Back to the wall
Music playing
Something slowly arising
Preparing me to fall

Light and giddy
Swaying and saying
Words which stumble out
Sloshing and without
A drop of sense

Fingers tapping each tiny letter
Attempting to convey
The strangeness taking over
Wondering if it would get any better

Alas, it only gets worse
Before it gets better

Lying on the floor
Limbs stretched and curling back in
Laughter erupting in bursts from within
Wild, untamed and oh, what more
What more did come?

A loss of time,
All left in fog
Alone and lightly afraid
Yet thoughtless
Like a small child hearing a rhyme

Fragments
Moments of time
Glimpses into memory
Much left unseen

Slipping into sleep
In my head did I weep
For what I do not know
Kneading the carpet insecurely like dough

Awakened not an hour later
Stiff and unsure
Climbing to my bed
To rest my confused head.

- Jay M
September 6th, 2020

My soul cries
Curled in on itself
Adrift in the madness
Echoing in the dark
A call to any whom dare listen
Dare turn an ear

So cold, fingertips moving numbly
Lips moving
Pouring forth words like rain
Drowning and lifting
All at once
A child lost in a surging storm
Perhaps a tiny boat
In the ocean amidst a typhoon.

- Jay M
September 2nd, 2020

Days drag on and on
As they suffer within the blank walls
Given “care” and “aid”
Only to be harmed
No authority quite alarmed
Any sanity that was, since gone
Staggering those halls
The iron fists they forcefully obeyed

- Jay M
November 5th, 2021

Aching in my chest
Pain of loss
Yet who have I lost?

Running to the balcony
Laying on the edge
Looking at the stars
Taking the pain away...

Barely holding on
The demons I'm made of
Locking myself in
Letting them win
But I didn't stand a chance,
Did I?

They say they'll make you right
But they only make you worse

Long endless highway
Finally pulling to the streets
Intersection
Turning
Someone runs a red light
Braking, we're inches away from being hit.

Driving off like it was nothing
But I could have lost you
All of you...

Later
Sitting alone in the dark
One...two...three...
Four...five...six...
Used to take one
Now it takes six
Going over
But never under
Shaking uncontrollably
But I'll be okay
I'll still be alive...

I feel my heartbeat
Wondering when it will stop
Letting me go
Into the unknown

I swear I love you
But if I stay
I'll only destroy you...
That's all I ever do
To everyone I love...

Fighting to stay
Yet yearning to go
It all comes back to this
Doesn't it?

I can't take your hand
Mine are bound
Living a nightmare
Crying, aching,
Breaking
But somehow
I'm still here
I just want to hear you
Saying
"Lets go home.."

- Jay M
April 16th, 2019

GORE WARNING - The following contains language describing blood, gore, and death.


Take to the streets
Frozen black rivers
Flow no more
Then once more
Icy black veins
Leading to a dead cold highway
Nothing left to stay
All guilty on the floor
Shouldn't have opened the **** door

Play the song, broken chords
Walking across creaking floor boards
Just can't seem to take the reins
Move the paralyzed limbs
When looking into the eyes of the ******
Lurking just around the bend
Waiting for the prey to turn
And be fallen
Back to the floor
Blood on the door
Screaming, smothered, crawlin'
Drop like a fly
Hush, run, there's no more need to cry

Sprawled out along the canvas
Open and on display
Spilling forth the contents
Bringing the scene some color
Breathe a little life into the gloom
Damp and dark
A beautiful mess
A masterpiece

Artist gone, first piece done
For now there are none
To view the first for the gallery

Sirens wail
People pale
Push past the door
Witness the horror on the floor
Blood pooled around it
Sprayed on the wall behind it
Corpse with a permanent smile
Blood oozing out like syrup
Criss-crosses carved over the eyes
Game over for the poor soul

Chest sliced open down to the waist
Pulled open, ribs like an opened cage
Heart delicately cut out
Missing from the scene
Didn't go to waste
Could this have been lovers rage?
Such is for the authority to figure out
Not exactly serene
With the entrails on the floor
Revealing that more than one ***** left through the door

With the same care as the heart
Both kidneys missing
Leaving but ****** spaces
What anther strange part
Not to be dismissing
As a mother paces
Shocked and worry stricken
What has become of her family?
Her husband lay dead
Her daughter gone
Just as the young one said had said
Now it seemed she had fled
Never to return the next dawn..

- Jay M
May 5th, 2020

A great blanket atop the quiet homes
Flowing without fault or try
A beautiful grey gradient
From the heavens to the Earth
Cascading into the land
Rolling in without a sound

A veil ever lingering
Pierced by everything but nothing
Existing in what would appear to be a stand-still
Only to be moving ever so slowly
All about without any care or doubt

As the great body roams
There isn’t need to scream or cry
The sunlights reflection ever so radiant
Just softer than a grand hearth
To heat the frigid hand
That holds firmly to the ground

Surrounding the daily mingling
Noticing the hills and something
Just beyond the rocky hill
A call ever lowly
Unsure of the words to be made out

Chilling, perhaps even ghostly
Figures in the gleam
So calm and so serene
Taking in the morning glow
Before the fog will surely go

- Jay M
June 24th, 2021

Realistically,
How could I
Ever be close to good enough
For you?

You're kind,
Funny, thoughtful, sweet,
Adorable, caring,
Overall wonderful.

What am I
Compared to you?

- Jay M
September 6th, 2019

Finally letting go,
Finally letting them know,
Finally letting myself grow...

Not quite sure,
Yet going through,
Not knowing what lies on the other side.

Staying out of the world,
But looking in,
Viewing it all through the key-hole,
Enjoying the beauty I see,
Yet aching,
Remembering what I had,
Yearning to regain it,
Yet not feeling it...

- Jay M
April 1st, 2019

Darling, how did we go wrong?
Darling, was I too much?
I guess the problem is;
That I'm not her...
I'm not her...

Could she feel the way I feel for you,
Returned?
I guess the problem is;
I'm not her...
She's got pale skin, blonde hair, pretty rosy cheeks,
And I've got fair skin, brown hair,
Not what you wanted anymore...
I guess the problem is;
That I'm not her...
I'm not her...

- Jay M
December 20th, 2018

Approaching the day
Oh that day
Fate tempts
Yet I ignore it
Telling it
That was the past

Fear and excitement
This is something I can't escape from
No hiding
Pacing back and forth
Looking to the clock

Tick
       Tick
               Ticking

The days pass by
In the blink of an eye
Wait
I'm not ready
I'm not that strong
Not another year...

30....
Feeling my soul; so *****
Tainted
Dragging me down
To the depths of the unspeakable

1...
None, nothing
Inside I feel nothing
But everything all at once

2...
You raised me
Yet what do you know
Of my pain?

3...
A sea
Waves crashing down
Like everything I touch

4...
Knocking on the door
How could I do more?
I am in constant wonder

5...
Survive
That's all I have to do
Right?

6...
Fix
This
Mess

7...
Today is the day
Throw my life away
Or should I stay?

They sing
They dance
But they don't know

8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13...
14...

The day I planned
The day I longed for
Now fearing
Leering...

Plan ahead
Don't dread
It's all in your head
It's all in your head...

The past is the past
Don't cut the cord
It's not your place
To erase all you know

- Jay M
April 30, 2019

Seeing you
Sitting there
Strumming away
Glancing at me
But saying nothing.

A question here
A song sung there
But still I wonder;
Where is here?

People pass
Day after day
Jealousy of a friend
But what does it matter?
I dare not ruin the friendship
Not a chance.

Still I wish to come close
To hear your heartbeat
The rhythm
Somehow perfectly
Matching the tune
You play

Confused
Sure
But I still try to navigate myself...

Just looking
At you
Kills me
Even filling me back with energy...

- Jay M
April 11th, 2019

Comfort
A smooth fluidity,
A delicate touch,
Nothing but tranquility
Nothing is too much

A voice so soft
An energy so sweet
Lying in the grass
In the shade, avoiding heat

Scent so alluring
Lulling into sleep
Here there isn't a need to weep
A hand reassuring
Dreams reccurring

Come, rest here
One calls, ever near
Rest here and sleep,
My darling dear,
Do not weep,
Rest, and sleep.

- Jay M
October 1st, 2021

For my love I have a plan
So much to do - oh man
This plan so grand
For so long I have planned -
Now to spill
Oh, what a thrill!

So much to do
And all for you
My love, I don’t mind
But oh time I’m not sure I can find
Ah, oh well!
All shall be swell!
After all, it is for you that I fell.

First I must clean the house;
I must sweep the downstairs,
My anxiety I must dowse
Oh but who cares

I must sweep the porch and walkway,
Tell him, “Come, go this way!”
No dust at his feet
Take him inside and from the heat

I must clean the table,
Oh I hope I am able
Make sure on my feet I’m not unstable
Oh my dizzy spells
Are tiny hells

I must clean the placemats,
Shoo away the pesky cats
Little things get their fur everywhere
Oh but who gives a care

I must clear the clutter from the piano,
Think of my friend the soprano
She’s a good singer
But slow to answer her ringer

Then I must decorate;
Oh this house no one shall hate
Besides I, I suppose
Oh, I think I’ll give him a rose!

I must put the carpetes on the piano,
Nevermind the soprano
What a voice
On the carpetes I can put flowers or candles
With no handles
Oh what a choice!

I must place the smooth stones and flowers in the walkway,
Make them say, “Hey, come this way!”
Inviting him in
Oh, his heart I did win
This is a celebration of my love
Just for my Love

I must place the stool by the door,
Place his card on it and oh not the floor
Hope he likes it and keeps it
Hope he knows I am of wit

I must put the ribbon downstairs,
I don’t know if he cares
But I certainly do
Oh Love, I do this all for you

Next I must cook and bake;
I must make the steak,
Get the recipe from my stepdad
Oh I sure hope he’s glad
I can make this myself
And have a picture on the shelf

I must make the mashed potatoes,
No, I won’t touch the tomatoes
Those are for next week
Not my dinner to cook
I’m not that weak
I can be a good cook

I must bake the brownies,
They say you can smell them for counties
I hope they taste sweet
And not like feet

Finally I must get myself ready;
I must shower, clean my hair and body,
So I’m not still plastered with sweat
Oh and I bet
You’ll just look so good
Just like I know you would

I must wear something nice,
No, it will not be of high price
If it were I would leave it hanging
Like the photographs overhanging
In my room
Where roses bloom

I must do something with my hair,
Not that anyone would care
None but I
Still I try

I must put my lotion on,
This cracked flesh it must go upon
To heal me
Of this eczema I wish to be free

After all that;
I will give my arm a pat
An indication for him to take it
This great planning a display of my wit
I shall walk him to the door
Read him the card then read no more

Escort him inside
The dogs both aside
Have him pick a seat
While ready is the potatoes and tender meat
To be served
I supposed I would be observed
As I bring him a plate
Oh this is so great!

Ask him if he would like a drink
Once poured, our glasses will clink
A sign of good fortune and luck
And as I gaze into those eyes, I am lovestruck

We shall dine
Oh this heart of mine
Beating loudly in its cage
As tonight I have taken center stage
And brought all the light just for my Love

After we dine,
After I gaze into those eyes divine,
I bring out dessert
It won’t be too hot, so it won’t hurt

Once dessert is through
I’ll look to you
And ask what you would like to do

A movie, perhaps?
Seated side by side, a blanket on our laps
My hand in yours
Holding me, this ensures
My mind may wander
Oh the things that silently ponder
Whilst I am by your side.

- Jay M
January 30th, 2020

Fear to joy,
Sorrow to cheer,
How could this happen here,
In my heart,
Once broken,
Now mending,
Pending,
I'll be fine at last,
This won't be buried in the past,
Here we go,
Trial after trial,
Let's see where this one goes.

- Jay M
January 28th, 2019

Fallen into madness
Descended into the void
Voyage into the faded
Encapsulate me,
It encapsulates me

Eyes dull and dreary
Voice unsure, and weary
Other times flat, monotone
Even as polished stone

Awake as in slumber
Mind but a dull roar
Full of fog, and mist
Something of a swamp

Seep into the ground
I am buried there
Sink into my bones
Perhaps then they wouldn't be so cold

Unfeeling, no sense upon the keys
Words seem but strange suggestions

For what is time?
Unending, unbending,
Yet curved and looped as string
Jumbled together, tangled

Float with my soul
Float in the waters of the world
Scarcely tethered, held by a thread
Adrift, we are adrift

Walk, forward we move
Into the vast curiosities

Speak, speak to me
Tell me things, knot of words
Decipher them, my brain might
Slow to process
Mull it over
The strangeness of it all

Flesh, it is chilled
Ice to the touch
Cold, they call it cold
But cold is a feeling
One, in which, I lack
Deprived of physical sense
Touch my hand, take it,
I feel only bones.

- January 17th, 2023

One night, as the hours grew late
It would seem it were a stroke of fate
Two so eagerly awake, eager to in, take
But a moment of the others time
Despite all reason or rhyme
To sleep or otherwise be occupied
Though others they may have defied
All became well in paradise

- Jay M
October 21st, 2021

Stolen sanity
Nightmares ooze reality
Invisible vampires
Drain all energy that remained
Now left running on fumes

A zombie left to wander
What ruins had been left behind
A husk, void of all humanity
Cold even beside raging fires
Spark and burned
Lesson learned

What was there to gain
From throwing out one allowed so close?
Dancing in empty rooms
To a broken melody
Movements sharp
Like the knife between the shoulder blades

One day
Truth shall come riding in
Like the break of dawn
Driving back the cruel lies
Aiding soulful cries

- Jay M
January 6th, 2021

Heaviest armor
Made of steel
I was a farmer
Of what I thought was real
Sometimes
The war wounds don’t heal the same…

Upon a steed
Swift and strong
I swear
I won’t be long
Riding in
Shield and sword
My armor isn’t thin
And I hear the silver chord…

Clashing blades
Screaming wildly
The charade is up
It’s all going up
In fire and smoke
And they’ll croak
For mercy, mild
Oh no, not from this child
No more!

This is war!

Upon a steed
Swift and strong
I swear
I won’t be long
Riding in
Shield and sword
My armor isn’t thin
And I hear the silver chord…

Plowing through
The days gone by
Hiding out
I dream of you
In the minutes I try

Up again
They’re battle torn
Slain by my sword
Horror is born

This is war!

Clashing blades
Screaming wildly
The charade is up
It’s all going up
In fire and smoke
And they’ll croak
For mercy, mild
Oh no, not from this child
No more!

This is war!

Calling out
Friend gone down
Filled with doubt
I go around
I hold them close…
I hold them close…

They look to me
Tears in their eyes
Gripping my hand
I hold it tight
“Please,”
I scream,
“Don’t go to the light!”
I hold them close…

Pounding heart
Sinks in
Lose their grip…
They’ve gone…
Tears in my eyes
I stand tall
Cradle them in my arms
And I scream;
“THIS IS WAR!!!”

Lay them down
I bow my head
Close their eyes
Shelter them…
Then I run

This is war!

Clashing blades
Screaming wildly
The charade is up
It’s all going up
In fire and smoke
And they’ll croak
For mercy, mild
Oh no, not from this child
No more!
No more!

Rage coursing through my veins
It takes control
I mount again, take the reins
Flames in my soul
There’s no way
I’m going down!

This is war…
This is war!

Upon a steed
Swift and strong
I swear
I won’t be long
Riding in
Shield and sword
My armor isn’t thin
And I hear the silver chord…
They fell around me
I thought I won
But then, it was he
Who struck me down
Drove it through
My armor…
It wasn’t strong at all…

And I fell
And I fell
And I fell…

On the field
There I lay
Sword and shield
Thrown astray
And I…
Was so naive…
As the light faded from view…
All I thought of…
Was you.

- Jay M
September 19th, 2019

So too flows the river
Impure, of sunken iron
Floating leaves on smooth
Tranquil surface of
Endless water

Smooth river stones,
Green droplets along tops
Of eager ripples
Surely knowing
In their babbling flowing
Where they shall eventually pool

- Jay M
June 23rd, 2022

Causing them so much frustration
Wanting me to be their perfect little princess
But that's the one thing I'll never be

Why do they put pressure on me?
Expecting everything to be easy
And for me to be so oblivious to them
What they say
What they whisper
Behind my back

You should love me for being myself
Let me be who I am
It's torturing me
That I can't break free
From the expectations
Limitations

Not a stranger to the lies
When our eyes meet
I do not wish to be afraid
I do not wish to be a disappointment
Even though I already am

These scars wouldn't be so hidden
If you would just look me in the eye
I want to be safe in your embrace
Not threatened to  be caged
Far from all I know

I am alone
In this house
Barely heard
Tears that cannot drip
Yet crash like rain
A hurricane of pain

The violence causes silence
From it
The ashes stir
Who are we mistaken?

With their words
And their actions
And their lack of empathy
Another will is breaking
Heart takes over

Inside
They are writhing in agony
Bottling the truth
And giving it to the ocean
Forever lost
Yet always there
Waiting to be found

Their way
Or no way
Just keep quiet
They won't suspect a thing
When you disappear...

- Jay M
April 22nd, 2019

How can this be
"Happy birthday" to me
When anxiety and fear
Has been so near
And now finally upon me?

It feels as though there is something to flee
But what, I know not
Possibly just a passing thought
That this day was so ominous
The potential for darkness
But all that lingers is confusion
Were my anxieties but an illusion?

Wishes to me from those around
But I can only hear one sound
A heartbeat
Then the patter of feet
Upon the hardwood floor
A knocking at the door
"Happy birthday to you!"
Everywhere I turn
But it's anything but-

It feels as though I'm being suffocated
Drowned out and forced down
Into a seat
In front of a small burning heat
Just to listen to them sing
While I sweat a ring
Then extinguish it
Have a bit
Of the sweet below it

Smile for the camera
Watch them as they smother you
Tell you what to say and do
Some say the
Best things come in time
Say a little rhyme
Until the day comes to an end.

- Jay M
May 7th, 2020

My Perspective

Ghosts;
There are many kinds
Those that appear in images and audio
And those that appear in our minds
That haunt us to our cores
Plaguing us
With flashbacks, fears, insecurities
Issues with trust, issues with companionship;
Whatever it may be
These ghosts never leave us be
Not a moment to rest
And when they give us that moment
It disappears in an instant
Vanishing as soon as it had come
Not to be seen for a time yet.

~

My Mother's Perspective

An entity that may or may not exist
A shadow, or a lingering spirit
Such has been debated for ages
Yet, the question is; what do I believe?
There could be such
The soul of a person lingering in a place of importance
Trapped in a memory they had
Possibly keeping people away
Possibly inviting them to stay
Such is unclarified
Unverified
Left for us to be believers,
Or skeptics.

~

My Sister's Perspective

Yes, they are all around us!
Dreams so wondrous,
Nightmares of the dangerous,
Hidden in photos
Detected in sound
Things move when nobody is around
Keys turning
Spirits yearning
For communication
Destination
Freedom from repetition
Or just a friendly hello
A familiar song on the cello.


- Jay M
November 21st, 2019

Long ago,
Childish conflicts
Words like foolish
Briefly stinging slaps
To overly confused hands
Confrontation came,
Of course it did
For once, long ago
We were foolish kids

Strangers ever since
I know of you,
You know of me
That is all
That the years have been
Perhaps that is all
That shall ever be

Yours is an odd memory
That sometimes crosses
Into the field of my mind
For it was always puzzling
Even now, as we sit
In a room to learn
You sit in the back,
Not to observe and attack,
Like when you were a child,
No, just to sit, just sit
Perhaps still with a spirit
Playful, but mature
You’re upbeat, but know better
I hope the years have done you well

Occasionally, I’ll catch
Just a glimpse,
A little glance
Why, complex one,
Do you glance my way?
Do you remember
The days long ago
When we were kids?
Or do you wonder
Just as I do
What time has changed?

Still, I see you there
You puzzle me,
Person I once knew
You puzzle me,
You always do.

- Jay M
April 29th, 2022

Running to and fro
Can't let the stress go
Assignments piled up
Due so soon
All loom over me
My impending doom

Spanish, P.E., Creative Writing,
Journalism, English, Biology
And Finally; Math
These grades I'm fighting
I can't get it done chronologically
Can't stick to one path
Scattered mind
Struggling to find
The answers I seek.

Tell me, how do I survive?
How do I thrive,
In a world where I am behind?

Working to hard,
Keeping it fresh in my mind
Making a flashcard
To help me find
What I left behind
A week and a half ago
Right out the window
Now I need to go back
Through the window
For the information I lack.

- Jay M
January 8th, 2020

You strumming your guitar,
While I play my Irish whistle,
A beautiful and strange duet,
Filling the air,
Turning heads here and there,
For now,
What could I have to regret?

Then, another speaks,
Stops the music,
Reality hits,
Then it come creeping back,
The anxiety,
The worry,
Out of nowhere;
RING!

Walking swiftly away,
For some reason,
Glancing back,
Seeing you looking back at me,
Then I turn, run a bit,
Hide in the crowd,
Fearing that if I look back,
You'll catch up,
Asking me if it were true;
If I've been thinking about you...

- Jay M
April 12th, 2019

You may break me,
You may lie to my face,
But never, never harm my friends.
Whether it be in the physical,
Or mental form,
None shall come to them,
You shan’t lay a mere finger upon them.

If you dare, consequence shall find you,
Hunt you down as though you were prey,
Maybe you should pray,
If you wish not to perish at my hand.

I’ll always chase you for your lies,
There’s really no escaping until I die,
You must brace for battle in the night,
It’s merely a game of waiting,
The return of the ******,
The torturer shall become the deceased,
Join them now; such is your fate,
If you dare bring harm upon my friends.

- Jay M
December 13th, 2018

Worlds collide
Creatures indestructible
Consuming the invisible
The land of the water bear

- Jay M
June 5th, 2019

Running
                       f    o
                          r    m
                         ­                 MYSELF

- Jay M
July 10th, 2019

Never
Finished

Never
Done

Always

                             Pa         t
                                    r               l
                                              ia

The front door was open
They walked in
Gunning down the residence
One by one
Loosening their grip on the world
Drifting out of consciousness
They lost a lot of blood

I thought I made a promise
But I guess no promise is kept
Not anymore

They said I could do anything
Well
What about nothing?


- Jay M
May 21st, 2019

Cities, all empty and dark,
Towns long abandoned,
But there is one place,
With a light of silver,
Flowers blooming,
Stone so beautiful...

A graveyard;
The empire of the dead,
Filled with the pale light of the moon,
Beams gentle and forgiving,
Soothing and connecting,
The souls so broken,
The flesh so tormented,
Here they rest.

Telling their tales,
Singing their songs of woe,
Expressing their moments of life,
Possibly their moments of inner death,
Bound forever in the minds...

Dancing, brooding,
To each their own...

Here I walk,
These filled, yet empty streets,
Glancing at these wonders,
These fallen warriors,
So bold, yet not very old...

Beautiful silence,
Beautiful pain,
Lost in all of the mistakes,
Slowly fading from the misery,
Unable to stay,
Yet unable to leave...

- Jay M
March 25th, 2019

A story retold
Memories brought back
Flashbacks and pain
A deep guilt resurfaced

Consuming
Long festering beneath the skin
At last coming to the surface
To take control
Puppeting me around
To its will

Through pain
Nightmares
An aching from guilt and shame
Comes eventual strength
Or so I'm told...

- Jay M
August 28th, 2019

Wind whistling
Storm raging
Running through the night

Prowling through the dense grasses
Guns loaded
Cocked and ready to fire
In position
Awaiting the command to fire

A camisado
Bursting into the night
Bullets a cascade
Shells raining down
Crying out into vastness

When all is over and lost
Daylight ends
All turns back
To the time of chaos

Running and screaming
One is numb
Walking when all else havoc
Lost in the madness
Crawling across the ground
Into hiding
Then
Pounding of a skull
Over and over
Yet
There is no marks
Only pain

After the battle
After the war
The private battle scars
Salty rivers flow
Carving canyons
Which soon fade
Back to plains
Found and coaxed out
Wrapped in warmth
Fed comfort
Yet
Internally
It is rejected

Information
Flowing in
A holding of the hand
A little fragile
O the one
Trying to go down
Found and halted
Escaping
Captured and taken
Gone away

Time later
Still haunting
Flashbacks
Festering and consuming
Until nothing is left
But the vastness.

- Jay M
September 10th, 2019

Why do I try?
Why do I carry on
When I can barely go on?
Every breath
Every footstep
Each is forced

Nights of restlessness
Only a few hours of rest
Of peace
Turned quickly away
Ushered back to reality.

- Jay M
May 6th, 2019

She's fallen from grace,
Her mind's all over the place,
How can she keep running this endless race?

Fantasize the happiness,
Put aside the loneliness;
Making the same mistakes again,
Don't know where she belongs...

Broken inside, with no place to go,
Dried out her eyes,
Open yours;
The feelings she hides,
Falling behind,
Every moment; remind, relive, repeat,
Lost in the silence,
Lost inside,
The land inside...

Dark and damp,
Awaiting a savior,
Someone, reach to her...
Is there anybody out there...?

No, not even the remains of the family,
Torn apart...

She cries tonight,
Wondering what she can do;
Another pill,
Another drink,
Another fake smile,
She lives her worst nightmares...

She cries, she lies,
She's on memories that she once knew,
Then there's another empty bottle on the floor,
Not hers...

Every night, just one more night,
She tries so hard to go on..

Dried eyes, there's nothing more she can do...
The daughter that they hardly knew...
Once so innocent,
Now so far gone...

- Jay M
April 2nd, 2019

Yearning
Tempted so
Just a drop
A little hint
A moment to flee these things
Colliding in my mind
Leaving nothing untouched

Just a second
Just a time
For one such as I
To unwind
To come clean
Then all that hear
To forget
And just love
Despite ones failure
Despite ones mistakes
Despite ones awful thoughts
To understand
To empathize
With open-mindedness
And acceptance
Beyond what can be placed into words

One slip up
One mistake
Remembered
But there are one too many
Overtaking the brain
Spewing rage from each
Onto the cause
Making all worse
Slowly killing one
Until it is no more.

- Jay M
October 8th, 2019

Dolor;
O, quam potens sit
Sine misericordia
Non unciae

Hic ego pono
Contritum et cruentis
Reliquit meum cogitationes
In aeternum solus
In aeternum mittitur ad tenebras

Culpa plagis meus valde et anima
Numquam me dimittere
Cuniculus in carne mea
Sculptura se nidum sanguinis et os

- Jay M
May 21st, 2019

English translation:

Pain;
Oh, how powerful it be
Without an ounce
Of Mercy

Here I lay
Broken and bleeding
Left to my own thoughts
Forever alone
Forever cast to darkness

Guilt plagues my very soul
Never to let me go
Tunnel into my flesh
Carve itself a nest of blood and bone.

- Jay M
May 21st, 2019