Lipstick stains
The windowpane,
A burst of color
When you look out.

The glass does frost
As you feel lost;
Your lipstick stain
Is all that remains
Since you left me.

I'm waiting for you
To return, stay true;
Dear girl, who used to be me.

I'm a *****,
But don't call me that,
I sleep little,
And drink my coffee black.

I miss the boy
               Who would reassure me

        But then again I'd bet

You miss the girl*
               Who didn't need reassurance

now would be a great time to be here for me

i can't breathe
     i'm shaking
     i can't reach calm
     i'm all thoughts
     happening at the same time

i drew blood and i didn't want to

i'm usually okay
     if i find a distraction
     someone to make me forget the pain
     people say they'll be there
     but no one actually cares
     so i'm left alone

but when i'm alone too long
     i only inflict more pain as my rage grows
     no not rage
     numbness

numbness is all i feel

so i bring on the pain in hopes to feel real
     but it never really works
     never works only hurts

and when i feel this much hurt i get scared
     i don't know where to go

i just need you to hold me and tell me

to forget my mother
     forget my father
     forget my brother

forget my supposed friends who don't care
     don't know what it's like to be pushed this far

forget all the men in my life
     who like to shove me
     push me down
     and lean onto me
     lie on top of me
     to remind me how ******* powerless i am

forget my thoughts and my scars

because you are with me and all that matters
     is you'll never let me go

now would be a great time to be here for me

broken
‘perhaps we are broken together’
what a lie
you tried to tell me
‘we can fix each other’
i’ll give
as much to say that’s true
but you didn’t follow through
you picked up pieces
glued them together
for what
to “fix” only yourself
all you did was shatter
all that you held
in your hands

broken
we are not broken together
we are broken apart
i tried to tell you
but you never cared to listen
you stole for yourself
you know this much is true
that  you are so hollow through and through
you broke me to pieces
i had finally glued together
for what
because i was nothing
although you once cared
[all that matters now is
nothing]

This cage I keep myself in,
Out of habit I call it life.
I've come close to escape --
By both rope and knife.

I pace and I chase
Me and Myself,
Wishing to be
Almost anyone else.

Oh, babe, I'm so sorry.
You've come back but now
I'm the one leaving.
Of me breathing --
             *I don't know how

I looked out the window
Why the **** did I look out the window
I dropped by your class
Why the **** did I drop by your class
You're hair is certainly long enough now
You vain boy

You certainly have the body for it ;)

I saw your allstars and skinny jeans
Make their way across the lot
When you pulled in late
Was I too late or you
I'm still trying to decide who's the bigger
**** up

Can I get a picture tonight?

I watch the wind tousle it
Like I used to want to
I saw your varsity jacket
Covering your 'Cry merch' shirt
I caught you later too
Staring at me from across the room

I don't what to hurt you

You snap at me more lately
I hope they all gave you hell
I hate you're perfect hair
I hate you're crystal eyes
I hate that I still care about you
I hate that I can't take back what I gave you

So this is for you,
i think,
i don't even know anymore.
i want to cry.
i'm trying hard to not to.
i'm scared and afraid.
i've had better days,
but the number is small.
i'm so alone,
i don't want to go home.
i think i'm done.
no goodbyes, just a gun.
too bad i love you,
maybe i’ll see you soon.

insane
too much pain
need a drain
i am drained
no escape
prisoner
locked away
out in the open
exposed
hidden
invisible
see through
nothing.

breaking

is addicting

once you start

you never

s  t  o  p


breaking

You whisper into my ear at record pace
I could walk away but it would only start a chase
I whimper as you grab me and pull me back by my hair
Desperately I cast sideways glaces to avoid meeting your stare
I feel you pressing against me
Cocking
Your head in time with your gun
I hate how you always get me
Soaking
Trying to drown out my hearts thrum
Casting my thoughts to the angry tide
Needing to avoid your wild rides
Your highs too high and your lows bottomless
It's been years and I don't see a way out of this
You huff a laugh against the column of my throat
My mind within an ocean praying for a line or a boat
The cuts have been too deep
Your blood's mixed in with mine
I wish I could find peace through sleep
But you're still there behind my eyes

My lips are bleeding.
It's because you have kissed them.

I'm on fire
I'm burning and boiling
Melting apart piece by piece
My feet sink into the floor and I'm sweating off finger tips and teeth
I'm drowning in hellfire
Gulping down molten slush
That is somehow cooler to my touch
I'm all dried up and a puddle simultaneously
Scoop me up and drink

It's not okay.
It's not fair.
It's not deserved.
But as life goes on,
I hope you have
the strength and
the courage to
go with it.

Somehow you make me better
When you just talk to me, smile at me, text me
To know that you are there, that you care
Makes me believe
That there might be some sort of angel
Behind your blue eyes

You don't have to be perfect
You don't really need to try
I know I see some sort of angel
Behind your blue eyes

Cut off all my hair...
Pierce my face...
Hitchhike out to Seattle...

          You gave me up --
You can't stop me anymore.

call me something outside
outside of myself
beyond these walls
lined with my past
my tears and fears papering the ghost underneath them
call me something outside
and let the inside fade away
we can make it fake and flawless
this person i will become
call me something outside
forget where i was born
that i've been born
take me outside
let me see the dawn

Tell me again how I'm fat
Tell me again how I'm a *****
Tell me again how I'm an idiot
Tell me again how I'm scared and marked
Tell me again how I'm useless

                                         I'm fast approaching 90lbs
                                         I'm practically a ******
                                         I'm in NHS and my GPA is high
                                         I'm a warrior wounded
                                         I'm a support group leader

Tell me again,
     because I already tell myself.
I'm so used to hearing lies,
      I'll believe them anyway.

Same tunes, my whole life
Welcome home, it's Sunday night

Colors pour into my eyes
And I leak out personality

S                          
O                F              
M               I                M
E                N               E
O               D
N
E

On a cold, brisk night like this,
There's no one else I'd rather miss.

Do you remember being so frigid
We had only each other for warmth?
Lying in the damp orchard grass,
Counting stars and counting laughs...

There is nothing we could not do,
Us together -- just me and you.

The clock struck midnight, one, then two,
Still we stayed, the whole night through.

The sky is blue
And I am hiding

The bright
The excitement
I'm too ordinary
For such things

The bite was probably the worst part
                      It rained everyday I thought about you
                      And poured everyday I tried not to
I ran for miles hoping to get close enough to see you
But you had left weeks prior
                      I couldn't scale even your shortest wall
                      Because there were already too many trying to climb it
                      So I've been waiting outside your door
                      Hoping you might remember your promise
                 And let me in
           Before another snake tastes my heel
     While I wait beyond your towering walls
Watching all the other girls you push fall

wrap this rubber band
around and around you hand

until it snaps or slices clean through

the tension a saw pressing deeper
the band longing for itself
wanting to be joined
but you've wrapped it so tightly
it won't come off

Accidentally slipped arsenic in my tea
Showed me how to drink poison, twice

Left me to the wolves, me, still a lamb

Painted a mask on a broken face
Blame me as it chips off and truth is seen

As you look into your one-way mirror
You frown when you can see your reflection
Me lost somewhere beneath the shards of glass

As you begin to rot, and blossom still
I try to quit my tea as your body fails you

Every time he says go **** yourself
I can't help but laugh at him
Not because it's preposterous
But because how could he know
How many times I've already tried

Every time I look at myself
I count up all my sins
Wishing my life were less boisterous
Wishing I had somewhere else to go
Maybe death -- I live like I've already died

I know this isn't a poem, so don't comment that, okay?

Love, love, love,
                          W. Hope