Amidst the humidity and darkness of the forest floor
ants scurry in hyper-speed over invisible highways
mushrooms spread boldly beneath wise wooden giants

At night, black panthers weave through thick overgrowth,
undetected, as birds quieten their hungry young and sleep
But even in the rich darkness of the dense forest
micro flashes of silken pink and yellow cream can be seen
catching the moon's light, glowing like precious gems

By day these colours dim in their translucent chambers
atop the world's most beautiful, fearless caterpillar

This tiny being boldly ventures from one leaf to another
while all others cower underneath
Its crystal spikes hide only soft, sticky goo
and it is no bigger than a fingernail

But don't be fooled by its size and raw beauty,
this bejeweled crown easily summons its strength
to move faster than the angry west winds

Its beauty comes not only from its form
but in its lion-hearted spirit and grace

This confident caterpillar lives
and surrenders to change
without the leaden shackles of fear and worry

and when the time comes
she embraces
and is transformed again
to something new.

Loosen your

Chains,
Brains,
*****,

Your vowels
And your bowels

You are my lover
My only lover
Whom the world
Shows its colour
And when you need
A tasty other
I am yours to smother

You are my well-girthed king
My only king
Hotter than a thermal spring
Pull on my apron string
Undress me
And impress me
****** me with your violin

Play me like a pan flute
My lover, my brute
Stroke my ego
My resolve is dilute
And you, my broken parachute
Will be my demise

I want to touch your base,
I want to touch base.
Now we're gonna circle back
To our circle ****.
Feel the warmth of my regards
Deep in your archive folders.
Savour the tingling of my best wishes,
Between your table of contents.
I want to touch your base,
I want to touch base.

She speaks in cherry red
Prunus cerasifera
He whispers falling leaves
Amongst the diving wrens.
Happy tears shed every morning
Before the Lyrebird sire
Starts his lone choir

Ashen pine blue, flame trees
Quiet illumination
Sensual body of Autumn

Itch those *****, player
Itch them red raw
Bleeding?, who cares!
Embrace your oozy pores
Itchy itchy morning rise
Scratchy scratchy nights
Give me a show I'd like to forget
Make me close up tight
Itch those *****, giant manchild
Itch them to completion
Whatever you got to do, do
During itchy and scratchy season

I can't save you

Don't save me

Your beliefs erode my DNA

I love you but I bleed

I will find God elsewhere

I bet She is waiting for me there.

I am going to pluck that illuminated corner of the night sky
and graft it to my palm.
I am sorry, precious sky, that we have been so distant
for so long.

Compete never

Never worth that fight

Fight only for innocence

Innocence runs through you

You are alive

Alive, but not awake

Awake the dormant innocence

Innocence that runs through you

You fight only to compete

Compete never

Wish I were sunny and magnetic,
Energetic
And darkness was only at night
Not in my soul,
Black hole

Wish I were an inspiration to you
To me, just naturally
I would have an armour of titanium love,
Undreamed of

A phoenix rising in red hot embodiment,
A testament
A barefooted rebel of society
And the prison of tradition

The visions clear to me,
Patience flows, unceasing
Releasing

Wish I could uncover and set free
That little girl inside of me
But my heart is the heart
Of a tragedian
Obsidian

Rest
Rest from my heavy heart
And tired soul
From contemplation
From the waves of emotion
From the scars of misunderstanding
From the weight of feeling
From the - I pause to watch
To watch a ladybug
Explore the page
My shirt
And disappear into the spine
Of this book

For gods' sake,
Life, meet Weird.
Weird is your breath
And Weird your legacy.
Alas, You can't be alive
If You don't let Weird free.

We will burn you.

Your belly is full of power
That is not yours
The collective charge of a millennia of silenced people

Your greed is a starving parasite in a
a bloated carcass

Today she is rewarded with a diagnosis for her insight
Tomorrow he is fitted with a muzzle for his tenderness

We will burn you.

I climbed giant boulders
to gather wild berries for you
A heavenly golden lake stretched
across your vision.

Unfazed by my generous offering
Oblivious to the dragonfly hovering
You drowned yourself in screen-time, buffering
I waded out alone.

I picture wrapping my legs around you
the air full of scents of homely comfort
a long day lightened with sweet laughter
our minds rest, immersed in fictional realms

But online games take away our nights
Political trivialities and football highlights
I sit and dream of smoldering fires on campsites
While you fall asleep alone.

In darkness I wrestle with the devil
for my piece of present moment, untainted
I beg for black viscous sleep to drown me
to wake without feeling half of me is gone

And you wrap me in the soft fabric of your skin
And you chase away the sprites to let the light in
And you breathe for my lungs as the attack glows dim
And it's just you and me alone.

Let the birds feed
and the bugs burrow
allow all of life to be
Tend to your garden only to let it flourish
and watch it sing to you reciprocally

It's not just the colours that paint your vision
and soothe each thirsty soul on earth
The fruit bears witness to health and light
the sacrificial sweetness of rebirth

So let each whisper of wind cleanse,
every velvet leaf caress each fingertip
kiss Mother Nature with every inch of skin,
bow to her wise rivers and sip

Tend to your mind-garden and honor each thing
give to the earth back what it gives you
kneel,
drink,
bless,
open every pore
be intimate with your origin
and welcome sneaky little changes

What right do you have to lie there so beautiful,
So far away?

I am bathed in the shadow of your gaze as I write this,
And trying to follow the map of grief drawn, to meet you.

Transport me, my glimmer, to your dissociative place.
We'll sit there in silence.

Land is expensive
Where is my home
Alone but not alone
Money
Job
Unfertilized eggs.

My eggs
My life
Creativity
Giving birth
But you wouldn't understand
You gave up looking for that portal
And now spend time convincing me it doesn't exist.
It. Doesn't. Even. Exist.
Like rejecting your own DNA,
Source.
But I don't need your permission.

Land is expensive
Where is my home
Alone but not alone
Money
Job
Unfertilized eggs.

"I already matter,
I already matter"
What she whispered to me
Low frequency,
And,
Gently removing the zip ties of my youth,
Sang Rocket Man just under her breath
To no-one in particular.

"I already matter"
That slap-in-the-face truth
Words impossible to unpick from my teeth.
But right there,
She just breathed into being
A delectable bite-sized epiphany
For only my ears.

"I already matter"
A song of logic with such obviousness
The gods synchronized their eye-rolls
In response
Yet somehow we ****** up the lyrics
-they're passed down, that's why-
From wars, and hate and Ashmedai.

"I already matter,
I already matter"
She's here again...
And I think it's going to be a long long time
Till touchdown brings me 'round again to find...

White notions of superiority
Blessed under white lights
Souls sold
Between punched holes
Ring binders brim-full
***** overfills
Scripted words
Meals of rotten platitudes.

Here is my grateful smile
Here is my pleated skirt
Here is my servitude

I get excited by naps
giddy after one wine
make-up itches my face
always wake up after nine
one tea on the hour
one bath every week
two bags under the eyes
two once-perky cheeks
gardening is my ******
libraries, my *******
silence is my saucy lover
- noise equals pain
my hair is lush, healthy
because I wash it rarely
my legs are nice and smooth
because I let them grow hairy

I will pay
and I will trade each digit
for a little peace
until I have none left.

This is the contract we have.

I will clock on
I will clock off
Then I will write,
And purge
Until you don't exist.

Look at me all fat from self indulgence
custard cream and chocolate pieces on my face
I barely take a breath
from my gluttony
See me swimming in a vat of cinnamon cream
Big juicy congealed bacon-fat emotions
And this little piggy is hungry

Everything you said was bad
has me spinning
Swimming in it now.
I'm flicking cheesecake at your conditioning
smearing mascarpone over my naked chest
without shame I don't
I don't have shame

Lock me up in your prison of doctrine
But I'll eat through that too eventually
Engorged in self release and painted in '**** that's'

Mousse feels good on my skin
Coats my teeth
Sherbet and berry compote in every orifice
Watch me choke on caramel
Choke on life

Laugh while I lapse into a sugar coma
And cover me in told-you-so's
While I come to,
Diving straight back in wearing only a smile

My voice is not sick.
My heart does not lack charge
And my fingers rest beautifully.

My wires are impeccably engineered.
My brain is alight with knowing
And my belly, understanding.

Tell me, what does yours say?
Does it lie to you?

Our voices are not sick
Our words are not misguided.
We simply know you well,
And suffer for it.

Swollen eyes,
These headaches
Tell me to stay present
Do not fear
We're one and the same
The pulse of each vein.
This noise
These sounds
Are not like the others.
Sweet syrup,
And warm embrace
Drown out the buzzers.
This music,
The sky,
Breathe in the filtered light
Just breathe.

And after all my vacant musings
And energy wasted in worry
I sit here, sorry.

For but a while I lay silent in my bath
Drowning in evaporating thoughts
Lamenting my stories.

He lets me ponder, flail, indulge my mind
And fill my soul with sand
On my self-made dry land.

Until a feather lays at my feet alone
And my little ones say my name
I suddenly understand.

The rays of sun wrap me in their love
And my stubborn perception is severed
Life opens, unfettered.

And after all my vacant musings
My weathered, jaded body
Returns again and remembers

Simple beauty,  
Simple acts,
Simple words,
Pure love is simple.

And the times changed from rage to solace
to watching lilacs intensify with love

Safety of the heart has been my cure, the catalyst
and science of healing the nourishing water

And when I am safe I am every bud awakening,
the trees whisper to each other my nickname

Glass spheres of dramatic scenes spin precariously
over my head, unbroken, a beautiful dancing mobile

Beliefs of self, of life, of others, of you, I cleansed as often
as sleep and darkness calmed my mind and repaired each cell

A chapter down, a lesson learned and an expanding mind
Is all that's needed to wash away the charred residue of ego

The times evolve unseen to the naked eye, but slow,
in such the way a larvae flickers to a queen bee of gold

I had mercury and sulphur coarsing through my veins
but the oils nourished my bones while I tore at my skin

My mind grew and stretched and tightened like a wormhole,
resistance was my protection but not my mother's milk

Every step my feet were cut by shards of angry memories
but the skin calloused each time and simply smirked, bemused

I have seen the hurricane,

I have caused the avalanche,

the firestorm met me where I lay in bed at sunrise

Yet here I am.

I learned in those years
That intensity was a sin
And sensitivity was the mark
Of an emotional wreck.
A girl in touch with
Her wild wild feminity
Is to scorn, to control
And wrap in tissue paper
Gingerly placed in the corner
Of the top drawer.

I am day by day
Unwrapping slowly, thank God.