I wake up to blue light I see it when I close my eyes
frustrated and weighted by comparison I filter my intensity condense my personality I show tongue and teeth but no failures or flaws
I see you in your squares, in all your glow I want to see the dirt under your fingernails want you to see me cry, my pores up close, counting your eyelashes I don't want to see twenty pictures res of the same sunset cascading down a feed that never fulfills shades changed and tweaked at exposure I am exposed ever day but am I known I want to see the world by your side not through your phone hear the sunsets reflect in your tone
I don't want to lose a bet with myself that I don't stare I don't scroll lose my evening to a screen my life to anxiety of how people see me but I want to be seen
I want to know you beyond squares and validation screams content for moments till I review my content view myself in the eyes of another a narcissistic shudder I doubt and judge myself wishing not to compare not to care yet impulse is too lovable addiction and algorithmic luring habits savaged a daily instinct to share to show my life through squares
So I understand that It’s good to release, to flush away the bad ****, the toxins and the chemicals. But every now and then I like to tease it, trace the outline of the rose until it’s spread it’s petals, then stop. Let it die down, slowly, gently. It’s a way of controlling the Little things, the right gaps to fill. Manipulating those who expect the usual.
'I try hard to block myself from sadness but it breaks free and gets to me. The Bad things are shot at me like bullets and With Me being the target, the hits make me sink so deep. Sometimes as to were i don't think i could live to see another day. While the world keeps revolving, i wish to keep myself from evolving this way. So No matter what or how hard you say it, we both know things are never going to be okay.'
I DO NOT AUTHORIZE MY WRITINGS, PHOTOGRAPHY, OR ANY OTHER PERSONAL INFORMATION. WILL RESULT IN A NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCE IF TAKING POSSESION OF MY PROPERTY WITHOUT MY PERMISSION. kw --as of Jan. 29th