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7.5k · Apr 2014
over
Lavina Akari Apr 2014
no more blood and not much tears
but I must admit I still have fears

but, in some way, I feel its ending
everything.
is all mending.

all scars are coming to an end
my heart is surely on the mend

my lungs are still tainted
my mind is still too
my arms are still painted
with memories in blue

but my favourite part, I love this, I do
is when I close my eyes,
and I never see you
6.7k · Jul 2013
ignored
Lavina Akari Jul 2013
in the corner she sits
calls but no one looks up

just like a lost toy - replaced
as if she were never really there

into the ground she sinks
maybe she'll return again
when everyone else has left
and someone needs to reach out
and aren't ignorant enough to ignore her
6.3k · Jun 2016
The Strawberry
Lavina Akari Jun 2016
20th June

I have always been very curious
the world is so big and I am so small and
I see it as a good thing because then I have more adventures to go on.
This boundless energy is constantly swirling under my skin
and I often feel like I will take off and fly away.

We were sat in a strawberry field and the sun painted us in gold
and I felt like an angel
and you looked like an angel
and I felt like there was no need to see the beauties of the world anymore because you were the most beautiful thing on this planet.
We can travel this world together, even though I'll always stare at you.
5.4k · Oct 2016
Wonder
Lavina Akari Oct 2016
I wonder what it is that I will love the most. Maybe it’s the way you say a certain word, or that one defining feature; your one crooked tooth when the rest are straight, or the fact your eyes cross every time you cough after a draw. Maybe it’s because your mouth tastes like rice milk and your hands smell like lavender, maybe it’s the way you hold me and keep me still when the entire world is spinning. Maybe it’s because you sing all the songs you know keep me calm, or maybe it’s the way your laugh seems to roll around in your mouth and then hit everyone in the room like it’s the bowling ball and we’re the pins. I wonder what you have been through. I wonder what walls you have hit in your life, and which of those you battered through and which you sat and waiting for the bricks to crumble and fall. I wonder what you will think about when we sit in silence, is it about me? Is it about the ocean, or our dinner?
I wonder about a lot of things to do with you, but I do not wonder, nor doubt that I will be uncontrollably and unfaltering-ly in love with you.
5.2k · Aug 2016
anger // patience
Lavina Akari Aug 2016
I read that anger is weakness, and that patience is strength
But it is from anger that I found my strongest self, from blind fury that I learned my fists can break steel and my entire body is made from diamond.
How can patience be strength when every single agony-filled second that drags by I feel myself growing weaker and frailer?
5.0k · Aug 2015
fuckboy
Lavina Akari Aug 2015
do not be seduced by those with a reputation of a heartbreaker

do not allow them to strum on your heartstrings
because you are not someone's instrument.
do not misinterpret their charms as care or love for you

do not allow them to throw beautiful words down your throat at night
because you will wake up in the morning choking on them
and they will be nowhere to be found.
how can you call for help if you can't breathe?
4.6k · May 2017
horror
Lavina Akari May 2017
i can only find the open palms of my demons in that red mist, the ones that once held my face in a much harsher way than you do now. your calloused hands feel like heaven instead of the hell that slept in the creases of their fingerprints. sometimes i fall too close and i see their blackened eyes that replay childhood traumas that i have spent years repressing with self-destructive behaviours and alcohol. your own remind me of the rivers i could drown myself in but i must remind myself that diving in will only give me peace, not death, though it feels like death whenever they're not in my sight. sometimes i think about hurting myself again but then i remember the claws of those monsters and how they can't compare to your nails tickling at my back in the late of the night where theirs would be cutting me open. i don't ever want to be in their grip again. never again. never.
3.9k · Mar 2016
arctic waves
Lavina Akari Mar 2016
the static has tiptoed across me from my brain into my lungs,
electrifying each and every one of my breaths into
sharp icicles and lightning bolts.

white noise vibrating against my skin as the ice cold
waves
rock me back and forth
as if they are nursing a newborn baby.
the cold trickles down me and makes me shiver

my limbs are blue and my lips are blue and i am floating
floating
floating
somewhere safer.
Lavina Akari May 2017
i'm glad you are safe with me. even if you are not loving in my arms,
even if you are not kissing my lips.
alcohol is meant to make others seem more attractive but
it physically isn't possible to make you more beautiful than you already are so you stay the same and whilst everyone
around me gets prettier you are still the most heavenly body i could ever lay my eyes on.

there's nothing that could ever
make me look away again.
i don't know why i ever did.

everyone and everything
in the world
is eclipsed by you.

oh, it is eclipsed by your beauty.
3.5k · Aug 2017
bpd pt. 2
Lavina Akari Aug 2017
6/16

it could be good
feeling in extremes when positive
emotions surface.
unfortunately,
my intense emotion is easily influenced
and on this planet
everything good dies quickly

i wish i was good
3.5k · Jul 2016
The Thunder
Lavina Akari Jul 2016
19th July

Saturns hexagon shaped storm stuffed into a human body.
I open my mouth and the black bellowing thunder
batters everyone in my way into the ground,
gailforce winds stealing their breath to make it mine.

Ferocious tidal waves live in my eyes and
leak from me and fill the room
but i'm already drowning.

My lungs are filled with ***** water and I feel it flooding my veins like poison.
I can feel the bolts of lightning glittering behind my eyes,
stunning those who try to look at me - into me.

I am a complete hurricane in a persons form, a never-ending storm,
a destructive monster crushing and
stomping on everything in the way.
A fusillade of iron bullets shoot from my skin.
I need to drag everyone down with me,
make them bleed with me.
Suffer with me.
2.9k · Aug 2016
The Sturgeon
Lavina Akari Aug 2016
18th August

You see me floating over the water, over your home at the lake bed.
Your eyes are closed but I know you can sense me in your slumber.

I’ll be honest with you, as I always am, I always was honest.
I just wanted to know.
I wanted to know why you ***** everything you come across.
Why does everything you touch fuse to you until it begins to rust and rot and fall apart?
Why do the plants you touch wither and die? What poison was scrubbed over your skin at birth that caused you to be the embodiment of misery and death and suffering?

I know you want to love. I can feel the wanting leaking out of you
like sunbeams. I know the warmth in your heart, but I know also
that it is chained and locked inside and your flesh likr frozen metal with poison spikes and anger that hurts like the plague.

I’m leaving in the morning; I’ll be back at night.
I’ll find a way to heal you
and you can give birth to life.
2.5k · May 2014
paradox
Lavina Akari May 2014
i don't know who i am


I am both the strongest and the weakest person
I don't care enough and i care too much
I am both confident and insecure
I am alive and I'm also dead
I dont want anyone and I need attention
I am rain and I am sunshine


I am nothing and I am everything
2.2k · Jul 2013
fragile
Lavina Akari Jul 2013
you are fragile
and the boy in the year above you calls you fat
and the girl in the row behind says you look like a rat
and you sit and think about it for a few minutes
minutes turn to hours, hours turn to days
and soon you've lost track of the last time you ate
and soon you've become obsessed with your weight
you forgot what colour your skin used to be
because your arms are covered in red lines
and you cry all the time

you are fragile
and the girl in the hospital bed groans
she is short and she is thin,
skin and bones
this girl is you
and there is only one thing you need to do
but again, all you can do is cry
all you hear the doctor do is sigh
you hear the boy in the year above has died
drunk with a car, an upsetting fate
and the girl in the row behinds period is late
when was the last time you ate?

you are fragile
and the man in the street smiles
he stares for a while
he soaks up any sadness
laughs at your jokes
you are happy -
madness
you remember what colour your skin was
and the last time you ate
because he has fixed you

*you are not fragile
2.0k · Apr 2016
bulimia.
Lavina Akari Apr 2016
these hands of mine are capable of
so much poetry and art,
plucking strings,
pressing keys,
and making music,
creating and holding.
i can learn an entire language using my hands. they may someday trace someone else, clothe and feed another. this hand to my left can bare a ring of unity and hold another's.
these hands of mine can do so much, yet i spend my time having them wedged down my throat and scratching my insides, use them
to play with my blood and wipe my tears.
these hands of mine have so much potential,
yet like my whole being they are wasted.
1.7k · Aug 2018
the one before (the one)
Lavina Akari Aug 2018
I feel quite like I was the soulmate
before you met your soulmate.

I was the one who opened your eyes,
I was the one who watered you in hopes you’d flourish.

When damp, just as you sprouted you spat soil in my face and fled, and somewhere along your runaway you met her.
There she was: the sunlight.
                                you blossomed.


I wish I were the one, I wish I was both, but I wasn’t and I won’t be and that’s okay.
We weren’t meant to make it, you two were. and that’s okay
1.7k · May 2016
Borderline
Lavina Akari May 2016
i am not a human, i am a mirror.
i have no identity, there is no 'me'
do you like what you see?
1.6k · Apr 2014
small.
Lavina Akari Apr 2014
I want to die
I want to die small

I want to lie in my coffin
scars and bones

I want to be so skeletal that it doesnt matter if you dig me up

1 week
or
20 years

after i am buried because i will look exactly the same

i want to die this disgusting fairy
riddled with bad breath and osteoporosis

frozen like a gargoyle from pain
hairless and toothless
i do not want to be like this, im sorry if this triggered anyone and i am NOT trying to romanticize anything. Mental health is sent from hell.
1.6k · Jul 2013
rock
Lavina Akari Jul 2013
stop pretending no one loves you
stop pretending no one cares about you
you care
if you didn't care you wouldn't wake up
you wouldn't give your lungs the oxygen they need
give yourself credit
you are the one who throws the blades out of the window
and listens to your head and your thoughts
you are the one who deals with your pain
and manages to drag you out of bed for a shower
every so often
you are the one who goes into recovery
because you want to live
no one else stays up to the late hours drying your tears
and listening to every deep breath and sob

and you long for someone to
although you already have someone


you are enough
1.5k · Mar 2016
The Wolf
Lavina Akari Mar 2016
January 24th

I have dragged my body through the first lunar cycle
on my hands and knees, pathetically crawling to my last days on Earth.
The illuminating moonlight bleeds through the clouds and covers the shell that I call a body like a blanket.

It's face is a wolf, prideful and strong and courageous
and I am so jealous of the power it has.

The silver light dazzles on my skin, warms me, clothes me
kisses every inch of me.
I feel its energy in my veins swimming in my blood as the wolf howls and its voice floods my ears
and I shine and everyone turns to admire my beauty.

The moon cannot shine without help from the sun,
and now I will shine upon them
1.5k · Apr 2014
relapse
Lavina Akari Apr 2014
I am getting bad again
I can feel it
I can feel the urges rushing through my veins -

begging

for me to slice into them
there's a promise of adrenaline
it will rush through my body like a jet
I want to hurt hurt hurt I want to
cut and scratch and rip and dig
until all I see is
red
and I want to drown in it until all I see is
black
Just 3am thoughts from the other day
1.3k · Jul 2016
the inside of my heart
Lavina Akari Jul 2016
broke the windows of my heart to let light in and hoped the golden rays would illuminate the sable chambers and i would be filled with love, not for the manipulative or for the toxic, but for myself
i left someone very manipulative and neglectful last month and it cut strings with multiple toxic people. i'm very happy about that.
1.2k · Apr 2016
The Pink
Lavina Akari Apr 2016
23rd April

She is a snowball in the ebony coloured sky and I am so in love with her.
Her full face comes into my view tonight and I watch her, sitting peacefully in the cold, surrounded by diamonds who are glittering in the dark.

There's always something I've found tragic about her expression, like an old lover broke her long ago and now she is an empty case. Sometimes I wonder if I could fix her, though she is only my imagination, my friend when I am alone.
I feel her endlessly, so deeply and intensely.
I am hers and she is mine, and no being may come between that love.

The stars hang around her, kissing the black, and I imagine them all dancing in the shades of midnight.
The way her light shines on me makes me feel so renewed, like i have just engaged in the most passionate of kisses.
But I am alone, and alone I will be, always.

Maybe this pain is permanent, I will learn to walk with this limp and leave my flesh unhealed.

I have a tendency to love things out of my reach.
1.2k · Aug 2013
diamonds
Lavina Akari Aug 2013
August 12, 2013

right now I am looking at the sky
and watching each star appear one by one
as the night progresses

I have seen three shooting stars
beautiful, sparkling diamonds crying

did you know?
that when you wish upon a shooting star
you're a million years late
because the light from the stars have
taken so many years to burst through
into our Earths sight
and we experience its beauty
when it is too late

I guess people can be like that too
they are nice to you but you do not care
and after they are gone, and it is too late
you see the light in them
and realise how beautiful they are
but there is nothing you can do
xavier
1.1k · Mar 2016
The Snow
Lavina Akari Mar 2016
22nd February

perfection.
order.
beauty.
the three things i crave.

ice white, snow white, matching your pale complexion
as you sit in the cold.
your blue fingertips resting on the pearl coloured blanket
that envelops the Earth,
drowning every noise that tries to come to the surface.

each snowflake beautifully carved and structured.
unique, pure, perfect
falling gently, willingly,
from the sky
to the ground.

the silence does its job so well that i fear
i may have lost my hearing yet inside
i am frantically thrashing and screaming.
i am watching the frost crawl across your skin, wrapping you
like bandages and taking you
home.

there is an ice shard in my chest piercing my heart.
one day i wish to be as peaceful as the snow
961 · Jul 2013
sympathy
Lavina Akari Jul 2013
when I was two
my mother told me not to lean over the chair
that she wouldn't help me if I hurt myself
because it was my fault for not listening
to her wise words
when I fell and broke my collarbone
she kissed me and took me to hospital
and aided me until I was healed

when I was four
my mother told me not to jump down the stairs
that she wouldn't help me if I hurt myself
because it was my fault for not listening to her wise words
when I fell and hit my head off the concrete
she kissed me and gave me a white pill
to numb the pain
and aided me until I was healed

when I was ten
my mother told me not to hit the walls when I was angry
that she wouldn't help me if I hurt myself
because it was my fault for not listening to her wise words
when I fractured my wrist
she kissed me and took me to hospital
and aided me until I was healed

when I was fourteen
my mother told me not to fall for you
that she wouldn't help me if you hurt me
because it was my fault for not listening to her wise words
when you broke my heart
she kissed me and dried my tears
and did all she could to heal me
936 · May 2016
The Flower
Lavina Akari May 2016
21st May

Lying down in fields of flowers whilst the warm Spring sun beats down on me and
warms my skin as if it were
a hug, a kiss, maybe.

The air in my chest is so light and cleans out the dirt left in my lungs from
inhaling false love from those before.
Fresh as a little daisy, a new bud that has blossomed with life and burst at the seams with happiness, elated to be here on Earth.
Alone, but never lonely.

May's rain does not wet me, but wash me, rinses off the past and it soaks into the ground for the flowers to drink.
the thirst for love is over
now that the sun has come.
882 · Mar 2016
377
Lavina Akari Mar 2016
377
miles and miles that run between us.

whilst I am crumbling and falling apart and you are dragging your body through hell we stumble upon each others echoed voices
in the dark
the whispers make the stars light up above me and slowly guide me to you
and I paint pictures of you in my head wrapped in my arms with the pale moon reflecting in your eyes.
these miles are slowly shrinking and closing between us, this feeling shattering through my body like I'd pulled a trigger on a gun

all of the miles between us close in, until there are none.
868 · Apr 2016
inside
Lavina Akari Apr 2016
are you strong-willed?
                     nothing can break me
                     i'm already broken
did i hurt you?
                      no one can hurt me
                      you're going to
did someone hurt you?
                       no one can hurt me.
                       he ripped my heart out and i
                       still haven't found it
are you scared?
                       fearless
                       terrified
how did you wait for me for so long?
                       patience is a virtue, my friend
                       i've been on my knees for years
can you handle it?
                        i'm ready.
                       i'm so scared
your eyes lack life
                        i'm complete
                       please don't look at me
are you happy?
                         i'm at peace
                        never
do you want me to stop?
                          maybe
                         please
why won't you let me in?
                          i'm not a stranger
                         it hurts
                         please it hurts
                         stay away, please go away
                         *please make it stop
850 · Jul 2013
silver moon / golden sun
Lavina Akari Jul 2013
the moon has no light
yet she still shines
and you can see her standing out
in the cold black sky

and the sun helps the moon
because I guess that's what friends are for
although the moon has never helped the sun
before

and its not a two way street
and the sun doesn't except anything back
he only needs to know the moon will shine
whenever they sky is black
810 · Aug 2013
help me
Lavina Akari Aug 2013
what a beautiful sight, you should have seen
the blood! should have seen the anger and bitter hot tears
and shiny metal
and swollen lips from biting as if
you're trying to shut that voice up inside you because they
speak through you through your mouth and
red lips, teeth
use your tongue and chest shout for them to go away
its not working, it never works
but you won't stop trying and you want
your veins to run hollow and to bleed yourself dry
because you feel like an empty shell
the only thing inhabiting you is
the harsh voices
but they are
unwanted and they are bad news
and you don't know if you should stand up or not
or if that will increase blood flow because you will fall over
and see white dots like
fairy kisses in your eyes and on your skin and God won't
accept you to heaven because you've been told
killing yourself is a sin
but is hell really that bad because you already feel you are there
when really your heart is still beating and your
brain is still thinking
and your arms are still bleeding and you're still shouting
at everything to
please
be quiet just for a moment
to get everything straight

but you're not allowed to leave so you're staying on Earth
and you're so used to the voices you often get mixed up
which ones are real and which ones are in my head?
a very common and almost daily question you ask
yourself and sometimes others without realising

and what is it about depression being beautiful so maybe
one more tear and one more cut will make people like you
and boys and girls are not just going to be able to fix you just by
holding the key to your heart so stop thinking
the reason you're sad is because you're used or single because
people in relationships are just as sad as you and you are still bleeding and your
heart is still beating and maybe
sweetheart it wouldn't hurt to
sit down.
788 · Mar 2016
The Worm
Lavina Akari Mar 2016
23rd March

the Earths surface becomes softer as the moons full face comes into my view.
maybe it is easier to dig my own grave at this time of year, i feel like there are already maggots wriggling under my old flesh.

this is a time for balance, this is a time for new life. birds peak through the cracks in their eggshells and the fresh
daffodils bud and bloom and reach out to the bleeding sun and ask him to love them and the sun replies "i do love you, each and every one of you"
he brings me new days but they go so fast that i
find myself getting dizzy.
i want time to stand still so i can catch my breath.

new life surrounds us the day my heart stops beating and soon
the warm spring breeze will catch my corpse and blow it away
775 · Dec 2013
December
Lavina Akari Dec 2013
this time last year was dark
and unclear
there were hopes for me
i had no fear

my scars - still wounds
my heart still yearning
he said 'i love you' and the
room started
turning

how silly i was, i couldn't believe
i replayed it forever
i love him, you see

patience had met a boy
in my absence
and the morning sun had met her moon
a precious stone was lost
the day the grass lit up with frost

-

this time this year, still dark
unclear
no hopes for me
the dark i fear

my scars - now healed
but my heart is blue
he loves my friend

she loves him too

how silly i was, still holding on
gripped too tight
i am still
alone

patience is in love
she waited long enough
the sun moved too soon and lost the reflection
of her moon
Gods Servant found the precious stone

and i am a lost soul
no one have i found
waiting for the day
i am put in the
ground.
760 · Jul 2013
voices
Lavina Akari Jul 2013
i sit alone
alone, but with a voice in my head

the voice that reminds me you exist
and are getting along fine without me

the voice that reminds me my calorie intake
and that i am not a size 4

the voice that reminds me someone has glanced at my wrist
and will never look at me the same way again

the voice that exaggerates any imperfection
except the ones on you

the voice that keeps me company at night
but not the way i want it to
670 · Jul 2013
gratisfaction
Lavina Akari Jul 2013
maybe my mother
neglected me a little
but she still bent over backwards
so I could have an education.

and my daddy's in the army
and he's been to third world countries
and he's seen so much suffering
and some of his friends are dead
yet he still goes there
and he still smiles when he greets me
in the morning.

and maybe my sister saved me
when no one else would
just by smiling at me
the way a toddler should

and maybe my best friend
has never even met me
but she knows more than myself
and she's never left once

and maybe the only boy I ever liked
turned out to be slightly heartless
and nothing actually happened
and I don't like to pretend it did

and maybe at some points
in my short life
a video game would be the only
comfort

but any form of comfort I find I grip
a little too hard
and maybe it hurts them
at the start
and that's why they wriggle away
like a fish
in someone's hand
646 · Jul 2013
broken
Lavina Akari Jul 2013
such a broken little girl
cracked open her skull and
showed everyone her dreams
shame she forgot that all her friends
were monsters

silly little girl
sliced open her veins and
showed everyone what they had
done
she was controlled by a monster
627 · Mar 2016
the ice and the fire.
Lavina Akari Mar 2016
I am blue and stuck inside a solid crystal of ice and
you are the fire here to thaw me out and melt away my sadness
as light bleeds through my curtains and I
bleed through my bandages
I will feel the warmth from you covering my stone cold wounds
and fusing them back together as if
the sunbeams radiating from your smile act like stitches healing my tired and broken flesh
my chest was once a hollow and frozen cage and  it is now burning
as if you relit my heart and my
veins which were once nothing but icicles have flames and electricity surging through them
one day I will stop seeing red and start seeing gold and I hope over time blue will become your favourite colour
624 · Jul 2013
reversed
Lavina Akari Jul 2013
why is it that
the people who say they
love me
are the ones who are always
constantly hurting me

and

why is it that
the people who say they
hate me
just stay far away
so they cause no harm
611 · Apr 2014
numbers
Lavina Akari Apr 2014
count cuts
  count pills
   count tears
      count blades
        count frowns
         count calories
            count memories
               count blood drops

          count your blessings
         count memories        
        count recovery
       count smiles
      count meals
     count days
    count yes'
   count us
611 · Aug 2013
happy // sad
Lavina Akari Aug 2013
there was once a girl I used to know
she was the most beautiful girl in the world,

smiling showed off her glistening teeth
so true, so pure
it took my breath away
her happiness made her skin shine and her hair dazzle
the gold no rich man could buy

she smelled of rain, spice, mint!
you could spend hours sitting next to her

her eyes were precious gems, more
than just
sapphires, emeralds, diamonds, more than that

her heart was warm and made of solid gold
so inviting she lured every kind man towards her



there once was a girl I used to know, although
she isn't a girl anymore

frowning never showed her once pearl teeth
now stained from tobacco
her teeth were the colour of suicide
her sadness had allowed her skin to become flawed her hair greased and limped,
the trash metals no one valued

she smelled of spice and grime
nobody wanted to be near her for long

her eyes were dull, foggy, maybe
like cheap glass that needed polished, no one
would look at them

her heart, an empty cave, so hollow
any man who even dared to enter would find
nothing but a dying memory of her former self
and no one liked that

what a waste of a girl?
maybe
everyone expected more from her
608 · May 2016
empty.
Lavina Akari May 2016
pain makes others creative, why do i have to be the one
who becomes empty? i can't move my fingers properly.
my brain has rusted, it is covered in cobwebs and dust. i have tried so hard to make peace with my demons but they refuse to let me move.
they pierced their fangs into me and they are draining me of everything i once was. i am a limpless, grey figure in this white room and
i am invisible. it's shifting between complete numbness
and excruciating agony, they're rolling a dice each
day to decide which it is.
pain makes others creative,
why do i have to be the one who becomes empty?
608 · May 2016
fake
Lavina Akari May 2016
i'll spend my night lying awake staring
at the ceiling waiting for him to message me
but he never does, i knew this anyway
i knew he wouldn't
eventually, after hours of crying and turning
and bleeding, i'll tire myself out and my eyes will close
and, due to my luck, he'll message five minutes later
but he wont reply when i reply
he won't talk after that
he'll tell me he loves me sometimes
just to try and stop me crying
but it doesnt stop me crying
lies do not comfort me anymore
lies do not dry my cheeks
but i'll eat them like my last meal
and then he'll disappear
and i'll leave it until he messages again
and i'll cry and i'll bleed and i'll punch myself
and i'll ignore everything good in the world
because he refuses to experience it with me
he doesn't want to experience it with me
because i am not good. i am worthless
and he knows it
and they know it
and i know it
and i'll imagine myself being ice like i was before
but somehow his embers have burned through me and it's too heated for me to
freeze over again
and i'll lay awake at night waiting for him to message me
but he won't
he doesn't
i knew he wouldn't, i didn't expect anything else
and he'll tell me he loves me
and i'll eat his lies like my last meal
desperately trying to find some form of solace
but i don't
they taste sour
i look at him like he is a diamond
and he looks at me like i am a pebble
and i am so filled with anger
so much fire, i'm not used to fire
i want to be cold again so it will stop hurting
but it won't. it's too hot here
i'll lay awake at night staring at the ceiling trying to figure out how i can become good enough
or even just enough
but it won't work
and i'll cry and bleed
i want him out of my veins
588 · Aug 2014
together
Lavina Akari Aug 2014
i know you're hurting
you're walking a lonely road with no streetlights
and you can hear rustling but see nothing
don't stumble, lean on me
i'm here in this darkness with you and
i will hold your hand through it all
if you get scared, give it a squeeze
my eyes are watering but your legs
are shaking
i'm tired but i'll try to carry you
we'll get through this together

my best friend and i seem to be in a very rough patch at the same time
565 · Aug 2013
desolate
Lavina Akari Aug 2013
I feel I am getting bad again
I am not coping

I want to die, I want to feel pain
from myself
for myself
no one else

I want to cut out my problems and
eat my worries

but, by tomorrow
when I wake up

I will be okay again
549 · Jul 2014
i am in love
Lavina Akari Jul 2014
i want to hold my hands in your hair forever
because i feel that they would be
safest there
and i want to stare into your eyes forever and read them
let me study you and breathe you in  

let me kiss your pain away
and make you laugh because darling your laugh
echoes off the walls of this empty house and for that moment
i find so much peace

tell me everything you are passionate about
the things you hate and what makes your eyes sparkle
like they do and when they flicker briefly with excitement i
want you to grab my hand and spin me around

you are this faint ray of sunshine on the
cloudiest and greyest of days
i will cherish you even after i die
539 · May 2016
fire / water
Lavina Akari May 2016
i burned everything i loved trying to keep you warm
i burned everything that mattered because
you said you liked the way the orange and red flames danced together, and that we could dance amidst them, but you'd already found a warmth in their chest.
i thought i was fire and you were gasoline,
but you were water. you were water.
535 · Nov 2013
voices
Lavina Akari Nov 2013
I am constantly told that I am loud

but I think everyone is wrong,
I can only make witty replies or
defend myself when insulted.


I cannot, however:

ask for help or
speak out


the voices clutch my windpipe
and I choke and struggle
But do not utter a word,
I can't scream to be cleansed of the
dark shadows inside of me

For who would listen?
520 · Jul 2013
acidic
Lavina Akari Jul 2013
"come back" you call
but no one hears

did you make a sound?
of course you did, you heard it yourself

wash the acid from my skin, kiss the blood from my wounds

eat all of my hate, plant flowers in every cracked flaw on my body

stitch every imperfection of mine with kisses

heal me, scratch the anger out of me and leave red lines i can smile upon

i cannot spend my life waiting for people to fix me.
517 · Jul 2013
fix me
Lavina Akari Jul 2013
I was broken

you did not fix me

instead you threw pretty words in my ears
traced the indentations over my wrists
and said;
'never open them again'

but I did
I couldn't help it

you were here all night and gone the next morning
like a one night stand on a film
and the viewer keeps pressing rewind

you did not understand that
Satan
played with my mind like a toy

and voices filled the silence that you didn't;

I was the shell that you couldn't fill
abandoned on a beach to be washed away
by the slow tide

chilling to the bone

you do not and never will understand

not wanting to live
and wanting to die

are two very different things
515 · Apr 2016
heartsong
Lavina Akari Apr 2016
please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me please don't leave me

please don't leave me
please please please
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