Only there are we together,
And only there,
Is the place,
Where you really care.

I hate being me
I'm not ugly
I'm not pretty either

Everyone I meet
I assume I am not enough
And become a friend

But when someone is there
I become this shell of a man
And become the guy I hate to be

The guy who will
Do anything to
Be with you

Put my rules
And personality aside
And become a mess

When you left
I died a hundred times
Hell was a place
That was too familiar for one

Knowing you would return
Never sure if it would be
As it was
After the hurt

Well ... guess who wants you again
All that hell I went through
I hate how I fall for you
Over and over

Everyday I wake up,
I feel alone,
To my friends who love me,
I fake my smiles and pretend I'm fine,
No one sees the tears I hide inside.

I am finally starting to believe
I can be whatever I want to be
My time is now,
This city is where I will make my mark.

Every so often we all do
When though you try your hardest
We all sometimes fall off the path
Even when we are way out ahead
There is nothing you can do
But find yourself looking back

I told my friends about you,
How you came in like a cannonball,

Changed me, back to old me,
Then how you left...

Am I allowed to say I miss you?
Out the blue?

Recently I have been alone
This time
I feel it
I hate it

I was lonely before
But comfortable, content
What is different
I have lost feelings or gained?

During the lonely hours
Do I miss you
Or the idea of you
I don't really want to know

It's about to happen again
I am about to lose another one
I'm not ready to call it a day yet
But I know it's going to happen

I want to be wrong
But I prefer to feel this way early
Than wait for it to hit me later on
Cause preparation makes it easier?!

The ending pre-written
hints were subtle throughout
ignored and carried on
like I was as a reader

I feel it too often,
I think too much,
Maybe I'm not as nice as I think,
Or maybe I am just too much.

I’m getting tired of saying

I’m fine

I don’t want to talk to people to lie

I’m fine

I don’t want to pretend in meetings

I’m fine

I can’t take time off to lie to myself

I’m fine

I'm glad you were there
We didn't last but
The times we had
I was glad

I have said it before
But I only write when I'm down,
Maybe it's because it is where I need to be,
To get all these words out of me

My memory is selective
I only remember the things I will use
All I need is reminder sometimes
But not when it comes to you

In the city of London
Of which I dwell
Thousands of faces
All with issues like my own

Everyone trapped in their world
I wonder if they seek comfort
By a circle of love and friendship
Or a circle of emptiness all on their own

I block everyone out
My friends mean well
And want to help
But I feel like I need to do this alone

Will everything please stop,
Can I have one thing a time,
I'm still, busy with me...

...I can't catch my breath...

I'm trying to be better,
But I just can't breathe,
The world is running away with my air.

...And I can't catch up...

Lost is where I am
.. again ..
thoughts a thousand
all ending the same
when am I going to move on
to a
different
guiding light

My mood is a problem
Despite being on holiday
Its finally found me
The feeling of ...

Tell me it gets easier
If not I've got no hope
Its been 2 days
More like a million minutes

Time's just stopped
I just don't know what to do
I just want to say
'How are you?'

Lingering on the line between doubt and despair,
Always giving people more than they deserve,
Surrounded with love but do I ignore it?
Because it feels like it's hardly never there.

I never understood
Why I can't be happy,

It always feels like happy is
Only ever a temporary thing.

Sometimes life drags you down
Life's really not bad yet it hurts,

It's so hard to sleep,
Even worse getting up.

Do I hate myself so much
I refuse to enjoy my life?

I can't change
Even if I wanted to
I looked at you
Kissing you is all I wanted to do

In the end I was brave
But I took to long
I took a few shots
And ended up a fool

I saw you walk in
You didn't see me initially
My first thought
Straight to the bar

I didn't know what to say
I didn't know what to do
Then you saw me

That's when you ran off
Hand over your mouth
I know it was to cry

Later we gave each other a half smile
No words were needed
It was a look of
'I am OK'

Everyone I was with
Said it was time to leave
I felt I should say goodbye

As I said it
You went from being fine to not
As I said my goodbyes to others

I saw you ran passed me to go outside
We then spoke about everything
And it ended with us
Covered in rain

A promise I made to myself,
If I ever met someone else,
That made me feel,
Nothing outside our space mattered,
I would tell her....

Why is it so hard to write?

I am not that interesting
I am not that smart
I am not a lot a things
Nothing but all heart

I have my moments that make what I am
They don't happen often
They don't happen a lot
Stick with me and I will show you what I've got

I could write for hours about the good
I could write for hours about the bad
I am just happy I am no longer sad

Happiness is what drives you
Everyone has their move
Some in which I disagree
Some of which I do

I always knew what I wanted
It was never due
All I have are my dreams to hold
Day by day fainter they grow

I just know it
...
The feeling of knowing
With no proof
That I am the man on the side