but i am rest assured in your plans.
i pray and hope that you dont have a lot of stress and for your safety!! And happy chinese new year to my fellow friends!! God has been faithful!! PRAISE THE LORD!! God has plans for me, and he knows them through and through.
ChildofGodyay Jan 25
how?
how do you love us crawling creatures?
destined to burn in ****.
why do you love us when we hated you?
how did you love ungrateful brats like us?
how did you have the love to send your own? very own Son, your only Son, to die for us?
when our fingers could trigger guns and it kills.
when our mouths and tongues, we choose to spell death...
when our backs we choose to turn away from you.

how...can it be?
that a KING would die for ME.
that he will die for a killer, abuser, liar, blasphemer, ungrateful creatures, ***** thinkers, lovers of darkness, a deceiver, a pretense, a past-tense, an empty shell.
you filled me up.

we have the capacity, to be worse than a meer ******.
****** would look like a drummer boy.
how evil is our *****, twisted, darkened, chained-up hearts?
how deceitful are its slippery jaws of blackened teeth dripping with death?

the pride made our eyes puffed up with fat.
unable to see the net we set up in front of ourselves.
how foolish.
how proud.
we think we deserve even a life.
we don't

if you see the sin in yourself?
you would agree.

yet.
YET.
The Father
sent
his
One
and
Only
Son
To Die
For
Me
and
You

He REPLACED your place on that cross, on that grave, on the day, on that cursed tree.
it was supposed to be you and me.
he died for me and you when it is that we should be the ones dying.

open up your eyes!
open up your hearts!
open up your hearts!
open up your eyes!
open up your ears and hear!
open up your hearts and receive Him!!!

i have seen dead shells come to life and are filled!
i have seen blind eyes filled with the shimmering of life!
i have seen hardened hearts change!
i have seen the wonderful bundles of life he creates in the wombs of mothers!
i have seen the dead turned to life
i have seen his glory.
i have felt his presence.
He is so real...
i couldn't deny it.
believe it.

He is calling for you
inviting you in
its your choice to let him in or not...
Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.
-John 14:6

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was with God in the beginning. 3 Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. 4 In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. 5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome[a] it.
John 1:1-5

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, 2 because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you[a] free from the law of sin and death. 3 For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh,[b] God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering.[c] And so he condemned sin in the flesh, 4 in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.

5 Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. 6 The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. 7 The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. 8 Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God.

9 You, however, are not in the realm of the flesh but are in the realm of the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, they do not belong to Christ. 10 But if Christ is in you, then even though your body is subject to death because of sin, the Spirit gives life[d] because of righteousness. 11 And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies because of[e] his Spirit who lives in you.

12 Therefore, brothers and sisters, we have an obligation—but it is not to the flesh, to live according to it. 13 For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live.

14 For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. 15 The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship.[f] And by him we cry, “Abba,[g] Father.” 16 The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. 17 Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

Present Suffering and Future Glory
18 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. 19 For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. 20 For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope 21 that[h] the creation itself will be liberated from its ******* to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.

22 We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 23 Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. 24 For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? 25 But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. 27 And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[i] have been called according to his purpose. 29 For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. 30 And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

More Than Conquerors
31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33 Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34 Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36 As it is written:

“For your sake we face death all day long;
    we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”[j]
37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[k] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
-Romans 8

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2 He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. 3 You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4 Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
-John 15:1-4

Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.
- John 6:35

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. 2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Romans 12:1-2

For there is one God and one mediator between God and mankind, the man Christ Jesus,
- 1 Timothy 2:5

16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. 18 Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son.
-John 3:16-18
ChildofGodyay Dec 2018
:)
i didn't know why i felt dark as i dwelled in the light.
i mean, everything is fine, going well, all swell,
and yet i felt dark and well....left in darkness.
wishing i was dead, crying in the silence of the night at 1am, i was hoping someone could hear my chocked cries.
.
but then.
you reminded me you are real.
you have always been.
you opened my eyes, you opened my wrinkled hands.
you've held my heart close to yours.
your light shines true.
your love, grace, mercy, kindness rings true.
and maybe i don't know why i feel the way i do, the way my mind is wired.
but you say your plans are good.
your plans would not harm me but give me a hope and a future.
you will be my light, my strength, my hope.

and i will shine your light on other people too.
i will do my best.
heyyy, so urm, God has really been so real. So i was in this period of time in my life that i was just so down, and sometimes i still am, but God kept on and keeps on reminding me that he is close, that he is real, so many times i wanted to **** myself, but by his amazing grace, AMAZING GRACE, LOVE i am safe.
he truly changed me and he loves you too :)
accept him, he wants to have a personal relationship with you...
you can message me to i guess know more if you are curious about Jesus and the Bible :)))) i will try my best to answer you :)
ChildofGodyay Dec 2018
so here is what's going on, my heart is cut in half, in between the world and you.
between the pain and the summer hues.
between the "my identity is found in Christ." and "who are you."

I push and pull, I try to ****** my heart back, but yet I want to lay it in your hands, with all its contents.
so now I am struggling with my own heart.
I want to obey and then not.
I want to unwind then there's a knot.
then my blood clots.

then my heart stops pumping, pumping for God knows what.
if it isn't pumping for you O Lord, then what's the point.
then where's the purpose, where's the truth.
I will only be living.
and that's it.
simply moving, simply breathing, simply blinking my time away,
simply letting my life run away.
"run this race."
but I can't even keep up the training, and i know the way but I don't follow it.

am I going to heaven?
I don't know.
I am not assured of what's coming.
where I will be, for all of eternity.
so urmm i really dont know if iam going to heaven or not, and like i want to obey God and yet i dont...because of laziness, tired, and allll the flesh wants...please pray for me...to love God forever with all of my heart soul might and strength and to be wiling to obey him without complaint immediately
ChildofGodyay Nov 2018
it's not very long you know...
if you really think about it.
thinking you are still young but you are halfway around the clock.
whatever you do, its recorded.
whatever you do, it matters.
you are just passing by.
just a mist, you are gonna fade away and die.
your life compared to eternity, your life is just a tick on the clock, just a breath breathed, a mist blown.
you can't get them back.
you can't earn some more.
you can't ask time to slow down.
if it's gone, it's gone.
if it's wasted, it's wasted.
you know that...right?


(Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. - James 4:14)
well, start by loving, forgiving that someone you have held a grudge against, or maybe really saying "i love you'' to someone. Money? it won't last. Those Gucci bags and Ferrari wont last either. But of course, not saying its bad to have them or work hard for money, just...dont do it the wrong way....

anyways, hope yall have a blessed week ahead, spend your time wisely!
ChildofGodyay Nov 2018
Hopes and dreams.
Shunned before my eyes.
Put out by cold fingers.
Lost in time.
White walls, repeated calls, weeping white walls stared straight back at me.
And loneliness was all I see.
How one took in biscuits and cups of tea for acquaintances.
And tears told bedtime stories to lonely ones.
And if time permits, their families would come and take a look.
Only to meet another tear.

But, maybe hopes and dreams still survived, and tears are not the end of bedtime stories.
To cause urgency and to cause me to love.
And if time permits, maybe one can be set free.
Behind those dull walls lay lives to be changed and eyes to be opened.
Only if time permits.  
Maybe this place isn’t so hopeless after all.
:) hope you all have a blessed week ahead!
Remember to pray and to spend time with God whenever you can :)
ChildofGodyay Nov 2018
lead me into your presence Lord.
use the real me.
i give you this shell LORD!!
Take this hollow, fake, ritualistic shell i have!
use the REAL me!
enough of the lies, the hate, the anger, the stress, the anxiety, the distractions, the rituals, the repetitions!!!

break this shell, and i PRAY IN YOUR NAME, that it would never, NEVER come back!!!!
i am tired of this fake me.
this ritualistic me.

use me.
the real me.
mold me.
the real me.
not the shell.
not the shell that made that space for the voices to fill in like the spaces in Russian dolls.
no, not ever.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQoTjDf8zso check this out!!
ChildofGodyay Oct 2018
I was dying.
Wasn’t even trying to survive.
I was fading and withering away as I lived.
And I didn’t even know.
Didn’t know such things are still relevant today.
About what Jesus did before I even came to be.
So ignorant.
How foolish and ****** I was to think I deserved and earned this love.
I didn’t care about him.
What he did.
I didn’t seem to know his love was so deep.
He died. For a criminal like me.
He knew me.
And I didn’t even know him.
Or recognised who he was.
I never even knew him before I was born.
We stood in front of the angry crowd on that day.
they demanded to free me.
And they let me live.
Jesus died.
For me.
On the third day, he rose from the dead.

You guys can read if reverse I guess haha
ChildofGodyay Oct 2018
stop using your freedom as something to cover-up the evil you are doing or have been doing.
its like using a song filled with life to cover-up death.
what. a. waste.
what a pity that such a thing would be used so wrongly.
its so selfish and evil, to make use of this free gift that Jesus suffered persecution, mocking, being looked down upon, being called a demon, and to die to give to you freely, to use it to cover it up for the knives you placed on someone's back, or the bullet you shot, with the body in a sack.
what a shame.

what a shame.

why don't you use that freedom, when the chains are gone, to give God what he deserves. All respect, All honour, All praise, All worship, All you have.  Your life.  And use that freedom to share the Gospel, so that Jesus could free their chains too through you.

its a shame many, many of us, and even me, would do such a thing.
forgive us Lord.
we have forsaken you, and abandoned you...
this is probably not a poem but meh.
1 Peter 2:16
Live as free men, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as servants for God.

God bless yall!!
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