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I stand at the foot of reason,
and feel the need to climb--
ev'r so high upon her mount
where the cloud breaks
and her pinnacle understanding peaks.

Only to take a great leap of faith
head first off the mighty cliff,
into an abyss of the unknown
where my greatest fears and desires
lay to waste in the nothingness.

Most days I can't fathom why I climb,
out of bed, into the world, into the light.
yet I find a reason to leave my covers,
my sanctuary of warmth and protection.
I meet you at a little coffee shoppe;

A Wednesday morning cup of coffee
steaming upon my rugged face
sleep deprived and wishing the week's end.
Stuck in the inevitable climb of reason
and unfulfilling success.

I doubt my existence and purpose,
like every other Wednesday.
yet here I am, struggling along
fighting the same tragic fight
with absolutely no reason,

but reason itself good enough
to keep me moving on
to another Wednesday and --
another cup of coffee,
Another reason to climb
procrastinating studying for a political science final exam
A spark, a flicker
passing the bottle of liquor
staring into golden globes
and crackling smile bows
strung up to the tightest setting
as the sun sakes and the moon is settling
restless love that passes casually
but tonight, this is free
our last hurrah of a day
A time spent well, more than just okay
If you only knew the extent of my death
you would run away from my plight
And never look back
Death be not proud
I find no comfort in the tears,
Nor the lasting words of sentiment,
But the funeral precession marches on
And my soul wrenched from its place.
Death claimed them all
Crisscross applesauce;
the scars on my wrist
is depression's cost
I treasure these stone walls that keep me warm at night, when I know its other occupants share no spark. The bitterness and filth of the night hold no triumph over me when the darkness of these baren walls hold me tight, bundled in their sheet of black silk. Walls are so inviting, they make a home and a fortress for my dreams to spindle into webs of mysteries and delights only I can fathom. For there is no need for windows nor doors when I do not intend to leave and there is no reason for me to depart. The moon has broke my heart, and the sun has crisped my soul far too often. My mind is all that remains intact and must be protected. No rabid creature can disarray my beautiful mind again. It must be kept sacred  in these beautiful stone-cold walls.
This world is celebrating a new found existence while I'm just calculating the distance of my head falling to the floor.
Its a new year, a new hope for the hopless
Theres a casual affair with the maiden next door
And when that doesnt work i know where the dope is.
Its Underneath the floorboards, next to my crushed heart and broken dreams,
Washed up fantasies and unstitched seams.
Because Ill be incapacitated this new year
Kept away from the pain and the fear
Of being sober enough to face my own reflection
Hidden from the complexion of my stone cold eyes, the consistent mellow stench that looms around my scars, and the blatant mistakes in the shadows.
The heart breaks and callous hands
That are both held together by shackles and brands.
I will not remember anything,
Plunging down into a new year.
Depression strijes again this year
No
No
It only takes a single word to **** a man
I am just a nobody.
An absentee on a list never made.
A shell of goodbyes and forgotten names
I dont even speak loud enough to hear
Nor do I leave a memory to be worth
Just here nor there
Maybe in the backround of some photos
But nowhere specific nor important
You will not like me
Because you will probably not notice me
And if on the off chance you do see me
It will be too late
Im just super excited for kingdom hearts 3 to come out lets be real here
I thought vulnerability was for the weak.
Even when I let you inside my thoughts
I've had both hands on your steering wheel.
I swerve hard left turns on the difficult memories,
dodging the on coming traffic of blatant truths.
My minds is a pile up on intestate 98
but I have you on the detour route
to Mr. Nice Guy lane on the road of "life is okay".
The next stop is "I am happy" street on the corner
of "you will be all right" avenue and "I don't care" lane.
But these fabricated roads are painted over signs
that trick you into believing that I am truly "fine".
But all the cars have crashed and burned
and now you know the truth.
Insomnia is literally killing me right now but hey makes some interesting poems
How can i take the monetary subtance, a miserably deceitful good, from a brother a shy less than flesh and blood; Whom gave me more than i could ever imagine. her name was hope. Her maternal twin is love. And our brothership is intensified by both, as one truly trifled heart could ever gleem. He slaved over brick and mortar to provide for himself, for i cannot steal his earnings when i have no right to any fortune. He gave me shelter when i lost my path. He fed me and clothed me when i lost my life. His arms wrapped around my shoulders when the tears trembled down my face. Death, I and he, faced eachother and nothing felt closer. But I, a devil in sheeps clothing, could never accord such heartfelt care in a multitude of life times to come, netherless todays nor tomorrows. Thus, i leave him my belongings, my manmade tinkerings, and all he may ever need. As i depart,It is the least i can do for a brother. O' brother.
It's been 4 months since we've spoken last, but 4 years since we've ever felt connected. You say I rejected you, but I've only respected you. Our perspectives viewed are identical twins lined up on the chopping block. We've got the looks and the brains of successful successors, but the hearts of two weary men with weary lives laid down to die. Gray clouds cover our minds with a rain fall that will never completely fade away. We look at cloudy mirrors and expect a corrected view, but project you and I as different from each other. we are one in two and two of three. We don't listen to each other,
But ******* this is a two way street. We we haven't spoken, and yes I know we are both broken toys not yet fixed, fixated on our differences forgetting our similarities, However we are blood. Right now blood rivals slinging mud, but one time long ago we were a thing called love. A brotherhood that stood as tall as we could build snow castle fortresses in our front lawn at christmas, and they were fairly tall, at least from my five year old perspective, but those times have melted. Maybe our eyes have gotten older and we need corrective lenses for us to refocus our hearts. Or maybe our bodies are tired of the ******* we put them through so the bags under our eyes decided to swallow us whole. Or there's hole in our brain that dictates how we see the world and for me that's black and for you that's blue. It's why we beat each other senseless every time we walk in the same room, Why are mind games are sloped to have each other lose, and why we see each other in different views.
It's true we aren't brotherly anymore. But is it my fault, is it yours? We play the blame game on a daily basis, we might as well call it a violent game of "tag, its your fault".  because ever time we pass on our burden of blame we lengthen the fault line between us. It now takes 4 months to even see each other. And 4 years to even speak. Weeks pass by and the only response I get is a thumbs up in the form of an emoticon. Not even a full word. Why couldn't we be like every other family? Even if they fight like hell they still speak to each other. But you and I have only dead silence. Inferred violence that quakes our home every time we set sail our fleet. And I speak for the both of us...
We need peace, but not silence
I edit myself until there is nothing left on the page.
M
    y
Att-----ention
S        p         a          n
Is.      SdeOpleted
Th      writ         is
     at          ting
Foo                     lish
Whoops just a silly
My life's presupposition is volatile meaning. Unfathomable disposition dispersed amongst the heavens. Until one blightful day, I become; the bounds of my existence tethered to soil and flesh, understanding nothing but suffering. Blood and bones interwoven into another unfathomable hypothesis; potentiality and its unknown repercussions.  Adhering only to the reality of mortality and the confines to which that is inherent. Its like dropping an anchor in the ocean of being, with the assumption that every ripple made will contribute to the tide, with or without the ability to float. But I sink either way, for that is our duty. To move under the bounds of gravity and the tides of reality until we reach the bottom of our fruitfulness. And then we return to the volatile meaning from which we came, that ripples outward as our contribution to the future.
Bored at work, trying to look busy, feeling a little poetic I guess
Let me tell you about how I run
There are a couple of ways but none of them are fun.

There's a "move the **** out of my way" kind of run
Shot at by some man with a gun
Running over old ladies and children
To get the hell out and save my own skin
Kind of run...

And there's the "cliche blonde running through my head all day"
Where I don't get exercise, but she seems to sweat away
The pounds of brains until I'm dumbfoundedly dumb
And I find myself passed out on the couch with a bottle of ***
And a headache that makes me want to blow my brains out
Cause I can't get some Aspirin and a good woman to ******* out
Kind of run...

And there's the angsty little man that runs from home
Fighting his abusive dad and his best friend "hormone"
When he gets a kick in the nuts named reality
and a left hook to the face named puberty
by Mike Tyson riding a bison
Who leans over and whispers "you lost the fight son"
Kind of run...

Then there are the times when I run my fingers over the typewriter
Making more mistakes than a single stared wasted waiter
Running my imagination that nobody wants to hear on a page
A ******* that nobody will ever notice on stage
Lost in cut out hearts and origami cranes
and on washed out newspapers on old broken trains
kind of run...

However, there is a time when I actually get off my *** to run
But It hurts cause I'm a beached walrus with my *** in the sun
Flopping on land and trying to swim through concrete
Unable to see that I have 2 feet
cause there are 2 feet of fat that is constricting my view
Of who I am and what I'm really able to do
Kind of run...


And this is the part of the poem when I run away to Spain
Clearly, I can’t run that far so I guess I’ll take a plane
And I’ll bring the beautiful blonde with me in a first class spa
And I’ll walk into Spain saying “Su casa es mi Casa
But it will never be the other way around
Cause if I see you on my property you’ll be six feet underground
Kind of run...
a silly poem I wrote in high school I thought I would share
I have come to the conclusion
that I am playing a game of hide and seek
with the value I place on my soul
each day my worth hides itself away
like eye spy in a picture framed by life
and I flip through the pages
to find it again
in the most random of places
and in the smallest of things.
Lately I have been shrinking,
the keg I once proudly was
now trickles down to a pint.
For the numbers flutter off the scale
like hail violently pelting the earth.
I've lost 30 lbs in two months
and I hold my chest a little higher.
I am noticeably skinnier
such that my enemies quiet.
The weight of my stomach hardly droops
but the weight of the world
seems to have only been growing.
The world has turned into a mess
The dept has surpassed my ears
and the expenses only get taller
The pressure of marriage and family
to satisfy the woman I love requires,
the atmospheric pressure of society
and my internal pressure to become someone
has created a density difficult to bear
For every pound I have lost
Gravity gains ten thousand more
And yes my body is shrinking,
But so is my wallet, my belongings,
my spirit to keep on going
my life force that keeps me awake
and the energy I have to think straight.
Yes, my whole world is shrinking.
I need to shut my third eye
So I can finally go to sleep
I looked in the mirror this morning
but I swear I didn’t see anybody
There was a body but no one to fill it
Flesh and blood set on auto pilot
aimed for six feet under;
Black rings wrapped around my eyes
with a straight face
I Plunder to get to the shower.
Semi-awake to fill up empty space.
Because getting out bed is relentless,
I do it every day like clockwork,
but every time it gets a little harder.
Like someone adding weights to my hour hands
'Till one day I won’t get up.
I can barely make it to 9 O’clock
… in the morning
I look at the sun and start mourning
Because it means I must heave myself
Out of bed and pretend that I am living,
When my bed knows otherwise.
It’s smarter than I because it knows to lay still
And let the world pass by.
Humans are supposed to fake it 'till we make it,
But all I want to do is make my bed
So, I can go back to sleep and let the world pass by.
Sure, I’m a stand-up guy
But I probably only held the door for you
Because I fell asleep on the way out.
And if you say thank you
it will remind me to wake up
and keep me pretending to live.
No doubt I fall asleep all the time.
People think I have bad hearing
But I’m just sleeping with my eyes open.
If I don’t respond just give me a little nudge
And repeat everything you just said.
I’m not deaf …   or dead yet.
I just can’t keep my mind open
For too long before the demons crawl out.
Thus, I fall asleep and fight in dreams
To wake up to your next sentence
More exhausted than the last.
It’s not my fault
I’m just a little bit dead
And a little bit sleepy
In college, I've had an extremely difficult time getting out of bed for 8 AM classes and this is an expression of my struggle each morning.
I am not a poised person
| Nor am I a delight to hear
| But I am a truth warrior
|a knight for deeper meaning
|and a contender for reality
|So I speak my restless mind
|on the matters that matter most
\ and for this I am sutured.
| my mouth sewn shut
| by the red and yellow tape;
|political correctness
/ diminishing the truth
|until nothing is ever said
|And I weep
. Silent tears
Let the truth be known
I lay awake to the sound of sirens,
the morning bustle and calamity.
Busy people among relentless lives,
breathing in their first breathes of the day,
Echoes of the coffee stirring and pitter patter
Of footsteps leading their way
But I remain here, stubbornly in my bed,
With an unwillingness to start.
For the curvature of the bed,
made by my own brutish heft
feels as though a valley to climb
has begun to steapen
The reluctance to clamber my way
Out of these walls
Has devoured my will to move
And I will remain stuck here
Until I am yanked with force
By someone who cares
Probably shouldnt ve writti g poetry this late
I began to draw the demons on my arms
so that people could glimpse a fraction
of the war inside my soul
The Birds in the dark love to clap
they do not sing under the shadows,
but revel in their calamity
and clatter throughout the echoes

The Birds in the dark see all,
yet are blind to the sight,
but see everything they want
and stumble upon the branches

The Birds in the dark know best,
they understand the understanding
but search ever so superficially
and do not find the burrowed worm

The Birds in the dark never rest
they flutter 'till the world's end
but never discover land dry,
and remain in the haul of my arc.

The Birds in the dark will die.
Two ravens are perched on a tree,
One speaks to Death
And the other is never heard
A lonely life we live, the Ravens of the world
Sleeplessness is the Gift I ask not for
But grants my imagination a vivacity
That thrives as a plethora of drugs,
And I see thee as a painful love
That I simply cannot return
Its been a while since i've slept well, so expect lots of poetry of all variety in quality
Where the darkness goes
I will follow endlessly
Into the abyss
A haiku for my love
The shimmer of light
That takes my hand in the dark
And shows me her way
The ellipse table spins,
around the bottle passes
Six wizened kings
Stooped drunk on their *****

They discussed their forefront
their kingdom's wealth and prosperity
bantering and confronting
small ambiguous disparities

Until one man stood up
wobbled and unbalanced
He died there corrupt
The whole room was silenced
I am a temperamental, dissociated mannequin
expulsing convective heat profusely
into the pores of the unforgiving
pleather padded,  worn-out gaming chair
for the past twelve hours of a grueling
dungeon battle and boss battle.
The sweat dripping down my erector spinae
puddling at the bottom of my overused
flannel that I washed a week ago.
The thickness of the air is pungent
and hovers over my keyboard and mouse.
The dark cave of my existence is plenty.
Yes I understand that my reality is fluid,
it shifts from universe to universe
depending on my temperament
and I hardly have time for my own world.
The satisfaction of fiction is fleeting
but that is why I keep joining the lobby.
Time after time, endless hours of adventuring
in the dark of my parents basement.
Because this reality is much easier not  being in it.
a rant or self deprecation... not sure which or both.
The walks of life I see;
such             little               hope
I have             for hum-                 anity
stum         ble blind           alone
never able to see reality.
Wake Up!
I used to Love you to death,
every breath I'd give you
until there was nothing left.
My rational was hopeful, yet naïve,
I would carry your entire bounty
of love and you would carry mine.
But what a fool I was indeed.
My intricate calculations
were blinded by my infatuation.
You were not ready to give me all of your love,
and I was not ready to feel empty.
When I burdened with you everything
it buried you alive
and it left me empty inside.
I could see you drowning,
and my foolish intuition
was that you needed more love
than I could offer.
I suffocated the fire in your heart
with my own two hands
and there is no return from death.
O' bitter timber
Set there--his limber
And blighted eyes.
Thou old timer
Belched in ember,
Set to keep my eyes.
Midst shallow December
And falling November
come forth your rise
of notorious power
In the last man's hour
his splinters shall rise
A girl sits beneath a willow tree
alone, pondering the branches,
embracing the cracks of the bark
while the scenery around her
flutters away in the bitter wind.
The secluded still point she had
built for her own protection
peaks at the last drop of breath
and roles off of her bottom lip,
but does not completely vanish.
Her thoughts of then and now
pile up onto an abundance of polluted
picture books, stacked beneath
the leaves of the tree. However,
they too flutter away with the wind,
lost in the sea of empty desires
and leave her to ponder the tree;
Only the old willow tree remains.
Her eyes trace the the divide
between the willow and the nothingness,
and she could feel the weight of nothing
pressing down on the branches.
The abundance of absence tugging
each limb closer and closer to her feet
and yet closer to the edge of nothingness.
The willow is now her pondering home,
the place where her free-most self
is trapped under the convexity
of her dearly beloved willow tree.
She sits and sits and wonders the beyond
of nothingness, but feels no inclination
to leave her familiarity, her home.
The bark forms her armor, the grain
becomes her fortress, and the trunk
is her best friend, whom keeps her warm.
She sits and sits, and will continue to sit,
forever more, forever less.
For my dearly beloved girlfriend who struggles with depression, anxiety, and paranoia.
Sometimes I just need to write without a delete key
infest everyone's min d with the unedted versions of my soul
the cracks and brooses the widdled down soul of a man
denstined to be mistaken, destined to fall apart
an exhausted wretch the world never seems to want
but always seems to make a whole lor t of  
seeing tyhe red lines underneath gives my heart palpitations
my obsessive compulsive self crumbles
but I know it ia for the best, mistakes are apart of life
and they are are apart of myseldf in the best of ways
because i am a accumilation of mty mistakes
for wich there are plenty of and I regret none of
except mayvbe a few, but there is no delte button in the real world
nothing to hide the mistakes, to reconcile the scars
there is no delete button in the reality of life and there is nothing
Ican do about it, but love each mistake as  I love myself.
I ponder death often,
And he scoffs at my folly
Today is cloudy with a chance of Death
My life has a reaction entropy of positive infinity
Fear me
for I am a monster;
Respect me
for you stand before me unscathed.

Morality isn't for the weak
Sometimes in life you just have to crack a few backs
I am miserable here
The air is thick and drear'
I go to work each night
And return in the morning plight.
My social distance
Has boiled me to non-existence
I have no life anymore
Just another slave to the world
"I just need to take a nap"

Nap, (noun) definition:
1. A ten year comatose state to avoid all of my life's problems
2. A nonexistant like state removing ones self from suffering
3. An excuse not be productive

Nap (verb) definition:
1. Taking a short rest from your dreary life
2. Pretending to be asleep when annoying people (all people) attempt to communicate with you
3. A failing attempt at death
Why is it so dark in my life right now?














My eyes are closed... what else did you expect?
What is your poetry, my friend?
Is it the cool spring day that bounces
off your clothes after a long winter mourning;
the spine-chilling defrosting session
you have when the sun finally rises
and the forward look to the light of a new day.
Or is it the morning silence of a library,
hot teas, and warm crumpets, that carries
your imagination far far away
after forgetting the chaos of yesterday.
Your poetry is your happy place,
your depressed face, your angry taste,
and an exhausted out space...
Your race to the moon and back
before mother tucks you in
and turns off the lights.
It's the bad blues news
and the good old days' anthem
that hums on long to the Sunday tunes
without a care in the world.

What is our poetry, my friend?
Is it a couple of pals laying waste
to the grass below our restless bodies
as we gaze up into the galaxy
and pronounce what is your and mine;
the grass clumping together in our hands
and spilling all over each other's hair.
Or is it the strum of your guitar
and the beat of my hands clashing
against each other to make a sweat
Yet miserable lullaby for our hearts
to pour our into the beach we set camp at.
The waves matching our irregular beat
with its own casual style
that loves to ride up onto our toes mid-chorus.
Our Poetry is what we make of it.
love letters dabbled back and forth
across the classroom get caught
just to share the love we have
with everybody else who doesn't have.
The glittering looks we give
when everyone bursts out laughing
because we know they know
they will never come close to us;
not even second place.
The tear drop memories of what was
and what coulda woulda shoulda been
but now isn't there for us to even cry on;
just cold shoulders and salty whispers
about the past, that should never have been
because it makes up too much pain for the present.
some casual poetry
My roommate snores so loud the entire room trembles. For I am left to stay awake the rest of the night instead of tasting the sweet paradise of forbidden dreams. Its the casualty of brotherhood I guess...
I cant sleep and i kid you not
My roommate sounds like a train crashing into a wall every 3 seconds... sos
I sit here....
I      sit      here...
I                 sit               here...
Procrastinating
p
   r
     o
       c
         r
           a
             s
               t
                 i
                   n
                     a
                       t
                         i
                           n
                              g
until one day, I................................................................­.......................die
having done absolutely  N.   O.    T.    H.    I.    N.   G.
and I regret <dfihbadflhbfihrefbiuwfiuhfihifiufiwief> everything.






Wasting
Every
Minute
pretending to be busy instead of doing school work
I drink your cup of poisen every day,
In the hope that one day I will survive
A full dose of your toxicity
The emptiness inside, resides within my eyes
Like basins full of water,  strung up to high tide
Its full of all your lies-- on boats your secrets hide
My hopes and dreams, here falters  -- and dies.

But on one day , abysmally in dismay  
Your Heart thawed, just enough to Say
three little words; that brings my heart decay
"I hate you" -- sword wounds left uncured
My empathy drained; insides left on display

— The End —