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12.1k · Nov 2018
Chains -
Shea Nov 2018
I walk with a straggle,
The chains become tighter with
Every step.
You see, this is my reason for
Giving up.

"You hold the key
to your own shackles"

I can set myself free,
With what ambition,
when my hands are tied?
What's the point of changing
When I've lied
For them to Believe I'm fine?

They say you can change,
They say it's possible to Believe
In something other than pain.
For this, I won't give up.
For this, I'll keep going
Until my hands don't reach
As low as my shackles hang.
2.8k · Feb 2019
Paper Bag
Shea Feb 2019
You thought I was a bird,
But I am just a paper bag.
Shea Nov 2018
I have a problem, you see.
I own objects like blankets
I cannot sleep without,
Headphones 4 inches thick
To cancel the noises that
Wake up every nerve in my body
That make me shake and bite my nails

I own stubs for fingers
With cuts and chewed skin.
They run across my forehead
To stop the thoughts from occurring.

I count,
Correct the other side
When someone touches my skin.
I make sure every first letter
In the next line of poetry
Is capitalized,
Cause that's a rule.

I agonize over small things
Because as a kid,
No one helped me.
I was too nervous to play in the hose
Or turn on the shower
Because my family would drown.
The ritual began even then.

At 6 I could not play baseball
Because in the outfield
I would tic and make my nose bleed.

I can't even breathe without
Bothering this disease.
One lung does not fill up like the other,
And I get dizzy.

I have a scar on my forehead
From completing this ritual for years.
I fear
And feel.
Why do I fall victim to this disease?
God, I would pray but my hands can hardly
Touch each other without the horrible feeling.
Shea Nov 2018
"Crane my neck and scratch my name"
You've drawn too close to me
You see,
You're a drug
I need a hit
A lick or sip
To satisfy my habit
Laugh at it
Or live it
Either way you've---

I need to change
And not blame
My silly problems
I know I've got em'
But no one else needs to know
Cause if they know
They seem to blame
Not the one at fault
But the one playing my game
Themselves
They forget
Their innocence in all of this
I don't want to hurt anybody
But it seems like I do
If I don't hold it in somehow
Then I will be the one who
Hurt everyone
And that---

I could keep dragging on
I could write a thousand lousy songs
To show you
Cause my actions never
Run the circle
I feel like a liar
Someone you despise or
Like a bug
Or feeding off of you
Like a parasite
I feel I might
Ask if you want me to leave
I know I love you,
But do you love me?
My worried soul
Needs to know--
1.4k · Mar 2019
Tomorrow is my birthday
Shea Mar 2019
Tomorrow is my birthday,
The eve of spring is upon us.
Tomorrow is my birthday, and
I'm still ignored by friends
Wishing that a friend
Would at least
Say "Happy Birthday."
I don't think my wish will come true.
My mouth acted faster than my head
And I screamed before
I could know what I done
And you just stood there,
Making fun.
You never took the time to understand why
Well, neither did my parents so
Who ******* cares?
I'm sorry
I'll **** it up
And fake nice
If it means my birthday
Won't be so bad
1.0k · Feb 2019
Untitled
Shea Feb 2019
I could run away or stay
Living like a moth to a flame.
I always try to chase the light,
But the light has burned out.
And these days I'm stuck in old ways,
So where a light used to be
Is where I sit patiently
In the dark
Hoping for a flickering flame.
960 · Apr 2019
I'm not a good person
Shea Apr 2019
I'm not a good person,
It's not too hard to see.
It's pouring from my sweatglands
And lingering in my sleep.

I'm not a good person,
It's pretty obvious to see.
Cause everthing you tell me,
I seem to believe.
911 · Nov 2018
11/19/18
Shea Nov 2018
I close my eyes and sing
With my heart;
I don't move my lips.
No sound escapes
But it rings in my ears
Taking away
From all my fears.
In this moment I am free
In this moment I can sing
In this moment all I feel,
Is this embracing me.
837 · May 2020
The Quaran(teen)
Shea May 2020
I woke up with a craving, but staying inside
Will save me from the world.
My tired eyes itch like a sweater,
I give up in a curl, and enjoy the colder weather.
Work the nerve to get up, it’s brave.
In my cave, I’d rather stay.
My feet touch the ground,
My ears are delighted by the sound
Of those ready to greet me, it’s me.
Staring steady in the mirror,
Observing the inches that have tightly stretched
Into a larger face.
I’ve shed this skin twice, the third will be the charm!
Wash my hands, cook, wash my hands, clean, wash my hands
Run them through my hair, wash, do, wash, fix, wash, wash, stop.
And the days roll by like numbers.
669 · Mar 2019
Psychosis or
Shea Mar 2019
Yes but you are merely
A glass of water to an ocean
That's already full
And doesn't need your help
And I am the carrier of viruses
And mindfulness
That spread like a rumor
In a schoolgirl clique
These voices growing louder
As I give in to them
And create new characters that
Tell me just to do it
Like CB
They tell me
In my head
Just do it
And I shiver and growl
Cause once you go insane
There is no coming down
I'm about to break and two people are fighting over my body
566 · Jan 2019
Tulip in a Cup
Shea Jan 2019
Like a moth
I'm drawn to the flame
Where I keep getting burned
I'm hurting in my soul.

My fingers are cut
My voice is weak
If there's anything left,
It was gone last week
551 · Dec 2018
Quotes: 8:26 PM
Shea Dec 2018
We hate the pills the we're prescribed,
But love the ones that get us high.
517 · Feb 2019
These days
Shea Feb 2019
Lay your hands
Upon my chest
So I
Can finally be healed
Of all my sins
And endeavors I've
Faced so long
And I
Give up my life
I still want to die
Even after you showed me to fly
Eye for an eye
Taste for a taste
And **** for a ****
Leave me alone
I lay on the levy of a bank
Concrete death snd stricken of faith
The metal will caress my skin tonight
As I
Pray for one last change

Time can alter your eyes
And blind the blind
Behind your eyes
The feeling of being cynical
Jaded, faded, haven't felt sober in a year
Even though she never did
Any drugs
Watch yourself live
Your own life
Baptize and color blind
Never live
Once will die,
I will I will I will
Feel the same again
There is no cure
Except for you
And you left us years ago
When we killed your son
Shunned you like
A runaway
I want to run away
Want you to go away
These days
490 · Sep 2021
Storm
Shea Sep 2021
I wanted you
To love
To care for
To show you
How it felt.
I wanted to feel it with you.
And as I stare at everyone else,
I remember you.
Spent too much time figuring out
What I did wrong,
I forgot to move on.
480 · Jan 2019
When it comes around
Shea Jan 2019
I did myself today
Woke up and felt okay
I did myself today
Stood up and put on perfume
I did myself today
Walked out and felt okay
I did myself today
Broke down and made this..song
Lyrics to a song I recorded. If you want the full lyrics just comment below, not that anyone would.
479 · Jan 2019
Russian Roulette
Shea Jan 2019
"Living life like
Russian roulette with an automatic."

You're gonna leave,
I hate you for that,
But I love you for it too.
I'm gonna miss you,
God..I'll miss you so much.

Until then,
And most likely after,
I'll live life
Like I'm spinning a cylinder
With the Reaper.
465 · Apr 2021
I Will Rise
Shea Apr 2021
Pretty girl
You're afraid, you child
You're gaining weight upon those shoulders
Shoulders used to be bone
Grown muscle
And your heart lost its size

You're no longer small,
Though you feel it.
You miss it.

But your talons
Were ready to strike for years,
Now it's time to spread your wings.
458 · Dec 2018
Idle Hands
Shea Dec 2018
The devil plays
With idle hands,
And makes them do the devils dance.
For this I hardly stand a chance,
Cause my idle hands have begun to dance.
448 · Aug 2021
The Ocean
Shea Aug 2021
The waves of these oceans
Crash upon my drowning body.
Seeing patterns in the sun,
Slowly slipping from the reality
I've been placed in.

As water fills my lungs, I dig for open land
But water fills my open hands,
And I know what to expect.

Let's dissect this thought process.
I understand now that my slowly slipping mind will leave me drowning in the fear
Of peers fearing for me.
I'll begin to Forget things they said,
And things I love as this insanity consumes me.
Shea Mar 2019
The 5 stages of grief and loss are:
1. Denial and isolation;
2. Anger;
3. Bargaining;
4. Depression;
5. Acceptance.

I lay on you, and breathe in the smell
Of your hair, feel the small vibrations
Of your laugh resonating the soft felt pews.
I tell myself I will remember this forever,
So when I miss you, I can still feel you.
The mood grows serious,
The vibrations of your voice shrink down
To a whisper, and crumble
Like rocks beneath a hammer.
"When I die," you say,
Fleeing every so called good feeling felt
Away from this place.
"You're going to get bear,
But I can't tell you what you're getting yet."
She tells us.
Me.
Him.
The only ones here who know.
You told me yesterday, yes you did.
I smiled, I cried, I cussed at God,
I cried again, I bargained,
But I still did not accept.
I smiled and told you it would be okay.
But I think I know deep down inside
That you know deep inside
It might not be okay.
It came back. It's here, in this room,
Inside you.
And I keep making up scenarios where
Someone has asked me
"Would you do this thing if it meant she lived?"
And I always say yes no matter how
****** up the action may be.
Maybe this is the bargaining.
You're not dead yet, but ****
It feels like it.
It will be years.
I'm sure of it.
But I'm just so scared, babe.
I'm so scared.
No one so young should be labeled
With an experation date,
A summarization of how long their life
Will be.
No one.
435 · Nov 2018
Quotes: 12:29 am
Shea Nov 2018
You hold the key to your own shackles.
409 · Sep 2020
The Devil's Armada
Shea Sep 2020
A questionable cause,
conformed in my mind
Poisoned solutions
And pollution behind my eyes
Behind those eyes
I used to know
What I was like

A scratch to see what's underneath
A familiar smell
Of bleak recollections

Wish life repeated level headed

The devil's armada
Subliminal poison
387 · Apr 2019
X #3
Shea Apr 2019
The biggest wings I've seen,
Lay comatose on your shoulders,
Held down by the weight.
The weight of your own body
Causing it's own fatality.

They yearn to stretch
And fly and play,
But you have to pay.
You've got nothing left to give,
And all we wish
Is for you to live.
Who knew half an inch
Could do this damage?
Emotional famine,
I cannot cry.
I haven't figured out why.
All I can do is try
To not let it get to me,
You see,
I love you with all my heart.
All I want is your wings to stretch
And fly
I still have yet to figure out why.
Why you?
368 · May 2019
Quotes 9:52 PM
Shea May 2019
Does the sun shine after the rain?
368 · Nov 2018
RUN
Shea Nov 2018
RUN
I tap on my forehead
The middle is where it starts
I tap on the floorboards
Therefore my mind leaks
Through the floorboards.
Comatose
Most know the idea
By most I mean me
You see, no one knows
That all I touch breaks.
366 · Nov 2018
Living with a shiv
Shea Nov 2018
My mind is filled with scraps of poetry
The words he owes to me
I will never get back
The fact I failed to submit
Shows I'm only bones
And the range of the water
I have been given
Has out lived the living
But the waves of the yesterdays
Like blue days of a dream
The scheme of things have played out
My food for thought
Was laid out
On the couch where we said
Monsters hide at night in bed
And tell you to give up the dream
Of winning faith and dying clean
And if the thing of things must be
The living clean
The way I live
Or never have lived
Could not hold up the way of the shiv
And if the living hope to live
Or love or all
Then washing over once was dry
Will flood the eyes of beggars choicey
366 · Nov 2018
Downfall
Shea Nov 2018
My mind has left me
Nothing but puddles
For me to clean up
After a downfall.

This is the downfall
Of us all
Or it's just me
Falling to pieces
As I see this world
Getting nothing but worse.
360 · Apr 2019
The effects of April 22nd
Shea Apr 2019
And as the room begins to brighten
I'm enlightened by a soft touch
of bones easily dislocatable
And sensitive to touch
And even though those bones slip
From their holes
The floor holds them before me
So delicate and worn
I've sworn that I'll swallow my disease
Digest it, spit it up before you have
To see it acting up
But today was different
You watched my ears close and head shake
With blood down my nose
Sweat on my clothes
From holding it back.
I'm sorry you had to see it
See it act up.
343 · Jan 2019
Twas, was, is, or as.
Shea Jan 2019
Everytime something happy happens,
I find myself worrying about
What might happen next.

For example, twas an early day,
Writing ******* poetry with words like "Twas" "Was" "is" or "as"
Things seemed to be deemed good
For at least a week or two.

Low and behold,
The wound.
The inevitable part of life that Happens when everything
Is goin' good.

So twas' the night before the wound,
A jaded child lay
Unaware of the doom.
338 · Jun 2021
Summer 2021
Shea Jun 2021
I laid in bed all day
I can't be here any longer
I wake up just to stare
At my face for a minute in the mirror

I'm travelling 'cross
The miles stretched across my face
And the marathon my fingers run
Across my expanding body

And in my dreams while i'm awake
I see this brown haired girl
Even though there is no face
I know that she is beauty and grace
And while i drive
I hold the hand
Of someone who does not exist
And taste the smell
Of somebody who only lives inside
The cracks of my brain

And maybe she is me
Cause i'm the only one
So far that could love myself
As much as I deserve
And I deserve more
335 · Jan 2021
Silver Tongue
Shea Jan 2021
I open myself
Beware of silver tongues
The devil places
People in your life
Just as the Angels do

She took a part of me
She knew exactly what she was doing
With my soul
And I, young
Not jaded enough
Fell into the well
I fell into being used
But you didn't get much, huh?

She wasted her time
With someone who presented
Such a simple mind
But if she couldn't dig deep and find
The person I've been trained to hide
She wasn't worth my time
Then why can't I get this demon
From my head?

I've tried
Yet the memories
My brain rings embarrassing
Replay to me at night
Did I truly think I had a chance?
With 100 pounds of nonsense?
Sure, I tried
Forget that waste of time
In time,
I'll forget that waste of time
321 · Mar 2019
X Number two
Shea Mar 2019
Every time you faint
I feel a piece of me die
I love you with all my heart
And you're the only person
That I know for sure,
I love.
What did you ever do to deserve
All these diseases?
Nothing.
You've done nothing to go through this
And that's what I hate.
All you've ever done is heal
And bless other people.
So I'm sorry life never blessed you.
316 · Apr 2019
Changing styles soon?
Shea Apr 2019
People message me and say
"Your poetry is oh so sad."
Well, until something new
Comes along to write about,
I'll continue to write like this
As I sit and S̶c̶r̶e̶a̶m̶.  I mean, quietly whisper
My poetry into paper.
Not necessarily a poem.
313 · Jun 2021
I was 15.
Shea Jun 2021
Warm weather
Come together
Larvae grows in the water that collects
Underneath the house
I'm using you to,
Hate myself.
I feel like you might love me
If I choke on what you have to offer
312 · Nov 2018
3 a.m Sunday Morning
Shea Nov 2018
Don't bet the Devil your head
You'll end on the crossroads
Where you met
Asking for it back,
But he'll never return your favor.
Better savor sanity while you got it
Cause you sure glorified insanity,
Bettin' the Devil your head.
292 · Mar 2019
Untitled
Shea Mar 2019
No one is alive.

And when you wake up to a scream,
Forget it.
It's me, making you, after making me.

Choke on blood.

My opinion is invalid,
Declined like your debit card.

Your opinion is biased by
Having never been loved
Or listened to in youth.

You're not my problem,
Do not think I won't stab you
In the front too.
285 · Jan 2019
Quotes 5:25 PM
Shea Jan 2019
The pain of a death lasts another lifetime.
285 · Apr 2019
Living This Way
Shea Apr 2019
There's a few ways of living
I don't like to live
This
Way
If living like this means
Laying on the couch
Pitying myself
For all of my problems
Then I don't wanna live
This
Way
I've got a drink in my hand
And whiskey in a bottle
Tiring myself
I'm too tired to swallow
If whiskey is my pride
Then I swig the whole bottle
Tastes so good but I'm
Too tired to swallow
I don't wanna live
This
Way
Well like they say
You need to change yourself
I want to live
That
Way
285 · Jan 2019
Mold
Shea Jan 2019
I'm like mold,
Growing and infecting
Everything in my path.
Feed on the dying,
**** off the living.
I'm not a good person,
It's not that hard to see.

I'm like mold,
Growing and infecting
Everything in my path,
And when they find me out,
Like an apple picked too late,
I'm afraid they'll look down,
And throw me in the trash.
284 · Nov 2018
Whiskey River
Shea Nov 2018
I'm searching but I can't find
A single life
That wants to deal with mine.
279 · Jan 2021
Through Stained Glass
Shea Jan 2021
If my trust in you was a form of art, surely my mistake was my masterpiece

Two organisms without Eyes
blindly react to each touch
Each payment does not add to much

how did you see me through stained glass?
and I'm guilty of hiding
but was I hiding?
Or were you denying my pure intention?

Would one consider that lesson,
Or did I misjudge you for someone with pure intention?
Shea Sep 2020
Familiar sights,
I'm covered in bites
and the ants crawl
and the night falls.
Spring comes,
lights aspire
King's set fire
October, the time of falling
Time has no meaning, it is tainted
and our lives are painted.
Wrote this in 2016. One of my favorites/most memorable.
266 · Jan 2019
305 Menthol Gold 100's
Shea Jan 2019
I sit in the back seat
Dealing, with such a
Gut wrenching feeling.

My mom is in another car,
On the way to the airport.
A game of sorts,
You gotta play with the law.
**** up, and you could lose it all.

You could say "**** 12"
But you don't really feel that hate
Until you or your friends are in cuffs.
You could say you miss someone,
But you don't feel that pain
Until you won't ever see them again.

I'm lucky I know,
I'll see you again.
We're lucky, we know
We could be in permanent cuffs.
Till then, we hold our breath
And pray he won't be.
262 · Nov 2018
I Can't Wait
Shea Nov 2018
I can't was for the day I open up.
These years of bad luck
Die faster than how fast I'll run.

Oh and I'll run.
I can't wait to the day.
In the past, all the pain of yesterdays
Have wrapped around my basement brain.
I'll run and show again I might,
Take over this world and
Show a good fight.
I'll forget my troubles,
And move on.
259 · Apr 2019
Emotional Drought
Shea Apr 2019
The birds fall from the sky.
My eyes are dry.
The buildings collapse on top of me.
My eyes are dry.
I realize I cannot cry.
My eyes remain dry.
I let out a sigh.
Still, my eyes are dry.
I realize you're going to die.
My eyes want to, but they cannot cry.
How is everyone doing today?
257 · Nov 2018
Moonlight Voices p.1
Shea Nov 2018
------------------   -----I
                               IG
                              NITE
                           ­    LIK
                            E FIRE WH
                            EN THEY S
                            PEAK IN M
                            Y EARS.  S
                            O LIGHT M
                            E LIKE A C
                           ANDLE, YO
                           U MOONLIG
                           HT VOICES ,
                           LEAVE ME O
                           UT, I BURNY
                           OU DOWN. P
                           UT ME OUT,
                           AND I WILL
                           MISS THEM
256 · Oct 2018
Autopilot
Shea Oct 2018
I wake up.
I took two pills before I blacked
I forgot I did,
I'm on autopilot.
You might worry,
The circles around my eyes
are a tell-tale sign
I assure you I'm not fine.
I am not in control of my life
I'm living in strife
everyone I know has left me
You see,
You don't see
And that's the thing
I don't want you to see
But why doesn't anyone see?
Shea Apr 2019
Have you got something in your teeth?
A phrase you've just got to say?
Your tongue is too fast for the cat.
And alas, you arise with
What was meant to be a kiss
But turned to be a bite
And choked the cat faster
Than the fact that
The cat is meant to hold you back.
But no, you prefer the sting,
The bite, and the burn.
237 · Feb 2019
Clonidine
Shea Feb 2019
I'll just take my clonidine
It makes me sleep
So I won't say anything
I talk too much
223 · Jan 2019
Catharsis
Shea Jan 2019
My Grandma told me,
About a poem she wrote
About a sunset on the
Key West shore
Painting poems to be
Ethereal and bright,
Full of beauty and
Delight.
Which they are,
But

Here I sit,
Writing poems
About how much I'd love
To die.
Or writing poems
About what's inside my mind
Which seems to be
Terrible,
Dark and
Telling me to be
At the end of bights.
Lonely nights I've spent
Spend days travelling down
My brain to my pencil,
Tracing backwards
Symbols to conform to.
Writing these words
Like child's play to
Nightmares.

So tell me,
What's the real meaning of poet?
Sunsets or an experience
Making poetry
Or poesy your only catharsis?
I think or hope it's both
But either way
Like most folks,
I still don't know what the hell
I'm talking about.
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