I didn't even realize what day it was yesterday.
The 7th of November didn't even ring a bell.
My mom didn't remember either.
My dad didn't call me.

It had been exactly 4 years as of yesterday.
4 years since I cried on the cold tile.
4 years since I dragged my body up,
and grabbed hold of twin pill bottles to steady myself.

I was alone, like always.
My mom left even as I was crying in front of her,
To watch my brother's football game.
I was alone.

I wrote the letter, I threw away bad memories.
Then I stood in my mothers bathroom
And poured those white pills out into my hand
And down my throat.

I stared myself in the eyes as I did it.
If you're going to **** someone,
Look them in them eyes as you do it.
No hiding.

there are these moments
when I realize something
so horribly sad about myself.

rain rain
wash away
all the hate I said today

in the dead of night
your voice whispers in my ear.

They pretend it never happened
But we both know the truth.

You ripped my soul from me
you stole away my youth.

the ringing in my ears

tells me there’s someone out there

calling my name.

i just can’t see them,

or at least

not yet.

~k.hem

some days it feels as if
the world is molasses around me

Roses are red,                                    
                        ­    violets are blue,  
        no one saved me                                              
                                  no one saves you.

When did "I love you" become a threat

And "You're a *****" a love song?

~k.hem

I always tried to be tough
Because you told me to.
will I never be enough?

The world is harsh and cruel
That's what you taught me.
the fear became instinctual

You said it's not okay to cry
You said I had to learn.
so why did you blame me when I wanted to die?

what is this scene in my head

the lines are lost to those it fed

~k.hem

As I watch with bated breath
My absent reflection is more apparent
As the moon shifts and shimmers on the glimmering surface
I search for the soul I lost
In the cold dark sea
That seems to **** out the marrow of my bones
Where is it

They knew I'd never forgive
So I was forced to forget