I really needed you
I thought you wanted me too
But you just ripped yourself away
Should've known you wouldn't stay

We were supposed to be perfect
But you went treated me like an object
Why is everything I do not right
Why do you always steal my light.

I saved up this love to save me
And I was happy but you couldn't let it be...

I'm finally ready to go,
But there is a fear that I won't let show.
I'm so scared I'm going to fall into the same dark,
I'm still forced to relive the past with every single mark.

What if I'm not actually ready to be okay?
What if everything goes great until people don't stay?
Why do I have so many fears about this day?
I keep saying I'm ready but is that really the way?

People tell me the fears are only in my head,
But I still have the biggest fear of being dead.
It's true I've worked hard and I seem new,
But yet there is something that still draws me to you.

I always thought if I could smile I was over you,
But I smile and the pain stays too.
If you say you're okay enough I'm sure it'll work,
But the demons will always stay around and lurk.

So yea I'm ready to leave, let's see how this will go,
Hopefully all of my emotions will begin to show.
I really do want this to be different so please help me,
I just want to be happy and be set free.

Bad days will always be the norm,
I promise it's normal to be in a storm.
But when you get to the eye of it all,
Your worry begins to fall.
You are able to be at peace with all things,
You are able to unclip your wings.
You know the worst is only yet to come,
But you won't be the one to succumb.
The storm is coming fast,
But with the peace you know it won't last.
Bad days will always come around,
But they do not define you, you don't have to be drowned.

To pretend everything is alright,
It's easier to do once you've snuffed out the light.
But I am slowly drowning in the night,
So I try to help myself and write.
But I'm losing the battle I've fought for years,
Now all I have left are tears.
I've decided I've lost,
Because I'm not ready for the cost.

Before I go, can I try and make you happy?
Should I rewrite that line since it's a bit sappy?

Before I go, is it okay to give one last smile?
I know I know, I've cried for quite a while.

Before I go, can I tell you how much you mean to me?
I'm sorry that I will be leaving, but you'll be free.

Before I go, can I write out my last few lines?
I'll keep it happy with my "I'm fines."

Before I go, can I try one last shout?
I want you to be happy without a doubt.

This one day a year where everyone focuses on you,
It makes you feel completely brand new.
You all smile and dance and have a good time,
It's the only day you don't have to worry about the climb.
I wanted today to just be a normal day,
But then my friends said they won't stay away.
It made me happy to know they care,
I feel like I can finally breathe in the air.
It's weird to have a day where I'm actually important,
Rather than being the one in discordant.
I'm fifteen now,
It's crazy and makes me wonder how.
A golden birthday is what they call it,
Which is cool, I'll admit.
It's been quite a long year,
I don't have much more fear.

My mind is a dark place I can't navigate,
Last night my bad dreams took over me.
Everyday gets harder and harder,
I'm trying but no one can see.

I just want to try and heal,
But I'm struggling to find a home.
I want to be okay,
I don't want to be alone.

I know we all have our broken pieces,
Mine are getting harder to hold after long.
The pieces cut be beneath the skin,
I was a fool to think I could be strong.

Are you happier?
You left just like all the others,
I thought you would be the one to stay.
But you walked out like my brothers.

I hope life treats you well,
Cause even though you broke me I care.
I'll sit here for awhile hoping you come back,
Maybe I need some fresh air.

I never knew a person could hurt this much,
But I guess that's what happens when you give someone your all.
I loved you more than words could describe,
But you left and I've begun to fall.

Funny, a simple change, well, it changes so much.
I feel confident by just a simple touch.
It doesn't seem like much to others,
But to me I feel brand new with these two colors.
It doesn't shine nor shimmer,
In fact it's a hell of a lot dimmer.
It doesn't stop me from feeling on top of the world,
And with this change I demand to be heard.
I won't stop, I'll keep it going,
I can't shine but I'll keep on glowing.
The world is still dark and dreary,
Thinking of the past still makes me teary.
But I feel a bit brighter,
I feel like I'm a fighter.
Thank you change for helping me out,
I'm no longer afraid to raise my voice and shout.

For awhile now I've been free,
But I feel stuck, drowning in the sea.

I've been good at hiding my emotions and scars,
I've been searching for you among the stars.

Running into eachother broke my heart,
But you say it's better to just stay apart.

I still have my demons I need to fight,
And you took away my light.

You can leave my life that's fine,
But don't blame me when I shine.

I may not have you,
But I have someone new.

I’ve pushed everything to the past,
Because nothing ever seems to last.
I continue to be broken,
All of my wounds remain unspoken.
I just want someone to care,
But no one is ever there.
Why won’t they let me fade away?
They always demand that I stay.
But what if I don’t want to be here?
What if nothing seems very clear?
Do you want me to keep faking that I’m alive,
When I’ve never felt anything inside.
All of my words have been left unsaid,
All because the real me has been left for the dead.

Every time I'm doing okay,
You always gotta come back and ruin my day.
I'm just trying to breathe like what the hell!?
I haven't cut yet you hurt me and I fell.

I just want to live my life and be okay,
Make this pain and suffering go away.
How is it so easy for you to ruin me?
When all I've done is set you free.

Yay me I'm writing now,
But honestly I don't even know how.
Let's just get this over with I'm done with you,
Wish you were done with me too

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Do I even have any good words to right anymore?

Life is done with me,
So go ahead and set me free.
I won't scream and I won't run,
Because I understand my time here is done.

It's getting harder and harder to eat each day,
The food is tasteless and gray.

I want to eat but I can never seem to hold it down,
So instead I lie over and over and I begin to drown.

I haven't eaten much today, but at least I ate something,
Because something is way better than nothing.

I hope tomorrow I can bring myself to eat more,
And my need to eat will be something I can finally restore.

It's so poetic
Yet so empty
With so much emotion
But no lyrics

I want to smile
I want to cry
I just want to sit
And truly listen

Can I be this poetic
Can I make lovely words
Reach many others
Or is is all just for fun

I wonder what it would look like to listen to others,
Would I finally be able to see all the beautiful colors?

What would it be like to genuinely be okay,
Would I be able to smile and make everyone stay?

I wonder how easy it would be to get up every morning,
To get up and get ready instead of crying and mourning.

I wish I could feel really happy for a day or two,
That would be the greatest wish come true.

But until then I will sit and smile,
I don't want to make others worry for awhile.

It feels like it just happened yesterday you see,
I know you just wanted to set me free.

Not that long ago you were mine,
But now I don't get to cross that line.

It looks like you've moved on from me,
I always thought we were meant to be.

I know I'll miss you forever and ever,
But I think you want our bond to be severed.

I love you for eternity my dear,
Today I shed my final tear.

I used to think you could be my future,
But you turned that image into a nightmare.
It’s crazy to see what you are now, and what you were,
You know that one kid, you’re next to him right there.

Who knew you’d be the one to push me over the edge,
I ended up in a mental hospital broken and alone.
I sat there thinking, trembling on the ledge,
I come back and you even have a different tone.

You can’t treat me however you like,
The saddest part is how I still love you.
Making me walk over these spikes,
Because of you I only let in a few.

I don’t want to get hurt so I push everyone away,
But of course I once trusted you with my heart.
My heart is broken into pieces, I’m not okay,
I lost my sense of art.

That's all I've ever wanted,
My friends to be happy.
Even at my own expense,
I want to give them the world.
I want them to smile everyday,
Then we can all celebrate.
I'm more than willing to pretend,
If that's what they need me for.
They can punch me bite me break me down,
Anything they want if it'll make them happy.
They can ignore me for the rest of my days,
I'll be hurt but that's fine.
As long as they're happy,
I don't care.

I feel like I can’t break free,
Like nobody can really see.
I’ve hidden my pain and sorrow,
I’ve lent my feelings for others to borrow.
I let them tear me apart,
I should’ve stopped from the start.
I’m just trying to heal,
I just want to feel.
I want to say I’m okay,
I wish you would just stay.
But they’ve left me alone,
To find how to heal on my own.
I just wanted to be your daughter,
But that dried up like water.
Why can’t I be enough,
Why does this all have to be so rough?
I’ve tried to be cheery,
But I’ve become so weary.
Would you see me if I was more?
Or would you just continue to walk out the door.
Am I being too silent?
Because you are quite violent.
I just want to be loved,
But then I'm just shoved.
Why don’t you care?
Why can’t you be there?
I’ve continued to give away
Everything just so you’d stay.

I never thought it would happen like that,
I honestly thought we would just hug and chat.

It's the first time in awhile I've felt so happy in my life,
It's the first time in awhile I didn't think of the knife.

Once you got home we continued to talk,
I'm honestly surprised I was able to walk.

You made me heart flutter so amazingly,
It's wonderful how you can love me so unfailingly.

You are the one who made me feel like this,
With the wonderful goodnight kiss.

The sky seems so blue today,
It's the perfect day to play.
But what happens if the lights go out,
Will you begin to shout?
I promise I'll still be there,
Because no matter what I will always care.
You don't have to be afraid,
To me you will always be worth more than a grade.

The green grass meadow where I go to play,
A place where I can take my fears away.
A place where the sun always shines brightly,
And the grass kisses my skin ever so slightly.

The beautiful flowers brightly in bloom,
I don’t have to worry about the coming doom.
The sky so brightly blue above,
It makes me feel so in love.

Here in the meadow I am not alone,
Because here with me are my friends I call home.
Together we lay in the grass having fun,
Pointing at clouds and admiring the sun.

If I say I'm okay,
Will you stay?
I promise I can smile,
Just please stay for awhile.

Roses are red,
Violets are blooming.
What's on my heart has been said,
Yet something is still looming.

You make me smile,
You make me laugh.
I haven't felt this in a while,
Haven't felt even a half.

Familiar memories come rushing through,
But my heart isn't reminded of you.
Are you my lover
Or was it a past of another.

Please I need to know,
What my heart won't show.
Am I in love with you,
Or the past feelings I had for him too.