favourite words
they either make us
or break us
i wonder when we
started turning them
into memories of people
who didn't remember us

when did we start
turning words into
a ticket for all -
one word traded
unevenly for our souls

when did the word "love"
begin to get
tangled up with you?
you call me "lovely,"
not knowing it's my
favourite word;
i wonder if i should tell you
and then i wonder how much
humans are capable
of wrecking.

favourite words
they either make me
or break me
i wonder when i
started turning them
into memories of someone
who actually loves me.

- crimsyy

a/n: thankyou so much for reading!
**Any thoughts on this poem?

depression, the musical
the only musical
without a rehearsal
it isn't picky with its cast
in fact, its director retired
the moment it met you,
now it's you

depression, the musical
the only musical
without a proposal
you are meant to be its director
but all your chords have frozen
and now all we hear is static

depression, the musical
the only musical
without a melody
i'm sorry but,
we were too sad to craft a beat
too sad to dismantle ourselves
from our beds, get up, and eat

depression, the musical
i'm too tired to stay awake
depression, the musical
a thief stealing my sleep
with all the clutter it makes

depression, the musical
the only musical
that requires therapy
you see, a musical like this
is rather toxic, rather mental,
rather real
because after all, it is all
in our heads

all in our heads.

- crimsyy

a/n: thankyou so much for reading! i hope that through this poem, i've helped someone, anyone, in some way. If you do suffer from depression, please don't hesitate to seek help. I'd like to say that, as someone who has struggled with depression, i have come a long way from where i was this time last year. Recovery is a long journey but not only is it worth it, it is possible.

you would have
liked me shallow
thoughts like dipping only
half a foot in the ocean
thoughts like simple
one sentence answers

you would have
liked me normal,
seeing black for black,
grey for grey

(on second thought,
grey is probably
just a darker shade of white)

you would have liked my soul
just as dull as you
but i'm a spark of colour
in a monochrome set of walls,
i am green life in
a concrete jungle

you would have liked
our discussions
to not even be discussion,
just small talk
half-assed thoughts,
lukewarm effort

but poets just don't think
like that.

our minds are
more like trees,
branching out in every
possible direction
landing on the moon and
settling for the stars
when we don't.

a/n: thankyou so much for reading! here's to the poets and to the few people that aren't shallow-minded.

one day maybe i'll stop
turning everything i look at
into gold

will i stop because i want to, or because i think i should?

i turn a thunderstorm
into a perfect night,
lamp on, window open,
heart happy

one day maybe i'll stop
turning every person i look at
into gold

but this is not the poem
where i apologize for seeing
the best in everyone
without even trying

this is not the poem
where i ask to be excused
this is not the poem
where i regret every time
that seeing the best in someone
took the worst toll on me

this is the poem
where i fully embrace alchemy
and all the beauty it
has let me see.

- crimsyy

a/n: why apologize for feeling and seeing until you burst? if you have a big heart, show it proudly - there's no need to apologize for it.

i watch the sunset
to remember that endings
can be beautiful too
and i didn't cry because
the world keeps on going on
and keeps on going on
even when we walk away
and break all the promises
that said we would stay

you can't force a dead feeling
back to life, so
just accept it all turned to dust
because what stood inbetween
familiarity and the unknown
had expired long before
you realized there was a lack
of affection

when a feeling is dead,
you can't force it back to life
and politeness can't
erase familiarity
so familiarity just hangs there,
awkward in the air
and it goes deliberately ignored
because you can't force
a dead feeling back to life,
and that's okay.

- crimsyy

a/n: thankyou for reading  (:
i would really appreciate if you'd comment your thoughts on this poem.

i'm not quite sure when
i fell inlove with you,
but there's no turning back
i drink you
increase my intake
the dimmer i get

i like you
hot, milky, and sweet
i drink you
not to escape reality
but to feel more awake in it

they say a good, warm cup
of anything
resembles a human embrace
so maybe it's not caffeine
i can't get enough of

maybe it's erasing
all the armless hugs
maybe it's loving myself
in ways he never did

i drink my cup of tea daily
like popping a bottle of comfort
on the weekend
increase my intake
the deeper i feel

i like my cup of tea
hot, milky, and sweet enough
to erase the sour taste
of his name dying in my mouth.

- crimsyy

a/n: thankyou all for reading (: any thoughts on this poem?

you can carry a heart
but you can't tell it
what to feel for you

maybe this whole time
i haven't been afraid of
falling inlove
i've just been terrified of
loving the idea of someone
so much that it overshadowed
the whole.

i haven't been afraid of
falling in love because
i've dived in so
deep under water
i don't want to see the way up
because in love, breathing
becomes less of a burden,

no i haven't been
afraid of loving,
i've just been terrified of taking
a spark

and turning it into
the whole **** fire.

- crimsyy

a/n: thankyou so much for reading! I hope you like this poem as much as i do (:

i've outgrown people
and habits
the same way you've outgrown
your favourite jumper
like, remember that time
you thought i would die for you?
did you really think my
self sacrifice would go that far?
well, you weren't wrong
it would have if i had let it
but i've outgrown you
and my habits
and this you realized the day
i walked out with your heart
in my hands and crushed it
without remorse because
everyone's always got
their jaws open,
thirsty for more
and i can no longer feel guilty
for thinking of myself
because sometimes
i get thirsty too.

- crimsyy

a/n: thankyou for reading! Please comment your thoughts on this one

that night, my stomach
cramped up the nerve to ask
if i had gotten the sick out of me,
i tossed my response
in the form of mixed media
liquids, solids,
and amongst other things,
last night's dinner

my impulses don't know
how to punctuate
there are no commas
no full stops
I'm sorry sweetheart
perhaps i should have
warned you before
but understand i don't just
want to dive in with you
i want to drown in
all the warmth
so drown with me

that night, my stomach
cramped up the nerve to ask
if i had gotten the sick out of me,
i tossed my response
in the form of mixed media
liquids, solids,
last night's dinner,
and amongst other things
his name or maybe yours
you see, i remember
all the things gone bad,
conversations him and i
never got to have
but lately i've been keeping
my face towards the sunlight

my entire being is reacting,
making metaphors out of
12 a.m vomiting incidents,
my entire being is reacting
even when my body is still,
i am still trying my very best
to get the sick out of me.

- Crimsyy

a/n: thankyou for reading! for anyone who's wondering, the 12 a.m vomiting incident that inspired this entire poem did actually happen and it was terrible. Hopefully the poem is better (:

let everyone you know and love
become a metaphor;
strip them of their normality
find the stars in his eyes
and drown in them
you must believe that everyone is a canvas, including you
so choose your decorations wisely from the palette of emotions your heart carries

when you find him
love him until you burst
and when you burst
burst until you can
no longer apologize because
maybe his hands weren't fit
to handle a love like yours

when you find him
love him until you burst and
when you burst
burst until you
don't need to apologize
because maybe his hands
are willing to handle
a soul like yours
he won't be perfect
and he will be coated
in mistakes and forgetfulness
but you'll love him anyway

look at all the stereotypes
and see what extraordinary
pieces of **** they are
look at all the people
and see that we are all
books waiting to be
understood by avid readers

feel intensely, feel sad,
feel happy
think these feelings are only
unique to you
and that only you have cracked
like a diamond under pressure

come up with artistic ways
to say no when hands begin to roam

when his tongue
crashes with yours
and when his mouth collides
with your starving lips,
make sure you stir well;
your lips feel more alive when
they're peeling and numb
from a lover
trust me

when you find yourself
become a metaphor
find the stars in your eyes
and drown in them
know that you are a canvas
and that the palette of thoughts in your mind is not as dull as you thought it would be
believe me, you are the most extraordinary being;
a bona fide alchemist.

- Crimsyy

a/n: thankyou for reading! Please comment your thoughts on this poem  (:

the poet
born with ferocity
she shook the earth
and left a mark on your skin
she resonated and through
carefully constructed words,
she wept

she works
behind closed doors
lights dim and her dimmer
but like a phoenix
she will rise again
she's paid the cost
in pain and tears

welcome to the golden years.

- crimsyy

No one will ever stop me,
you'll never devour me,
I have grown to care less
about people who fail
to see my worth.

You will never water down
my self esteem,
I burn like kerosene,
and now all my words
gather together
to prove that you
will never matter,
never make me shatter.

You deemed me disempowered,
inferior,
but you've never glimpsed
my interior.
You deemed me all the things
I'll never be;
it doesn't bother me.

Because I will keep
moving forward and growing,
cutting away the weeds, ruthlessly
planting new seeds,
but you on the other hand,
your heart will become puckered
and your skin will grow to match it,
tainted and wrinkled by
the millions of seconds you spent
underestimating a masterpiece.

She won't like
what I've got to say,
Well, should have
behaved a better way,
now I'm here,
feeling my best
and I have no regrets,
tell the girl bye
because I won't cry.

I'm unapologetic,
her act, so pathetic,
she messed with a bad *****,
turned apathetic I'm
moving on to ****,
unapologetic.

And now she better
walk that other way,
better have nothing to say,
the tables have turned,
left her to burn.
You better walk that other way,
because there's nothing
left to salvage,
you messed with a savage *****
and I won't be
providing no bandage,
I've moved on, unapologetic.

- Crimsyy

**A/N: This is what occurs when someone messes with a savage poet. Here's a hint: you won't get away with it. Thankyou for reading! What do you think of this poem?

I heard you cried some tears
over me on the phone to
my best friend,
I heard you blamed me
in the end,
but how could you have
expected me to stay,
when you were chasing me away?

You couldn't be peaceful,
I couldn't be resourceful
enough to split myself in two.
You were resentful,
all sentimental,
while I was trying to
comfort my torn heart.

I heard you cried some tears
over me on the phone to
my best friend,
but I feel no guilt for
starting this end.

I'm basking in the absence
of sadness,
Moved on so quickly,
I'm done with your messes.
I gave you chances
from the start,
and you wrecked them all
until the end.

10 thousand tears I was
never going to waste on you,
why should I have been
sad over you?
You made it clear,
hence I disappeared.

And now there's
a clearer view,
and now without you
I can see me,
and now without you
I don't need to think
of all the plans you devised
and all the ill advice.
I know you tried
to pull me away,
but with her I'll stay.

Have you ever tasted
being caught inbetween?
Had your soul
half stained, half clean?
I doubt you'd understand
how I stand so tall,
when you cause
everything around you to fall,
only so many stabs I could take,
Now it's you I forsake,
served you your own
medicine on a plate,
now you know I'm not
a piece of cake.

You're dreaming if you
thought you could
get the best of me,
you went too far and
dug our grave too deep,
you don't know what's
inside my skin,
you despise my strength
from within,
so now devour the
mess you're in.

You know I've had enough
and I don't want to know
if you've been crying,
I'm done self sacrificing,
You thought you could
break me,

but you could never sedate me,
You could never ruin someone
*so tough.

I can feel my drive alive and kicking,
I have done enough
collapsing and sinking,
and now I have no more time for you,
no time to soak in the blues,
Head up high,
I won't be overthinking.

You pout because you know
I'm not a fragile thing,
I walk away,
your words and looks lose their sting,
I know this isn't what you're used to,
and my self belief is new for you,
Less talk, more walk,
Now I'm the one creating distance.

I'm on a different track,
and my body holds a poet
and she's biting back.
One thing's for sure;
I let you walk out that door
because I have grown
to thrive more on my own,
And your superficiality
has caused your social fatality,
And now you know
I don't beg anymore,
I don't hesitate anymore,
I've reclaimed my throne,
extracted you from my bones.

You wore a grey sweater,
denim jeans,
and an expression to
match the weather
which I took to mean
the forecast of your heart
hadn't been sunny
since that night I broke it in half.

But I knew I had to
give us another chance
when the light in my eyes
began to dance,

Because love only hurts
on the way out,
a substance we sip so strong
and can't go without,

And we all surrender
to the heat
because it's what makes
our hearts beat.

29 messages
to realize all the wasted time,
one explosion
and you go take your faults,
make them mine,
Oh dear you knew
I planned to stay until the end.

But I won't compromise
my boundaries anymore,
I'm not just a vessel you cherish
when you wish to pour,
Now I'll be the one
to close this door,
No I no longer care to be yours.

And I won't regret
the truth that I said
Couldn't keep your
ego satisfied,
left your bitterness unfed.

You asked me to go away,
I'm sorry I couldn't
fill up your plate,
but my voice is
something you'll never take.

You asked me to go away,
maybe we do belong
in separate lanes,
but you're gonna end up lonely
with that sourness in your veins.

Your name tastes sour
in my mouth,
I should be breathing you in,
but I want to spit you out,
cause I'm just an afterthought,
an occasional roundabout.

You surround me
but never close enough,
we keep arguing in circles
and I've had too much

Sick of nursing
this brick in my chest,
wonder why I haven't left yet,
sick of feeding
the doubts in my head,
I think you'll be my next regret.

You let snowflakes
fall on my tongue,
am I supposed to
think that's sweet,
when your love is built
on nothing concrete
and you seem to be
a one end street?

You seem to be one for the road,
but you still haunt my sleep
and so while I toss
and turn for you,
your mind is devoid of me.

He's got a face
coloured a warm silver
everybody keeps their soul thin,
his is thicker.

He's got a closet mind,
coathanger walls
and those thoughts
*******, they're not his,
they might be mine,
I'll erase them in time.

He wears his quietness
with the shades pulled down
and I just want to
take away that frown

Cause he's got a soul
coloured a sparkling gold
everybody keeps
their soul hidden,
his is **bold.

I am going to
immortalize you
in all the most lovely
poetic ways,
but not in shades of blue.

I am going to immortalize you,
give this snowing
weather a break,
give my mind
something new to taste;

It tastes like the smell
of a favourite meal being cooked
on a bad day,
it tastes like a good day,
it tastes right.

Although my most
relatable poems
have been about
suffering and pain,
I want to depict a new picture,
illustrate the vibrant yellow
in my brain.

Because as long as I feel this,
as long as it's real,
I don't care to make relatable rhyme because this happiness is mine.

We clicked, a
sublime combination
like cloud and rain.
We have punctured minds
and somehow mine is
coming undone,
spilling into your hands
thoughts I'd kept in my head.
You're warm.
Not edgy, not twofaced,
not laced with superficiality.
You're warm.
Honest conversations
decorate us and I
have never looked
so wonderful before.
You make me grin,
and I know
'making your own sunshine'
is all a mental thing,
but now it's so physical,
I can feel it spreading
through my bones.

The season's now complete
and your winter's unforgiving
unless you let it show its teeth
and your skin's so pale,
your winter's made you frail.

How can you stand to love it so?
Why does your mind absorb everything?
How could you stand to
be with such a liar?
Winter's constantly
playing with your wires.

And I hate how you're
embracing this cold
like it's a part of you,
friend, please
I've never seen you so blue.

And I hate this winter,
I loathe your pain
how can I love winter
when there's hail in your brain?

- Crimsyy

A/N: Thankyou so much for reading (: Any thoughts on this one?

Excuse me,
but could you just leave?
Quit haunting my eyes
when they close.
I'm sick of dreaming
of you in colour,
when you should be stored away in monochrome.
Excuse me,
but could you just leave?
I may have wiped away
any traces,
but it still wouldn't erase you,
especially when my words
are still dripping with your remains.
Excuse me,
but could you just leave?
There is far more than what your eyes perceive.
Your assumptions devour
any piece of my show,
they turn into thieves,
hungry teeth eating away understanding,
licking up any scene.
Excuse me,
but could you just leave?
I can no longer taste love letters
and believe.

- Crimsyy

A/N: Thankyou so much for reading!! What are your thoughts on this one?

I can't place a
blanket over you anymore,
I can't love you like
this July cold,
the cold air presses such icy kisses on my cheeks,
but when I think of you,
all I can do is seethe.

I never wanted you to be
this crimson scar
I hold in my chest,
I never thought you'd be
a suffocation of all the best.

You paint me in shades
of red regret,
and I wonder
how long this rage
will cling to me
and when it'll
make a cemetery in my heart for all the words
I haven't said yet.

You wore me like jewellery
and I was yours while
times were golden,
but in your misery
it seems you've forgotten
who I am to you
and what I'm trying to do.

And I don't know
if I can stay,
or if I should just
turn my face away.

- Crimsyy

My thoughts are misled,
you're keeping my anxiety fed,
but I'll be with you
until this war ends.

My meal has lost its flavour,
bleak and plain,
my mind's geometry is denial
as I picture blood stains

How can I forget
you begging me for a way home?
No, not just yet, I plead
I won't leave you alone

And now my temples throb
as I seek the evidence
fighting against your decadence.
I can't find the key to
unlock my sanity,
so I grab a bobby pin,
but concern plays my mind
like a howling violin.

- Crimsyy

I've learned to pull out the plug
when enough is enough,
because flesh and minds
sometimes are too much,
I know you've realized it now
but it's too late
and there's no going back,
no erasing mistakes.

I could wipe your slate clean
but I'm caught in
a mess you made,
torn between which side to take
and which one to forsake,

and now your face is
turning red from rage or regret,
because I won't choke on
the words I said,

and someone will miss you,
someone will miss you,
someone will miss you,
but that someone isn't me.

- Crimsyy

A/N: Thankyou so much for reading! The moral of this one is - actually, I'll let you work that out ;) What do you think of this one?

I never liked the way
she smiled at you,
never liked the way she
hugged the corners
of every door,
never liked her clothes,
never liked her sitting so close.

I plastered a smile on my face
just for the night,
just for your night,
but that small curve
turned into a straight line.

Green's a cliché,
my eyes saw all
my pleasantness fading away.
Now won't she stay in her line?
Can't **** with what's mine.

- Crimsyy

A/N: Thankyou so much for reading! Any feedback on this?

I'm dry right now,
no tears are left
but you still make me fall
and you still tighten up my chest.
It feels un-natural;
how I've fallen but feel
nothing yet.
My bones ache for your embrace,
but you're a broken skeleton,
you cannot hold me,
you cannot hold a commitment
or even a conversation.
I can't remember the last time
I heard you speak.
The last time might've been
the first time,
I don't know what
there is to miss.
I'll turn a blind eye when
gasoline tempts me,
my carelessness will be my bliss.
You're wrapped in indifference
and you will not unfold for me
because you couldn't care less,
indifferent to a lifetime of
armless hugs;
the walls of your skull
have never memorized
my first heartbeat
because no one ever taught you how to try,
and I don't want your presence
to be my neighbour,
because your love
feels like forced labour.

- Crimsyy

A/N: Thankyou so much for reading! What are your thoughts on this one?

I'd love to erase all the pain he caused
and heal your thin scar of a chest
cause I know no matter how you try,
some things you haven't forgotten yet

When I thought of your soul leaving,
I couldn't stand the ache from not knowing
if your heart was still beating,
I hope you don't take the risk just for fun,
I hope you know you've got someone

I need, I need you
to keep your blood running through your veins,
keep your gloves on
since the heat's gone,
I need, I need you to stay

I know I've been "checking up on you"
for the last week,
but lately I haven't been able to fall asleep,
cause I can't listen to the sound of
my own heart beats
when the only music I can hear
are maracas shaking

and I cry

because those aren't maracas shaking,
those are your prescription pills quaking;
since you've been digesting them,
has your vision shifted from grey?
Because, although it might be
selfish of me to ask,
I want to know if you
thought of me at all today.

Maybe I'm not meant to be

normally spectacular,

overachieving,

the epitome of perfection,

or a bundle of weak bones

held up by mere accomplishments

that add nothing to my worth.

Maybe I'm meant to be,

like you;

Sublime words always ready,

ready to be spilt on paper,

ready to be read by accident

but kept on purpose.

Maybe I'm meant to be,

like you;

A mystery or a person or both,

a mystery status of alive or dead

circulating the air,

everywhere and yet found nowhere,

Maybe I'm meant to be,

like you,

roam the world without

an adieu;

a supernova for everyone to admire

but unreachable.


**A/N:  Thankyou all for reading! What do you think of this one?

Her body perfectly blends in
with the night,
merely a silhouette,
her beauty accentuated
by the lack of light.
And though I have tried,
the earth has crawled
into her tiny bones,
the dirt has gotten
inside her fingernails,
and they have pinned
all their compliments onto her,
but I know when I'm gone,
she won't bleed with me.
Oh how can no one see
she'll no longer be a part of me,
how can anyone expect me
to be nostalgic
when I can't even feel
the sting of her golden days
where I bathed in the sun's rays.
I have suffocated her
and peaceful nights are now
but a blur,
and that is how you want me;
*on fire, stoic, dangerous.

When the weight of
a thousand moments
wasted overthinking
makes its home on my skin
and drip, drip, drips
down my cheeks,
I doubt everything.
I doubt ability,
your credibility.
I doubt capacity,
I doubt significance.
I question why
everything I touch
eventually shatters,
and why in my heart,
you still matter.
But maybe it's time
to stop doubting myself,
cause maybe this time,
I could feel good enough.

I know that everything has changed;
apart from my name,
nothing much is the same.
Now I wonder if awareness
is equal to happiness,
because somehow
moments stayed longer in my mind
when they were an inhale
I didn't bother to memorize.
Now I'm a museum
filled with stains
from all the different kinds
of pain,
now I'm dipped in paint,
dipped in so many colours,
aiming to complete
a thousand pictures,
not content with just one.
Now I'm confusing
hunger for love,
and my heart has lost
its gravity;
my ribs are its cage,
one my wild heart won't escape.
And now that I've walked
a road filled with scars,
instead of tears,
I'd like to swallow the stars.

You are winter
and I always fall for you,
as Autumn does
when rain comes knocking
on its leaves
and soon Autumn and I
are lost in a breath of
fresh petrichor;
you are rain
and for some unknown reason,
I'm always begging you
to drench me, soak me.
You are a notebook,
often closed,
spine seemingly unbroken,
and I, a starving poet
ripping at every page of yours;
I hope you won't
fall apart with me.

I wonder why we keep
calling something
begging for relief
"love",
I wonder why we
call each other "company',
but if you insist,
I might let you stay
as long as your love isn't
just a fleeting feeling,
always flying away.
When I realized that
glass couldn't make me bleed,
I realized then neither should you;
you're only a broken person
and all your parts
are made up of damaged appliances,
just like all of us.

Things I know to be true
at 10 pm on a Friday night:
I know I feel more at home
on my own, alone,
I know that alone to me
is not the feeling of
suffocating inside your own skin,
I know my skin is
the only real estate I'll
ever permanently own.
I know my skin
is not my enemy,
I know my skin
is always ready to welcome me.
I know my mind
is a lovely place to spend your time in
if you don't mind the looming threat
of a tornado or an earthquake.
I know your love is like
a vestigial *****
I do not require
but am willing to carry.
I know I love ferociously
and somedays that love
is a vestigial *****
I could go well without,
like tonsils in my throat
limiting my voice,
but does your heart ever
give you a choice?
I know I'm breathing
and nothing is falling apart
around me,
and even without you here,
I know I'm safe.

I'm currently evacuating,
currently changing,
no longer lingering
in lullaby-scented halls
and too big shoes.

The walls have changed, you see,
coated in posters of
people I try to be
but the walls know my
real estate, my anxious being.

They know my exterior
is scared to invite you in,
because not everyone can handle
the mess within.

They know on the inside,
I'm dripping blood, ink,
my mind, like an overflowing sink,
saturated with love,
sunset pink.

You make me wish
I couldn't care less,
you make my soul
want to fight my mind,
you make me wish
my heart was carved
out of indifference, passivity.
You make me wish
my thoughts were
filled with apathy, not empathy,
you make me wish
I was subtle, not bold.
And you make me question
if being intertwined is equal
to being free,
if human warmth is equal
to a smile,
if your body next to mine
is equal to happiness.
But the truth is,
I am filled with care from head to toe;
I care about poetry,
and sunsets, and stars
and all the little things you overlook
because you think they'll last forever.
But I'm perfectly fine,
just like that.

I can't understand
why everybody is so infatuated
with the idea of
having it "all figured out."
I don't understand my crippling
fear of not knowing;
where did it come from
and who planted its seed?
Because this fear of not knowing
is the forest living within me,
feeding itself with
my paralyzing thoughts
and if I could,
I'd ask it all to stop.
Life is being portrayed as
some puzzle we all need to complete
and I fear stumbling;
I fear the human act of
making a mistake,
because Heaven forbid,
something goes left
instead of right.

When you unravel me,
do so carefully.
The world is a breath
of fresh air I have not taken yet,
not reached yet
and somedays I curl up
within myself
and other days I wonder
how many moments
and doubt - filled nights
separate me from you.
Somedays, I want to run
I want to own the moon,
and others, I still
find myself sleepy at noon,
and I wonder if this is normality,
if I'm the only one
going from one extreme to another.
So when you unravel me,
take time to savour
my incapability to dwell
in passivity.

Two

Your flesh was mine
and my flesh was yours,
but you were taken away from me
suddenly,
I can no longer be kept
inside a box,
thoughts can no longer be
underconstructed,
and castles I built on clouds
are now destroyed,
out of small clothes I've grown
and the land of childhood
is now but a void,
a room with four walls
I've been told to evacuate from,
and now I move
hastily into this world,
as it unravels me
and takes what good it finds,
begging for it to call
a truce with my mind.

Tea stains ever present,
my anesthetic,
tasted by an older tongue,
sedating an even older mind.
Little one,
you were happy
and naive,
but I'll have to
leave you behind.

We try to find the ways
this could make us better,
in the dark we stumble,
searching for a ladder.
Care is an adhesive,
attached to our hearts,
and when roots are honest,
a tree can never fall apart;
Soon, we will have a forest
to soothe our scars,
until then, we will find hope
in decaying stars,
and a night will fade
from black to grey,
random glimpses of light
will remind us of what is true;
we are sublime,
even when enveloped in blue.

You're always colouring yourself
in different hues
and each time, I find
I keep falling inlove with
each shade of you.

In absence
anger screams my love for you
everyday, heart new
In absence,
anger screams my love for you
everyday, strength's debut.

And you know too well
how much I care,
you've seen flowers bloom
when you're there,
and though you're always
colouring me in different hues,
I can't seem to stop loving you.

You decided to
smile your way through,
all the way into my heart,
with the smile of a silent assassin
I can't recall letting in,
and the eyes of a risk,
a risk I'm willing to take
because what do I have to lose?
In the end,
the rage that makes your heart quake
is equal to the love
which makes your bones shake
and out of all the madness
coating the world in debris,
you'd still be the one I'd choose.

I could chew my way
through all the armless hugs,
through all the silences,
but an infestation of truth
tore away the mask
which allowed me to pursue
such a mindless task,
and now I can no longer
act so automatic,
no longer just a passenger
in my own mind,
I'm either indifferent or dramatic.
And now the entrace is closed
for what I detest,
you're a part of me and
I hope you don't mind,
but darling, your knives
were always the hardest to digest.

I can taste the clouds
when our hands are intertwined
and his utterances always linger
but more like euphoria than
a shattered spine.
And I've never spoken to him
a lukewarm truth,
I've never loved him in grey;
We're amateurs,
cradled by caffeine on
Monday mornings,
still learning how flowers
can break through skin
that's mourning.

In my chest resides a heavy weight,
rage and pain stir as I contemplate
if you're worth the ache
I've been feeling these last few days

I yearn for a taste of you
and yet I just want you to leave
so this pain may cease

And in the heat of my own hate
I can feel myself suffocate
Loving you and leaving you
are just the same,
different phrases
with the same name

But never will you reduce me
to be completely desperate for you
never will I plead on my knees
for the return of
someone who never learns.
My anger you cannot sedate
and when you'll crave my forgiveness
It might just be too late.