Turning from reality into a dream,
You will be silently dying inside.
I do not have the heart to hurt you ever,
You will commit there your own suicide.

Notwithstanding the pains you continually gave,
I tried to save you, I tried to keep
If you'd been a bit more free and savvy,
We would have developed at least friendship...

There will be a funeral lingering for years,
But 'the meaning of life' won't oppress again
And past was ruined by wrath and angers
So, there is nothing left behind to regain.

You care about future ignoring the now,
You believe time buries all bad theories
Past is more permanent than future, somehow
As one day future will be past in memories

We can still build a nice memory of past
Which we can carry to future to hold on to,
Even if you withhold everything from me,
I'll cling to my blazing, fervent impromptu

Evade me hereafter, evade me with your fears,
Neglect me how much you want.
I deserved you, it is the fact,
But you could not deserve me.
What else I have to tell you?
Maybe some disdaining oath?!
Even my oath could exalt you,
But you've chosen being surpassed

You killed yourself, in the end
And buried the meaning of life...
Put a new grave near the older ones
Which are lying under my feet...
How you knew that I loved graveyards?!
Where all shut up and forget power,
Where all purposes turn to baubles
And all values become children toys...

If even saviors behave like you do -
Regardlessly leaving crusaders in the lurch,
I will break the wings of all angels
That they couldn't reach any sufferer!
After a while, a new grave will emerge,
The deepest one for this strayed poet.
How great it is to hear his last screams
I deserve a higher poetry indeed!

I step on my heart and feel no pain
As I tread, it releases fears like a flood...
The result is a new-born heartless overman
A renaissance in violence, a renaissance in blood...

I fly in the endless sky,
You have an aquatic life
You resemble a colorful fish
You cannot be taken out,
I can't live under water

You are not for cuddling,
But my hands try to catch
I want to show you horizons,
Making you be out of breath
So, you have to slip away

I approve odd theories,
Nature is also on my side
I wish I saw you one day
Soaring along the waters
Like rare flying fish

My willingly chosen life
Turns all dreams into facts
But the day I forget you,
Logically is undefined
Like division by zero

I began to rest in the shade of grey,
The colors of life are constantly blur...
If you asked, 'how are you dying today?'
I would say 'like I have never lived before'

Shallow ones need restrictions to live
A deep one lives restrictions to survive
Whenever, wherever I planted feelings,
Only deep amity, concord would thrive

You wanted opposite, I do not blame,
You can't fly if you were born for crawling...
You don't hear melody, but deem dancers mad,
Just for this dissonance, I was brawling?!

I've faced up to all devastations from you
And I will lose nothing even if you disdain
I have own dimensions of perception -
'The higher you soar the smaller you are seen'

How long will this continue? Forever?!
But I wish you would change and be gracious,
I admit, I also had heedless mistakes,
Anyway, I try to keep you precious

That was the difference just between us,
I tried to exalt, but you disgraced.
You could still be admired by a mad poet
But you chose to be loved by a dishonest...

You know how great it is to make you joyful?
And to touch the highest peak of mountain,
To gain years from life which worth living,
Without any quarrel or not fighting

You know how great it is to be courageous?
To admit everything that makes you afraid
To be surrounded by poems and pages,
Outfacing the life which of nonsense was made

You know how great it is to forget the death?
To neglect everything making you kneel
Once you were angry at what it was called,
But love would be a bauble as against what I feel

You know how great it is to surpass yourself?
To rise again before the absurdity of life
To feel heaven and hell even to their grains,
To embrace your own god and innermost drive
However...
... You don't know how hard it is to be aborted
When you're stumbling at the top of a console
When you're numb and your vision's distorted,
You're about to fall, losing hardly gained control

You don't know how hard it is when everything hurts,
When all silly meanings and happenings torture
When you are betrayed by the 'forgiver god',
However, you speak about something called 'virtue'

You don't know how hard it is to be all alone
Like one day you will lie in your freezing grave,
Knowing that a happy life is impossible,
Just trying to be only powerful and brave

You don't know how hard it is to be recondite,
Every time to face the clash of dimensions
Meanwhile, “to walk in your shoes” to be fair
And be surrounded by myself in various versions

What should I do?!
Help me,
I am bewildered,
As all normal things are becoming weird.
What is real?
Your fear or my hurt?
Let's in a while change our 'chairs',
I suggest you leave your traditional chains.
Which are forgivable?
My lies or my real pains?!

And you make me lie, knowingly I hate it
'Cause you carry inside your worry
You try to make me put off my coat
Like in the story,
As the wind tries with violence.
Which is more valuable?
My excuses or your silence?!

I lied, but I am on the same way,
With my inner wrath to slavery
With full of force going ahead.
Which do you want to choose?
Your anger or mine instead?!

It is really hard
To lose the light I found with you,
And it is very perishing for me
To fight with you
I wish you were much more deeper,
At least as an insane poet.
Still, I struggle with him inside,
And he resists saying 'do it!'
I see his anger to my lies and cowardice,
I see his anger to all existing realities...

Now I try to pierce into your deepness...
I have seen both reflections of tears in your eyes
Tears of thankfulness and regretting.
With the first one, I began to live,
With the second one, I blundered and dag my own grave.
Resist only one of them, make a human choice in your cot,
Decide, what was better for me?
And for you from me getting?!
The real ones which were yours or the fictions were not?!
Did you burn my inner feelings I gave to you?
Did you ignite them because they were not yours?!
I wish you had burned them courageously before,
When you deemed that they really were yours!
....And the reality is,
They had always been!
I just lied to make you sure and that you were not afraid
And I tried to hurt myself rather than you,
With my lies and with your untrustworthy attitude.
But my those feelings will remain gallant and nothing can change,
You have only ashes of them you deserve,
And it is something like my revenge.

You made me be stingy,
You broke my hands with full of merit and joys
Maybe it was like you were getting first-time toys?!
I am not a playground, sorry,
I only intended to rejoice
The precious one who made me feel deepest...

And all my presents are now spread around,
You can get them when you will only be courageous,
However, I cannot give them anymore.
And I will keep my apathy again as I had kept for ages.
Was it too hard for you to be respected?!
Maybe you were not too mature to hold them
And you had more shaky hands than I expected?!

What the hell would happen, tell me please,
If you were generous and brave forever?!
If you were not afraid like for the first time?!
We could hold it together with you,
We could hold it without any fault or crime,
We could hold it regardless of nonbelievers,
We could call it even something trustful and new,
Like the feelings inside of sisters and brothers...

You said that we give the meaning to anything,
So, I named all the things sacred related to you,
That's why I did not keep them secret,
And never hesitated to tell,
But you came around with your cold anger
And I saw you even call sacred - the hell
And you tried to persuade me to it also.
Thank you, I have my own hell inside
Which never can be accepted as holy
But I would never want to show it to you,
I would never want to make you down, of course,
I have my own god who shares only intrepidity and mirth
And my god is not cruel as yours!
You justify and forgive the fault of your god,
Who created the satan and committed the worst crime,
But you are ready to judge and even denounce me -
A straggler drowning in the depths -
Like the most dishonest one
For my unwilling and unruly misbehavior.
I perceive the truth,
That you can never understand me
And never can be on my side...
I stand beyond good and evil,
But you can embrace only simple contents.
You are not mature for virtue of not embarrassing someone,
You own only habits,
One example - just to ignore peculiarity.
We will be only on our own ways hereafter,
And all that we had lived we will brush aside,
Maybe it is not even your own fault,
Just we are like to our gods inside.
With your tyrannic and frightening creator,
Go ahead, don't stop and go forward!
But I say - I hate him!
And I always will hate!
Because he made us be shallow and coward!
He taught you to fear of something you really feel
And to run out from what you cannot understand.
He taught you to be superficial,
Fearing that one day you may surpass him,
He was afraid of the questions one day you may ask him.
He forbade deeper ones, precious ones.
He taught you only one name of feelings or thoughts,
But various ones to myself I have taught...
So he hates and he is afraid of variety of my senses as you do
Senses in fact which are pure and contain no unforgivable fault.
To what extent even my senses excel,
I trust myself and I will always tell!
So happy I would be if we could interact,
So sorry, you did not trust and were afraid in fact...
Though, I had told you - trust me till the end!
So sorry, I made you hurt sometimes,
Forgive me, please, forgive me,
Now I know that I had no chance,
Now I know that I have no chance
Because the path on which once I felt grace
Now is full of mistrust and suffers.
The life I have just existed for years
In a while became a place livable and meaningful
It lost all miseries, pains and tears.
In my world, my every piece greeted it like royal,
However, it was rashly considered betrayal...

If the meaning of life is to give it meaning,
You gave it the best one, thank you in advance
As an aggressive and weary ogre,
I will keep you always in fragile glass

Even though you flutter and leave me someday
I can set you free and from all I can hide
Henceforth it is your homeland - my heart,
And of course, if you wish you can abide

You are the only reason to find some meaning
In my indefinite and nihilistic cage
You are the happiness I can never have
Just this reality ignites my rage

I am not a weak one, I will surpass
Just for your happiness I will be glad
But still, I cannot understand that,
What is that inside you making me mad?!

Trust is a dear gift and you hesitate to give,
Will I be able to achieve, I wonder
Be sure, certainly,  you would forgive
If you knew ups and downs I often wander

Sometimes I struggle with my persistence
It tries to restore my faith and beliefs.
Only in what engaged my existence
They're only hungers and only griefs

And the coincidence that gifted me you,
Let me forget boring stuff I'm dealing
Paths are much worthier than the aims I pursue
The paths which take me to the deepest feeling

Something human, too human I feel
Believe me, it is not betrayal or love
Thank to your deep positiveness I heal
Deem it to be admiration of your laugh

Do you remember when you suddenly asked
If I had ever been in depression
It's my lifestyle skilfully masked
That contains my favorite intention

Recklessly I forget passing away,
Misery is ruined when I am with you
But I feel down, as I know, anyway
Suffering till the death I will miss you