im skipping through the day,
flying away like fairy dust and dripping gold like a caramel bar
grinning ear to ear like a Cheshire cat
because most everyone is mad here
and im not altogether here myself
3 parts infected  2 parts sane and 7 parts mad
my heads on a spring like a bobble necked pin
not here !they scream not here!
so my mind leaves,
truances my classes skipping through feilds of poppies and clovers
where all the rainbows end
my Conscience  can hide from the lies my eyes tell
so ive lost it 12 pence at a time,
rounded down to dimes,
raving lunitics prance here, in the halls of my brain
10:16 like its 420 again

Sometimes I'm high
and way of in the sky
I find peace
tripping out of classrooms and landing on my front teeth
spilling **** water like secrets i wasn't meant to tell

Sometimes I'm too high
and The clouds ripple around my head like mountain peaks
scrapping the ******* sky
sky scrapers got nothing on me i use them as shoes scrappers
take the **** of my feet,

Sometimes I come down
and i transform, curling into a space plane
sub sonic I'm pealing back the atmosphere,
red hot to the touch my existence is on another plane
more often then not though...
i wish i as here

Sometimes I just need a hit
just one,
please
Keep me up
I don't want to go down
I dont want to fall again,
because my fingers are singed and my hair reeks of smoke
my clothes are *****, and my pokets lined with coke

I love you,
no
not you
her.
in my cone peice
in my lungs


*e
x
h
a
l
e

I was never a good boy  , dabbling in the wrong side of the right life,  i stole coins like candy from my grandmothers cookie jar.  Of coarse i was wrong, but i allays...
I always thought i was right , because my world had so little light  i didn't know...
I didn't know what was right, what was i to feel? how i was i to fight?,
i wasn't..
depression is like having a red dot on your forehead and you cant tell if that's from the divines gifting you inspiration to speak or the ****** down the road firing words sharp enough to slit wrists through the ballistic scope of the internet. and how dare you say..
"get over it"
how dare you say"be happy",
because depression is like a black hole
that not even light can escape and where all stuck at the bottom..
only the lucky few get to sit at the top with smiles and wave without being ****** in. throwing in careless well wishes like the coin you stole into a well...wishing that coin would grow and swell and unfurl into the note  of green you think you need.
stop counting your own blessing and count mine,  because down here at the bottom  its to dark to see the notes of happy things you write, and still you throw more and ask for them back but why is it always about you?  why cant i get a helping hand without seeing the back of it against my cheek, because we only get help when its returned..and we can only beat depression when we earn it.  and the only way to earn it is to run faster then light because that's where the answer is...
happiness
and im not talking about the kind of happyness that drips from the slit neck of a broken bottle, im not talking about  the kind that seaps from my lungs in the clouds i blow, im talking about that someone ..
the girl with cute socks all fluffy and pink,  the doctor who series box set and waaayyy to many treats..
im talking about  the people who even when my skin is made out of stone see the marshmallow of my heart, even when my worlds falls apart, and the fragments of my reality splinter into stepping stones across a  raging river...
they make the steps not so far apart...
  while upstream my family and my friends rush construction on the dam that will slow the flow enough to cross..
THERE THE ONES WHO CARE  !'
the ones who grab that happiness that outruns my own black hole and dive head first into it m force feeding me spoonfuls of sugar and courage and smiles because  they never saw the swirls of darkness around me they only saw emptiness


And one after another those broken hearted lovers those screaming from slit rists or happyness in there raught minds strip there beds and make a rope from the sheets  and tossed it from the tallest window of the fortress of life and  as soon as it touched the ground..they scream. they scream like animals climb.. climb dam you climb!!! climb like gravities blowing you a wet kiss and  the worlds tied wings to your back CLIMB! and those eat the bottom of the rope .. they  chant your bane  to keep you going...keep moving they say.. and those on the other side who can see the sun rissing and see it getting better they scream hurry! because my lifes passing me by and only they can see it...

and i can say because of them...the friends that care the one who suffer i climb...Ii still do... I haven't stopped and im STILL not at the top but im still going...
and its hard...
and my hands bleed from the effort and the slits on my wrists beg to burst again but i cant...
I  cant **** the rope that love built with my own blood and slip back down
I  must keep going...
thanks to the selflessness of those around me i know that bed sheets aren't for nooses...
there for ropes..
because dreams aren't  knifes there an escape from climbing...
the soft pillow i rest my head on doesn't feel like rocks any more..
because i couldn't dream before and now its all i do,   i  scream it DREAM!  i yell from one ear to the next look at me! smiling with  broken teeth look-at me! my scars aren't scars because I've shaped them into badges of pride because im climbing...
and as long as i climb ill never have to touch the ground...
  as long as i catch the rope when i slip those who love me will cheer me on, iscream it... look at me, not even a black hole could catch me now

*L.G

Hard to think
Hard to speak
Hard to walk
No retreat

Just breathe
Like i had a choice
Just because im breathing
Doesnt mean i have a voice.

Anxiety  shockwaves.
Ripple from my tounge
And though i am fearful
I know im only young.

Please hold me
Dont let the dark voices through
Though im alone
Im in the same room as you

I* have the puzzle
in my hands right now
And no idea how to piece it together again
What seemed to work before
Now makes you apear broken

Irellivent

You only have to say a few words for this to become
And then nothin' is the same
No
Not any longer.

I forgave her for eating my chocolate
even though she ate a hole block of it
I Forgave him for forgetting my birthday,
even though hes the reason i was born on that day
I Forgave the puppy
For wanting to use so much of my time for play
I forgave the thief
for taking what wasn't theirs to take
and of all this forgiveness
and all that resent
I find that if I try to forgive myself,
no relief presents itself

anxiety burrows down
and settles itself in your soul,
like a bucket riddled with holes
hope pores strait through my soul
so when i say that you give me forgiveness
when I say your helping me right my wrongs

Don't accept it as a responsibility
take it like a badge of pride
so many wrongs done by my side
that my pride has gathered its things
its no longer with me for the ride


Don't take my forgiveness so willingly,
know that I charge it to you with hope i cannot afford to give
in the hopes that one day
ill be able to forgive

You know what we used to be
You know what we are
And though i pretend its ok to be
I can no longer stand her beeing so close
To me

Yell a  little louder, I dare you
Your heart is a megaphone set to loud let it bleat its message
to  the crows and crowds alike

Your mind is a violin, sitting like porcelain  in a satin palace
Singing a somber tone to its audience of no one,
so alone.

Your spirit is a caged stalion
ready to rare, flash its teeth, grip its hind legs and stare

But in my arms you are  a puppet
so warm and soft
I have trouble believing how much you must cost

because the wears you fetch and sell have amassed no fortune
and the hearts you keep in jars have long since stopped beating

move on with me,
skip town, come dance around
free as yetis,
and just as likely to exist,

my presence unkown to you now
will be the dowry on which our lives will finnally start
And in your eyes, I might finnaly exist

falling from the inside
like an old building
tho my facade has not changed, nor weatherd with age,
my foundations are cracked like used sand paper
the wallpaper is peeling of the bindings
support me
dont let me colapse apon the ground we have have soiled
dont tell me now the dirt i stood proudly apon  
*has been turned to dust

tonight i cut an angel,

her heart in my palm beating away. her words echoing in my brain, theyd been there all along, such beautiful soft words, words that mattered, words that cared , words that helped , words that pushed me up and  onwards

tonight i cut an angel,

her trust was as strong as steel in me, even when mine felt soft as yarn, she allways believed and faught for me without sense and without judgment
even when her sword was too dull to cut and too heavy to swing
her armor was so broken there was no point in wearing it,
but she wore it for me

tonight i cut an angel,

she is more beautiful then i deserve,more caring then i thaught possible, but frailer then rice paper.
she will allways love me, even when i hurt her, she would stand and smile and sow the hole in her heart closed again

tonight i cut an angel,

she wanted what was best, she knew what was best, she allways had and allways would, but my heart was beating to fast, my head was to strong. i screamed and faught and squeezed razors into the heart in my palm
tonight i cut an angel.

and now ill pray that to god he will send her back


L.G