Every night,
I bury myself in a grave
of blankets and nightmares.
Fortunately, it’s shallow enough
to crawl out of
every morning.

I don’t know if I need a friend-
I don’t know if I am on the mend.
All I know is that it feels like
this feeling will never end.

It doesn't take long
to memorize someone
but it can take a lifetime
to forget the memories,
the pain and the
heartache.

You want a haiku
but I'm still trapped in our past-
so utterly trapped

6:26 PM
9/7/19

Some love is only
meant for dreams and nothing more-
oh, what a nightmare

7:09 AM
20/5/24

Let's look into
one another's eyes
and we can pretend
We aren’t on the edge of something
we won’t survive

Can the human mind
figure out the human brain?
Let's think about it

11:01 PM
28/9/19

I still daydream about you,
and I feel my soul jump for JOY
from country to country to chase you.
The smile you put on my face
as wide as the space between us
when we are not together.  
I can still feel this JOY
through that space-
it fills me up like a cup of matcha
on all those nippy nights without you.
What a miracle it was
to have crossed paths with you-
a bright star in what was
an empty void.

Another lover
has swept you off your feet
and now I look back
and wonder if I
even made you
or your heart
skip at all

Dear diary;
The clock has just struck 11:11
and I find myself
wishing for her.
It's not the first time,
nor will it be
the last.

The sum of my heart
needs no addition to it-
the answer is you.

10:51 AM
17/5/20

They always crawl back
expecting you to be the
same soul as before

9:42 PM
6/5/21

How many nights
have you laid awake
wondering if life
will ever change?

We are all
made of stardust.
Yet you somehow seem
to shine brighter than
anyone else.

We check under our beds
for monsters but
don’t check for the ones
living in our heads.

I didn't want to find love-
but then I found you,
and found a love so real.
but then I lost you-
That is why I didn't want
to find love.

All this thinking,
and for what?
Nothing.

Dear Diary;
I must confess
that I still dip my toes
into memories too deep.
From time to time,
joy floods back
but other times,
I drown.

Maybe one day
I will shed the doubt
that you sowed in me
that day you turned away.

We would do anything
to avoid the goodbye.
These last few days I
am left wondering
"will I ever see you again?"
and I wonder if you ask it too.
Indeed, each day brings us closer
to not having one another
and it's eating me up inside.
What will these arms caress,
what will these lips taste
once you are gone?
Must we resort to memories
to keep ourselves alive?

I felt like I knew
her from another lifetime
when she caught my gaze

11:52 PM
22/7/19

I want to listen to the rain,
and wash ***** dishes with you.
I want to admire the passing dogs
and maybe even get one of our own.
I want to push your grocery cart down the aisle
as we search for the contents of tonight's dinner-
laugh at you when you’re too short to reach the shelves
and be your hands to everything out of reach.
I want to exist with you and within you,
be the goosebumps that consume you
and the butterflies within your chest.
I want to look back on our photographs-
the ones that will become everything to us.
I don’t know where we’ll end up
but I do know we can make it.
You and me.
Always.

Sometimes I can't let go.
If we've had fun,
chances are I'll still
think about you
from time to time.
If we were friends in high school
chances are I'll still wonder
what you're up to these days.
Those crushes will never leave-
they'll just fade away,
at least until you find a way
back into my mind.
The point is-
if I give up on someone
just know they **** well
deserved it.

Some prisons use steel bars;
others merely use
flesh and bone.

I didn't know
I needed her guidance
until she opened up her arms.
It might have been
her beauty,
it might have been
the drugs,
but with the way she read my cards,
I was convinced that she was
some sort of goddess
at one with
the universe.

I prefer to write
when the world sleeps - it's such a
lovely waste of time

2:38 AM
1/6/19

I think I would do
anything for a one way
ticket out of here

5:44 PM
3/4/21

I am a scarecrow-
crooked teeth and
a crooked heart.
I'm in shambles swaying
in the darkest nights
so full of terrors-
yet they are so
exhilarating.

To spend the
rest of your life with
someone who does not need you
but will love you
regardless.

She put stars into her soup
with a pinch of hope
and a touch of
glitter dust.

Last night you came to me
in a dream-
a teenager!
Oh, how elegantly
you had grown,
my beautiful baby girl.
The way you lit up that station,
the way I held you in my arms
once again,
it was the best dream
I ever had.

I never care
until I care too much.

I'm still trying
to describe you,
through poetry
and to explain you,
through song.
But the more I try,
the more I realize
that none of these mediums
will ever do you justice, love.

when you take out
every part of me,
leaving it all behind
and filling me
with yourself,
every inch and feeling
and every thought of you
has consumed me whole
and then you leave
me behind too

When you are miles away from each other,
and all you can do is smile
hoping that one of these days
all of those memories will come alive.

Just like
fractured hearts,
light must be fractured
to make a
rainbow.

You plant memories
into this mind and they bloom
flowers from this heart

8:44 PM
11/8/22

One more kiss,
one more drink,
and I can go home
a happy man.
Oh, if only it were
that simple.

My fair lady,
when you are ready
to fly to the moon,
I promise
to never let you
out of my
orbit.

I wish there was
another ending to
our story because
this isn’t one I ever wanted to read.
We are both to blame for  
this final chapter and
I am sorry it had
to end this way.

Dear diary;
Lately,
I've found myself slipping
into that same old mindset
of loneliness and despair.
I keep reminding myself that
I'm still young,
and that most of my life still lies ahead.
Perhaps my better days
and better lovers
are yet to come.

I can be your man
and you can be my woman-
we can be as one.

6/6/19
9:42 PM

I've dreamt about you
too many times to tell if
that was real or not

5:24 PM
14/7/19

I ate my own heart out
and I’ve never felt better.
Empty chest but my soul is full-
regrettable actions to fill the hole.
You can see it upon my face-
from these far-too-gone eyes
to that ****** crooked smile.
Don’t love this creature for it
has found peace in destroying itself.

I want to feel what they feel,
and dream what they dream.
It must be nice to have a heart like that.
Sometimes I remember what it was like
to have that spark, the joy, the dreams,
the hunger for it all before
it was extinguished.

There is nothing
quite as magical knowing
that we look up at the same stars
that our ancestors looked up at
thousands of years ago.

Whenever
you are ready
to let down your guard
and break down the walls,
I promise to pick up
every brick
and rebuild you
as if to rebuild
my home.

I worry that maybe
you are not the same person
I perceived you to be.
Maybe you are different,
or maybe you deceived me
like all the ones before.

No, you can't.
You can't just sweep someone
off their feet and
walk away.

The bad thing about
happy endings is that they're
always at the end

6:18 AM
17/12/19