Sometimes I think
No way this world is this cold
I withhold my tears
And I stay on my throne
Old enough rule,
Yet still time to grow
Give me a chance,
To fit into my shadow

You say the sky's the limit
I believe higher,
Caught up in between these Saints and Liars,
Makes me believe that the devil is in fact here,
Compromise ya to leave himself at ease
My tears use to run down like the Open Sea
Used to cut myself open and see how much I bleed
Thinking disappearing would set myself free
Like Heaven Was supposed to be my destiny

I do not remember,
The goose bumps against my skin,
The ice cubes I would hold in the very palms of my hands
I DO REMEMBER the brutal Darkness I had within
Not of them
Not for him
Not for his group of friends;
For myself.

The interruption of trauma put fourth into my mind.
I was;
The outlined name on the piece of scrap paper
That everyone seemed to gossip about
I was the 1 out of 4...

1 out of 4
I had to feel the slim of shame through the outer course of my skin
It felt as if a vast sign was beginning attached to the back of my shirt
Everyone knew
Throughout the whole school,
Throughout the world
It felt to me...

The bitterness in my throat as I choke out the words of ****,
The word **** itself is not hard to say
The kids used to scream it on the playground each and every day
My life today is full of Rage,
Not for them
Not for him
Not for his group of friends
For I myself

Me, but everything that isn't me
Staring through a two-sided mirror,
Broken Angel wings,
crushed up in front for the eyes to see
My own self despises me
Rising up from the depts
of my own personal hell
Red lipstick on my lips,
I feel as if I'm floating
into the wide open abyss

As I proceed to stare,
The person on the other side
can't help but to glare
Her face is a pop of cherry red,
I feel as if I'm crying
and I can't get the sound of her voice
out of my head
My brain is wired
by her hand works of thread
She knows my fears,
my weaknesses and worst enemies,
Being with her,
trapped for lonely and dark centuries

She knows the questions I don't like
she knows my enemies
And when I'm going to fight
She knows when I'm gonna get a knife,
nail throughout her skin
she can't fight back
she never wins
She's me...
but everything that isn't me

Today you say,
"the bottles half empty."
Simply not because you drunk half a wine bottle
But your life isn't the perfect model
You use to stand tall,
But your leaves begin to say "so long"
As if it was fall,
Yet it is spring,
And your life is dissipate
Oh though it seems

For Your life is the definition of a Dimond ring,
You care about money, and the clothes,
Not about the happiness life brings,
In Your mind its seemingly,
money, fame, and fortune

showing lack of endorsement,
It's been "me, myself and I"
We all look at you and sigh
For negative is your only thought,
In your life,
negative is the only thing you got
If you switched around the bottle is half empty,
To the bottles have full,
Life would be much more to endure

Borrow the time never given
Reliving and rewinding everything that confines me
In a place where I rather not be
Trapped in the wrath of the sea
Broken piano keys
In the middle of my one and only song
Scattered thoughts beyond this mind

I speak no evil,
Yet see and hear it
I have to admit
There's something wrong
in this head of lies


Broken thoughts of grief only for myself,
Made up excuses why I don't have wealth
Why I'm a diamond god made not to be the best
And Even a "nobody"  doesn't cares to listen to the chatter from my chest
So I sit back in this white-walled room
With me, myself and I,
A mess

Silence
The timeless pleasures have ended,
In the trap of silence
It has began

The Devils words speak
Making me weak
For my eyes stream out
red streaks,
My future begins
To Fall apart and Creek

Silence
20 feet away
from someone standing beside me
I feel distance
Unable to hear words,
demonic voices
peek beside my ear
Unable to understand
yet,
They're Telling me my time is near

Silence
I don't cry anymore
that's the only control I have left
Physically unable to fight,
Controlling what I have left in my life,
I began to speak to Christ

Shes the angel that watches over me
For she sees my bad and good,
She understood the reasons why,
For her I never had to apologize

I see visions of her in my sleep,
She weeps away as morning creeps
The arising sun hits,
As her spirit begins split

I had trouble making it through the day
I pray that she finds her way
Or I will end up having to collapse
I take naps,
hoping to receive visions back
For old visions of her always comeback
For now she is where it is not black
"Heaven"

I hold my hands up to my face
Yet the demons following me in this ordinary place
I cry tears upon tears
As I know I am unable to face my fears
I rub my eyes
as my make up smears
In front of me
my demons appear

My voice cracks
as I try to speak,
They know my weakness,
Weakness of being unable to speak
I take two steps
pushing My demons out-of-the-way
My thoughts of doubt are downplayed
So Away my demons stay

Upon me are the golden doors
Where all you ever wanted is yours
In ignorance I have fallen for it again
The dreams ends right then.

We argue for what it's worth
We like to go back and forth,
say words we don't mean,
For there is hate in between

We talk behind each other's backs
For we both say "what kind of friend is that."
it both causes us to crack
One more step till it all turns black
For Our conscience is what we lack
We both don't hold back
For if its a smack of words or actions
It causes a ton of reaction

When the action is already said and done
The friendship we have is none,
As more hate has begun
We feel awful,
For this becomes a endless cycle

We both ask "why can't we stay friends."
But we don't want to continue doing backbends
For were both thinking it has to end,
We all say it ended in a way we didn't Intend
But the truth is
If we wouldn't have tried to have each other break and bend,
We would still be friends.

Enveloped in shadows
Darkness surrounding
Chain's binging
Hold me captive
But what?
What is it?
I've never seen it before
It's almost to bight
Too white
Could it be?
Alight?

No it can't be
For God forsakes me
My past and present
Makes me feel Imprisoned
Trapped with no escape hole
But the warmth of this sight
This beautiful bight
Shining into my core
Makes me alive more and more

An angel?
A demon?
What could possibly cut
Through me like this
It has to be
No it couldn't
In the dungeon of my mind
This "light" I find
It has to be no other
Than love

The eyes of her;
Are beyond beautiful.
Much more than I, myself, can imagine.
The wondering eyes of me;
Can never stop staring at the beauty,
that swipes Thy heart for herself.

The kind heart of she;
hides throughout the brutal darkness,  
Never for seeing the need of light.
"Those who wonder in to such;
Futuristically get broken down,
And end up where I, myself am now.

For every slight attempt,
I am turn down.
No trust as expected,
For I am one of the unimportant.
Inside the brittle heart of thy;
And past the walls of hell,
She knows I love every part of her.
The mind of mine;
knows the beauty inside,
has been torture by those of the weak,
For past, and present centuries.
The brain of me;
Understands,
"For thy myself;
Think and feel the same."

As the shining stars cover the dark,
Night sky,
I think to myself
Beyond the darkness of her,
She still amazes thy heart and soul...
Never more

I sit and cry,
I could tell you why,
But you probably wouldn't care
You would just sit, and stare

Well I can not bare,
Much of any longer
I thought I would become stronger,
But that was a lie
The insides gone
I'm crying out
As the outside is a future untold,
I'm no longer a person of the word bold
I just realized the outside cold
And I'm crying out
My Life that is unworthy of such a mold of destruction
This is a beautiful face that you can not replace,
So now,
I am on my knees,
and I am pleading out
I am so much crying out
Even though you act as if you can't see me,
Just because you know you will never BE ME.
Instead of letting me float away,
Why don't you help me stay.
For I am a feather trying to find my way.

Nothing like the rain pouring down
Nothing like a cold hearted tear
Hitting the ground
Oh I can't fly
Oh can't steer
Alone in this world without my lovely dear

I said make it a love that will last
To surpass the pain
But I guess I'm insane to think
I wasn't going to be left in the cold pouring rain

Days feel as if they never change for the better,
but the worst
I'm beginning to think this life is a curse
How could one Rome without the love and comfort of she
Till one and one Unite again and become we
R.I.P

It hits you in the face,
It's an ordinary place
it's called reality
Indescribably cold,
Yet nobody knows until it
HITS
You used to be an innocent soul,
naïve as it gets

Seemingly sad how it had to turn this way,
Sitting down and praying
will never make reality go away
You think there's a way
You think pills and potions,
will help a naïve soul stay

Your brains caving in,
your doing backbends
You wonder how it could be any worse,
To you,
this seemingly a curse,
In this life You realized,
God doesn't take any mercy,
For souls who wouldn't dare to believe,
And who would doubt
One of many of his own creations
Gods just trying to tell you to believe
Not in him,
but your own self you see.

Hey gorgeous,
Whats going down?
Seems like you've fallen down,
Since the last I've been around
You speak not a sound
I can only feel your pain
when you push me down

Hey gorgeous,
Don't let them steal your thunder,
you're more than just a number
With them goddess eyes,
You give me butterflies
Others are quick to polarize your heart,
And tear your beautiful mind apart

Hey gorgeous,
I can only think back to when I felt your forehead
Cold to the touch,
I clutch on to you right hand
Holding it;
I felt hypnotized within a  depressed state.
No one was inside
You were just an empty case

Hey gorgeous,
You would think I have forgotten
The list we use to make
The reasons why we should live
And forgive ourselves for our mistakes

1. You can't control what others do
2. The world needs more beautiful people like you
3 you are in battle,
and a soldier may never surrender
4. The people you think don't care; 85% of them would **** for you
5.
Remember when we made those promises
on that cold winter day
I held your hand,
As the wind blew in your face
The sky was a cold dark gray
I said
"hey gorgeous!
Let's Make a Deal,
If I Stay Alive will you do the same?"

Dear ....
I mustn't question thy
But there are things blinded,
I am not able to see
We close are eyes to the darkness,
And years later; wake up to the brightness
we have the slightest clue,
Of what we needed to pursue  

Here we are "earth"
We go though thick and thin,
For us,
evil is the only way to bend,
We spend time dancing around life; like clowns
Not knowing what it is,
that will make you proud,

We suffer in crowds among crowds,
Not knowing who we are,
So we don't make a sound

But one thing that bothers me....
Is that we were put here not knowing;
Hoping to be the best we know how to be,
But we never got the info or the key
To open the golden doors that we blindly can not see
And when we can't find that key,
We our stuck in darkness for eternity
But I mustn't question thy

Left on the rocky edges of life and death
50 feet to tremendously high
To wrap my head around
my mind slips,
as I slump down into cold cutting water
I can't swim I tell myself
As my body clashes against the tides
My limbs become powerless
The weakened lungs of my
endure torturous pain
The water sweeps my body
like wind sweeps the leaf's against the autumn grass
Am I dead yet? "I ask."

The seconds in this cold cutting water
feel as if it's been decades
my eyes fasten tight
as I hold on to the words of "hope"
I begin to pray.

One once told me;
to give up on people I can't get
That was one saying I will never forget
And that was it
I said I would never give up it
And yep,
I can't find another face, to replace
Your the best I ever had,
For we will never go bad
I am forever not sad,
but forever glad
For I see my heart, and soul rapped around yours
As we look up to the years and more
We see No gun, nor weapon;
that can **** our passion that we adore
I dreamed of I girl,
I would have all through this war
My love for you is stronger than ever more
Even any human being I can dream of;
can not compare
for you and I would would both stare at the purple sunshine in the air
- purple rain

~Only blue in my eyes
Hard to lose the one inside
Speak up life is passing by
Don't let the darkness capture your pride~

You sleep on the left side of the bed,
You always, "ALWAYS" in my head
I stay up late night, while you "sleepin"
Wondering what your "Dreamin"

You sleep on the left side of the bed
thinkin about unmarked trains ahead
I would hate for you to "dread"
So If there was a way "instead,"
I would take off all your worries "ahead"
Only if you promise,
I will never be misled

I sleep on the right side of the "bed,"
Wondering about you in my "head"
Only If I could show my love Just alittle "little" more
There would be opened golden doors
That would restore,
self hatred from the war
For we both soar together and more....

Glimmer of light on my window sill
Simmering love descending from above
Universal truths bending my will
In unison with those
Who came before me

Muted voice spills
melodic symphonies from the hills
In life's battle field
Stronger I become
With neither sword nor shield

Not a word to speak
As my smile streaks
rainbow across the pavement
into open fields
My tone I speak
with "my mind"
Of valleys and mountain peaks

I will not do,
But have already done
I will not waste, blessings
Dancing to the beat of foreign drums
Not having my visions heard.

All I can say is she's full of deception
For it was Breaded in sand and dirt
But yet it occurred
The words didn't slip,
But fell

She says the words break up
Together in one sentence  
Till this day I feel as if I was sentenced
For I can not get over such beauty combined together,
She wears around more then a purple feather
For she was once my valentine
For her personality is free flowing
For she gathered my heart up without knowing

She is unknowingly the girl of my dreams
But dreams have to end sometime
For love no longer streams for me.

Sorry to victimize you with my lonely cries
Fabricate my brain under the sheets of lies  
How selfish am I
Selfish is taught,
by was selfish See's
Depression & suicide
Took me down to my knees
A man once told me-
Depression is a choice
My aching heart that feels suffocation
Before I'm able to speak my own voice
My aching heart that can't simply
Define what it means-
The guilt that destroys you
Or what it means to destroy the guilt.

I hold my walls strong,
Just like the others,
I am no more weaker than-
I am no more selfish than
Depression & suicide
Doesn't let me know that you are better than
Your not.

I can't make you love me if you don't
I can't make your heart feel something it won't
trick of a reflection shines bright
Peaceful memories,
and purple summer skies at night
Remind me of this beauty;
I am unable to see even in light
you are my out of pure sight
Yet,
visions of you come full force
Seeming addicted to fouling me
They come

sometime I'll cry tears pure hate,
As I know I let you escape,
Escape from the light,
An into the dark

Though you act as we never met
I remember memories,
that your willing to forget
Yet the memories I remember
now seem out of place,
As I cry,
tears running down my face

I would **** just to hear your voice,
One last time
Yet
These walls that you build
Are set beyond our crossing paths
I only cares to look,
Behind your closed book
I dares not to taste
the grapes you once offered,
But look into your eyes,
And release you
from this darkness that you stand in.

Dear world,
I understand I'm not the perfect
picture you paint in your mind
Let's be kind to the truth,
I Look at my reflexion,
something isn't right
Dear world,
I'm losing my youth
never had a connection

Day to day I face rejection,
You Say there's redemption
As I see this reflection of non-perfection
I Try getting along
But there is all these objections.
You echo
"I lost connection"
Well Connection was never lost,
That path was never crossed
See world,
I don't fall for your lies and deception
Saying this world is yours,
Well where's mines?
You say see its my world,
You must play by my rules

Well one day I'll say that too,
I will one day feel the same way
Maybe because,
I'll Get you caught up in tricks and lies,
Make you feel criminalized,
In my world,
You'll be victimized
You will be called uncivilized
You won't be the perfect picture
You painted in my mind.