On these lonely nights of boredom,
As the clock strikes a quarter past one
Her heavy heart burns with an unnamed emotion
As the tears come undone.
She listens to those gloomy songs and wonders why?
Why does she feel so lonely in walls of her home?
Why do people leave her when they promised that they won't?
Why is life so unfair when she has been so good?
Why didn't she grasp the opportunity when she could?
All these questions burden her pretty little mind.
And she loses herself to a dream-less sleep of some kind.
If only someone could make her realise.. that she doesn't need a shoulder to rise.
She is herself capable of winning and escaping from the mayhem in her life.
Let me hurt you in a way that feels like love,
The way a flower feels the pain when it's petals are plucked.
He painted her beautifully in different hues.
The blank canvas was now full of iridescent strokes of art.
But her soul was *colorless.
She died because of the bleeding wounds that were caused by his callous words.
If only you knew what loving me really means,
If only you knew that falling for me isn't a beautiful sight.
It's a painful process of watching me bleed.
As I cut down the ties that bind you to me.
As I rip out my heart and wear it on my sleeve.
As I crumble down upon the floor and weep.
Loving me will never be easy!
It'll be like an old ache that shakes you out of your reverie.
A sadness that's so hard to conceal.
It'll be a sin.
For I am the darkness that's always luring you in.
I'm the thunder,
I'm the rain that always comes pouring down on your happy days.
So, tell me darling, do you really think that you'll be able to survive the misery that I provide?
Or will you give up just like my old lover and leave me to die?
There are things that are better left unsaid; like when I asked you to leave, you left, even though the tears brimming in my eyes were begging you to stay.
When the door closed shut behind you, I had to swallow the lump down my chest, get a hold over my emotions and carry out with my daily routine without a mere mention of your name.
And then, do you know what I did at night? When the house was empty and only the moon could witness my vulnerability from the open window, I decided to let it all out. Once and for all. I cried till my cheeks started burning because of all the tears that I harshly wiped off. I wanted to torture myself so I replayed the memory of you leaving over and over again in mind. I howled in pain while clinging onto your old favorite tee shirt which I gifted to you on your last birthday.
I tried to calm myself so I brushed my fingers through my hair, like you used to whenever I was anxious. No medicine could compare to the magical power that your warm touch possessed.
And the next morning I found myself lying on the floor with a broken bottle of whiskey. The broken shards of glass seemed so appealing. But I knew self harm wasn't an option so I tried to stand up and get ready for the day. I went to work, my friends made a jib about how my hair looked funny, they had no idea that you left and it was me who had asked you to leave. I couldn't control my emotions so I left for home.
But even at home I felt homeless. I couldn't control the tears, and I cried harder than I did on the night before. My plan of not shedding another tear for you failed miserably. I opened my phone gallery and clicked on my favourite picture of yours and talked to the inanimate object. Begging and pleading you to come back.
I guess your absence is nothing but my penance. Something that I must suffer silently and all alone.
The fallen decided to join the ****** and commit sins.
The angel became a devil because someone decided to clip off her wings.
The words that I once wrote upon your soul have merged with your skin and bones.
Now the poetry flows through your veins and it's poet remains unknown.
The moment you decide to leave, I'll forever be left astray.
I'll wander around in space like a nomadic astronaut who has lost his way.
After all that she had done to him.
He continued to love her.
Because, he believed that beneath all the vanity, lies and manipulation; She was beautiful.
There is something beautiful about darkness.
It intrigues even the most colorful minds...
Maybe it's because of the mysteries it hides in it's blackness.
Or, because it is simply the color that attracts our souls.
Be the contagious smile,
That spreads on my lips,
When I see your happy face.
Be the star,
That shines bright.
The one star,
I wish upon every night.
Be the perfect destination
To my never ending wanderlust.
The one place I keep returning,
To quench my thirst.
Be the wine,
That intoxicates my soul.
The special wine,
That keeps me wanting more,
Be the love,
That resides in my heart.
The unconditional kind of love..
That no force of nature can tear apart.
Out of all the things that I said and the words that I left unsaid,
Somehow, somewhere I ended up confessing my love for you.
It's the hue of innocence that shines,
The hint of mischief that lurks behind;
The passion to conquer
Is what reflects in his eyes.
It's the colour of the night sky.
It's the exact shade that seems dull yet bright,
But in the presence of the sunlight
It turns into a rich mahogany shade.
No, his eyes aren't blue, green or grey.
They resemble the colour that I love yet hate
It often looks like a blank space
Which absorbs every colour in it's wake
A vortex of darkness that lures my heart..
The colour which is sprawled all over my soul
The inky shade in the depths of his eyes,
Is where I find home.
She is just going.. going places.
She is leaving without any traces.
She is aimlessly travelling in search for something.
Like a vagabond, she is just wandering.
Try not to stop her, because she is actually falling.
Falling in love.
I wear my thoughts on my skin, till the blood spills out and the ink sets in. I rise from the open grave which nobody tried to cover because they were too afraid Of the monstrosity that hid deep beneath the surface. I’m not made of delicate flowers and intricate leaves I’m made of blood and flesh and all sorts of gory deeds. I need no saving for I’m not damsel, I’m just a woman who is about to build her own castle.
Lend me your wings because I have none.
They were clipped off, feather by feather they dropped.
Those people believed that I was odd because I had the ability to rise while all they had was the power to tear apart somebody's dream to fly.
Their love was a disaster.
Her life was like a destructive tornado,
His life was like an erupting volcano.
Both had their personal baggage to bear
Each believed, that they were broken beyond repair.
But, that was the beauty of their love,
They were twin flames meant to extinguish one another.
She never uttered the three words his heart yearned to hear..
She never voiced out the word 'love' because, She never wanted to give a name to the bond that they shared.
Yes , they were attracted to each other like a moth was attracted to a flame.
But no, she didn't believe that a small word like 'love' would suffice explaining the connection between them.
Their relation was as delicate as the petals of a flower.
Their link of friendship was as beautiful as the first warm rays of the sun .
She liked to call it Magic!
Okay.. so its an excerpt from the story I'm currently working on.. :)
I'm not who you think I am
I'm the demise of every noble man
I'm the tempest;
The storm that's brewing over an ocean of gasoline.
I'll burn you, yet you'll drown in the currents that I possess.
I'm not just the beautiful woman that you see.
I'm full of blunt curves and rough edges that'll cut you deep.
No sign of perfection reflects within me.
I'm not a goddess of love or peace.
I'm the antebellum that originates the war and grief
A massacre of destruction
Where the collateral damage has no restriction
A tangled mess of chaos and dreams
Nightmares that are spoon-fed to you in the disguise of peace.
I'm the darkness before the dawn.
The ominous calm that exists before the storm.
The vicious hunter that's looking for it's prey.
The calamity that'll result in a bloodbath of a raging hurricane.
Only my heart knows
how much I yearn
for you to return,
Even at the cost
of you leaving me
all over again.
Eyes that know me, they know that I can't hide my pain for long. Words often flow out of my mouth like a waterfall.
Uncharted and turbulent
Just like a train of bullets, which fly aimlessly with the intent to cause damage without paying any heed to the consequences.
My words often lack the vulnerability; they sound a lot more like the rumbling thunder that comes pouring down like a rain storm.
My eyes on the other hand, they scream, they yell, they beg and plead for the freedom to shed the tears and break down the dam. They desperately search for someone who is ready to hear my story.
They desperately search for home.
I was miserable when you left.
I cried for hours and days.
But now what I feel is undoubtedly the most contradictory emotion I've ever felt,
I don't think I'll ever forget you.
You were my enchanting fantasy which abruptly ended on a sad note.
You were my first mesmerizing emotion of utter utopian devotion.
You were the drop of Jupiter that dripped upon my hair and left me wild.
You were the fire of the purest passion that burned me alive.
You invoked the deepest desires from the darkest corners of my mind.
You loved me when I considered the meaning of love as a waste of time.
You left me as if I was a pariah on the pedestal of a sacred shrine.
You disappeared like Houdini as soon as the lamp lost its light.
You abandoned me and vanished like a phantom, right out of my sight.
You were the myriad of perfection that seemed so lovely to be deceptive.
But when you left, it felt like a shard of glass ripping through my heart.
It hurt, and I screamed the most melancholic sound.
My devotion turned toxic and it spilled like acid on the ground.
Smoldered the memories of the best times and charred the symphony that my soul sang out.
So what I'm trying to say is that I don't think I'll ever forget you. Neither will I ever forgive you.
I'll think about you for the rest of my life. Till the day, the sky falls down and engulfs us in its light.
Use your words to make me feel, an emotion that's beautiful yet surreal.
Your presence is the personification of flaws and perfection.
A simple contradiction that makes me feel alive.
I'm not an admirer you see, I'm just a reader who is dying to know your story.
You're a gorgeously dangerous mess of wicked and wild.
Yet, in your absence I feel like a lone scared child.
Your recklessness allures me to no end,
Your soft spoken words break through my defence.
You're not the poem that I've been dying to read.
Instead, you're like that fairytale which is so ordinary yet so unique.
He was no sailor but he could navigate to the crimson shores of her heart.
Set an anchor deep down to the darkest corners of her soul.
And drown in the mysterious ocean that could swallow him whole.
As an observer it all seems so easy to be a poet. They all assume that the only thing we require is a flair for rhyming and a set of words.
Yes, words; they come quite easily to us. Thanks to the uncountable nights that we stayed awake in hopes of breaking our hearts by reading and learning the phrases that cause a wave of torment in our souls. Those words really helped us to convey our pain when you left us all alone.
Weaving the words into a song of despair isn't as easy as you'd like to believe. The emotion that we start to feel. Initially, it all comes to us as a dream. Then it turns into an epiphany and gradually it transforms into a invisible creature which squeezes the life out of us. And we bleed like ink on the piece of paper. We scribble your name in hopes to immortalize the moment forever.
And yet.. as a reader you say that it's easy to be a writer.
I was a well written novel and you were a curious reader. You wanted to know what my words had to say. So you read my words silently, in the dark night as moon hid behind the clouds. You traced my passages from page to page, you didn't leave an inch untouched. You learnt my secrets and read your favourite parts over and over again. You scrutinized every tiny little detail, as if I was the most beautiful work of art and you were about to go blind. So you memorised my entire story and narrated it's tale, because you were too afraid to forget my name.
You fell in love with her words.
You let her walk into your life.
You thought that she is just a harmless girl with a cute smile.
If only you had paid a close attention to her,
You'd know that she has a tendency to use her words in the form of a knife.
you were just a
delicate droplet of water
While he was someone
lusting to drown in the sea.
He didn't know that you
were the beginning of the
He craved the danger
and assumed that you
just provided serenity,
He wished to conquer
the ocean and
witness the end.
But he failed to understand
that your existence is
something no man can transcend.
Never fall for a damaged person because they'll lure you in. They'll captivate you with their mysterious past.
They'll tell you that they're broken beyond repair and then you'll make every possible effort to prove them wrong.
They'll scream, they'll yell, they'll howl, they'll yelp. . but somehow you'll become the cure for their pain.
You'll fix them up and believe that it's a permanent change. But their demons cannot be suppressed for long.
Their aura will always allure you and you'll end up being the victim.
Intentionally or unintentionally you'll fall in love with someone who feels nothing but numb.
And this vicious cycle will continue.. because now you'll become the broken person and someone else will fall in love with you.
Would you dare to flirt with the tempest as it swallows everything in sight?
Thrash around with the current that resides in his eyes?
Drown yourself to bottom of the sea, lose your senses as everything turns eerie?
Fall and rise just like the tides, as he commands the storm with an ominous twinkle in his eyes?
No hold over reality,
No control over the mind.
You have succumbed to the tantalizing darkness that had started to crawl up your spine.
You fell in love as he smeared the gasoline over the path that will lead you to your demise.
He brought out a lighter and offered you the chance to burn,
Slowly with agony you start to squirm, afraid that he'll send you to a place from where you won't be able to return.
Now.. Would you dare to date the devil as he stares right into your eyes?
Takes you out to dance at the dead of the night just to possess your body and leave you to die?
The feeling of loneliness that resides.
The heartache that makes you cry.
The guilt that kills you from the inside.
The gut wrenching screams that shook you awake at night.
A momentary lapse of your moral rectitude destroyed your once happy life.
One mistake is all it took to fragmentize your soul.
Just some words.
Just some words spoken under the influence of anger that clouded your mind,
Were enough to shatter the world you worked so hard to build.
The regret suffocates you.
The flashbacks haunt you.
No medication seems to work.
No place to go.
The memories run like a broken record in your mind.
There is no path that seems to be right.
Except for an endlessly dark abyss leading to self destruction.
You once asked me how deep my love is for you. I never answered.
You see.. I wasn't sure.. whether you would like what I say. I didn't want to overwhelm you with my reply.
I'm a possessive soul.
I can't share what is mine. You may call me selfish.
If being selfish means having you all to myself.. then yes I'm the most selfish person on this planet.
As for my answer, my love for you cannot be measured. It's unfathomable, boundless and unrestricted. There is no depth to my love for you. There is no end to it. Nothing will ever be able to suffice how much I adore you...
See, writing your name or addressing you with anything but nobody hurts me so much that I can't even explain it in words.
That teal blue dress that you once wore
Still hangs in my closet as a reminder of the good days
The days that I destroyed because of my selfish motives.
I was scared, you know, I was worried that you'll leave me.
Abandon me in this lonely world full of people.
I wanted you with me for eternity. For as long as I possibly could have you.
I wanted you with me despite all the odds. I did everything to make you stay. I cried, because I thought that I could keep you here but I was wrong.
I was being so selfish that I never realised that I had started to suffocate you.
I'm sorry for what I did. I repent it each day. And I hope that you're happy with your new life.
I know you'll find someone else in your life.. you'll be the sunlight in someone else's dark night.. I'll try to move on but I know that I'll fail.
You're a devil in disguise,
Still you're the only one
Who makes me feel alive.
You take me to a different world.
Where, life isn't as difficult as it seems.
Where... even the constant cacophony
Sounds like a melody.
Yeah, You're a devil
Because you make me believe
That, I'm worth saving.
Oh darling, I told you not to set
Our demons free,
We might be together,
But, we can't let our demons be.
For if, our demons decided to play,
Mine will consume yours in every way.
All lonesome you remain,
Within these four walls of pain,
Going on with your lies and manipulative ways,
As if, it's a child's play.
Saying things you don't want to say,
Hiding things behind your fake facade.
Asking everyone to leave you alone,
But that's not what you really want.
Needing a shoulder to cry upon,
But too bad that you've pushed everyone away.
Taking advantage of their kindness,
And throwing it back on their face.
In the end, nothing matters ,
Because after all your life was a disaster,
Though, it was a disaster you made,
Still... it's better that you ended the never ending pain.
"Do you remember the time when we first met? I was wearing a guns and roses t-shirt and you were playing basketball with your friends? Remember how I was walking past the court and got hit by the ball, and you came running towards me, asking me if I was okay? Do you remember how shy you were when our hands touched for the first time? Your cheeks turned into the color of beetroot.
Do you remember how we became friends? I was new to the society in which you were the head? How scared I was when I had to sing for the audition round and you decided to sing along to my favorite song?
Remember how you asked me out? Took me by my hand and intensely gazed into my eyes, as Eric Clapton sang 'wonderful tonight' in the background? Remember how I started laughing and asked you to stop joking around. And then you just kissed me, to stop me from blabbering. I was stunned and shell shocked.
Remember when we got drunk after our first big fight? We said mean words and slept in separate rooms that night. Remember how I later knocked on your door to apologise? We drank the entire bottle of Jim Beam and got sloshed as we listened to Bob Dylan till the wee hours of the morning light.
Remember how it all began?"
I see no recognition in your eyes. I guess the amnesia didn't just take away your memories but it also took away everything that was mine.
You refused to pick up my calls.
You made every attempt to steer away.
But, what is my persistent heart supposed to do?
When you stole it's essence and drifted away.
You left a hollow heart that constantly echoes your name.
You left me burning in the agony of our love.
But I collected those ashes and preserved them shut.
Buried the bottle of our memories under the willow tree.
And watched in awe as a small sapling broke free.
He had been in love with her all his life,
But she had a heart as cold as ice.
He wished to melt down the frozen barrier,
And burn her alive with his endless desire.
She was aesthetic... not because of the way she laughed or the way her eyes sparkled whenever she talked about something she loved and not because of the way she used to bite her lower lip whenever she was lost deep in her thoughts.
But, simply because of the way she perceived the world. She was full of positivity and her aura spoke volumes about all the captivating mysteries that made her who she was.
You've traced the scars that line up my arms.
You've kissed those streaming tears away.
You've made love to the rhythm of my soul.
Stolen my heart and held me in your warm embrace.
You've pricked yourself over my rough edges and blades.
You've adorned my hands with yours.
And now, You've weaved the letters of your name on the canvas of my soul.
I've made a resolution to have a heart of steel.
I won't let anyone see how vulnerable I can be.
I won't let them know that how I cry myself to sleep.
I won't let them see even a speck of the emotions that I feel.
I'll master the art of a poker face.
I'll play the role of a heartless ***** who lacks faith.
I'll let everyone else think of me that way.
But for you.. only for you will I ever even consider to tear down my facade.
Here's a dedication to my best friend who is the only person who actually deserves to know who I really am
I wonder where you got lost. You said that you'll be back soon. I look for you in every new face that I see. It's been more than a year and yet I cling onto some hope. I wish to catch a glimpse of your smile. But I see you no more.
Behind the shadows of my anxiety, I hide. Thinking what did I do so wrong that you decided to leave without saying a goodbye.
Did I overwhelm your soul? Was my love for you so heavy and *******? Did it suffocate your life? Made you feel like a prisoner trapped in the chains that I hold?
Or was it something else? Something that I cannot decipher, because when I fell in love with you, I thought we'll be bound forever.
There's a sorrow in my soul
That I wish to share
But it's hiding behind its own curtain of despair.
I was up all night
Wondering what sadness tastes like;
Smooth as honey with a pinch of spice,
As it drips down the throat,
And settles like acid
Burning the intestines.
He told me what regret looks like:
Heartache and gut-wrenching cries.
I knew, it's misery that resides in his eyes;
Crouching in the corner
Ready to pounce,
Biting into the neck,
As the blood spills out
Scraping old wounds,
A closet full of skeletons,
With penance on the mind.
Loss smells a lot like Christmas.
Family gathering around
Sharing memories of a lifetime.
Photographs from 1989,
Same old letters
Scattered around the desk.
People talk about what could be
Heaven and Earth,
And everything in between.
Deceit sounds a lot like a dream
You get out of one,
And fall into another as you sleep.
Shards of glass
Ripping through the spine
As shame builds up a shrine.
Desperation feels a lot like home
You float in the air,
As you cling onto hope.
Somedays are better;
Somedays are worse
But what remains
Is a lesson that has been left unheard.
No soul to love, No hand to hold
I fell in love with someone
Who had a heart that was cold.
She claimed to have a black heart which was devoid of any emotions. But she still had a heart even though it was dark.
Then you came along with your set of crayons. Tried to colour her in your favourite shade.
But since her heart was black there wasn't much that you could do. Still you were persistent and continued to colour her in a different hue.
As you scraped the crayon across her heart, you realised that some blood had started seeping through.
But you were so blinded by the joy of knowing that the inky colour could be removed that you stabbed her heart and left her body to turn blue.
Winter emerges, as I grief for something that was forcefully taken away from me.
I'm the one who rises from the sea,
I control the currents; the waves thrash with the mere mention of my name.
The earth tremors at my wake.
I'm not made up of angelic grace,
I have thunder brewing within my veins.
Don't be fooled by my innocent face,
I may appear harmless but I was born tainted with the blood of Hades.
I seek no redemption, for I'm the judge who sits on the grand pedestal.
My violence knows no bounds,
It shoots and kills
And in this game, no survivors are allowed
So my blood reeks of vengeance
And my soul seethes,
As all the gory deeds and sacrifices fuel up my needs.
I'm the chaos, the primordial entity that brought you into being.
None of the gods can ever catch me, for I'm just a mirage,
I appear to be close but I'm always far out of reach.
The greatest grief for a writer is to lose the connection with the pen and the paper.