one for you
        two for me

        two for you
                four for me

                three for you
                          six for me

                          four for you
                                   eight for me

                                   five for you
                                           watch me bleed

part of me* wonders what it's like to smile and mean it
part of me is afraid of everything
part of me doesn't care
part of me has never traveled beyond internal thoughts
part of me misses him
part of me wants to be alone
part of me wishes that were true
part of me will never have a home
part of me lives deep within and hasn't been seen
part of me might risk it all
                      because
all of me  is in love with you

When you exhale,
Your breath forms a cloud.
I wish your intent
Was as clear to visualize.

These silhouettes we cast on the wall,
A fading echo of who we are now;
The only reminder you leave with me
Is the smell of you waning on my sheets.

My skin is so white
Sickly pale
For I am not Snow White

My lips are ruby red
Coated in blood
For I am not Snow White

My head with dark curls
Thoughts not hair
For I am not Snow White

My kindness to animals*
People shun me*
For I am not Snow White

See me
See me
     I'm shouting
     Whispering
     I want you
     Look at me
     I'm begging
     But I run away
     When a chance presents itself
     I want you to hurt me
     But I don't want to be hurt
     I want you to love me
     But I don't love myself
See me
See me
     I'm so fake sometimes
     But this is real
     I love you
     But no one loves me
     Not even I
     I just want to feel loved
     But I probably wouldn't even
     Recognize love
See me
See me
     This is for you

Have you missed me?
Didn't think so.
Do you remember when you last saw me?
I do.

You broke my stereotype. Took my normal and replaced it with you.

You were my "puppy", my two a.m., my everything.
You made me laugh when I felt like dying.
You let me cry instead of faking, smiling.
You held me in such a way that I wasn't afraid.

My world didn't make sense until you were a part of it.
Everything I ever showed you you accepted.
You showed me what it's like to be loved.

And you were the most beautiful lie I've ever known.

Let me be plastic
Let me be silent for you

I'll be your plaything
I just want someone to care

Let me pose for you
Let me be pictures on your phone

I'll be your plaything
I'll be your anything

Let me live for you
Let me bury myself

I'll be your plaything
I just want to be wanted

Let me wait up for you
Let me be your attendant, servant, slave

I'll be your plaything
I need your love, or lust

Let me be a joke
Let me be false, fake, whatever

I'll be your plaything
I can be your doll on a shelf

Let me be expendable
Let me be used for a while

I'll be your plaything
I can be temporary, I'm used to it

your innocent perfection
is shattered.
each time i tell a lie
about you,
shouldnt the opposite be true?
i throw away
any remaining aspirations.
what is it worth to be perfect,
if none of it is truth?
how powerful it is,
to be someone’s
sole friend,
and bare a soul
that isn’t yours,
to lie and claim
and make yourself a fake.

you're innocent perfection
is shattered,
with each lie
that you tell, about
the times that you “fell.”
and i can’t believe it,
because,
you are perfection.
i am the shattered.

if i had the room to breathe
i'd tell you what i really think
if i had the sense to leave
i'd run away before you blink
but i'm not in charge
haven't been for a while
i let you back in
greeted with my smile
you make me into nothing
just a puppet to be worn
pull my strings or cut them
make me wish i wasn't born
they all think i'm crazy
what you do to me
feels better when it's hazy
when i'm numb and can't see
i'm itching begging screaming
with need for sweet release
let the dead things spill out
let them leave me please
i'm shakey sickly scared
to be back here again
addict trembling holding
the beginning of the end
i miss the feeling of clarity
of acute euphoric lust
the bitter sting of reality
making all the noise hush
a sticky sweet sadistic lullaby
calming all my bones
the one time you don't touch me
the one time i'm alone
i will always lose
with you i cannot win
red rivers run high
with the tide of sin

I love to see you run up and down the field
Your body being pushed forward
You are so glorious
I'm sitting here thinking
     I'd willingly turn into a block of ice
     So I could just keep watching you
Silently cheering for you more than you could know
I don't know what it is about watching you play
Muscles taught, face intense
That pushes me to the edge
I could watch you forever

I want to be your light

I want to pretend that I can

But

I can't shine like your night sky

I can't even fake a smile

I am going through some highly personal things right now, so I'll be gone from the site for a bit and I'll have to be far less active than I've been. I'll still try to get to all of your poems and messages when I can.
You're all so lovely,
WickedHope

Get me out
Get me out
Get me the **** out
Of this mental breakdown house

Get me out
Get me out
Get me the **** out
Of this I can hate you more estate

Get me out
Get me out
Get me the **** out
Of this micromanagement apartment

Get me out
Get me out
Get me the **** out
Of this puppet show palace

The girls say my skin's too pale
          And the boys say my hair's soft
                    But I don't really care either way
The girls say my bones are frail
          And the boys say my spirit's loud
                    But I could care less either way
The girls say my teeth are crooked
          And the boys say my whispers waft
                    But I don't have a care either way
The girls say I should be overlooked
          And the boys say I should be proud
                    But I don't care at all either way

If you love me,
Fight for me.

Don't passively consent
To each endless torrent.

Rather than let me walk away,
If you want me to, ask me to stay.

For I've worn my heart on my sleeve,
Now I feel it's time for me to leave.

i miss lying next to someone in the dark staring at the ceiling at two am
i miss breathing in and out and into each other
fragile questions and answers juggled back and forth in a lopsided rhythm that barely makes sense
i miss giving away my heart and having it looked after, and tenderly holding another precious soul in my hands
the loneliness kept at bay by simple faith in each other
i miss having arms to run to when dark skies turn stormy

i miss the promises to never let go
                                 no matter how often they were broken

the feel of him
toxic
intoxicating
makes me ache

the taste of him
delicious
addictive
can't complain

Sometimes,
I
Just
Wonder,
Where
Exactly
Did
I
Go
Wrong?

Darling
Can't you tell I'm in a living hell
And you help me breathe

Baby
It's you, you make me okay, well
Slow my cuts that bleed

Lovely
I'm afraid to love, but I already fell
I wonder if I should leave

They pretend not to see
What he does to me.

He kicks me and I falter,
Kicks me till I fall down.
Shoves me underwater,
Tries to make me drown.

Gets a twisted grin,
Pretends he loves me and I him.

And they wonder what my problem is,
Why I try to slit my hips.

I can't recall a time I've ever been more alone.

i can’t help it
every second my eyes are drawn to you
my head
and my heart
do crazy things
everytime i think of you
incontrolable
inconceivable

Lipstick stains
The windowpane,
A burst of color
When you look out.

The glass does frost
As you feel lost;
Your lipstick stain
Is all that remains
Since you left me.

I'm waiting for you
To return, stay true;
Dear girl, who used to be me.

I miss the boy
               Who would reassure me

        But then again I'd bet

You miss the girl*
               Who didn't need reassurance

This cage I keep myself in,
Out of habit I call it life.
I've come close to escape --
By both rope and knife.

I pace and I chase
Me and Myself,
Wishing to be
Almost anyone else.

Oh, babe, I'm so sorry.
You've come back but now
I'm the one leaving.
Of me breathing --
             *I don't know how