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Mar 2019 · 592
Severed
Eleanor Sinclair Mar 2019
For a moment I felt okay
Euphoric, even, in every way
But it can’t last forever
The next day the pain is back and once again we are severed
Mar 2019 · 401
Drowning
Eleanor Sinclair Mar 2019
Silently crying to myself
As my deteriorating mental heath
Pulls me under
Feb 2019 · 555
Enough
Eleanor Sinclair Feb 2019
I’m sorry my love
But it has to be done
The clouds have moved in
I’m no longer your sun
My heart is aching
At the thought of what was
My will is breaking
...
I’ve just had enough
Feb 2019 · 1.1k
Droplets
Eleanor Sinclair Feb 2019
The waves crashed as my knees buckled so straight
I could hear my inner thoughts screaming “it’s already too late!”
The water, so jagged and blunt with force
Threw me and my mind fully off course
The amplitude had ceased yet the water remained
No matter how hard I tried some parts were not drained
I suppose to me you’re like the droplets of water
Those little bits that aren’t really a bother
But no matter what I know that they’re there
I really feel them when my soul is quite bare
And no matter how I try to dry them
They have become a part of me like a flower to its stem
Feb 2019 · 562
Perfectionism
Eleanor Sinclair Feb 2019
Of all the art in the world
Nothing compared to you
I sold my soul looking for the paints you used
Yet in the end it was just as well
I was nothing but charcoal whereas you were pastel
Feb 2019 · 417
Misery
Eleanor Sinclair Feb 2019
Another day goes by where I ask myself why I continue to live this miserable life
**** me
Feb 2019 · 527
Bad Boy
Eleanor Sinclair Feb 2019
You act so kind and caring
But you’re really quite cruel and daring
You push the limits of life
And play with the edge of the knife
I was merely a pawn in your game
You made me fall for your name
But were you the man I grew to know?
Looking now at your face, I don’t think so
Feb 2019 · 418
Ticking Away
Eleanor Sinclair Feb 2019
When will I find a love that’s mine
They say, “you’ll see a sign, all in due time”
But they don’t understand the issue I’m having
My emotions are trapped inside me gathering
I can’t see the forest for the trees
And I can’t keep begging for a man down on my knees
Feb 2019 · 450
Weep
Eleanor Sinclair Feb 2019
All you had to do was stay
but instead you left
and took a piece of me away

every night and every day
I think of you
and weep as I begin to pray
Feb 2019 · 365
Three Letters
Eleanor Sinclair Feb 2019
I wish there was a word beyond “sad”
Because three letters cannot capture
The way my heart breaks and bends every time you enter my mind
Feb 2019 · 516
Me
Eleanor Sinclair Feb 2019
Me
Can’t you see
It’s not you who is the issue
It’s me
Jan 2019 · 430
Artwork
Eleanor Sinclair Jan 2019
“Don’t ruin my artwork”
He said to me when I was still his canvas
But he grew less fond of my colors, now dull
My blues to greys
Fading away
The white washed over me
And I was no longer his masterpiece
Jan 2019 · 344
In The Night
Eleanor Sinclair Jan 2019
You made your way into my dreams again last night
I no longer try to fight it
Your presence, however ethereal, makes me warm
And by the morning sun from me you’re torn
Jan 2019 · 775
Waiting
Eleanor Sinclair Jan 2019
I miss you like the wind does the leaves
But when spring comes, once again they will meet
Jan 2019 · 746
Blue
Eleanor Sinclair Jan 2019
I think about you daily
Perhaps too much, maybe
Do you think of me as I do for you?
I’m lost without Us and my days are blue
Jan 2019 · 1.7k
Gone
Eleanor Sinclair Jan 2019
I have a dilemma in heart and mind
My brain to me is so unkind
Do I suppress my evil thoughts
With a measly prescription, store bought?
I’m staying strong for him
But some days depression wins
And my anger bubbles up
So instead I wash it down with a cup
Of water and a little nauseating pill
It’s blue and powerful, it often makes me ill
I worry to start again
Because I could barely stop back then
It’s not worth the toll
So I flush them down the toilet bowl
Jan 2019 · 741
Lovely
Eleanor Sinclair Jan 2019
There were cracks of light through darkness
But the rain it still came through
There’s no more need to worry
Because now my light is you
Jan 2019 · 455
Stay
Eleanor Sinclair Jan 2019
There are days I could leave this behind
Pack up and go with clear conscience and mind
Yet as time ticks away I still stay
Jan 2019 · 24.6k
Wonder
Eleanor Sinclair Jan 2019
Do you ever wonder
if the painter
tires of his colors?
Jan 2019 · 297
Slip
Eleanor Sinclair Jan 2019
My sword is bent
and my shield is shattered
My armor is cracked
and my heart is battered
Jan 2019 · 290
To The Bone
Eleanor Sinclair Jan 2019
“Love? People love what they can take from you or they love how you make them feel about themselves; but they don’t love you”

An interesting concept indeed
This human made emotional greed
I think you loved me, I do
But I think I was temporary to you
That’s alright though
I guess in the end we reap what we sow
Jan 2019 · 550
To Jay
Eleanor Sinclair Jan 2019
In the night is when I know he loves me
Because without being asked he rolls over and hugs me
And with his gentle hands he tugs at me
And although his body is flaming
I find his presence quite taming
I think the feeling I’m having trouble explaining is the one above all else
It’s love for others above thyself
The more time I spend with him the more I see his flaws
But the more I fall in love with him the more I must take pause
I know he is not perfect
But a happy life, he deserves it
I love my boy most of all
He is the only one to catch me when I fall
Jan 2019 · 1.1k
Hurtful
Eleanor Sinclair Jan 2019
Anger brings out a side of people
Perhaps one that hasn’t been seen
But then again it’s useful
It makes the slate start clean

I have a motto now
I’ll live each day for me
I’m done trying to satisfy the thirsty man
And portraying what he wants me to be

Let’s be honest I should’ve seen this coming
After all he wasn’t mine
But God it shouldn’t of hurt like this
And I shouldn’t be silently crying
Jan 2019 · 2.3k
Mama
Eleanor Sinclair Jan 2019
Through and through my mother is anorexic
You would be too if your environment was toxic
I can’t help but be sad when I come home late at night
And she’s asleep on the couch with tear stains from a fight
I bring back food from the restaurant I work at
She says she can’t have it because she’s too fat
Eventually she caves and I get her to eat
Fish, broccoli, fries, and red meat
She tells me it’s too late at night to eat snacks
Although she’s a normal weight her bones still sound like they crack
It’s now 1 am and I go to turn off the tv
She quickly wakes up and stairs blankly right at me
“Leave it. And turn the heat on”
She says to me, fighting a yawn
Before I leave I notice the wrappers
A caloric binge had clearly trapped her
And tomorrow I’m sure the cycle will repeat
As the image of my mother withers and retreats
Jan 2019 · 478
Seconds Between
Eleanor Sinclair Jan 2019
When our eyes meet it’s like a flash of lightning
With each new moment the feeling is heightening
I can’t believe it took us this long
To realize what we had before it was gone
Jan 2019 · 305
Cure
Eleanor Sinclair Jan 2019
The mist often lifts in the presence of the sun
The same way my heart does, and the way I hold air in my lungs
You seem to make the dark days feel light
And when my eyes catch yours there is nothing better in sight
You make my pulse quicken when you touch my skin
Now I know how Henry felt when he looked at Anne Boleyn
Trust now that what I say to you is true
Due to our time together I've reached a break through
You really are all that I need
You coarse through my veins, so not to lose you, I choose not to bleed
Dec 2018 · 512
Yours
Eleanor Sinclair Dec 2018
As my hands moved down his slick back,
I counted the rising goosebumps.
Then he leaned in close to me
and speaking his dangerous words said,
"I want you."
Somehow, on that cold winter day, I melted
Dec 2018 · 446
Aging
Eleanor Sinclair Dec 2018
Another year, now older
Am I wiser?
Perhaps, but surely bolder
What can I say
I feel more or less the same

The years float by, entrancing
But each no more enhancing
The reflection has no change
Yet my vision has less range
The wrinkles aren't yet there
And the grey has not attacked my hair
But somehow I feel aged
In my own mind encaged
I don't mind the sound of my years
For some it brings them to solemn tears
I find it sort of soothing
As evidence that life is moving

The time is comes and goes
When it will end, no one knows
But for now on earth it snows
And the howling wind still blows
Dec 2018 · 957
Water
Eleanor Sinclair Dec 2018
Your eyes are like the ocean
Your words are like the sea
I can't help but fall in love with you
As your waves wash over me
Dec 2018 · 405
Blooming
Eleanor Sinclair Dec 2018
My love for you is patient
My love for you is kind
I want to write you personally
I hope that you don't mind
I can't live here without you
It would be like blank dark death
There is no me without you
You are within my every breath
I want to leave this place
And go live on our own
Believe me when I say this
You shudder through my bone
I need you with me always
Otherwise I might die
Every day without you
I quietly sit and cry
Please stay with me my sweetheart
And don't leave so soon
I write about you daily
And think from sun till moon
So please my lovely flower
O' won't you stay in bloom
I see our petals growing
Don't let them be our doom
Eleanor Sinclair Dec 2018
See there's a life I live in public
and one a little more reserved
The first makes me feel sick
the latter more preserved

We wear a mask that we sometimes share
wondering what face to show
One used here and one used there
questioning where each should go

Perhaps there is a compromise
in this hellish seeming turmoil
I forgot... I got lost in your eyes
as it moves from simmer to boil

What to do about such a complex issue...
What if I stood in front of the world and attempted to kiss you?
Mon ami, I'm hopelessly and irrevocably in love with you
Dec 2018 · 852
You feel like the sun
Eleanor Sinclair Dec 2018
The way you wash your hands makes me wish I was between them
I don’t profess to know the future but for it you’re my stem
My bed seems empty unless it contains your light
And when I sleep with you I’m sure I will forget the night
The words you speak are unlike others and I know they’re always true
In the end no matter what it will always be me and you
I only feel alive when I see you in my view
But when you’re not around then my thoughts will have to do
Dec 2018 · 147
Sing With Me
Eleanor Sinclair Dec 2018
Sing with me
Whether we’re laying in the bed of a hotel room, half past three
Or sitting in a car, well past dark
Listen to our hearts and recite our lovely parts
Hum along to our sacred song as we watch the sun set over the endless horizon
And I’ll beg that you sleepily sing again with me as we watch it rise in the morning
I’ll kiss your sweet lips before the cup of coffee does
And our departing hug will be magic and snug as we say our goodbyes before the morning dew
I’ll hear you whistle along to our tune and I know when you come home you won’t have to sing alone
We are better together- a duet cannot work unless both parts are heard
Sing with me till the sands of time run out
Cast away the doubt that our love won’t sprout wings and take us to distant lands where we may forever walk together, hand in hand
Dec 2018 · 228
Tingly
Eleanor Sinclair Dec 2018
Let it be known to all who will listen
I’m in love with a man whose beautiful eyes glisten
And even when they are filled with tears
He still relieves me of my deepest fears
I love in him the things he does
And the way he holds my ribs during passionate hugs
The morning sun envies his light
And every star in the sky is clouded from sight
He radiates like no one ever has before
And the list goes on of things I adore
To me he is nothing short of divine
I want so badly to call him mine
I’ll always love this man with my body, heart, and soul
For a world without him would leave a gaping hole
Dec 2018 · 1.4k
Just Disappear
Eleanor Sinclair Dec 2018
Do I dare say that I wish I was invisible
That people didn’t look at me and on the streets I could walk peacefully
No shady eyes or stares
Perhaps it’s my paranoia and perhaps nobody cares
The thing that gets me the most about life
Is the insurmountable amount of hype
I get it’s a gift and believe me, I’m grateful
But this distasteful existence I lead is starting to get to my head
Like the smell of cigarettes in my mothers car
No matter how far the drive I would hold my breath and hope to survive
I kind of feel like life is this way
Because despite my actions day to day I still wonder why I’m here and what is it that I walk on the street and fear
Is it the people and their perceptions
Or is it me and how I view myself
Fearful of astral projecting it onto everybody else
If they thought of me the way I think of me then holy hell what a different world this would be
I can’t understand why I float about here in space
But in case you were wondering I’m here for love and it doesn’t matter if you call me a disgrace
I think the man I’m in love with is from heaven above
And yes it’s unconventional, after all we live in to separate worlds
But he sees me for me and not my childish comments as a girl
For a second can you think what it would be like to not exist?
That’s a crisis all in itself and scientists are always ****** when you ask them what comes next in life for the dead
They can’t wrap their head around not being here
So they discount the new studies that come out every year
I don’t know what to believe and I really don’t care
Just get me away from this place so I can leave and be fine
I want to disappear like an erased pencil line
Nov 2018 · 528
Hollow Howl
Eleanor Sinclair Nov 2018
The wind speaks to me at night
It cascades and whistles in mid flight
I see in it the wonder
And destruction like the thunder
It tells me of the clouds
And how they love to clump in crowds
Perhaps the wind will save us
With it's mighty and powerful gust
I wish to ask it questions
And to express my confessions
The howling shrieks seems mournful
Like those of a mere mortal
I suppose nothing is free from pain
Even nature is bound by chain
How I long to ask the wind
Why it's voice must rescind
For days at a time it will not visit
My window pane forgets its kisses
As I forget its touch on my skin
I wonder where my wind has been
Nov 2018 · 528
Lepidoptera
Eleanor Sinclair Nov 2018
Maybe in another life I will be something less painful than a human
Fewer feelings and emotions and ridiculous devotions
Perhaps a butterfly so I may sprout wings to go wherever I please
To escape when I want and live among the trees
To be free from the mortal bonds which bind me still
Being crushed by those who see me as a bent and dying daffodil
I am viewed as a damaged and battered being
Yet it seems as though my outside casing is the only thing people are seeing
My mind is quiet foggy but my folded stems are not painful
They just distort my appearance and for that I'm quiet thankful
Because if those who care were to ignore my imperfections
Then by chance I could avoid societal dissection
Let me return as a creature without sense or thought
Then I will never be caught thinking of what I used to be
I'll be free from the prospect that the world ruined me
I thought I was alone in this place of misery
But I was soon brought out and could see clearly, instantly
Love was the lens I needed for sight
But now like the butterfly, it has left to take flight
There once was a time when the world brought me joy
Until I found people who sadistically poison and destroy
Now I again must revert back to nature
In the end it is all I have left...
Sooner or later
Nov 2018 · 1.2k
Written for me:
Eleanor Sinclair Nov 2018
I told my love recently that he never writes for me
He claimed it was because of his insecurity
The English language is complex
I agree, but it requires thought and what comes next
So my love then began to think
And with his words he made my heart sink
In a way that was full of emotion
And it renewed my everlasting devotion
He wrote for me
A piece of poetry:
"Your eyes sparkle,
Sparkle like a thousand fireworks,
and I marvel like a little kid,
Looking into your beautiful green eyes
like a lushes forest.
Hoping to get lost with you in the wild"
Eleanor Sinclair Oct 2018
I hope my body forgives me
For what I’ve put it through
I hope one day I see
The truths I heard from you

I promise I will try
Not to starve myself as often
But there will be hiccups and lies
As I chew and chew to soften

The food will make me sick
Though I may not mean physical
But still they call me “thick”
Thin is paradisiacal

I’m sorry some days I can’t keep down my food
Or I can’t even look at the label on that junk
I know it would taste good
But it would just add to me another flabby chunk

The number doesn’t matter
It’s arbitrary really
I’m stuck like the mad hatter
And the mirror floats about freely

Yes I’m scared to death
But the death is so enticing
I push and pull each breath
But the sharp oxygen is slicing

Tired and alone
I wander aimlessly
With no place to call home
I can’t say I do so blamelessly

It’s my fault I’m so messed up
But I want that skin and bones
I rinse my mouth with a cup
After throwing up dark tones

I hope my body forgives me
For hurting it so greatly
It’s not who I want to be
But I’ve gotten much worse lately
Oct 2018 · 297
Hopeless
Eleanor Sinclair Oct 2018
I was ready to run away
Far far away I packed my bags today to try to go where I belong
Where do I belong except following the song of a land that is perhaps not my own
I try to run from these sticks and stones but my broken bones keep me here
Crying
Shouting pouting sobbing
I sit with bruised ribs and shortened breath
The depth of my breath is like a canyon or a crater which sooner or later becomes the norm and I’m trapped
Shackled to this life when all I want to do is attack it
It’s impossible
I can’t seem to make myself believe what it means to be worthy
Hurry and save me before these walls cave in on me
These four walls make me feel so tall but at the end of it all I’m small and smaller and the universe expands while I shrink and my existence is very indistinct
I suppose it’s all meaningless
Should I just go and be, I don’t know, something different?
I could live in the mountains by a little Swiss village
With a brittle wood house and a crackling fire place to set the pace for a relaxing time
Full of sublime moments with the one I adore
I implore to leave this wretched area but my anxiety filled hysteria keeps me here
Some days the stress makes my ears ring so loud it’s all I can hear and it appears that I’m not sleeping
Instead I’m thinking and like a teabag steeping in what comes next
Either tomorrow or in ten years I rethink all my dreams and fears and wow does it mess things up
I smile less and worry more about what the universe has in store
I don’t know what comes next
Yet I still hope for the best
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