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lib Nov 2017
hey, it's me again
i'm just calling to say
that the sunset
reminded me of you tonight
so enticing
illuminating
and beautiful
but at the same time
so intense
fiery
and passionate
drawing me in
closer and closer
until i'm in your presence
and within a moment i'm
drenched in darkness
danger
and silence

i stay
only because
the dazzling starlight
hidden in the rubble
of darkness
reminds me of
the moments before dusk
maybe i can't
get my mind off of you
but i swear
i'm letting you go
for real this time
lib Nov 2017
i fear that the beauty you see in me
will fade
as soon as you see me undressed
i fear that our forever
won’t be as long as you promised
once you get a taste of my lips
and i blame myself
for not being enough for you
when in reality
i am full
and you are empty
you try and empty me
in order
to fill yourself
i beg you
please
don’t empty me
lib Mar 2018
i wish i could be happy for you
you're moving on
to bigger and better things
things beyond what i could give you
things i don't have

i'm sorry
but i have a feeling that
you moving forward
is actually me being left behind
and so the cycle starts over again
lib Mar 2018
you don't even know me
i catch feelings too easily
i really really do
it's a weakness of mine
lib Nov 2017
he takes one more gulp
finishing the bottle
whiskey dripping from his lips
he looks at you
you are frozen
as he drunkenly stands up
he sharply wipes his upper lip
and then licks them
your eyes look left
and then right
searching for your younger sister
thankfully
she is nowhere to be seen
as the home you shared
was now unsafe
you don’t move
as he takes a step toward you
paralyzed under his watch
you start to sweat
he swears under his breath
and you are beyond nervous now
you hear his belt unbuckle
before you see it drop to the floor
your mind tells you to run
but your feet do not move
his eyes squint at you
as he says, “don’t you think it’s past your bedtime?”
and you silently sit still
praying to God that he will turn around
he does not
in fact, he starts moving in your direction
faster now
and you squirm in your seat
afraid of what comes next
you look into his black, soulless eyes
hoping he will see your innocence
he does not
his zipper is now undone
and his grimy fingers
roughly jerking at your skirt
you are afraid
but the numbness sets in
and your eyes become heavy
i’m not sure how i’m going to end this
it feels more like a chapter book than a poem
is that allowed?? haha
lib Nov 2017
i parked my car in your driveway
promising myself i was over you
and waited for a moment
promising myself i was over you
my head rested in my hands
promising myself i was over you
i heard myself open the car door
promising myself i was over you
and shut it
promising myself i was over you
i jogged up your gravel driveway
promising myself i was over you
and almost turned around
promising myself i was over you
i hopped up the porch steps
promising myself i was over you
and knocked three times
promising myself i was over you
i blinked
promising myself i was over you
and you were suddenly there
promising myself i was over you
no words were spoken
promising myself i was over you
your blue eyes like the sea
promising myself i was over you
you smiled
promising myself i was over you
and i realized you didn’t hate me
promising myself i was over you
you asked if i was okay
promising myself i was over you
i lied
promising myself i was over you
“yeah, i’m better than ever”
promising myself i was over you
you said you were glad we could still be friends
promising myself i was over you
i lied again
promising myself i was over you
“me too.”
realizing i wasn’t over you
lib Nov 2017
i feel myself
losing the emotions
i once felt deeply for you
and catching feelings
for another
i'm sorry
but my heart doesn't flutter
when i see you anymore
my heart is busy
pining
but not for you
i'm over it
lib May 2020
our chocolate-dipped skies
they're cold and sweet as vanilla ice cream
their stars taste like sprinkles
i'll revisit them in my dreams
i miss them already
lib Sep 2020
skipping rocks and skipping meals
magazines are teaching her to eat less, no matter how she feels

models on instagram, tiktok, youtube, and twitter
setting unrealistic expectations with their photoshop and glitter

in size two jeans, hoping to squeeze into ones
it looks like she's living the dream, but in reality, it's not a good one

1000 calories or less, isn't it nice?
she's living in an eating disorder nightmare disguised as paradise

she's losing weight, but not feeling as though she's won
she doesn't want this anymore, when will this be done?

she's dropping pounds, but feeling so shattered
compliments left and right, but it's hard to feel flattered

she's eating nothing at lunch until she's too light to function
the cafeteria starts to feel like a dungeon

feeling sick when she eats "too much"
kneeling in the bathroom using the toilet as a crutch

and then she overcompensates with exercise
when will the people around her start to hear her cries?

things are out of control, it's becoming too much for her to handle
her world feels as though it's starting to dismantle

her mental & physical health is deteriorating as she loses the weight
when will they see what it's doing to her? hopefully before it's too late
this poem is about a young girl affected by eating disorders and missing out on some of her childhood because of the havoc that these problems have wrought within her life. it's also about the negative influence that social media and magazines can have on people of all ages, but especially on impressionable kids and teens.
lib Nov 2017
your eyes
focused on me
until i look back at you
you shyly turn away
and i’m left to wonder
whether i’m crazy
or you feel the same way
for the record, i’m probably crazy
lib May 2020
the time passes too quickly
we're dripping in and out of darkness
melting into morning
the blinding brightness
waking us up from our perfect dream
into the nightmarish reality
i long for nighttime and dreaming
lib Oct 2017
to be understood
you have to be willing to understand
to be loved
you have to be willing to love
to be cared for
you have to be willing to care
if you are unwilling
to meet other people's needs
how do you expect them
to meet yours
lib Oct 2017
i used to lay
on the hard sidewalk
sandwiched between the street
and the subway station
in the early morning
and feel the rhythmic
tap
    tap
       tap
of each step
of each passerby
wondering for each
what are your struggles
your everyday fight
what breaks you
and defeats your pupose
then i stay
and wait
until the familiar faces
pass by again
and by now
it is dark
and cold
when they walk by
i wonder once more
what reminded you to live today
what is the reason you keep on surviving
why do you continue to breathe today
who showed you how to overcome
i've noticed since then
that i don't remember
the faces
no
i remember the eyes
the familiar eyes
that remind me of
the struggle to live
the fight to survive
the broken breaths
the defeats
and i'm reminded
that no one showed you how to overcome
lib Dec 2017
when will you realize
complimenting her beauty
doesn’t lessen yours
lib Oct 2017
what if forgetfulness
is the heart’s only defense
against painful memories
her
lib Mar 2018
her
tears roll down her face
feeling like empty space

she feels one with the earth
and can't wait for him to notice her worth
i'm her
lib Nov 2017
i know you tried to commit suicide last year
we all knew
and i was there for you
actually
i was the only one there for you
we all went through things last year
and our conversations were like medicine to me
i know they helped you too
but it's not the same this year
i wish i knew why
suddenly you don't sit by me in classes
you ditch me for your boyfriend more than usual
and your new friend
your new "best friend" to be exact
the girl neither of us liked
and the girl who goes through her "best friends"
quicker than anything else
and she'll drop you too
i know she will
i think you know deep down too

you don't text or call
or even send streaks most nights
i'm sorry if i did something wrong
i really am
and i'd probably be really happy again
if you'd simply forgive me
but in all honesty
i know it wasn't my fault
and i wish it was
at least if it was my fault
there would be a possibility
that everything would go back to normal

but it can't
it never will
and i'm sorry that i'm not willing to let it
but if i was to let it
that would mean i'd be willing to get hurt again
and i'm not ready for that

i just wanted to let you know that
i know you and you boyfriend are having problems
i know you don't deserve that
but i also know that i don't deserve to hear it from him
instead of from the girl i was calling my best friend days ago
and no matter what
i just want you to know
that no matter what happens
i'll be there for you
and no
i'm not saying it will be like the good old days
because it won't
and i would never lie to you

i'm still coming to terms with the fact
that it will never be the same as it once was
but the difference between you and i
is that while you're busy breaking me
i'll be ready to pick up the pieces
next time you feel as worthless
as i do right now
just a rant to get me through another less than mediocre school day
exerpts from a letter to my ex-best friend
lib Nov 2017
i fear myself
hurting you
relationships never work for me
lib Mar 2018
i cannot sleep
the seasons change
and with it, my feelings
my feet are cold
literally and figuratively
my blankets are warm
but not warm enough
to drag me
into deep
slumber
i wait for
sleep to overcome me
it does not come
sick and tired of unreciprocated feelings
lib Mar 2018
thunder, lightning
rain pours on our heads
you look up and smile
a not so rare moment
of pure happiness and
you are beautiful
your long locks now wet
and dripping and
you are still smiling
glad to be alive
i wish i was like you
but i am not
don't you realize
you are the only reason
my heart continues to pump
and my lungs continue to
inhale
exhale
inhale
exhale
i feel your warm breath
on my skin
and we finally meet
in a passionate kiss
inhale
exhale
inhale
exhale
i wish my dream was a reality
i really really do like him
lib Nov 2017
i write
not what you
want to hear
but what you
need to hear
lib May 2020
tomorrow is the last day

an adventure coming to an abrupt close
an unexpected that i should have seen from a mile away
a journey i never wanted to end

the last four years
the normalcy
the expected

tomorrow is the last day
it's disheartening that my high school career will end like this, but i enjoyed every second. on the bright side, this novel deserves a sequel... let's hope chapter 2: 'college' lives up to its expectations :)
lib Feb 2021
when we shared our last kiss
there was a can of orange crush in the cupholder between us
when it was over i looked away and bit my lip
i didn't know that you would break my trust

i didn't know that it was the beginning of the end of us
lib Nov 2017
when i think of last summer
i smell the scent of chlorine filling my lungs
i feel the warm sun coloring my shoulders
i hear the lawn mower running next door
i love these things
because they remind me of you
but i hate these things
because they remind me of you
i can’t choose
what i remember
and what i forget    
i smell the aroma of your cologne
i feel your arm around me
i hear you singing all the songs on the radio
and no matter what i do
i can’t let myself
let go
of what was

maybe i’ll never know
what will be
maybe i’ll find myself
living in the past
i guess
the past is comfortable to me
a poem written for my english class, i hope you enjoy :)
lib Feb 12
parchment paper moon
stars sprinkled across the sky
laying on your chest
my heartbeat dancing with yours
i wonder if this is love
(i hope it is)
lib Feb 2018
each heart that touches mine
is a medication
a perfect drug
a hope

but when they go
they're a dagger
dragging deep
into an already weeping wound
lib Mar 2018
you were my strength and my weakness

i didn't know it,
but in that moment,
you were my everything
lib Mar 2018
a war within her heart
breaking down walls
tearing itself apart
misidentified love
lib Apr 2020
time
slipping through my fingers
your Picasso is losing inspiration
i’m not sure who i will be once you’re gone
and now you’re gone
lib Sep 2020
there was always something about your eyes
and the way they shined last December
i thought it'd last forever and although it didn't
it's one of the things about you that i'll always remember

eventually i realized
maybe it wasn't meant to be
see, we'd be perfect together
but it's not perfect unless you also want me

although there's nothing noble
about holding on to unreciprocated love
it's challenging for me to avoid
because my feelings for you aren't easy to dispose of

i guess it's time to let you go
i simply cannot wait for you forever
but i'll never forget the sound of your laugh
or your tendency to be so clever

and because no one else compares
i can only think of you
then the memories start to rush in
and the wound feels brand new

falling in love felt like the storybooks
but I don't remember one where the couple doesn't end up together
i guess we've written a new tale
a beautiful and heartbreaking adventure
at least it's ours... no one can take that away
lib Nov 2017
my quill like a dagger
my paper is skin
with each line
dragging deeper and deeper
hitting nerves
and cutting to the bone
lib Feb 2018
each love and i
like passing trains
whistling to each other
but never staying long
lib Nov 2017
remind me
why my heart breaks
when you touch my face

remind me
why anymore when i see you
my heart doesn’t race

remind me
why when i think of you
i almost feel mad

remind me
why your words hurt me
and make me feel bad

please
i’m begging you
remind me
you don’t need him
lib May 2020
we lay together
savoring strawberry sunsets
that roll into dark, star-filled skies
it won’t be long
until you’re gone

forever apart
though there’s little physical distance
i miss you the most
thinking of how we might never reunite
my heart aches, reminiscing our rooftop nights

our memories dance
waltzing clumsily within my dreams
although it's never quite right
i choose to believe
because it almost seems as if you're still here
and i’m praying you never leave

yet the morning always comes
sunshine seeping through the sill
though the sunrise is breathtaking
i will always prefer the darkness
of our rooftop nights
i can’t believe this is the end for us. i will never forget you.
lib Jan 2018
i've come to the conclusion
souls are ageless
eternal
we will exist in the great beyond
a different dimension
a place no living creature
has ever seen
lib Feb 12
beneath the pale stars
your strong arms holding me tight
the clock strikes midnight
carriage returns to pumpkin
dress of silk and gold to rags
another tanka poem
lib Nov 2017
i'm searching for
someone who actually
cares about me
someone who notices
my presence
and preferably,
craves it
i guess i'm a dreamer
lib Mar 2018
i say i'm moving up in the world
while i run in place
and no matter how fast i run
i'm not going anywhere

a plant crowded in its ***
a dog stuck in his cage
a girl caught in bad habits
i need to be honest with myself
lib Mar 2020
every day ends in a new sunset
and begins with a new sunrise
and there’s no one else
i’d rather have by my side

we’re taking our time
enjoying the journey
what’s the rush?
why would we hurry?

we’ll enjoy the moment
before it passes
we’ll raise a toast
and lift our glasses

and we’ll live our lives
one day at a time
someday we’ll grow old
but today, we will enjoy our prime

they say that life is short
and that there’s no promise of tomorrow
for now, we will live
and stop focusing on our sorrows

we’ll look forward for what’s to come
we’ll think fondly of the past
we’ll savor every second
up until our last
i originally wrote this poem for my school’s poetry contest, but i figured i’d share it with you guys, too!
lib Sep 2019
you aren’t worth it
my pain
my tears
my thoughts
maybe this is how our goodbye will begin
lib Feb 2021
i’m drowning in the fluorescent lights of the daily
my routine is wearing me down
i long for the spontaneity of the past
the sunlit warmth of summer days uncorrupted by a schedule

the rut of the day-to-day is killing me
from within my bones i can feel it
it's seeping out, poisoning each moment
am i alone? does anyone else feel it?
lib Oct 2019
it’s been three days
but i can still hear the sound of our song playing on your old car radio
i can still smell the scent of your favorite cologne
i can still feel your hand resting on my knee as you drove
i can still taste the strawberry milkshakes we shared

when will i stop thinking of you constantly?
when will i move on?
how long will i feel this emptiness inside where your heart used to reside?

i know it’s for the best
but is it truly the best
if it isn’t the for better or for worse
that i dreamt of?

it’s been three days
i hope you’re doing well
this is my first real break up and i’m not going to lie, it hurts pretty badly right now. i hope the healing is coming soon. i’m trying not to regret my decision to leave, but it’s really hard. although it was a somewhat unhealthy and manipulative relationship, i still love and care for him.
lib Mar 2018
dear younger me
i beg you
keep falling in love
with your heart
not your head
and please
remember that no one
ever fell in love
being cautious and afraid
remember to be
open and truthful
patient and forgiving
and above all else
be the person
you wish to
fall in love with
i'm just trying to keep myself sane
lib Sep 2020
i spend each night
tossing and turning
while you sleep peacefully beside her

you've never missed a minute of sleep
while i could log nights of sleep
lost to thoughts of you
lib Mar 2018
love
without risk isn't
love
at all
lib Feb 12
light pierces the leaves
under the oak, you with me
october ends us
they say nothing good can last
you, my love, have proven this
i have been trying my hand at tanka poems recently :)
lib Mar 2018
you are my favorite song
lib Nov 2017
and here i am
waiting
for tomorrow
to fade into today
excitement runs through my veins
my heart rate rises
and here i am
waiting
lib Dec 2017
too many people
have asked me
what's wrong
lately

how transparent am i?

and so i lie again
saying everything's fine
with a counterfeit smile
and eyes begging
for a cure
a cure to a seemingly incurable disease
a disease i like to call
loneliness

i don't know
how to respond
to what's wrong
when everything
seems like the
truest yet
most painful
answer
teammates, friends, classmates, coaches, teachers.
what do they have in common? seemingly nothing, but each of them has asked me whats wrong lately. honestly, i'm not sure what's right.
lib Nov 2017
so today you sat by me at lunch and tried to talk to me
just like i said you would
even though your new best friend is in our lunch too
so why did you do that?
why did you that knowing that you would go back to her
the next period
gossiping with her
instead of with me
why did you do that completely aware
that it would hurt me
physically
mentally
and emotionally
ugh i's going to be another one of those days
exerpts from a letter to my ex-best friend
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