It hurts on the inside
Hiccuping crying
Screaming inside and wanting to outside
Saying things we didn't mean
But you never said sorry
Only me
It hurts like a stab wound left to rot
The scar will stay of what you said
Tears have gone dry
So have my emotions
Left drained and withered
I have nothing to say
Just a hurt on the inside.
An endless pain
That you are not sorry for
Cause you meant everything

Deep internal rumble
Heard through the cracks
Hidden deep but never enough
To silence their past

Jump without a parachute
Don't look before I cross
Take more pills then prescibed
Will this make the pain in my chest go away
Will this make my face stop crying
Will death take a failer like me.

Just talk to me
Say one little word
Don't ignore me

Just talk to me
What happened to you?
Where did you go?
What did you do?
To make you so hostile
Towards the world around you

Just talk to me
Say anything
I will always listen
Just trust me
And I will be your ears

Just talk to me.

God God God.
I keep digging the hole deeper
I try and I try
To make you happy
And not upset
But I am only ruining it
And my happiness.

I held you from afar
   But the words you said
      Cut deeper
         Than any knife ever would
             Until I bled
                 Far
            Far
     Far
         Down below
And you watched me die.

Take a deep breath
Kiss me hard
Forget the pain
We got this far
Forget our mistakes
We got what it takes
To get through this
Just give me a kiss
So I can get lost
Is this bliss.

You kissed to trap
And you kissed good
Tying your lips to mine to make me yours
But I don't trap easily
But with every touch I almost fell to my knees for you.  
But I didn't.
  
"It is either all or nothing. "

You kissed me.  To get me.  
But I am not easily got.  
And I deserve better then you.

I stand under this lamp-post
Not really thinking
Lost in all my dreaming
All the darkness that surrounds
Amplifying ever sound
The little light
This Lamp-post gives
Never penetrating the darkness around
So here I will stand
In the light you give
Because you are the light
In my darkness
And without you
I would be doomed
To walk this never ending eternity of darkness

Read the words I said
Not one word back
Is this what we have become?  
Me chasing after you for affection.  
Affection you won't give.  
You read my words
Nothing said back
I didn't notice at first since you ignore me for hours
Hours turned into days
Where did you go.  
Read the words I said
And ran away
I guess you didn't love me anyway.

"If you love something,
Let it go."
That is what they say.
But it is so hard when it hurts
It feels like drowning but you can still breath
Barely but still breathing
It is like being crushed by every sin on your shoulders.
But you let him go.
And it doesn't stop hurting
Cause you loved him so ******* much
That when he left
He took your heart with him
"If you love something,
Let it go"
I let him go.
When I knew it would **** me.

The lie slipped off my tongue like poison
And into the tea to my loved ones
It hurt my chest
My breath coming fast
But I couldn't help but lie
to make everything alright
Push my problems under the carpet
And pretend it is all fine
I am alright
I promise
Another lie
Slipping out of my cheeks

You looked at me as I bought my stuff
Just customer and cashier
But something about you caught me off guard
Maybe it was the way you wore that cross and had no name tag.  
My little stranger who I couldn't help but flirt with
Your deep brown eyes I could fall into
Deep and dark
So mature
I was single and not looking for love.
Scared by it.
But then you asked my name.  
And boy did you deliver when you found me
On social media.  
My little stranger
My little love

Don't sell yourself short.
You are pretty **** amazing
No matter what anyone says.

Past
Present
Future
All mixed up in that first hit.  
I didn't know it felt this way
And no one prepared me
But god was it confusing
How I couldn't tell if you were actually with me.  
I couldn't tell what time it was and my head felt really dizzy.  
I couldn't put together words because I was focusing on you
On who you were.  
How you felt.  
So I wouldn't panic.  
My first hit
And it leaves me wanting to feel lost again.

I feel like I have lost something
But I cant put my finger on it
Maybe I lost myself
Or something I had
How could I have lost something when I don't know what it was.

I lost little bits and pieces of the woman I knew over the years.  
It wasn't noticeable at first.  
A few forgotten things in rooms.  
A few stories retold for the third time.  
But now it has become something that stands out when you talk to her.  
The woman that raised me.  
Sometimes forgot about me.
Forgotten things were left everywhere as she didn't remember putting them there.  
Sometimes she forgot about me for the day, only to remember later.  

No one raises a child with the thought that their parents may forget them.
But it happened and nothing can change that.  

Her mind seemed to have lost the parts that I loved and so did she.  
But I still love her.  
This complete stranger that raised me or at least that is who she sees me as.  
As I listen to her tell me the same story for the 10 time in a row.  
I still love her.  
Even if she has forgotten me.

Save my soul for I have sinned
Red hot on my thigh
And regret in my chest

I would love
To love you forever
Until the sun explodes
And forever and ever.

What were we?
A huge mess tied in a bow?
But I loved you so much it hurt
When I had to let you go.

Tiny Fireflies fly by
This dark night
Catch one in excite

Make a single wish
On fireflies
Let it go this night

A full witches moon
Lights up Sky
Making wishes true

Making small dreams
A reality
To make them happy

He wouldn't message her back
And she couldn't figure out why.  
She stayed up late going over why he didn't.  
Maybe it was because she talked too much
Or maybe she didn't talk enough
Maybe it was because she was ugly to him
Or maybe she just had a nasty personality
Maybe it was because he just never liked her after all

She stayed up thinking about all the things that could be wrong with her.  
But maybe there was something wrong with him
If he doesn't want to talk then fine.  
She doesn't have to change herself for someone and she doesn't have to play the waiting game to catch someone who will never care about her.  
The one who is perfect for you will be someone where you never have to question what they like about you.  
Because they will like it all.  As it comes.

We are just an inch apart
But lately it has felt like we are miles
I don't know what to do
I still love you
But our moments only seem to revolve around what you want to do.
It is weird how fine I am, being your moon.

You were my world
I revolved around you like crazy.  Bringing you waves and a beautiful thing in your sky.  
But you didn't like my waves
Or the way I looked in your sky
So I drifted away.  I didn't have to revolve around you.  I chose you.  
And I can take it away.

Each note
Rang into my brain
Making everything feel
B l u r r y
Each song you played
Meant more in the words you sang
So I listened
Knowing they were sang for a girl
Who wasn't
M e

I shot you into my veins hard and fast.
Addiction was easy when I was willing
Loved the taste of you after each hit
But now I can't have you.
I am craving
Withdrawal hurts without you in my veins
Just waiting for another hit
Cause I am always willing

The sickness
I purged you out
Like a demon
Finger down my throat
Feeling like a sinner
The toilet my only friend
In my moment of darkness
The demons inside
Screaming as I purged them out
The pain
But feeling great
The secrets hid of what I did
Feeling thinner but like a sinner
But a sinner I am
With a head full of demons
Telling me to purge again
Because I will never be thin enough
Ribs sticking out
I will never be thin enough
Until I am dead
And in the end
My demons will win
I already know this
But still I sin
Because I am a sinner
So here I will purge
Away the sin
Down the drain
Into pipes who hide my secrets
That no one knows

Dr. Enuf is nasty
I really figured that out
I couldn't even drink it desperate
For anything else.
Ugh

Near Death
It seems
People really have Faith
In the Unseen

Don't go in the basement
Don't sit in the dark
For what is down there
Is no horror film
They are real
You may see them skim past you
Fast and quick
Their bodies
Little shadows with tails
They are real
You may not see them
But you will hear them
Hear them fight
Hear them eat what little is there
There eyes glowing red in the dark
Because of your flashlight

Don't go in the basement
Don't wait in the dark
Cause when you hear them
When you see them
It may be too late

So don't go in the basement
This is no horror film
Cause they are real
And they are more than you can imagine.

The poems were a secret I bore
I just wanted to open up
And not break your heart
But i should have kept quiet
Should have stayed away
Cause I know you are noisy
And will read my stuff
Even if it hurts.

No more tears for me.
Rap and punching
Pain is my new relief.

Spit on my face from your poison lips.  
Yelling names I could never repeat.  
Curses and foulness fills the air.  
All I wanted was love.  
Appreciation.  
Someone to look up too.  
All I got was a drunk stuck on drugs  
Screaming and falling into my life.  
But even after all these years
And what you did to me
I still love a little part of you.  
I just wish you loved me too.  
Dad.  
Sincerely,  
The *****

I am not living to make myself happy
I am living to make my parents happy.
All my choices are all for my parents
They have taken my life in their hands.
Molding me into something I never wanted to be
But maybe
If I do all they want and go to places I never wanted to go
They will finally love me...

I must not be alone
In the struggle to say no
Catching on my lips
Stuck between my teeth
Which turns to a yes
Before I can think
To not disappoint
To please others
I say yes
Even though
Yes is a bother

It will be okay.
I just need to take a moment and breath.

You are trying so hard
To get in my bubble
Planning dates with someone so unstable

Don't you get it?
Don't you see?
You are only a friend
Only a friend to me.

You won't give up
You won't go away
Blocked on all my social medias
But still you find a way to contact me

Don't you get it?
Don't you see?
You will never, ever be with me.

Still there you are promising again.
That this will work out.
You are a "gentleman."

DON'T YOU GET IT?
DON'T YOU SEE?
You have been friend-zoned, baby.

Across the room
I stared
At your nicely cut hair
And button up

A kick in my chest
To restart my heart
Our eyes met
For only a millisecond
Only to part

Heart in my throat
But I walked away
Hoping to meet you
Some other day

One guy opened up fully to my class on how he struggled with suicide and depression.
Said how he thought and even had the strength to say it. It was insane on how he could open up like that.
he had the strength i never did and never will.
i wish i could say how i was struggling but i am not like him
and i find my comfort in hiding.

1 pill
2 pill
3 pill
4
How many will it take
To knock me to the floor
Heart racing fast
Feeling it as last
Is this a fantasy
Or just the end of me
My head is spinning
The world is dizzy
I may just overdose
To feel something

It is has been a bit since I have smiled
It has been a while since I gave a ****.
Been putting off everything saying it can wait.
But the longer I wait the more full my plate becomes.
Overdue papers and failing grades
But I can't come up with a single reason to care.

My job is stupid and always stressful. Working long hours everyday and I can't find a reason to work anymore.
Hating my job and hating me.

Cuts on my legs like a tictactoe board and it doesn't worry me.
Nothing does anymore.

It has been a while since I have smiled.
It has been a while since I have enjoyed my existence.

I am naturally very paranoid.  
Little things scare me and make me fear for my life.  
I live life unreasonably.  And always on edge.  
A twig snap in the dark or maybe a shadow moves.  
I will think I am being followed or stalked.  
What is unknown is the scariest of all
I am naturally paranoid and I hate always living on the
Edge.

Breathing in
Deep and lovely
This calm
Isn't it lovely
Tears replaced with peace
Even if it isn't happiness
I like this break

Don't say a word.
Because then they won't see.
You are not as perfect.
As they think you are.

We are broken up
And it is all my fault
But somehow
I can't seem to change my phone
To a picture
Other then us.

Back up and take a breath
Who are you pretending to be?
Someone who is loved by everyone when you cant even stand yourself
Your happiness matters and you are allowed to feel things
Go and cry
Don't be afraid and have to hide
You are human and no one has it worse than others
You are not selfish for wanting to cry for wanting to leave.
Let it all out

Back up and take a breath
You don't have to please everyone
Who only matters is yourself.
So go ahead and cry.
And say how you feel
Because no ones opinion matters.
No one else.