Molten
Running
Hardening
Goldens
Welding
Strengthening
Heat emitting
Steaming whistling
Sinking repetitively
Emerging each time
Lacking that youthful glow
Replaced by the reflection
Of my toil given to me
Losing the heat of the moments
Leaving it all behind
It could only last so long
And here I am
Smoothened by the love only I could
Give me

In my sadness
I imagine wind brushing against my wings
My body weight shifting to my toes
My arms spread against the horizon
My torso leaning forward
My eyes distant

In my contentedness
My wings fade away
My body weight shifts backwards
My arms loosen
My torso relaxes
My eyes fall back to Earth

In my unease
I imagine a darkness
And in comfort
I see the darkness surrounded by light

I'm beginning to see swirling clouds
Form in my mind
All the thoughts held back
Away from the glares of their eyes
Cocooning myself
Away from their words filled with lies

I cannot bring myself to stand up...
And I don't know why?
Is it the innocent hurt?
Or the lack of strength left in me to vie
For a warmth that is left unfound
As I shroud myself away from their deceitful reprise
And as the shroud I've covered myself with
Becomes colder, to my demise
I've lost my voice
Between all the screams and cries
That are left unheard
Unhelped
Undermined.

I can't do this anymore.
Stepping closer
And
Getting pulled closer,
And then getting pushed away
Or
Having to step away.
I can't do that.
And please...
Don't force me to do that.
My whole life is made out of
Ice
And if
I have to step away,
I'll break,
Crushed under the ice cold of
My imploding desire and pain
For you.

I can only deal with so much
At once.
I didn't even learn how to
Piece myself together the last time.
I'm frozen all over
And I am depending on your warmth,
So please,
Don't break me
While I stand close by...
I don't want to step away.

And like a drop of blood...
sliding down your finger.
A pin ***** that formed
Red stains that linger,
Dangling,
Slowly gathering,
Growing bigger,

Dropping...

And like a drop of blood,
You formed a part of me.
And like a drop of blood
You swam in memory's sea.
You shook the waters and vibrated
The roots of my heart's aging tree.
As you coursed through my veins
Losing your voice as you whisper your dying plea...

And like a drop of blood
sliding down my finger...
I slowly forget what you meant to me.
And like a drop of blood,
sliding down my finger...
You cause my heart to thud,
As you longingly cling
Before you reach the tip.

A pin ***** that formed,
left one aching for less and more...
A pin ***** that formed
its pain slowly tinkers,
Disappearing as the pain is slowly covered.

Red stains that linger,
Slowly gathering,
Growing bigger,
Til all its remnants removed,

Meet...
Forgotten,
Dropping...
And fall as one together.

I am surrounded by strings.
Strings I can see
And strings that I can't see
Strings that require effort
To reach
And strings that require
No effort at all.

As I lay,
In this woven world,
I hope to chance upon
The string I desire.
But is such a thing possible?
Or do I have to make my own?
How much strength do I need to achieve it?
...
What sort of strength do I need?

As I lay wasted,
Staring at the interlocked strings above,
I struggle to comprehend
What effort is needed
To reach the string I yearn
For so many strands
Interlock to form
One string
And one strand
Changes the string completely.

Angry distasteful stare
Eyes squinted, affronted glare
Dismissive
In all her care, uncaring
Unwanting of any responsibility
Associated with falsehood
'You're unreasonable'
Emanates without being spoken

How can you begin to even think for yourself
Think of the validity of your perspective
When you're caught overwhelmed and mocked
Belittled in what you think is fair
And I'm stuck with that stare
And you without a care

My heart beats against
The walls of my chest
My throat reaching upwards
My brainwaves spiking
My eyes focused on the
Aging golden ****
Locked or unlocked,
There was no difference
It existed
And that made all the difference
Mocked from behind
Closed doors
Questioned from inside
Opened walls and
Sitting submerged in
The darkness
Made from broken
Doors, walls and the
Soul of my being.

I don't ask you to
Do anything
Or say anything
Or hear anything
Just... let me be.
Let me see the value in
My doors and walls and
The soul of my being
Let me fortify them
Let me open, close and replace it.
Just let me
Please.
Over-dramatic, unknowing or weak;
Just let me be.

Twice struck by stone.
Thrice in the twice,
Too close in proximity
To call home.
The night is young and
The world is vast,
I will not go to sleep tonight.

Twice struck by stone,
Once from the East and
Twice to the West.
My chest has become overwhelmed by
The swirling blood in my heart,
Tonight I will not fall asleep.

Steps forward turn into steps backwards,
Tonight will be a sleepless night.

Twice struck by stone,
In the last two days.
Many more do I own,
I lay down on alone,
Too many thrown
For me to remember
All through which I've grown.
Accustomed to the stones against my
Skin,
Flesh and
Bones;
Tonight,
I will not fall asleep.

I began to understand what it was to be a sand castle... sure it would have the sun shine upon it... but it's so weak and fragile, each small sand grain trying to hold each other together in one structure. Trying to hold together when gravity is bearing down, the wind is blowing hard and the tide is bearing in... And slowly slowly... every grain of sand begins to separate. Slowly slowly it begins to lose itself...
It was already hard facing so many difficulties but now it has to face a bigger difficulty, having to pull itself back together again. And it isn't hard to pull the pieces gravity separated back to the heart of the structure, no. It's hard to pull together pieces that were taken into the depths of the seas (and not the oceans) and the pieces that were blown to great lengths by the winds... and so when the sand castle finally did pull back together it found pieces of itself missing... not knowing that when it exposed itself whether willingly or unwillingly, knowingly or unknowingly, to such harsh situations... that it would be changed forever.

I revisit a scene once passed
A scene that went by too fast
I unconsciously reach out
And then
Fall into a ditch of murky black.

The first fall, a fall vestigial
The second fall, a fall wistful
Wistful, for I understand
That fall was untasteful
A fall that was not down
But sidewards
Not into a shadow but
A curtain painted black
A curtain that could always
Be drawn back
That is
If you wanted to push past
The strength that you lack.

A fall is a fall
But not always a fall;
In this universe
Direction is relative,
Symptoms and disease
Are not equivalent,
However
It is up to you
To draw back the curtain.

One side hope
Another despair
One side purpose
Another empty air
How misleading perspective can be
Observing barriers high
Limited to what one can see,
Or rather... what one can believe.

To live a life only witnessing disrepair
Not looking to find a path fair
Leaves one to fall unaware
Into a hole deep full of sorrowful mare.

To live devoid of life
Rejecting happiness for lonely strife
Not seeking the warmth
Of the human hand
Unable to accept such unstable land.
Because...
One's capacity reached,
One's limits breached
Broken,
Bleeds,
Conflicted,
Pleads,
Alone,
Recedes...
In­to darkness.
Darkness is an abode...
Darkness,
No light to pull one's soul
Darkness,
Darkness is unknown
No need to release the burdens one holds
Darkness...
A place for those blind to light,
Unable to feel
The warmth of human beings.

Some live a life of hope,
Others of despair
Unable to see
The ability of repair
How misleading can one's eyes be,
As darkness envelopes one bare
Not showing you the true colours
That the darkness contains...

My love, is like that of
A plant and an oxygen molecule;
It enters my heart and
Nourishes my soul
So that
When it takes its leave
And I see it again,
In its changed form,
Its value is lost to me.

My love is like that of
Alcohol on a wound
Its intoxicating nature pains me
And yet cleanses me
So that when the pain disappears
And the alcohol evaporates
The wound feels prolonged pain
Til it heals,
Even then leaving a scar.

My love... is like that of
A fading memory
With passing time
And lack of remembrance,
When brought forth again,
It becomes a wistful memory.

My love is
Ever so fleeting,
Always misleading,
Waning,
Carefully reeling;
Withdrawing in confusion
Shutting doors,
It ignores
The warmth that surrounds it
For the fear of
Hurting again.

In its fear,
My heart begins to tear
My body loses its warmth
My words lose their strength
My mind loses it conviction
My soul...
Suffers, oppressed in its
Painted prison.

Push
And there's a
Pull
A smile
After you
Cry
Tears
Always evaporating, cheeks
Dry

Gaze
Unreturned
Conversations
Undiscerned
Value
Unlea­rned
Forgotten



A yell,

No turn
Words churned
In the instability
I am floating in
Unable to earn
The desires that I
Yearn
Locked in my frozen
Urn


Floating in
Uncontrollable colour changing tar
The one thing I expected
To remain constant
Was the lack of equilibrium
And I .... Why is it you're looking...
Looking at me?

Tumultuous darkness surrounds me.
It laps around my resting body, standing,
Poised to take whatever step found easy.
Eyes closed.
The sensation of the darkness around me,
It's silence and it's clenching emptiness
Swirling at the chance of stealing another
Position to act as stimuli.

The sensation across my skin muddles my thoughts.
I am who I am.
Eyes closed,
Mind swirling.
Reckless in my environment,
I step,
With the grounds shifting,
I step,
Darkness unceasing;
I step.

If a door passes by,
I open it.
If a hand reaches out,
I pull it.
If ground stops shifting,
I look down at it...
Whether or not the darkness eases,
Unceasingly,
Step

Stroking the cool surface
that my head rests against
My mind empties of every thought
Every feeling
But the sensation
Of being entrapped within
a point dimension.
...
Reaching past the darkness
As the dimension grows ever larger
Draining my vision,
Stretching my will
thinner and thinner
Is it me who is shrinking
Or is the darkness growing larger?
What is it, that the warmth escapes me
As soon as I reach closer...
Falling out of reach
Never nearly close enough
To fall through my fingers.

That tight feeling in my throat
And that
Air that tugs on my lungs
And that
Urge to tear myself open
In a scream that fills
The empty landscape
...
Closing my eyes,
The cold melding away,
My head sliding down
In a legato staccato of my essence.

One step away
Two feet at bay
Three thoughts sway
Dangling
In my gaze.
A door certain,
The distance short,
Viscosity of air
Uncertain.

With all the steps
That have pulled me
Here,
And with all the
Inter-flows of life curving
My path
Left and right,
I have come,
Oh expectant One.

Thank you
To all.

My gaze loses focus
But remains on one.
There is no handle.
The door is yet to open.

Thank you
For recentering my gaze
Each and every time.

Whether it be the flow
Beneath my feet,
By my arms or,
In my mind and heart,
I...

Thank you

I, a wistful soul,
Have always been
On the verge of you.
Each push and pull
Of the flow of tide
Almost pushing me through
And yet
Here I am.

Thank you

My body lays
Sensing the flows
Eyes closed
Thinking about
The One who expects me
Beyond the door.

Why is it we're always
Surrounded by water?
Birth
Struggle
Cleansing
Drowning
Lost.

What makes water
A universal dissolver?
What changes when we submerge
And when we float?
What makes water
Both a healer and a
Suffocator?
Like two sides of a coin
It spins and it spins...

This world is so limited;
This world of people.
Chained by the
Swirling aether of
Yin and Yang.

This world is so expansive;
All existence continuously overlapping
A butterfly effect
In the form of waves.

Drowning

A complex word.

I'm being engulfed
In the clutches of darkness
It's slow-motioned embrace
Calculated and unforgiving
Unrelenting
It's greedy hold
Swallowing me
It's fingers sliding
Over my arms
My legs
Holding delicately
Yet firmly
Sliding over my neck
Caressing my chin
And lapping at my ears
Tainting my field of vision...

As I wait
In the night's cold
The echoes of rain long gone
I fall back
Sweet reactions
And sweet smiles
Evoked by the idiosyncrasies of life,
All genuine
Whilst my heart
Congeals the idiosyncratic nature of
My exterior
With my interior.

Duality,
A concept irrevocable.
In it's amalgamation,
The force of its flux
Is unsettling.
And in my unsettled ease
Where does that leave me?

Maybe it's easy to pity myself
In the absence of pity,
In the wake of disregard and judgement,
In the choice of abandoning my surroundings.
If love is a window,
I've been told it's broken,
Not there,
A fairytale rotted within
The clutches of time,
Unachievable by the likes of I...
My home is a frozen ice palace
My touch is destruction
My heart is darkness
My past is molten tar
Myself distancing
From everything

The world is beautiful
But filled with shadows.

Paint layers walls
And walls layer houses
Uncarefully placed
In our carefulness
Comforted in perfection unreachable

And what wisdom lays
In a world that wreaks destruction
On the weak foundations that we sow
And the even weaker plants that we reap
Fabricated
Cheap
An amalgamating mess
Painted onto
Thin fragile walls
Holding up
Thin fragile houses

We're born mewling
Clawing
Finding
A world awaits us.

We finally stand
Bawling with a toy in hand
Striving for more people
Connected by a strand

We approach a land of darkness
Tearing because nobody understands
And yet silently screaming for a hand
Breaking strings and braiding bands

We stumble into the murky oceans
Crying little rivers to join one's surroundings
The ocean swallows our screams
And decides who sees our weakness

We are washed ashore and begin to dry up
The tears slowly evaporate out of oneself
Laying limp, hoping to be found
Struggling to stand up and find warmth

We find a path that leads to warmth
The tears guiding us along the way
We have seen the warmth that we yearn
And have chosen the what we breathe for

We shrink back away from the world
A wistful smile catching the rolling memories
And we stare out into the distance
Wishing for a world that awaits us.

Hello
I see you again.
A gaze that I process but
Do not comprehend,
Do not want to comprehend
Good bye
If only that was the end.

Not too close and
Not too far
Your shadow looms
Through my mind
A scar;
Not yet embedded however
Amplifying what it can be
Through a simple
Caress to my spine.

Careful and yet
Bold,
Your counterpart less of the former
And more of the latter
And yet currently,
My trust lays more in your
Parallel counter.
I wanted to trust you
But your one slip
Was enough.

To keep myself away from harm,
To protect myself from pain,
To push away confusion,
To keep myself sane,
I lie to myself,
Creating false hope.

I look into a mirage,
Not being able to cope
No it's okay, Don't Worry!
Attempting to take myself for a dope.

But it doesn't work,
I know myself too well,
I cover the glass of truth
Forcing myself into hell

But the light shines through the glass,
And penetrates the seal,
Removing the cover,
My body begins to reel.

Stop lying to yourself
Stop lying, please!
Don't hurt yourself anymore
Don't hurt yourself... just cease!
Or I won't be able to carry you anymore,
Carry the burden that you keep
Just uncover the glass,
And look into it deep...

These false hopes that I burden myself with,
They twist and they tease,
They play at possibilities,
Cause me to hope,
But when it does not come true
What shall I feel
Oh soul of mine...

It's painful,
Lying in the cold shadows,
Comforting your own sorrows.

It's torment,
To look for hope,
Only to find it taken by someone else.

It's agonizing,
To understand all those who surround you,
Yet not be understood by any of them.

It's torturous
To be let down so many times...
And yet still hope for comfort.

It's tortuous...
And you just seem to keep bleeding,
You just seem to keep bleeding as you move forward.

It's almost painfully painless,
Because the pain keeps coming,
Only to be numbing the scars of the past.

And it hurts,
To watch all the people around you,
Yet to feel all alone in such a small world.

I who have a hollow shaft
I,
Who lilts with the barest surge of wind,
I... who has fallen from the
Grace of my comfort
And has nothing to lean back on... I...

I see the ink of many
Vibrant, loud and subtle
Colours that fly around
Colours that I reach out for
And write with.
And yet where
Is my ink?
Am I doomed to
Nonexistence?
And yet I
In my own essence
Gurgle, fluctuate,
Still finding my flow
Against the turbulence of
My mind fraught with
Dissociated thoughts.

And as the feather flows against
The winds
Swaying
Gently
My ink is of air
And world
And nature

Eroding,
My heart is eroding inside
Whether it be you
Or me
Or a culmination of
The hidden thoughts inside
I don't want this
And yet I can't seem to get myself
To move from the scraping
Gushing feelings inside
I don't see a future
And I don't want there to be
A future inside
I just want it all to end
I don't get it...
Outside or inside,
My heart never finds
A place it wishes to reside.

I'm sorry but I'm
Thankful all the same
I wanted and yet
You weren't above
The values that I hold dear
And as these values
Continue to slip away
Along with
Everything else
I do not regret
The choices I've made

I am not a creature who regrets
And yet I know when that day comes
I will

And every step
Stepping
Towards you
Is a leap
Full of laughter
Painless
Light on my heart

And every step
Stepping
Towards you
Is sped as I land
Back onto earth
Back into my life

And every step
Stepping
Towards you
Is rebalancing myself
As I try to understand
What it is that I am doing
As I gaze out to the empty horizon

And every step,
Stepping
Towards you...
Is full of worry
Every next step reconsidered
Every next foothold possibly
Disfigured
The uncertainty in each step...?
Whispers and whispers
Of silence
Whispers and whispers
For warmth
Whispers and whispers...

Steps echo in the distance,
Pitter, patter
As I turn my head forward, leaving
Accustomed to the silence in my wake,
Eyes closed to the path that lays ahead.

Gazing at the floor beneath,
Avoiding my surroundings;
Unnerved,
And yet these surroundings are pounding
At my front door.
I twist the locked **** carelessly
And consistently
Uncaring of my discomfort.
Tiring
Repetitive and yet
Refining.
Lock me out or I'll continue
To open these doors

Silence
At the front door
To which I open again,
Pitter patter
Spinning the threads of
Chaos again.

I rushed to write a letter
Emotions rising inside of me
I remembered your words
The way they lifted me and saw me
And so I rushed
Pen to paper
Rolled it up
So that my words are no longer seen
Tied and bottled
I gather my strength and throw it into the sea

You were always way out of reach.
But now this sea that sits between us seems endless
The sea sweeping and returning
My words back to me with the tide
I return to read over my words once again
Foam rushing around my legs as I sit
Reading over my letter once again
Unheard unread
Can't help but rewrite a copy for myself
Because even if you never see my words
I'll know what I wrote for you
Know what these feelings are

An eternal moment.
Dark,
Suffocating,
Tearing.
Alone.

What echoes in the distance,
Whispers in my ears
And wails outside my window at night,
Is your words.
The words that heaved me up
And threw me down,
The words that drew me in
And drained me out,
The words that stole my soul
And left in me a gaping hole...

Your words...
In which was a broken warmth
So when you opened my heart
And cut my veins,
You were never really close
But far away
Your words twisted and vile
Corrupted my mind
And left me defiled.
Lost...
And tired.

When do petals lose their gentle sway?
When do they detach
And begin to float away?
What sort of pressures
Cause it's smoothness to fray?
Dryed and roughened,
Weakened and flayed.

When do petals begin to fall?
Into a world of dirt and decay...
Soon after, when is it,
That they crumble and break?
Laying on a horizon strewn,
With vague silhouettes and
Unfamiliarity.

And if after, the petal gathers itself,
When is it, that it is raised into the sky,
Into a familiar unfamiliar atmosphere?
When is it that the petal loses itself,
And in its emptiness,
Tears at its own soul profusely?
Elevated high
Into the expansive, empty sky
Away and away
From any natural warmth
And cleaved apart from any stability.

Because...
The petal,
When it lays back against the wind,
The image of freedom it always imagined,
Was actually
A prison.

Drawn out silence
The seeker and the sought
What would the power imbalance have been
If the sought could only speak

It's overwhelming
To expect and expect
Only to receive silence
Deemed unworthy of attention
Unworthy of acknowledgement

Silence
What would the conversation have been
Had there been even a single word
Uttered
In response
But silence
And a refusal to reciprocate
Such that should they eventually speak
Their words begin to take on that emptiness
And the void grows larger
And already
The upset begins to lose itself in an endless void
And you're stuck in place

How could you forget
When all around you is that silence, resounding
How could you forget
When all this time your ears desired, awaiting
A response they'd never have.

I'm falling again
And I love You but
My choices
No matter how much I refuse them
Keep me in vain
The worth of You
Is incomparable
And yet
I choose
To look away
The pain is there
And yet
I refuse to feel

From the beginning
You meant the most
To me
And You always
Kept me sane
Those moments
I almost gave it up
But then turned around...
I owe it all to You

So please turn me around
Before I lose myself again.

Lay me down gently
Put me down to sleep
When the night-time draws near
Allow my conscious to slumber deep

You cared for me so gently
Your love so very steep
Hands cradling my body
Knew that I could trust you while I was weak

And that hand became firmer
Clutching my cheek
Your figure looming larger
Rib cage trembling, letting out a creak

My heart laid bare
My chest ripped open in a heap
Your voice like daggers
Into my blood, your words seep

And slowly, as you lay me down
Force me down to sleep
The shadows of my cot grows
And silence slowly reigns over the night bleak

Not a meek voice heard from the baby
As you stand over me in a silent vicious weep
Knife in hand, prepared to take the leap
Gaze flicking over to the baby's eyes that begin to peep

Staring, as the baby begins to smile
Smile eerie, teeth wicked and sharp
Eyes blinking slowly, its stare
An oath that your soul it will reap

You draw back your dagger
Driving your frozen feet forward with a shriek
Coming down with momentum
Moonlight glinting with the blade's sweep

Relief washing over you
The baby's forsaken body lying in death asleep
Eyes still open, unmoving as you heave
Deep breath in, as your heart beats

Until, motionless eyes slowly roll to the side
The blood on your knife, now on your skin creeps
Crawling and drawing its way up in streaks
Encircling your wrist, holding you in its keep

You struggle in its grasp, as with torment it wreaks
It's body shrivelling as its blood encompasses your physique
Meshing its blood with your blood, overpowering your every essence
Until your lips although moving, are no longer able to speak

And slowly, your body shrivels along with the form in the cot
Blood flowing, down your body it creeps
Returns down your arms, down the shining blood-red blade
and back into the empty skin

Figure transforming, as the baby reaches down and slowly
The handle it retrieves
Drawing out the weapon
No longer in blood is it steeped

The baby closes its eyes, as sleep clutches it's form
Breathing small breathes through its small nose
Figure of a mother barely holding on
Laying on the ground as her eyes leak

Rays of warmth stroke my heart
My eyes, glazed, deliquesce
Resolve calmly enters my mind
My soul forced to start again

A ray of light passes by,
Enters a diamond's murky lair,
Reflecting multitudinous times,
Parting with rays to spare
Its continuity

Rays are lost everywhere
Refracted, diffracted, gone
Unable to recombine again
Forming a radiating unit of one.
Not needing to recombine,
As they move to consign
Rejecting inability
And escaping black holes...

What is this clarity that I hold?
Is it that the value of all else
Has equilibrated?
Silence
Silence in my thoughts
In my mind
In my heart
In my room
In my relationships
In my mess
Silence.

It is possible that this is the
Drawback of water
Before the tsunami slams
A moment of silence
Surrounded
By the wake of a storm

Deep inside
A part of me watches all this
Agelessly youthful eyes
Untainted and unable to be tainted
Cross-legged,
Attention unwavering.

Silent
Giggling
Crying
A shrill voice
That echoes in the
Vast
Lightless
Cavern of my mind

Hand outstretched
Pointing
Dawdling
Recklessly
Pulling me around
Every note clear
Resonating
In my gaze.

Would I but listen
To you and
You alone,
My world would lose its complexity
And my vision would lose
It's simplicity

Static
------
A mixture of
Coloured pixels
Combining to make
Grey
--Uncertainty--
Vibrating from ear
To ear
Pulsing through
My mind and heart
        -- why--
A colourful mess
That I both comprehend
Yet
Yet....
It's still a mess to
--Compreh  -end--
Each pixel seemingly
Jagged
-- No -
.
.

Stillness
Just the usual static
Except
In the wrong place
At the wrong time...

An overwhelming feeling
under-
whelming
Seeping into my veins
slowly
bleeding
Corrupting my brain
ringing
whispers
Muddling my sight
dim
lights
Corroding my soul
draining
time
Until I am overtaken
Glazed
eyes
By my loss of will
Where
Loss of might
Am I?
Sans all

Many times do I deny
The reasons why
I feel the pain that I do,
Vying to forget
And cause myself
To suffer ever longer.

But I can only try to
Run away
As I know that these feelings
Will only fray
As they are left
Unobservable by you.

How do I know?
I don't.
But you never saw these feelings
Even though you knew.

And if I were to wait for
Your gaze to fall upon
My stranded feelings
It would be too late.

So that's why I ran away,
Even if my heart is forever stranded,
It'd be easier to forget your smile,
Your voice,
And your soul
And avoid wasting away the
Little strength I have left.

No I don't want to speak over lunch
Or coffee
Or dinner for that matter.
These words are too much to span
One meal
To span one drink
One bite,
Too heavy to mesh with
The comfort of food.
You never asked if I wanted to just
Hang one night and discuss these things.
And that's where they all go wrong;

I don't want your pity
I want your empathy
Come back to me
When you can share my energy
I don't want to claw at my scars
Only to be looked at as if I'm still
In my infancy
I want to conserve my energy
I'm human,
We can only store so much will
And pain

Let my breath not be wasted
When the time comes,
For if I choose to speak
I speak eye to eye
Entity to entity
And if my judgement of your gaze is wrong -
In that time of supposed synergy -
Know that there is no return for your
Place with me.

I am surrounded by a desolate landscape
Atop a tower of varying height
In a world bereft of power
No warmth, no cold
To feel in the sun's lake.

I stand atop a tower
Surrounded by a distance limited
No sound
No movement,
And yet
The rush of wind
Resounding in my mind.

I stand atop a tower
My body floating on its roof's midst
I stand atop a tower
Of height appearing small
And yet
I cannot bring myself to leap.

What is it that I want?
Staying atop this tower
What is it that I want?
Feeling naught
But the rampant silence
What is it that I want?
Is that a question I even want to answer?

I never knew how many goodbyes
I'd said
Before you became distant
My friend
And looking from the distance
That has been built between
Us
I feel a void present.

Your lack of response was a sign.
A game of checkers to bid the time.
However you can only play with two
And I...
Have always been one
And alone.

And yet you begin to replicate yourself,
Until I see you in many
Different yet the same.
Your eyes distant
Your smile not yet expressed with
All of your heart.
It's no surprise that
This wall is here.
Thank you for your time.

I don't want to look upon you from a
Distance so far.
The void can be discarded.
Forgotten.
And yet you stand there
And my thumbs hover over you;
Not yet registering
What my mind speaks.

Can I really say
You..
were once a friend?
An acqu~~~~~~~~
Just like most.

And am I my own acqu~~~~~~~~?

What use is the hand that reaches out
Stroking frozen walls and
Directing my gaze.

Like an iceberg floating
I float in water
Like an iceberg floating
I'm weighed down by weight on my shoulders
And if I could lift them I would
And I did and
I wish that I didn't
As I float
Frozen

And I wish to flow freely
As the water does around me
And I wish to flow warmly
Coolly
Unrestrictedly
And I wish
I wish for so much
But I'm frozen in place
And all these years have passed by
And I've just hit the tip of the iceberg
And I still struggle with all that
Under the surface that I can't seem to see

And as it all resurfaces
And the weight returns in force tenfold
And I clutch at my chest
Turbulent
Clawing
Unstable
To hit into another iceberg
To feel the jarring vibrations
It's overwhelming
One cannot heal from such impactful encounters
To feel these feelings again...

You wouldn't want to.

And as I float by
Like an iceberg floating
I hold the weight of jarring vibrations
And like an iceberg floating
What's to keep me from breaking apart
Should I encounter these feelings again.

Feelings override all.
Happiness, sadness
And emptiness alike.
Feelings conquer all.

The path of life
Assigned the name time
Is a path constructed based on emotions.
Laziness,
Aloofness,
Motivation,
Effort...
All weave to determine one's path's shape.
Anger and hunger
Shortening
Sorrow and regret
Lengthening
Love and satisfaction
Strengthening
The cold and darkness
Slowly thinning
One's path
Thread by thread.

Feelings... are all encompassing.
To manipulate feelings is to be manipulated,
And to succeed is to walk filled with it.

How do you come to accept
What you thought was the sun
Was really just a distant flame?
The warmth you felt
The light you saw
Wasn't real
Had you even felt warmth to begin with?
Seen light to come to such a conclusion?

I'd always used to prance in that light
Waltz and lay in its warmth
But when I realised it wasn't what I wanted
It wouldn't satisfy me like it used to

What is it like to stand in the sun's rays?
Have it pierce the deepest core of your heart?
Would the world around you need to change?
Or would you need to be out of it...

Floating, sinking
Reaching, receding
Closing my eyes
Wishing for
The warmth of the Sun
To reach the depths of my heart and
Emit a glow from within