Aug 8 Joshua Nai
Amber
are my only friends
the shadows around me
they seem to follow me everywhere
and accompany me
like a friend would
are u my friend?
come and take my hand
bring me into your world
we shall disappear
Joshua Nai Aug 8
air
Flying in the sky, my hands by my side.
Whisking your skin as I passed by.
Lights made facades of what should have beens.
Deformed beauties of light formed on your backs and your shoulders.
You laughed and talked.
You ran you mocked.
You whispered, you thought.
You told jokes, you were polite.
quietly I whisk by.
Barely marking the places I have been.
There I go, the whoosh of the wind, I said something in your ear.
But all it was was just a whoosh in your ear.
Swiftly I fade away.
Just moved the leaves and made them sway.
You barely noticed me, I know.
I didn't mean to be cold...
I hope you forgive me, for blowing out the candles, for letting the dreams and hopes of yours fly past. Unnoticed.
Quietly I flew by, as I danced in the smoke of your eyes, talking to you, by and by.
Joshua Nai Aug 5
maybe i understand why they jumped.
maybe i don't.
a sense of freedom was all they wanted.
and yet when they feel happy, they knock into a wall, reminding them of how rotten, messed up, worthless, useless, weak they were.

maybe they jumped because it freed them from the pain and the chains that were on their hearts, squeezing tightly, breaking, tearing it, heart...bleeding.

maybe they jumped because the wind that rushed and skid across the skin, the clothes they were in, went between the chains and broke them free...

maybe they felt the rocks pressed against their shoulders flew to the skies, to be forgotten. never knew it left more on someone else's shoulders.

maybe they jumped because the fear overtook the pain.
maybe they jumped because of the regret that overtook their minds, made them forget on how they saw themselves.

maybe i understand,
maybe i dont.
i just want to say.
theres hope.
hey.
Joshua Nai Aug 4
afraid to ruffle your feathers, i avoid your waves.
i lie so that you won't be annoyed, "the usual."
am i your servant that i should be afraid? That i should be...pleasing you?

ashamed of my life.
ashamed of something, someone that gave me life.
i shouldn't be ashamed of saying "God."
i shouldn't be ashamed of hesitant to say "Lord"

i am not gonna say sorry.
i am not gonna say sorry for something i did right.
so please.
listen to me.
thank you for listening to my mess.
but.
hear me out on this.
please.
hehe i shouldn't be ashamed of saying God or Lord in my poems or what i say.
Joshua Nai Aug 3
i dont want to be part of this.
i dont want to be part of the destruction of myself.
i dont want to be one of them.
i dont want to be me.
i want to be him.
Romans 12:2 yall. amazing verse. Do not conform any longer to the world but be transformed by the renewal of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-his good, pleasing, and perfect will.
  Aug 3 Joshua Nai
Amber
teardrops
rolling down
my face
saying its the last time
that i would cry
but no
every time it gets me
though the least i’d cry
it hits me
the tears still drip by
it hurts me
i think i would give up
cause no one
was
there
to stay by my side
it hurts:)
Joshua Nai Aug 3
cried for what seems like a thousand years worth of tears.
i didn't know i was in so much pain and agony.
i didn't know i was lonely.
where the only friends i had was the voices in my head.
she told me not to call them voices.
but.
i want to admit that they are a part of my life.
i was drained....
the keys to my heart broke, and the scars within sank deep.
i didn't know i was filled....with hurt and pain.
but now i lay empty.
my mind blank.
waiting for someone..something to colour it. to touch it. gently.
i lay beneath the oceans in my mind.
i lay down and i closed my eyes.
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