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6d · 25
Stay
Shea 6d
You’ve got flames on your fingertips,
Water in your tongue.
You light me on fire, and put me out, love.

I fall deeper and deeper,
Hypnosis and trust.
You are love
You are patient
You are kind
You are sweet  
Releasing heat into my life
And calmness in my seas.
My breathing becomes slower,
And I’ve been on my knees.
For you hold this power over me,
Emotionally.
And it’s fine.
You are the beauty that God created
And ignoring or denying the holiness
Up above
And the saint he created
Would be nothing but ignorance.
Every inch of you is something to love
And I pray everyday that you stay.

Stay.

I feel like I’ve been waiting forever,
My soul is old.
This brief eternity hasn’t showed me half of what it has for me
But I know that in this time
I’ve been shown what love is by you.
Oct 2021 · 103
On My Day
Shea Oct 2021
On my day,
Play the fiddle as I’m lowered.
Watch the sun go down, but not in anger.
Watch the moon rise,
As she collects a new night to watch unfold.
Walk away with straight backs and high chins,
And don’t come back til you’ve had your rest.

When I die do not blame your crafting hands
As they couldn’t do what you wanted.
Nothing will stop my judgement day.
When I die, keep that head high,
As my memory is lowered,
Into a place in your heart.
There is no time to weep.
So when you hear that fiddle,
Grant me this one wish.
Sep 2021 · 501
Storm
Shea Sep 2021
I wanted you
To love
To care for
To show you
How it felt.
I wanted to feel it with you.
And as I stare at everyone else,
I remember you.
Spent too much time figuring out
What I did wrong,
I forgot to move on.
Aug 2021 · 464
The Ocean
Shea Aug 2021
The waves of these oceans
Crash upon my drowning body.
Seeing patterns in the sun,
Slowly slipping from the reality
I've been placed in.

As water fills my lungs, I dig for open land
But water fills my open hands,
And I know what to expect.

Let's dissect this thought process.
I understand now that my slowly slipping mind will leave me drowning in the fear
Of peers fearing for me.
I'll begin to Forget things they said,
And things I love as this insanity consumes me.
Jun 2021 · 189
Is this even my brain?
Shea Jun 2021
This desire for connection is insatiable
Because the connections I choose
To wrap my greedy hands around
Are as bad off as me
And if I can't love myself,
How am I to love someone just like me?
Jun 2021 · 321
I was 15.
Shea Jun 2021
Warm weather
Come together
Larvae grows in the water that collects
Underneath the house
I'm using you to,
Hate myself.
I feel like you might love me
If I choke on what you have to offer
Jun 2021 · 345
Summer 2021
Shea Jun 2021
I laid in bed all day
I can't be here any longer
I wake up just to stare
At my face for a minute in the mirror

I'm travelling 'cross
The miles stretched across my face
And the marathon my fingers run
Across my expanding body

And in my dreams while i'm awake
I see this brown haired girl
Even though there is no face
I know that she is beauty and grace
And while i drive
I hold the hand
Of someone who does not exist
And taste the smell
Of somebody who only lives inside
The cracks of my brain

And maybe she is me
Cause i'm the only one
So far that could love myself
As much as I deserve
And I deserve more
Apr 2021 · 132
Colors 2016: Rewrite
Shea Apr 2021
Now my second half comes through
Dripping from the ceiling tops
And falling from the sky, littering
Glittering drops of peace and hate
Will fill my senses
And once again, we might just see
What we were meant to be

Sometimes my mind is here,
Sometimes trapped in my dreamers sleep
Apr 2021 · 53
Untitled/short
Shea Apr 2021
This desire for connection
Is insatiable
Apr 2021 · 54
Athene Noctua
Shea Apr 2021
I saw it in a dream
Eyes pierced at me
Feathers struck my skin
I began to believe.
Yellow sun, dripping from my gums
Life I'm sure, means more
Than ripping out my hair

Athene Noctua

Call me weak, I've risen from my grave
No longer bound by shackles on my feet
I saw it in a dream.
My eyes pierced into me,
I saw the healthy me.
Apr 2021 · 472
I Will Rise
Shea Apr 2021
Pretty girl
You're afraid, you child
You're gaining weight upon those shoulders
Shoulders used to be bone
Grown muscle
And your heart lost its size

You're no longer small,
Though you feel it.
You miss it.

But your talons
Were ready to strike for years,
Now it's time to spread your wings.
Jan 2021 · 285
Through Stained Glass
Shea Jan 2021
If my trust in you was a form of art, surely my mistake was my masterpiece

Two organisms without Eyes
blindly react to each touch
Each payment does not add to much

how did you see me through stained glass?
and I'm guilty of hiding
but was I hiding?
Or were you denying my pure intention?

Would one consider that lesson,
Or did I misjudge you for someone with pure intention?
Jan 2021 · 337
Silver Tongue
Shea Jan 2021
I open myself
Beware of silver tongues
The devil places
People in your life
Just as the Angels do

She took a part of me
She knew exactly what she was doing
With my soul
And I, young
Not jaded enough
Fell into the well
I fell into being used
But you didn't get much, huh?

She wasted her time
With someone who presented
Such a simple mind
But if she couldn't dig deep and find
The person I've been trained to hide
She wasn't worth my time
Then why can't I get this demon
From my head?

I've tried
Yet the memories
My brain rings embarrassing
Replay to me at night
Did I truly think I had a chance?
With 100 pounds of nonsense?
Sure, I tried
Forget that waste of time
In time,
I'll forget that waste of time
Jan 2021 · 174
Untitled
Shea Jan 2021
This feeling could be painted
Like the Renaissance

Breathing every breath
As i slowly slip inside the essence
That you give
And I finally know what love is
Sep 2020 · 413
The Devil's Armada
Shea Sep 2020
A questionable cause,
conformed in my mind
Poisoned solutions
And pollution behind my eyes
Behind those eyes
I used to know
What I was like

A scratch to see what's underneath
A familiar smell
Of bleak recollections

Wish life repeated level headed

The devil's armada
Subliminal poison
Shea Sep 2020
Familiar sights,
I'm covered in bites
and the ants crawl
and the night falls.
Spring comes,
lights aspire
King's set fire
October, the time of falling
Time has no meaning, it is tainted
and our lives are painted.
Wrote this in 2016. One of my favorites/most memorable.
Jul 2020 · 192
I am Lost
Shea Jul 2020
A mirror the size of the sky reveals
That I need to change
Though i was made in the image of my God
I was also made in the image of dirt
And molded by the red clay beneath it
And it stained all my clothes
And It stained in the curves of my brain
And through my fingertips
They bleed red
Cause I am *****
I could pray away the red
But it appears on my knees as I kneel
And I know what is real
But i can't hear the voice
And giving every inch of me
Of something I can't see
Is harder than giving every inch of me
To something that's bad for me
Jul 2020 · 107
Alone at 7:26 PM
Shea Jul 2020
I have this feeling that I wanna go home,
But I'm in my room
I have this feeling that I am not where I am supposed to be
But this is where I'm told to be
Jul 2020 · 220
Quotes 10:57 PM
Shea Jul 2020
True art comes from the pigsty of your mind
May 2020 · 838
The Quaran(teen)
Shea May 2020
I woke up with a craving, but staying inside
Will save me from the world.
My tired eyes itch like a sweater,
I give up in a curl, and enjoy the colder weather.
Work the nerve to get up, it’s brave.
In my cave, I’d rather stay.
My feet touch the ground,
My ears are delighted by the sound
Of those ready to greet me, it’s me.
Staring steady in the mirror,
Observing the inches that have tightly stretched
Into a larger face.
I’ve shed this skin twice, the third will be the charm!
Wash my hands, cook, wash my hands, clean, wash my hands
Run them through my hair, wash, do, wash, fix, wash, wash, stop.
And the days roll by like numbers.
Shea Jan 2020
Who you used to be
Is between the cracks
In the cushions of your mind,
And at night when you need it
Reach down underneath it

Grab her hand and dig her out
She asking you how things turned out.

Who we used to be,
What we used to know
And see
Is a lesson for who you need to be.

Don't be afraid to ask,
Who you thought you lost.
Nov 2019 · 154
Hum.
Shea Nov 2019
On days when I don't feel
The electricity humming
From the walls

The wind;
Converted energy from a breath
breathe in
Instead hums quietly past my hair
breathe out

The hum of my eyes
Blurs what I see
The leaves grow like weeds
And pile up by trees

Distant hums of the tires
Stretch upon the highway

I feel like I needed to step out

The world and her humming,
Quietly asleep.
Jun 2019 · 175
Smells of a Pillow
Shea Jun 2019
A family friend recently
Gave me a Pillow
That I thought was so comfy.
She said "Please get this **** thing
Off my couch."
And I proudly accepted.
I brought it home, cuddled
Put my face to it's round corner
And breathed.
The smell this pillow Gave wasn't too Familiar, no.
It smelled like family movie nights,
Eating at dinner tables.
It smelled like missing a sibling,
But knowing they'll be home when you get there.
It smelled like affection from a tired mother, And falling asleep on her chest.
The smell, not so familiar
Sent me chills
Because the round corners smelled like Everything I crave.
The soft, tender touch of a hand,
And knowing it's not of judging intent.
The smells upon this pillow
Reminding me that
I don't have a way to satisfy my
Craving.
I am currently cuddling a shirt of someone's I love. I am very sad.
Shea May 2019
In a moment when
You realize you would
Give your life for someone
Just so they could live,
You realize you can't.
May 2019 · 368
Quotes 9:52 PM
Shea May 2019
Does the sun shine after the rain?
Shea May 2019
I want to,
But I won't.
I need a
Little smoke
But I won't
Cause gettin' it
Means getting up
And once I'm up
My world just flips
Right back down
As I fall too
Into a thousand curtains
Hiding me from what
I want to see
A window where
It's warm outside
But pressing my cheek against
The fabric seems to be enough
I've got to run
But I walk
And the talk of something new
Brings hope for something worse
And confidential lullabies
Sing me to sleep tonight
I'll call you on the phone and say
"I'm good, what about you?"
And you'll say "Good"
And we'll talk for hours repeating same lines
And avoiding the part where you tell me
You are driving to clear your mind
Cause bruises stay sore
And you never tell me anything anymore
Apr 2019 · 285
Living This Way
Shea Apr 2019
There's a few ways of living
I don't like to live
This
Way
If living like this means
Laying on the couch
Pitying myself
For all of my problems
Then I don't wanna live
This
Way
I've got a drink in my hand
And whiskey in a bottle
Tiring myself
I'm too tired to swallow
If whiskey is my pride
Then I swig the whole bottle
Tastes so good but I'm
Too tired to swallow
I don't wanna live
This
Way
Well like they say
You need to change yourself
I want to live
That
Way
Apr 2019 · 259
Emotional Drought
Shea Apr 2019
The birds fall from the sky.
My eyes are dry.
The buildings collapse on top of me.
My eyes are dry.
I realize I cannot cry.
My eyes remain dry.
I let out a sigh.
Still, my eyes are dry.
I realize you're going to die.
My eyes want to, but they cannot cry.
How is everyone doing today?
Apr 2019 · 84
Untitled
Shea Apr 2019
I've got cotton on my back
Sixteen years of looking back
Fingertips full of ******
And a fire
Full of sticks
Where I lay my head

I'm the son of a poor man
And born into my own prison
And sing the blues
Like cool hand luke
Hold onto my plastic Jesus

And I've got weight
On my shoulders.
Lord,
Where are you now?
Apr 2019 · 182
Rewrite: Grief
Shea Apr 2019
I lay on you, and breathe in the smell
Of your hair, feel the small vibrations
Of your laugh resonating the soft felt pews.
I tell myself I will remember this forever,
So when I miss you, I can still feel you.
The mood grows serious,
The vibrations of your voice shrink down
To a whisper, and crumble
Like rocks beneath a hammer.
"When I die," you say,
Fleeing every so called good feeling felt
Away from this place.
"You're going to get bear,
But I can't tell you what you're getting yet."
She tells us.
Me.
Him.
The only ones here who know.
You told me yesterday, yes you did.
I smiled, I cried, I cussed at God,
I cried again, I bargained,
But I still did not accept.
I smiled and told you it would be okay.
But I think I know deep down inside
That you know deep inside
It might not be okay.
It came back. It's here, in this room,
Inside you.
And I keep making up scenarios where
Someone has asked me
"Would you do this thing if it meant she lived?"
And I always say yes no matter how
****** up the action may be.
Maybe this is the bargaining.
You're not dead yet, but ****
It feels like it.
It will be years.
I'm sure of it.
But I'm just so scared, babe.
I'm so scared.
No one so young should be labeled
With an expiration date,
A summarization of how long their life
Will be.
No one.
Apr 2019 · 360
The effects of April 22nd
Shea Apr 2019
And as the room begins to brighten
I'm enlightened by a soft touch
of bones easily dislocatable
And sensitive to touch
And even though those bones slip
From their holes
The floor holds them before me
So delicate and worn
I've sworn that I'll swallow my disease
Digest it, spit it up before you have
To see it acting up
But today was different
You watched my ears close and head shake
With blood down my nose
Sweat on my clothes
From holding it back.
I'm sorry you had to see it
See it act up.
Apr 2019 · 387
X #3
Shea Apr 2019
The biggest wings I've seen,
Lay comatose on your shoulders,
Held down by the weight.
The weight of your own body
Causing it's own fatality.

They yearn to stretch
And fly and play,
But you have to pay.
You've got nothing left to give,
And all we wish
Is for you to live.
Who knew half an inch
Could do this damage?
Emotional famine,
I cannot cry.
I haven't figured out why.
All I can do is try
To not let it get to me,
You see,
I love you with all my heart.
All I want is your wings to stretch
And fly
I still have yet to figure out why.
Why you?
Apr 2019 · 157
DE-Letter to self
Shea Apr 2019
If we do it for the taste,
Then why do we swallow?
Every single day, I hope to feel hollow
Follow me, I'll show you nothing.
Are you worth something?
Everyone just wants a little loving.
We all get lonely
So who can blame?
You would do the same
A woman left lonely.

DE, don't wait
I know you want hollow.
Shea Apr 2019
Have you got something in your teeth?
A phrase you've just got to say?
Your tongue is too fast for the cat.
And alas, you arise with
What was meant to be a kiss
But turned to be a bite
And choked the cat faster
Than the fact that
The cat is meant to hold you back.
But no, you prefer the sting,
The bite, and the burn.
Apr 2019 · 316
Changing styles soon?
Shea Apr 2019
People message me and say
"Your poetry is oh so sad."
Well, until something new
Comes along to write about,
I'll continue to write like this
As I sit and S̶c̶r̶e̶a̶m̶.  I mean, quietly whisper
My poetry into paper.
Not necessarily a poem.
Apr 2019 · 115
Untitled
Shea Apr 2019
While you spent your night
Having bar room brawls,
I was home alone thinking
What not to say
When you came home.
Apr 2019 · 960
I'm not a good person
Shea Apr 2019
I'm not a good person,
It's not too hard to see.
It's pouring from my sweatglands
And lingering in my sleep.

I'm not a good person,
It's pretty obvious to see.
Cause everthing you tell me,
I seem to believe.
Mar 2019 · 292
Untitled
Shea Mar 2019
No one is alive.

And when you wake up to a scream,
Forget it.
It's me, making you, after making me.

Choke on blood.

My opinion is invalid,
Declined like your debit card.

Your opinion is biased by
Having never been loved
Or listened to in youth.

You're not my problem,
Do not think I won't stab you
In the front too.
Shea Mar 2019
The 5 stages of grief and loss are:
1. Denial and isolation;
2. Anger;
3. Bargaining;
4. Depression;
5. Acceptance.

I lay on you, and breathe in the smell
Of your hair, feel the small vibrations
Of your laugh resonating the soft felt pews.
I tell myself I will remember this forever,
So when I miss you, I can still feel you.
The mood grows serious,
The vibrations of your voice shrink down
To a whisper, and crumble
Like rocks beneath a hammer.
"When I die," you say,
Fleeing every so called good feeling felt
Away from this place.
"You're going to get bear,
But I can't tell you what you're getting yet."
She tells us.
Me.
Him.
The only ones here who know.
You told me yesterday, yes you did.
I smiled, I cried, I cussed at God,
I cried again, I bargained,
But I still did not accept.
I smiled and told you it would be okay.
But I think I know deep down inside
That you know deep inside
It might not be okay.
It came back. It's here, in this room,
Inside you.
And I keep making up scenarios where
Someone has asked me
"Would you do this thing if it meant she lived?"
And I always say yes no matter how
****** up the action may be.
Maybe this is the bargaining.
You're not dead yet, but ****
It feels like it.
It will be years.
I'm sure of it.
But I'm just so scared, babe.
I'm so scared.
No one so young should be labeled
With an experation date,
A summarization of how long their life
Will be.
No one.
Mar 2019 · 99
Tumor
Shea Mar 2019
If I don't end my life,
I know you'll die before me.
I love you.
I wish the tumor would shrink
Or dehydrate.
I wish it wouldn't grow
So that you could grow instead
I wish that I could take it all away from you
Maybe put it in a jar
And tuck it away so far
That no one would have to see.
I wish I could eat it,
Throw it, **** it, slaughter it,
Whatever it took to get it out your brain
And into mine
Or out of existence so that
You, and angel to this nasty world
Could live, survive, and breathe without pain
At least for a day.
You did nothing, love.
You did nothing to deserve it.
So even I question my faith
When I ask the Lord why the hell
He let this happen to his own.
Mar 2019 · 1.4k
Tomorrow is my birthday
Shea Mar 2019
Tomorrow is my birthday,
The eve of spring is upon us.
Tomorrow is my birthday, and
I'm still ignored by friends
Wishing that a friend
Would at least
Say "Happy Birthday."
I don't think my wish will come true.
My mouth acted faster than my head
And I screamed before
I could know what I done
And you just stood there,
Making fun.
You never took the time to understand why
Well, neither did my parents so
Who ******* cares?
I'm sorry
I'll **** it up
And fake nice
If it means my birthday
Won't be so bad
Mar 2019 · 669
Psychosis or
Shea Mar 2019
Yes but you are merely
A glass of water to an ocean
That's already full
And doesn't need your help
And I am the carrier of viruses
And mindfulness
That spread like a rumor
In a schoolgirl clique
These voices growing louder
As I give in to them
And create new characters that
Tell me just to do it
Like CB
They tell me
In my head
Just do it
And I shiver and growl
Cause once you go insane
There is no coming down
I'm about to break and two people are fighting over my body
Mar 2019 · 321
X Number two
Shea Mar 2019
Every time you faint
I feel a piece of me die
I love you with all my heart
And you're the only person
That I know for sure,
I love.
What did you ever do to deserve
All these diseases?
Nothing.
You've done nothing to go through this
And that's what I hate.
All you've ever done is heal
And bless other people.
So I'm sorry life never blessed you.
Mar 2019 · 198
The mothers
Shea Mar 2019
This vacancy did not belong
Where my soul gives a gentle coercion
But this vacancy never belonged,
the child is gone.
There was never room for the youth
And the brick on my head never held me down, it grew with me, but kept me down
And the shadows from the past echo
to the future
Where the child does not belong
Where the child should have been gone
There is a different person living in every mood change
Now i see myself something different
No longer stifled by good compulsion.
But you don't know what that means
And neither do the others
Rise with their mothers who define the gifts of talents
When mine gave the gift of illness
and tough love I have yet to accept
So the child grew where she did not belong in a vacancy already taken
Feb 2019 · 2.8k
Paper Bag
Shea Feb 2019
You thought I was a bird,
But I am just a paper bag.
Feb 2019 · 237
Clonidine
Shea Feb 2019
I'll just take my clonidine
It makes me sleep
So I won't say anything
I talk too much
Feb 2019 · 518
These days
Shea Feb 2019
Lay your hands
Upon my chest
So I
Can finally be healed
Of all my sins
And endeavors I've
Faced so long
And I
Give up my life
I still want to die
Even after you showed me to fly
Eye for an eye
Taste for a taste
And **** for a ****
Leave me alone
I lay on the levy of a bank
Concrete death snd stricken of faith
The metal will caress my skin tonight
As I
Pray for one last change

Time can alter your eyes
And blind the blind
Behind your eyes
The feeling of being cynical
Jaded, faded, haven't felt sober in a year
Even though she never did
Any drugs
Watch yourself live
Your own life
Baptize and color blind
Never live
Once will die,
I will I will I will
Feel the same again
There is no cure
Except for you
And you left us years ago
When we killed your son
Shunned you like
A runaway
I want to run away
Want you to go away
These days
Feb 2019 · 187
Just a reminder
Shea Feb 2019
Poetry does not have to be beautiful.
Your poetry is yours and yours alone.
It doesn't have to rhyme or
Make someone happy,
Cause not all poetry is happy.
And not all poetry is about something
So simple
That a rhyme could do justice.
Feb 2019 · 1.0k
Untitled
Shea Feb 2019
I could run away or stay
Living like a moth to a flame.
I always try to chase the light,
But the light has burned out.
And these days I'm stuck in old ways,
So where a light used to be
Is where I sit patiently
In the dark
Hoping for a flickering flame.
Jan 2019 · 268
305 Menthol Gold 100's
Shea Jan 2019
I sit in the back seat
Dealing, with such a
Gut wrenching feeling.

My mom is in another car,
On the way to the airport.
A game of sorts,
You gotta play with the law.
**** up, and you could lose it all.

You could say "**** 12"
But you don't really feel that hate
Until you or your friends are in cuffs.
You could say you miss someone,
But you don't feel that pain
Until you won't ever see them again.

I'm lucky I know,
I'll see you again.
We're lucky, we know
We could be in permanent cuffs.
Till then, we hold our breath
And pray he won't be.
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