I'm losing my mind,
So you'll see what's behind.
The things I've tried to hide,
So far on the inside.
But they are all coming out now,
I promise I didn't just allow!
Would you believe me if I said it was the truth?
I'm no longer just a youth.
I've grow now and seen some things,
The memory of each still stings.
I want to just be okay,
But it seems the pain won't go away.
The battle is going on within,
And it's only just now ready to begin.

Hasn't been a year quite yet and the wound still stings,
Thinking back to all of those things.
I still can't believe how dumb I was,
Everyone asks for answers but all I say is because.
I have no answer for how I didn't see,
I can't even say you're name, just "he".
Because thinking of you makes me want to cry,
I have all these questions of why.
I wish I was smarter back then,
I hope it will never happen again.

"I'm just tired."                                                          ­              Tired of trying, 
"I'm just tired."                                                          ­              Tired of crying.

"I'm just tired."                                                          ­             Tired of smiling,  
"I'm just tired."                                                          ­               Tired of dying.

"I'm fine, just tired."                                                        Tired of saying fine,
"I'm fine, just tired."                                      When I'm way beyond that line.

"I'm fine, just tired."                                              Tired of fighting my mind,
"I'm fine, just tired."                                             Tired of always being kind. 

"I'm ok."                                                             ­              Tired of the faking, 
"I'm ok."                                                             ­            Tired of the shaking.

"I'm ok."                                                             ­               Tired of forgiving,
"I'm not ok!"                                                             ­              Tired of living.

Is R E A L I T Y even R E A L ?
Lately I can barely even F E E L .

                                                        I'm trying to F I N D ,
                                                        Why I've had a battle in my M I N D .

                              I watch as people L I E ,
                              Leaving the others to just sit and  C R Y .

Humans are evil, we let others  H U R T ,
And although it's not okay it makes them A L E R T .
                                                          
    ­                                                      I guess everything has a R E A S O N ,
                                                          Just like each and every S E A S O N .

                              So to answer my own question, L I F E is R E A L ,
                              And it's quite a big D E A L .

Its funny just when you thought someone cared,
They sure prove you wrong.
They left and you just stared,
I don't want to have to be strong.

Is there anyway I could be changed?
I want to be someone better,
Can't my molecules just be rearranged?
I don't want people to just forget her.

When I finally show you I'm not okay,
You just look at me and laugh.
You get up and decide to walk away.
It feels as if I lost my other half.

I wish I could beg you to stay,
But I know that would just be rude.
So I try to go out and seize the day,
even though I'm not in the mood.

Wow glad to know you really cared,
I mean I looked at you and stared.
You're so happy to have a new dog,
I feel as if you just hit me with a log.
Did I ever truly matter to you?
No wonder you withdrew.
You talk about you're dog all the time,
Why I just try to rhyme.
I thought if I tried harder I'd be perfect in your eyes,
But after a long time a part of me dies.
I've realized that you're happier with me gone,
I've realized I was just a silly little pawn.
So I'll leave you alone,
And try to be happy on my own.

I've always wondered why people say I'm fine,
I've always wondered why you just can't be mine.

I know what I want and that's to be happy,
I know what I want but I end up feeling ******.

I want you to know you are perfect to me,
I want you to know you can set yourself free.

There are still so many things I want to say,
But I'll leave those words for another day.

I'll leave you with these last few things,
I promise you can still spread your wings.

It's been awhile since I found my inner song,
I've been looking at everything so wrong.
I disappeared into the great sea of darkness,
I tried my best but was always seen as heartless.

How can I make up for this time here?
I long for my friends to be oh so near.
I wish this wasn't the way things had to be,
But it'll take me awhile to find the real me.

I understand if you can't just wait around,
I won't be upset if you give up on my sound.
Just always remember how we used to be,
Look at the way we used to laugh and see.

This lovely little thing called love,
If often quite difficult to navigate,
Because through it all you get broken down and torn apart,
But I think the pain is worth the reward.
Finding one who loves you for everything you are.

Every time I start to be okay,
I get worried that people will stay away.

This simple lesson I need to know,
It’s okay to let your emotions show.

Because even if people leave you,
You’ll always have yourself too.

One day there will be someone who loves you,
And those feelings will be all so new.

Love yourself and you can love others,
Hate yourself and you won’t be able to save others.

The day is bright and beautiful
The sun is shining
My life is lavish and wonderful
Smiling, but not trying.

The world is quite colorful
My dear you are lovely
My life is perfectly perfect
But hidden within it's ugly

The world isn't bright
People ***** out the light
Everyone eventually hurts me
No matter what I can't be free

Everyone just smile
Everyone stay for awhile
People throw me around roughly
Isn't the world just lovely...

If you want me to believe that you care,
You should've been there.
I thought that this could have been love,
Until you began to shove.
How could I have been so wrong?
How could I have thought we'd belong?
Goodbye now, I'm done being hurt,
I don't want to keep going and be alert.

Day after day,
Night after night,
I am struggling more,
I can't see the light.

                                             It's a funny little thing,
                                             The thing stuck in my mind.
                                             How could I ever think,
                                             That there was a love I could find.

I wonder sometimes,
What others would say.
They would see the scars,
And they would walk away.

                                              Every single day,
                                              It gets darker.
                                              The darkness leaves a mark,
                                              Just like a marker.

Day after day,
Night after night,
I am struggling more,
I can't see the light.

"It'll heal someday,"
That's what they all say.

                                       But I don't think they realize that some scars,
                                       Don't just leave with the stars.

How can I hope that it'll heal,
If I can't even seem to admit how I feel?

                                                               ­ You marked me,
                                                                ­And now I'll never be free.

I have officially cleaned out any memory of you,
You can never take control of my room and make it blue.

I took my emotions and watched them burn,
Now what you're doing is none of my concern.

I feel so free but also so broken,
I almost wish your words remained unspoken.

I'll miss you but it's for the best,
Because if the room stayed, I'd be more depressed.

Mom, dad? I'm home to play,
Gosh it's just been the very best day.

Mom, dad where have you gone?
Why have you decided to leave by dawn?

Mom, dad? What do those words even mean?
Because mine have managed to go unseen.

Mom, dad, are you coming back,
Or will I be the one to crack?

Mom, dad? I'm older now,
Many people ask me how.

Mom, dad? I really miss you,
I hope you do too.

Mom, dad? I'm falling faster into the dark,
I've begun to lose my spark.

Mom, dad? Why did you leave me?
I'm sad to say I won't be the key.

Mom, dad? I guess I must say bye,
Even if I know you won't reply.

The place I like to visit often is full of art,
It reminds me I still have a heart.
It's a place filled with questions,
A place where I often learn many lessons.
This place knows me better than I do,
It often shows me a better point of view.
It's often just filled with many facts,
I often am there for a while and it impacts.
This place is not very hard to find,
At least for me because it's my mind.

Learning to try,
Where does my identity lie?
Finding myself again is hard,
Harder when I've raised my guard.
Trying to learn it's okay to be alone,
Spending this year on my own.

Everyday somehow I've fallen more,
I can't even think of my life before.
He's taken over my mind,
I really want our hands to be intertwined.
He has shown me how kind people can be,
I feel as if I can only now finally see.
He is my music, I won't give him away,
But I know it's his choice to stay.
I don't know what this feeling truly is,
But I want to keep saying I'm his.
I know that with him I can be happy,
I never thought I could write words so sappy.
I finally am able to feel okay,
I feel alive in a completely different way.
What is this feeling I feel?
I can't put a word to it, but I know it's real.

I've been off on a twisted adventure,
Finding the best way to reach my center.

It feels like I've been completely alone,
I feel like there are still so many unknowns.

Do I feel any change happening?
Sometimes I wonder if I'm just imagining.

I'm working hard to try something completely new,
It's really weird to be working on myself to.

How would you react if I said I missed you?
Would you miss me too?

It's highly unlikely because you seem to be okay,
But I still wonder what it would be like if you were to stay.

I don't want to, but I think of you every day,
I'm really sorry to brings this up this way.

I can just never seem to say anything right,
It's so hard for me to think about the light.

I'm ranting on and on about how I feel,
This is the only place where I can keep it real.

I cannot imagine myself without this site,
I for sure know the future wouldn't be bright.

Well this was a poem about nothing,
But it happened to lead to something.

1...
I try my best to breathe and count to ten.
          2...
I'm trying everything so I can feel again.
                     3...
The shaking comes and I can't seem to stop it.
                               4...
All of my thoughts are just telling me to commit.
                                         5...
I'm trying my best to see the beauty in life.
                                                    6...
But all I can focus on is the glistening knife.
                                                              7.­..
My thoughts become empty as I reach for my heart.
                                                          ­               8...
My head is clear and I'm no longer falling apart.
                                                                ­                   9...
I'm no longer afraid of death, I welcome it with open arms.
                                                           ­                                 10...
Now I don't even have to worry about the silent alarms.