My voice is not sick.
My heart does not lack charge
And my fingers rest beautifully.

My wires are impeccably engineered.
My brain is alight with knowing
And my belly, understanding.

Tell me, what does yours say?
Does it lie to you?

Our voices are not sick
Our words are not misguided.
We simply know you well,
And suffer for it.

The system robbed my father
Of his soul
And silenced my mother
Of her will

They are two young leaves
Glabrous and magnificent
Spinning atop a torrent.

Unaware of their power,
And stubborn in their fear,
They placed a finger on my lips
And never took it off.

Wrapped in a pink cotton blanket,
Warmed and fed, alive
A storm rises in my mind,
a scene of deep forest, a child.

Hidden amongst shoes,
Marbles and a flashlight,
Dancing in space and in orbit,
A lone soul in its element.

Blank face and sullen eyes,  
A sponge to emotion and to fear
Every week another era,
Tempestuous ebb and flow, tears.

She rides her bike, dreaming away
Another rat in a rusty wheel
Looking for solace, peace and purpose,
Something solid and something real.

Undulating waves and frantic logic
Depths of darkness and wells of joy
Inability to fit the mold,
Painful transparency and unsatisfying toys.

Now she's melting into the song of the violin
The tiptoe of piano
The urgency of symphony
The strength of the drum solo.

The feminine, the masculine
The old and young, near and far
She is all in all,  
A cascading waterfall
A torrent
A body no more.

What right do you have to lie there so beautiful,
So far away?

I am bathed in the shadow of your gaze as I write this,
And trying to follow the map of grief drawn, to meet you.

Transport me, my glimmer, to your dissociative place.
We'll sit there in silence.

If I could soar at will,
Less escape, more exploration, until
I found an ocean too wide
Or a glacial peak about to cleave

If I could rise and trace the topography
Like fingertips over worn leather
Inhaling scents of all our lives
And ride in the slipstream of an eagles' feather

If I could,
If I could just

Be weightless within the heart of the stratus
Tip toe over the bristle of a giant spruce
High-five a handsome window washer
Or soak up the light of a meadow chartreuse

White notions of superiority
Blessed under white lights
Souls sold
Between punched holes
Ring binders brim-full
***** overfills
Scripted words
Meals of rotten platitudes.

Here is my grateful smile
Here is my pleated skirt
Here is my servitude

Loosen your

Chains,
Brains,
*****,

Your vowels
And your bowels

I thought we were strangers
As much as we were strangers to
Everyone around

I thought you were just
A story untold,
A future ideal

My little self dreamt of you
Pretended you were a hero

She saw you under the bed
In the backyard
In the furled faces
Of a million African daisies

I knew you were of this
universe, well-known
But wasn't convinced
We'd ever meet in the flesh

But we've met many times
You and I

In the corner of my shoe closet
Running down that street, bruised.
We met in a cafe on Rue de Seine
On the 4-hour bus rides at 3am

We sat together, utterly content,
On the floor of old libraries
Inhaling stories and scents
Of cedarwood and vanillan

I saw you dancing
When I was dancing
Awkward nerds
You took my hand, pulling

Your kind, fractalled face
Kissed mine a thousand times
Your voice saved my life

In awe at the depth of your knowing,
I'm grateful we're still alive.

X

You are my lover
My only lover
Whom the world
Shows its colour
And when you need
A tasty other
I am yours to smother

You are my well-girthed king
My only king
Hotter than a thermal spring
Pull on my apron string
Undress me
And impress me
****** me with your violin

Play me like a pan flute
My lover, my brute
Stroke my ego
My resolve is dilute
And you, my broken parachute
Will be my demise

Nobody understands me
As much as nobody ever could
And when the sun and moon's dance was done
There nobody stood.

Bound by red hot bands of scorn
And passing glances at passing friends
Nobody rocked me to sleep till dawn
And lovingly stayed till day's end

And when my teeth kept falling out
Nobody just held my hand
Nobody cried hot tears with me
And became my medicine man

Nobody really loves me
As much as no one ever did
But nobody's been right beside me
Ever since I were a kid

Wish I were sunny and magnetic,
Energetic
And darkness was only at night
Not in my soul,
Black hole

Wish I were an inspiration to you
To me, just naturally
I would have an armour of titanium love,
Undreamed of

A phoenix rising in red hot embodiment,
A testament
A barefooted rebel of society
And the prison of tradition

The visions clear to me,
Patience flows, unceasing
Releasing

Wish I could uncover and set free
That little girl inside of me
But my heart is the heart
Of a tragedian
Obsidian

And the times changed from rage to solace
to watching lilacs intensify with love

Safety of the heart has been my cure, the catalyst
and science of healing the nourishing water

And when I am safe I am every bud awakening,
the trees whisper to each other my nickname

Glass spheres of dramatic scenes spin precariously
over my head, unbroken, a beautiful dancing mobile

Beliefs of self, of life, of others, of you, I cleansed as often
as sleep and darkness calmed my mind and repaired each cell

A chapter down, a lesson learned and an expanding mind
Is all that's needed to wash away the charred residue of ego

The times evolve unseen to the naked eye, but slow,
in such the way a larvae flickers to a queen bee of gold

I had mercury and sulphur coarsing through my veins
but the oils nourished my bones while I tore at my skin

My mind grew and stretched and tightened like a wormhole,
resistance was my protection but not my mother's milk

Every step my feet were cut by shards of angry memories
but the skin calloused each time and simply smirked, bemused

I have seen the hurricane,

I have caused the avalanche,

the firestorm met me where I lay in bed at sunrise

Yet here I am.

I get excited by naps
giddy after one wine
make-up itches my face
always wake up after nine
one tea on the hour
one bath every week
two bags under the eyes
two once-perky cheeks
gardening is my ******
libraries, my *******
silence is my saucy lover
- noise equals pain
my hair is lush, healthy
because I wash it rarely
my legs are nice and smooth
because I let them grow hairy

I am going to pluck that illuminated corner of the night sky
and graft it to my palm.
I am sorry, precious sky, that we have been so distant
for so long.

There's a possibility

My neck will break
Under the weight
Of my parents unlived life

I will hold their hands
And forever dance
To the beat of longing.

There's a possibility

I will reveal my skin
To a crowd of mannequin
And be rejected still.

In my dreams they love
Every hidden part I write of,
And I am theirs.

There's a possibility

I will meet them brazen
Speaking words craven,
Never letting go.

In my worn sneakers,
My dirt-stained knees,
They see me, they see.

There's a possibility.

She painted me in violent red
Dripping oil and
Strokes of toxic lead

Crafted bloodied battle scenes
Of her, martyred
Me, dead

She painted her face
On every soldier, replaced,
And sold it museum to museum,
Showcased

I am the silenced pawn,
Exhausted
A lifetime of submission
Fanning her mania,
Supported

I jumped ship, swam to shore
Stitched my head closed
Drew lines in the sand,
Ended my own war

She sings to the world her lies
Still, now
And paints me in violent red
From the cut she made,
From the wounds she bled.

Rest
Rest from my heavy heart
And tired soul
From contemplation
From the waves of emotion
From the scars of misunderstanding
From the weight of feeling
From the - I pause
To watch a ladybug
Explore the page
My shirt
And disappear into the spine
Of this book

I can't save you

Don't save me

Your beliefs erode my DNA

I love you but I bleed

I will find God elsewhere

I bet She is waiting for me there.

We'd like to be funnier
We'd like to be calm
We want what you want
Without the harm

Carried you on our backs
Carried you through the womb,
Stood smiling and muzzled,
Outside the boardroom.

We want the same freedom
We want the same care.

Take your foot off my neck.
And ******* with your prayers.

And after all my vacant musings
And energy wasted in worry
I sit here, sorry.

For but a while I lay silent in my bath
Drowning in evaporating thoughts
Lamenting my stories.

He lets me ponder, flail, indulge my mind
And fill my soul with sand
On my self-made dry land.

Until a feather lays at my feet alone
And my little ones say my name
I suddenly understand.

The rays of sun wrap me in their love
And my stubborn perception is severed
Life opens, unfettered.

And after all my vacant musings
My weathered, jaded body
Returns again and remembers

Simple beauty,  
Simple acts,
Simple words,
Pure love is simple.

She speaks in cherry red
Prunus cerasifera
He whispers falling leaves
Amongst the diving wrens.
Happy tears shed every morning
Before the Lyrebird sire
Starts his lone choir

Ashen pine blue, flame trees
Quiet illumination
Sensual body of Autumn

The day is torturing me
For being unruly
My stomach is cursing me
For being unruly
My back is clutching my spine,
While my brain is on a diatribe.

Let the birds feed
and the bugs burrow
allow all of life to be
Tend to your garden only to let it flourish
and watch it sing to you reciprocally

It's not just the colours that paint your vision
and soothe each thirsty soul on earth
The fruit bears witness to health and light
the sacrificial sweetness of rebirth

So let each whisper of wind cleanse,
every velvet leaf caress each fingertip
kiss Mother Nature with every inch of skin,
bow to her wise rivers and sip

Tend to your mind-garden and honor each thing
give to the earth back what it gives you
kneel,
drink,
bless,
open every pore
be intimate with your origin
and welcome sneaky little changes

Unpicking the glue
Torching this torrid past
Peeling strings of false skin
Good morning baby iconoclast.

Watch her absorb the 'tut-tuts'
Drinking in the dislike,
These cold baths of solitude
Grow a **** anti-christ.

Come one, come all,
With all your **** nonsense
Shed those serious souls
And serial brawls
Engage in gravelly goodness.

Touch hither soft lemony lightness
And ruminate on he said/she said
Like severed fingers in brine
Que appropriate melancholy rhyme

Like Lord Paragon of Virtue
With or withered will
Atop his freshly bejeweled spire
Delights to set the world on fire.