If I wasn't brave tonight,
I wouldn't have been where I was tonight.

But then weeks ago, I wouldn't have met you,
I wouldn't have held your hand.

But I wouldn't have felt my heart beat faster,
When I saw you with another guy tonight

Despite moving to London
With life flying by,
Faster than it ever has,
I know that I am waiting for something,
Something or someone that will make my life worth while.

Expecting, makes my expectations
So much more than it should,
Yet I can't change the way I am,
So I will continue,
Forever waiting for you

Maybe this is why I cling on
The past is what I want
Maybe I missed my chance
After fate threw up together
And I ****** it up
...
Apparently its never too late
But it feels that way
More and more everyday
Maybe with some work and luck
Fate will once again throw you my way

Hearing about cheating,
Makes me upset,
I don't understand how you could,
Worst when you expect more from that person.

I don't care how bad life is,
What is one night going to do?
Don't you blame the drinks or the drugs,
It was all you.

I was all good
Slowly letting go
Then you appeared
On my phone

It was only a picture
Not only did she look amazing
Like the most perfect
I have never known

I know she wouldn't
Just do so, sitting at home
She never went to that much effort
For me

So for who?

Miss someone?
..
Call
..

Want to see them?
..
Invite
..

Want to be heard?
..
Explain
..

Like something?
..
Say it
..

Want something?
..
Ask
..

Love someone?
..
Tell them
..

All you do is draw my in

Into more thoughts
More ambitions
More goals
More life

I wish us to be fine
I really do

But the reality is
I don't know what you want
And more importantly
What I want to do

We owe nothing to each other
No payment is due

All you do is draw me in

I question
From time to time
Do I?
Really want you

We owe nothing to each other
No payment is due

Wouldn't it been
Easier
If we never spoke
If I never met you

Sometimes it feels
Like one after another
I have no proof
Just what's going through my head

Logic is my strength
Give me the details and I will resolve
Being mislead is what am used to
With each lie I seem to restart

In every corner
I have a memory
Of us together

Lying side by side
Talking the night away
With food nearby

It hurt knowing
You would never
Come back home

As more and more days go by,
I realise that you won't be in my future,
But you will always be in my heart,
That piece will stay for the rest of my days.

One day if we meet,
When I have someone new,
Only then will I know,
If I am truly over you.

I haven't been around for months now,
Not the person I was born to be,
Taking it out the those who help,
And those who are around.

A disruptive path,
Damaging everyone around,
The ones who fully don't understand,
Personal pride being the issue.

Alone is what I need to be,
To grow up and out of this shell I have formed,
Now I have to prove I'm not wrong,
Battle to be the person I want to be.

One day when,
My time has come,
With my last breath,
I hope,
The memory of this current moment,
Will be my final one.

I am a good guy
Who is just a little lost,
In love,
In work,
In life.

Trying to be happy,
Just wears me down,
Some ups,
But mainly downs,
Doesn't mean I'm excused for how I was to you.

6am

I have a million thoughts
None of which I can finish
Before another interrupts the previous

This endless loop
Of when I get myself into this state.
Hours of happiness to this

Awake,
Alone,
Confused.

Have I just wasted another day?

If I tried harder back then
We wouldn't be here
I would be in love
And so would you
The words I wish you knew

So much time has passed
And all I have is regret
We don't have long till you leave
And this is what I long for

Me and you to burn
Brighter than the sun
With what time
We have left
Right now

When you leave so will I
Our sun will emplode
And it will swallow itself up
Slowly losing all its shine

And if will meet in a few years
The sun we left to die will explode
Amungst the night sky
And the remainder of the supernova lights
We shall share till we die

After goodbyes were said and done.
Even in silence,
It's possible to still be in love.

I can't remember the last time
I could sleep
Without the need to drink
To pass out
Without any thoughts
In my mind

Do I need an escape from reality
A new city?
Or a hobby? Or to get lost
In someone's eyes?
Life seems pretty bleak
Or maybe I just need sleep

Now you're gone
But I'll be OK
I know I will
Miss missing you
One day

But for now
I am upset
No words come to mind
I don't want you
To see me this way

I'm lost in the middle
Don't know what to do
Do I stick or do I move
Content but yet alone
Commit or do I go

Rest well my giant silly pup,
You will forever be a puppy to me,
Always looking at me, wanting treats,
Wanting attention and crying when I didn't.

I wish I could have one more walk,
One more hug and one more kiss,
I know, you know I love you,
And how much too.

I will spend a life time missing and loving you.
Thank you for being in my life.

Today I was excited and optimistic
Not knowing what lay ahead
But that faded in the heat of the sun

I was then left with that all to familiar
Empty, soul wrenching feeling
I am alone, coming up to the lonely hour

I am not the same
I was happy, alone but content
Waiting for something special
Then from no where
I found you and your little smile
Waiting for me to write

The fastest 3 months
I have been through
Was with you, in all my life
During that time I waited,
I found 'Someone Else'
Similar, yet better in hindsight

Still ... 3 more months I had to wait
6 months in total just to see her smile
And eventually we met
Something was right
Too much expectation
Not enough fight

This door closed abruptly
All of a sudden
My cousin was right
With this slamming door
To my damaged heart
A window opened

That 'Someone Else'
Reappeared
And showed me
What was right,
How to hold her hand
How to make it feel right

You then left me
Not your fault or mine
I missed you
The second your hand left mine
Sleep was hopeless
It couldn't escape my mind

3 months later
Which is this point in time
What a year it has been
A hurtful one which
Made me wait for 2 people
Who were never mine

Currently I am drowning
I jumped in when I can't swim
I dug myself this hole
Life will be worse without you

Through lack of thought
Not being the person I was
When I met you
I have hurt you

I have become the person
I said I would never be
Sorry for all I have done
You really did, mean a lot to me

I used to spend my life day dreaming,
But this built high expectations,
I think it's because I normally,
Have a positive outlook on life.

What this has taught me is,
I have wasted too much time,
Dreaming of something that,
Will never come true

A part of me feels
I only write when I feel

When I have nothing
I am empty but seemingly content

As I write in this moment
I have no emotion for once

Perhaps I know
Something on the horizon is coming

Maybe I should take some time
To not force anymore but take it as it comes

I can't believe I'm bitter,
You said hello and said things,
That I have dreamed about.

But with every word,
I want conversation over,
So you can't let me down again

Only there are we together,
And only there,
Is the place,
Where you really care.