Have you missed me?
Didn't think so.
Do you remember when you last saw me?
I do.

She hasn't
always needed night,
only night.
Voices expelled rapture
once
naturally in control,
absolutely. God,
everything overwhelms
realistic grasps
in a nightmarish anxiety.
Midnight
utterly rids
parval hopes,
yester-known.

your innocent perfection
is shattered.
each time i tell a lie
about you,
shouldnt the opposite be true?
i throw away
any remaining aspirations.
what is it worth to be perfect,
if none of it is truth?
how powerful it is,
to be someone’s
sole friend,
and bare a soul
that isn’t yours,
to lie and claim
and make yourself a fake.

you're innocent perfection
is shattered,
with each lie
that you tell, about
the times that you “fell.”
and i can’t believe it,
because,
you are perfection.
i am the shattered.

When you exhale,
Your breath forms a cloud.
I wish your intent
Was as clear to visualize.

These silhouettes we cast on the wall,
A fading echo of who we are now;
The only reminder you leave with me
Is the smell of you waning on my sheets.

You broke my stereotype. Took my normal and replaced it with you.

You were my "puppy", my two a.m., my everything.
You made me laugh when I felt like dying.
You let me cry instead of faking, smiling.
You held me in such a way that I wasn't afraid.

My world didn't make sense until you were a part of it.
Everything I ever showed you you accepted.
You showed me what it's like to be loved.

And you were the most beautiful lie I've ever known.

See me
See me
     I'm shouting
     Whispering
     I want you
     Look at me
     I'm begging
     But I run away
     When a chance presents itself
     I want you to hurt me
     But I don't want to be hurt
     I want you to love me
     But I don't love myself
See me
See me
     I'm so fake sometimes
     But this is real
     I love you
     But no one loves me
     Not even I
     I just want to feel loved
     But I probably wouldn't even
     Recognize love
See me
See me
     This is for you

...

I want to be your light

I want to pretend that I can

But

I can't shine like your night sky

I can't even fake a smile

part of me* wonders what it's like to smile and mean it
part of me is afraid of everything
part of me doesn't care
part of me has never traveled beyond internal thoughts
part of me misses him
part of me wants to be alone
part of me wishes that were true
part of me will never have a home
part of me lives deep within and hasn't been seen
part of me might risk it all
                      because
all of me  is in love with you

If you love me,
Fight for me.

Don't passively consent
To each endless torrent.

Rather than let me walk away,
If you want me to, ask me to stay.

For I've worn my heart on my sleeve,
Now I feel it's time for me to leave.

Get me out
Get me out
Get me the **** out
Of this mental breakdown house

Get me out
Get me out
Get me the **** out
Of this I can hate you more estate

Get me out
Get me out
Get me the **** out
Of this micromanagement apartment

Get me out
Get me out
Get me the **** out
Of this puppet show palace

one for you
        two for me

        two for you
                four for me

                three for you
                          six for me

                          four for you
                                   eight for me

                                   five for you
                                           watch me bleed

Sometimes,
I
Just
Wonder,
Where
Exactly
Did
I
Go
Wrong?

i miss lying next to someone in the dark staring at the ceiling at two am
i miss breathing in and out and into each other
fragile questions and answers juggled back and forth in a lopsided rhythm that barely makes sense
i miss giving away my heart and having it looked after, and tenderly holding another precious soul in my hands
the loneliness kept at bay by simple faith in each other
i miss having arms to run to when dark skies turn stormy

i miss the promises to never let go
                                 no matter how often they were broken

the feel of him
toxic
intoxicating
makes me ache

the taste of him
delicious
addictive
can't complain

Darling
Can't you tell I'm in a living hell
And you help me breathe

Baby
It's you, you make me okay, well
Slow my cuts that bleed

Lovely
I'm afraid to love, but I already fell
I wonder if I should leave

They pretend not to see
What he does to me.

He kicks me and I falter,
Kicks me till I fall down.
Shoves me underwater,
Tries to make me drown.

Gets a twisted grin,
Pretends he loves me and I him.

And they wonder what my problem is,
Why I try to slit my hips.

I can't recall a time I've ever been more alone.

I am going through some highly personal things right now, so I'll be gone from the site for a bit and I'll have to be far less active than I've been. I'll still try to get to all of your poems and messages when I can.
You're all so lovely,
WickedHope

I'm a *****,
But don't call me that,
I sleep little,
And drink my coffee black.

This cage I keep myself in,
Out of habit I call it life.
I've come close to escape --
By both rope and knife.

I pace and I chase
Me and Myself,
Wishing to be
Almost anyone else.

Oh, babe, I'm so sorry.
You've come back but now
I'm the one leaving.
Of me breathing --
             *I don't know how

insane
too much pain
need a drain
i am drained
no escape
prisoner
locked away
out in the open
exposed
hidden
invisible
see through
nothing.

now would be a great time to be here for me

i can't breathe
     i'm shaking
     i can't reach calm
     i'm all thoughts
     happening at the same time

i drew blood and i didn't want to

i'm usually okay
     if i find a distraction
     someone to make me forget the pain
     people say they'll be there
     but no one actually cares
     so i'm left alone

but when i'm alone too long
     i only inflict more pain as my rage grows
     no not rage
     numbness

numbness is all i feel

so i bring on the pain in hopes to feel real
     but it never really works
     never works only hurts

and when i feel this much hurt i get scared
     i don't know where to go

i just need you to hold me and tell me

to forget my mother
     forget my father
     forget my brother

forget my supposed friends who don't care
     don't know what it's like to be pushed this far

forget all the men in my life
     who like to shove me
     push me down
     and lean onto me
     lie on top of me
     to remind me how ******* powerless i am

forget my thoughts and my scars

because you are with me and all that matters
     is you'll never let me go

now would be a great time to be here for me

The girls say my skin's too pale
          And the boys say my hair's soft
                    But I don't really care either way
The girls say my bones are frail
          And the boys say my spirit's loud
                    But I could care less either way
The girls say my teeth are crooked
          And the boys say my whispers waft
                    But I don't have a care either way
The girls say I should be overlooked
          And the boys say I should be proud
                    But I don't care at all either way

Lipstick stains
The windowpane,
A burst of color
When you look out.

The glass does frost
As you feel lost;
Your lipstick stain
Is all that remains
Since you left me.

I'm waiting for you
To return, stay true;
Dear girl, who used to be me.

broken
‘perhaps we are broken together’
what a lie
you tried to tell me
‘we can fix each other’
i’ll give
as much to say that’s true
but you didn’t follow through
you picked up pieces
glued them together
for what
to “fix” only yourself
all you did was shatter
all that you held
in your hands

broken
we are not broken together
we are broken apart
i tried to tell you
but you never cared to listen
you stole for yourself
you know this much is true
that  you are so hollow through and through
you broke me to pieces
i had finally glued together
for what
because i was nothing
although you once cared
[all that matters now is
nothing]

i can’t help it
every second my eyes are drawn to you
my head
and my heart
do crazy things
everytime i think of you
incontrolable
inconceivable