All the voices here and there.
You are worthless screamed everywhere.
My thoughts scold me for the past.
She I knew you couldn't be in a relationship that last
Remember all the nights you spend together?
******* ****.
Hope you never get out of the depressed rut.
Go take another pill.
Drink till your guts spill.
Achohol poisoning might do you well.
That was why our relationship fell.
I got a habit.
One that became an addiction before I could grab it.
Remember the time the girls came and jumped me?
Left me there bleeding?
Yeah that was fun.
Who helped? No one.
I'm pathetic.
I'm a lunatic.
So drugged up I cant think straight.
So high I can't do great.
I'm an idiot.
Should have never slept with her.
She was my murderer.
I'm an idiot.

The way the blade bites.
The way it runs down your skin on lonely nights.
When the voices in your head won't stop.
Take the sliver blade and feel it drop. One cut.
A little deeper.
Feel it dig in to your skin as a pain reliever.
Sweet relief.
No more grief.
Wait how am I gonna hide this from mom.
She'll  wonder what's going on.
Why is your arm bleeding.
Why are the red lines seeping.
Why the hell????

I've wrote a poem about her before.
Never had enough words.
Can't figure out what to say.
Day by day.
She is the light.
The last person I text at night.
She is the only person I trust.
When my family turned to dust.
Yes there is my girlfriend.
She's really something.
To young to really understand bipolar.
I don't want to hurt her.
I don't want to be a murderer.
Like with Chae.
I still think of her everyday.
Blame myself for her addiction.
Blame myself for her pain.
Thought racing through my brain.
Would I be better dead.
Thoughts racing through my head.
I am going to pull the trigger.
Just not yet.
I'll wait til everyone who lives leaves.
Like everyone else I've ever loved.

Sleep tight little angel.
Sleep tight my sweet nightingale.
Let the dark cast over you.
Let your body decide what to do.
Curled up and asleep.
Dry your tears that you no longer weep.
Stay strong my young love.
Don't cry my white dove.
I know it's hard.
I know I cut my wrists with a shard.
Shard from the mirror I looked into.
I am insecure.
Never really here.
I'm too fat.
I scratch my skin until I scream stop doing that.
Dried blood lines my wrists.
All my friends ask why I wear long sleeves.
Maybe someday they will see.
Red lines.
Ever so fine.
Tears in my eyes.
Tears as my soul cries.
Yes people love me.
Something I can barely see.
Her touch is healing.
The only good feeling.
But until then I cry.
And die inside.

Yes I've known you for a while.
Yes you are one of the few who have made me smile.
Your bleach blonde hair.
Roaming the halls with you there.
Getting in trouble together over the summer.
Going to lunch with each other.
The lunch was bad.
But it was all we had.
We had each other and that was all that mattered.

One day I woke up invisible.
I though how unnatural.
Indeed it was strange.
Wierd when I had to change.
I decided I would go to school.
But soon decided I was a fool.
Nobody cared I was gone.
I wondered if anyone wonders what was wrong.
I thought they would care.
Care that I wasn't there.
They just went on with their days.
All to my dismay.
I saw what people really thought.
Then my mind fought.
See she never loved you.
Now what will you do?
They are talking bad.
Making me sad.
Only invisible.
Words always unstoppable.

Short stories 1

  I sat there in the church staring at the ground. My breath was shaky and I was nervous. She sat beside me. Her eyes stared attentively toward the preacher. She told me God would help me. I told her that she helped me and made me want to live everyday. She had shown me life and shown me pain. Both sides of perfection and imperfection.

Like a magazine model.
Oh darling what a doll.
Just like something cared of ice.
Indeed this girl was nice.
Annoying little *****.

I'm hidding behind a see through door.
My chest is full of feathers unable to carry air anymore.
Just wrap your hands around my fragile soul.
Turn my young mind into something old.
My heart raced too fast.
I wished every breath was my last.
Then I saw her.

My hands burn.
Between two worlds I'm torn.
Stuck my heart in the fire.
I was swayed by desire.
Why the hell do I feel this way?
I hadn't even seen her before today.
What can she possibly mean to me?
Why is she all I can see?
She reminded me of my past.
What never had strength to last.
She provided the forever.
Only when she and I were together.

Dancing.
I dance on the clouds sometimes.
There times I am buried deep.
Almost too deep.
Too deep.
I'm sofficiating!
I can't breeth!
The pressure everyone puts on me.
No mum it's not athsma.
It's anxioty.
Plastic wrap around my lungs.
Tighter.
I'm dead.
Only on the inside though.
Still alive, sorta, on the outside.

You take away the pain.
You are the sun in the rain.
A strange girl.
Yes you came into my broken world.
Showed me how to love.
I didn't try to push or shove
You away.
Please I wanted you to stay.
I dream of us
What we could be
Why can't you just love me?

Yes I have a bipolar mind.
I look for clear but never know what I will find.
Mom sent me away.
For a few months and a day.
Mom said she couldn't handle me.
Why couldn't she see?
I wasn't really myself.
I was someone else.
Sometimes blue.
Gosh if I could sue.
Every little ****
Who made me hate my guts.
Awe look at her.
**** she's got the face of a murderer.
Why you always crying Graffe *** *****?
Why not end it and die in a ditch?
I was definatly all over the place.
Stuck with this awful race.
I couldn't control my actions.
So I shoved all emotions back with a little lithium.
Then I didn't see clear.
Actually nothing ever happens here.
I see nothing now.
And there's no changing my mind.

Cut your wrist baby.
Bleed just for me.
Tell me I never ******* cared.
Guess I was never there.
Try to run away.
Na babe where you going stay.
Create some stupid excuse on why you gotta go.
Yeah go be a stupid *** ***.
Sleeping around with your best friend.
That's a problem with lesbians.
I chose you.
Then what do you do?
Right after I think I can trust again
You go and rip open what we tried to mend.
Well ******* then.

Math is killing me
Wasting me
It's taking my light
It is not right
F math

Her hands on my waist.
Dancing in a dress of lace.
Baby come here.
She took a step near.
Baby take me all the way.
Don't wait another day.
Yeah, I guess we rushed into things.
Words represented with promise rings.
I want you to hold me.
We were simply meant to be.
Our favorite quote.
Both of us devote,
So many hours,
My fingers running over your body in the shower.
Lips explore.
Never satisfied wanting more.
You take me to a place.
Somewhere I want to be.
Where it's just you and me.

Dark hair,
Eyes that stare,
Deep into my soul,
Two people grow old,
A warm fuzzy feeling,
My heart she's slowly stealing,
I would give it to her,
Tell her to take it fast,
Act as if every word was our last,
I don't want her to go,
Her power over me is my greatest fo,
Laced with beauty,
Never able to see what I see,
Her beautiful eyes,
Inviting insanity inside,
I love you,
I know,

Call me back to home.
Don't make me walk alone.
Take me to the place I belong.
Teach me again how to be strong.
Please let me stay there.
Free my short red hair fly free.
Yes fly free just like me.

She raised me to be a perfect little lady.
Then I became just a tad too shady.
What have you done to your self?
Can't you just pretend to be someone else?
I didn't raise a perfect lesbian.
They should never expirence perfection.
You and your whole kind are sins.
An abomination from hell.
Shut your mouth never tell.
Don't let the world know.
That's the only thing to never be told.
Don't shout out the facts.
All you do is distract.
Fill your life with men.
And only then will you no longer be a lesbian.
A spawn of satin.
I could go for days.
With how many girls have you laid?
Burn in hell you ****** kid.
Put your secret in a box and close the lid.
Never again will you be a lesbian.
Then will you be perfection.
Only when no longer labels by lesbian.

No time, no time.
Always time, always fine.
Cannot cannot.
Stop, it's not something that should be fought.
Can't stay can't stay.
Just a minute you won't be late.
No time, no time.
Be that way, fine.

A man who never would?
Or a man who never could?
The world has become a sad place.
A place where man hands man poison and begs him to taste.
Then the man stares.
As man dies man doesn't care.
All he does is stare.
He doesn't help.
He watches man scream and yelp.
Sorry my dear.
Nobody is here.
So as you can see,
Man ought to make a world of beauty.
A man who never would.
A man who never could.
A man who all along really should.

Where is he?
He's been missing for nearly a week.
I know I shouldn't worry.
He's always in such a hurry.
Always something to do.
I have to work from ten to two.
He'd always say.
I wanted him to stop breath and stay.
Just for today?
But he'd always leave.
And as he walked away behind he'd leave me.
I hope he's okay.
Guess I will find out one day.
Until then goodbye.
Goodbye you fabulous guy.

I want to run, but here I stand.
I began to fall, but on my feet I land.
I stand my ground.
Look around.
Here they scream out loud.
The names they shout out.
***, loner, weak.
Friendless, ****, meek.
Dead, ****.
Never to be liked.
Should I listen
Possibly dismiss them.
The words may burn.
At night I may toss and turn.
Sleepless  
Empty and dreamless.
I never want to be called a victim.
Maybe just a symptom.
One of being me.
So judgemental they have to be.
Why do they have to hurt me til I die?
Why do they spit their words til I cry.
I don't have to care.
I can pretend they aren't there.
That's what my mom says to do.
I told her I am me not you.
It's not the easiest thing.
Hearing other human beings.
Beating you down.
When everyone's around.
Watching your best friend.
Say our love was all pretend.
Well it's alright.
I'm okay for atleast another long hate filled day.

The classroom is cold.
Dead and old.
The classroom is silent.
Dead and quiet.
The classroom is empty.
Dead and alone.
Yet this classroom is so similar to my home.
Old... Quiet... And empty...
Yes the definition of dead.

I am alive now.
Today I stand here.
I'm alive and out.
Listen to me dear.
I am alive now.
I am okay.
Today I'm alive and out.
I have waited for this day.
I am alive now.

Alone, locked in the night.
Alone, here where there's never any light.
Hear me scream.
See me lean.
Over the edge I fall.
Lifeless like a doll.
Gravity pushes me down.
Then bam I hit the ground.

Jump they scream.
No the voices are mean.
Jump the say.
Disappear into the shadows of the day.

I had a secret... I keep it in... Mommy I... I think I'm lesbian. Thoughts rushed through her head. Gosh I wanted to be dead. Did you hear me mommy? Was she going to leave me. What was running through her mind. The silence lasting a long time. Finally she spoke, baby I think you need to go. Pack your bags and leave. But mom... No I can't have your perverted lifestyle influencing my normal children. Tears streaked my checks. I had tried so hard. Mommy accept me! Mommy love me!!! Remember when I was your baby? Back when people heard me? Goodbye mommy.

A little girl scared to reach out.
She hesitated with doubt.
Always too scared to ask.
Small and clueless hidden behind hates mask.
No one heard her screams.
People laughed and said honey it's not as dark as it seems.
Held close by her partner at night.
The littlest mistakes causing largest fights.
I'm sorry baby.
Nobody could save me.
This little girl wandered her mind.
Aimlessly wondering what she could find.
She found a razor and began.
Blood streaming down her hand.
She found a broken relationship.
I'm sorry I just couldn't get a grip.
This little girl went on.
Shy and helpless as a fawn.
Then as she grew older.
She became bolder.
A drink here and there.
A mind filling her head with dare.
Take one more pill.
You haven't yet had your fill.
One two three four.
Now that I've started why not take more.
I was in a hospital that night.
The doctors walking past were blurs of white.
This little girl has taken too many.
This little girl has had plenty.
She came in a broken masterpiece.
As far from sober as she could be.
That night the girl decided to be strong.
She jumped of the building to where she thought she belongs.
That little girl jumped in her mind.
Don't worry she is perfectly fine.
On the outside anyways.
We will just say its been a rough couple of days.

Play dates
Soul mates
This is how it was
Constant fun
Young one
As we grew old
If we only stayed.
If we never wasted away.
If it just stayed how it was.

Dark nights.
No lights.
Being bipolar stung.
The pressure of the world on your lung.
Can't breath?
Lucky me.
Standing beside as I'm dying.
Lock me up while I'm crying.
Watch out for this one.
I just wanted the gun.
Pull the trigger back.
Let the bullet attack.
Be proud mom.
Look where my brain has gone.
Drugs... Drugs... Drugs...
Hold me down to this earth.
A new dawn, new emotions birth.
Honey the doctors can help.
You never listen as I scream and yelp.
Stop trying to fix me.
I'm unfixable can't you see?
Just be still.
Thanks to the drugs I never get my fill.
Always hunting for something more.
Burns and cuts galore.
I need the pain.
You all call me insane.
Today I'm blue.
Oh you are too?
Today I'm white.
I can't feel, can't fight.
I can't run.
I guess I'm just done.

Mom screamed at night.
He never avoided a fight.
So as I sit here and I write, I listen to them yell.
Back and forth the voices always tell.
This was you fault the voices say.
No! No! No! Go away.
I can't listen anymore.
I slam closed the door.
One cut, two cuts more.
I feel the tears begin to fall.
Slam my fist into the wall.
What will they think?
I watch the blood drip in the sink.
Off my wrist the red falls.
Into a dark room my conscious crawls.
When mom finds me she screams and bawls.
How could you do this to me?
I'm sorry mom.
I know it was wrong.
When the blade turned red,
I don't know what got in my head.
I just couldn't put it down.
Then she began to frown.
Your not my daughter she said.
I downed a bottle of pills and like that I was dead.

Dear inspiration,
In times of being broken you showed me light.
In times of my true self being woken you taught me wrong from right.
You smiled and laughed with me.  
You showed me everything has a price but friendship is free.
I was a strange thing.
A skinny little  voiceless soul left tingling.
The world told me who to be.
They took away every last piece of me.
I let them judge when the shouldn't.
I refused stand when I couldn't.
It started with a simple common ground. Then I fell in love with you being around. A criticized teen.
A nightmare waiting to be seen.
You helped me stand.
You gave out a lending hand.
For that I say thank you.
And I'm in debt for everything you do.

Button up shirts.
Never had I like skirts.
Grandma asks if I want to be male.
Dad thinks he created a fail.
I'm sorry I can't please you.
I've tried with everything I do.
Guess its not enough.
I've just got to deal with a lot of stuff.
I still want to be accepted.
Never once have I been neglected.
I was bullied for who I am.
People told me I would be ******.
I could care less.
So what if everyone thinks I'm a mess.
I'm trying the best I can.
To just be who I am.

Button up shirts.
Never had I like skirts.
Grandma asks if I want to be male.
Dad thinks he created a fail.
I'm sorry I can't please you.
I've tried with everything I do.
Guess its not enough.
I've just got to deal with a lot of stuff.
I still want to be accepted.
Never once have I been neglected.
I was bullied for who I am.
People told me I would be ******.
I could care less.
So what if everyone thinks I'm a mess.
I'm trying the best I can.
To just be who I am.

You call me a *****
You say you want me to die in a ditch
Well I don't know what I did
Love towards me was forbid
I shut you out
You never shut your mouth
My wrists are bleeding
My heart is screaming
But you you just stand there watching
I'm tearing down
I'm leaving town
I don't know who I am
But whoever I am your not a fan
I'm never good enough
I'm packing my stuff
No stay you scream and plead
Then you turn around and hit me
You call me a ****
Compare me to a mutt
Now you wonder why I overdose once a    
day
My life is filled with hate
But the hate is like a drug
One feeling of warm fuzzy hug
The drug is the hug that bring me to tears and hopes no one ever comes near
I need to get myself away from here
I struggle with my own problems
To half to take care of you on top of them is like a dog caring for its owner
I guess I'm like a dog no wait you might say I'm a bit lower
So here is my apology no wait just kidding
I think I was just fibbing
I should thank you in stead
Thanks for trying to hit me in the head
Thanks for making me scream for making my wrists bleed for watching me die then just adding to the pain by cutting up my emotions with your lies
Yeah you were always sly until you walk right up and said ok ***** it's time for you to die
I just laughed and said no girl it's been you messing with my head
Sorry ***** but I'm already dead
That night I took too many pills now I was in for the ****
I hopped right into my car drove to the train tracks
Ready to be attacked
This next rhyme is an effing fact
If the ***** ain't got her dog
She is gonna disappear in the fog
The shadow that's been killing me for years
Oh lucky me the train is almost here
Grown near for my last stop
Laying on the tracks
The train threw a little honk
Then I felt it
I was nothing but a memory
Come puppy sit
But ***** don't you know I can play dead  too watch me your bond to loose.

He screams and shouts.
He ***** but I've never had a doubt.
This boy is the definition of love.
He's as pure as a dove.
There's something inside.
The difference makes him alive.
Such deep blue eyes.
People come down from highs.
He sits beside me and claps.
Never really sat close in people's laps.
Yes he is defined as a label.
His disorder is no fable.

Hear us tweet.
Hear up tell you you're weak.
Hear us lead you on.
Hear us tell you you're loved by no one.
Hear us sing curses.
Hear us tell you to jump.
Hear us through you over the edge.
Here us tell you your worthless.
Hear you starting to listen.
We are the birds. The ones you fear. The ones that will never go away that are always here.

As she walked, she couldn't help but stop. Stare and cry. Tried to lie. Hide the truth she saw beyond. A little girl in a little pond. As night set in. The horror was about to begin. Mommy said you left me. The only thing she could see. This little girl turned  white. And disappeared into the lake into the night. She ran home. Looking for the comfort of someone. But on her bed all that sat was the little girl and the cat. The little girl layed there damp. Next to her layed the broken lamp. She had hit her with it long ago. Then dumped her in the lake below.

Depression
Doctors perscribe
My memories die
Just like the night
My mind grows farther from the right
One friend I hold dear
He is the my drug when I can't get rid of the fear.

So I guess I will begin.
Simple and sweet.
God what a treat.
I thought this life would be.
A November night that was me.
I began to grow.
People around dropped my self esteem low.
I wanted to cry.
Go away and hide.
I began to hate the world.
I wanted to leave.
Just leave me be.
I thought I could be free.
Away with everyone.
To hell I had gone.
Alone.
Then I began to step out.
I wanted to scream and shout.  
I had a secret to hide.
One that sat at my side.
I'm lesbian.
According to some a spawn of satan.
I questioned myself.
Locked my secret away on a shelf.
Finally I told her.
My mother.
Finally no more hiding.
No more careful deciding.
I can be who I am.
I was afraid of being ******.
But who cares.
Everyone concours dares.
Now I sit her talking to you.
The day questions what to do.
So that is me.
My not so simple story.