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prickles and thorns,
sticks and stones,
brains and maggots,
all limp and cold,
a little darkness here and there,
a little pain will do it right.

bowl cracked and torn,
cursed and wrong,
only beautiful with intricate patterns and bright colors and filters but with musical scores gone wrong.  

click click liked,
swipe swipe left or right,
drinking nights,
they've seen them all.

is it fun to feed the darkness?
is it fun to feed the pain?
or the anger or the malice or the judgment or the cane?
maybe, the flesh seeks for the pleasure of the wrong kind,
the wrong sign, the evil one loves his daily dose of darkness.
he doesn't want you to draw the line for the things that are wrong.
he wants you to sing his wicked songs.

when you surround yourself with darkness how "sweet" the sound of his teeth crunching, munching on the juicy contents of your choice.
"great choice of food"
here's is his preferences,
instead of light and life,
put darkness and death,
instead of joy, maybe a bit of despair,
instead of full dependence on God, maybe just an "eh I am near there"
instead of choosing to choose Him instead of them, just choose them,
those who love evil and eats its fruit, those who love to dwell in darkness, in the woods, those who feed their darkness....in vain.....

the darkness you surround yourself with will mold you,
the pain you keep feeding will just grow within you,
if you keep feeding yourself with darkness you won't feel very good, won't you?
Jesus is the light, Jesus is life, His Word is light, His Word is life, and it is my guide, i choose Him.
i know it is sometimes easier to choose the dark but it will never be worth it, never worth the wait, never worth the suffering.
in Jesus, the suffering, the pain is worth it, in Him i have life!
life like none other, filled with purpose and light!
i feel so free! feel like i could take flight!
i am truly free in Christ Jesus!
i am truly in peace in Christ Jesus!
i am joyful in Him!

Jesus i love you,
i want to love you, more than the heavens or the stars,
more than anything or anyone in the world,
i want to love you with all of my heart, all of my soul, and with all of my might.
on your wings, i will take flight.
i have fed that evil before, but i have learned not to now :)
hehehhehheheheheehheehheheehheehhe probably incomplete but yee will be keeping alll you guys in prayer! if you have any prayer request, you could tell me :)
ChildofGodyay Dec 2018
:)
i didn't know why i felt dark as i dwelled in the light.
i mean, everything is fine, going well, all swell,
and yet i felt dark and well....left in darkness.
wishing i was dead, crying in the silence of the night at 1am, i was hoping someone could hear my chocked cries.
.
but then.
you reminded me you are real.
you have always been.
you opened my eyes, you opened my wrinkled hands.
you've held my heart close to yours.
your light shines true.
you love, grace, mercy, kindness rings true.
and maybe i don't know why i feel the way i do, the way my mind is wired.
but you say your plans are good.
your plans would not harm me but give me a hope and a future.
you will be my light, my strength, my hope.

and i will shine your light on other people too.
i will do my best.
heyyy, so urm, God has really been so real. So i was in this period of time in my life that i was just so down, and sometimes i still am, but God kept on and keeps on reminding me that he is close, that he is real, so many times i wanted to **** myself, but by his amazing grace, AMAZING GRACE, LOVE i am safe.
he truly changed me and he loves you too :)
accept him, he wants to have a personal relationship with you...
you can message me to i guess know more if you are curious about Jesus and the Bible :)))) i will try my best to answer you :)
ChildofGodyay Dec 2018
so here is what's going on, my heart is cut in half, in between the world and you.
between the pain and the summer hues.
between the "my identity is found in Christ." and "who are you."

I push and pull, I try to ****** my heart back, but yet I want to lay it in your hands, with all its contents.
so now I am struggling with my own heart.
I want to obey and then not.
I want to unwind then there's a knot.
then my blood clots.

then my heart stops pumping, pumping for God knows what.
if it isn't pumping for you O Lord, then what's the point.
then where's the purpose, where's the truth.
I will only be living.
and that's it.
simply moving, simply breathing, simply blinking my time away,
simply letting my life run away.
"run this race."
but I can't even keep up the training, and i know the way but I don't follow it.

am I going to heaven?
I don't know.
I am not assured of what's coming.
where I will be, for all of eternity.
so urmm i really dont know if iam going to heaven or not, and like i want to obey God and yet i dont...because of laziness, tired, and allll the flesh wants...please pray for me...to love God forever with all of my heart soul might and strength and to be wiling to obey him without complaint immediately
ChildofGodyay Nov 2018
you aren't helping yourself you know.
you are feeding that feelings that's been clawing your heart.
you're feeding it.
yet you want to be free from it.
yet it made you tired and you want to give-up.
please don't
i can tell you this, you are stronger than you think you are.
stop dwelling in this darkness, in this pain and suffering,
he is willing to help you, guide you, lead you, love you and never leave you.
Jesus loves you.
he is such an amazing God and he is so real and so personal. At first i actually didn.t care about God, and cursed and sweared and bullies. And i only went to Church because i HAD to. But then, God met me in a camp. We were doing worship and his presence just flooded the room like it was so so strong i could like still feel it. its so amazing and so so real. And i could just feel his embrace i could literally feel him embracing me. he is so real!!! He wants a RELATIONSHIP with you.... my testimony :)))
  Nov 2018 ChildofGodyay
Amber
you shouldn’t get use to being hurt.
you shouldn’t feel emotionless.

i want you to enjoy your life, treasure it.
add colours to it if it was monochrome.

don’t feel lonely,
many people are here for you.
don’t feel afraid in the dark when you can’t see,
someone will be your light to guide you out.
and a helping hand would help.

try to be positive,
work towards it slowly,
you don’t have to rush.
just know if you are making progress,
it is good enough.

you shouldn’t think that you aren’t enough because this society will never be satisfied
no matter what,
society demands will never be met because no one is perfect.

so be happy with who u are, love yourself.
a certain someone will always love you.
it may be your parents or someone special.

be truly happy and enjoy your life don’t take it away from yourself.
this isn’t really a poem...? hmm idk but its okay haha. sorry if its a little messy... i hope all of u are doing fine and please never hurt yourself alright treasure yourself okay self love weee
ChildofGodyay Nov 2018
it's not very long you know...
if you really think about it.
thinking you are still young but you are halfway around the clock.
whatever you do, its recorded.
whatever you do, it matters.
you are just passing by.
just a mist, you are gonna fade away and die.
your life compared to eternity, your life is just a tick on the clock, just a breath breathed, a mist blown.
you can't get them back.
you can't earn some more.
you can't ask time to slow down.
if it's gone, it's gone.
if it's wasted, it's wasted.
you know that...right?


(Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. - James 4:14)
well, start by loving, forgiving that someone you have held a grudge against, or maybe really saying "i love you'' to someone. Money? it won't last. Those Gucci bags and Ferrari wont last either. But of course, not saying its bad so have them or work hard for money, just...dont do it the wrong way....

anyways, hope yall have a blessed week ahead, spend your time wisely!
ChildofGodyay Nov 2018
Hopes and dreams.
Shunned before my eyes.
Put out by cold fingers.
Lost in time.
White walls, repeated calls, weeping white walls stared straight back at me.
And loneliness was all I see.
How one took in biscuits and cups of tea for acquaintances.
And tears told bedtime stories to lonely ones.
And if time permits, their families would come and take a look.
Only to meet another tear.

But, maybe hopes and dreams still survived, and tears are not the end of bedtime stories.
To cause urgency and to cause me to love.
And if time permits, maybe one can be set free.
Behind those dull walls lay lives to be changed and eyes to be opened.
Only if time permits.  
Maybe this place isn’t so hopeless after all.
:) hope you all have a blessed week ahead!
Remember to pray and to spend time with God whenever you can :)
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