I don't need to be known.
I don't need to be seen.
I don't need to be popular.
I just need to be me.
Don't tell me I'm wrong
if you think I'm strange.
Don't tell me I'm wrong
because I'm not the same.
I'll go my own way
and I won't follow you.
I'm doing me,
you go do you.

I sit alone
with my thoughts.
I tried to run,
but I got caught.
Turns out I'm not
great company.
That's why
no one is here with me.

It's in those slow and lazy moments
Spent inside my head
Scavenging for dopamine
That I find you instead

Scattered into tiny bits
Stashed deep within my mind
The pieces lay from yesterday
As if left for me to find

You look at the sky
and see the stars.
You want to hold them
but they're much too far.
You look at the moon
shinning bright.
You find hope
in its dim light.
But nothing can brighten
the darkness you hide;
the darkness that crawls
and haunts you inside.
A lonesome tear
leaks from an empty eye
as you stare and marvel
at the dazzling night sky.

Nobody, nobody
knows what to do.
Life is a mystery
that we wander through--
gathering hints
and interpreting clues.
But nobody, nobody
knows what is true.

You were always the strongest one among us.
But you payed the price to be so externally tough.
And now that our world has crashed and things have gotten rough,
we struggle completely by ourselves.

You never were one to cry so loudly.
And the pain behind your tears is quite astounding.
I want to pull you close to keep you from drowning,
but I need my limbs free to save myself.

No more hurt
No more pain
No more thunder
No more rain
No more friends who will just leave
No more love and
No more me

You don't want me.
How could you?
You don't need me.
Why would you?
But you won't leave me
Like you should.

I want you.
To quit your fun with me--
I need you.
To be done with me--
I can't leave you.
So you need to run--

You stand in the darkness of the shadow cast
By the bright light of the future as it collides with the past.
You can't peek around to determine the source--
And here in the present they define your course.

Long and dusty, small dirt road
Leading somewhere I don't know.
Could just be a dead end;
Have to turn around, come back again.
Someday my steps I might retrace;
Someday end up back in this place,
Greet old friends I left behind,
Put small back roads out of my mind.
But, today, that's not what I need.
Nowhere's where I need to be.
And if this road doesn't turn me back around
I'll find somewhere else to settle down.

I dreamt about you last night--
But that’s no shock.
Been dreaming 'bout you since you left--
And that’s not about to stop.
I tried getting you out of my system.
Tried sending these feelings on their way.
But I still hate you. And love you.
Perhaps that'll never change.
You will always be burned into my memory,
Until someone finally ***** this life right out of me.

The funny thing about a fairytale is
that there is only one princess—
only one or two heroes reaping the spoils
and life pretty much ***** for the rest.
As time has made me privy to this phenomenon,
I think that the pessimists must be wrong:
pointing out the falsehoods in the fantasies
when life has been a fairytale all along.
The problem doesn't lie in the fanciful plot,
or the neat and tidy "happily ever after”—
but rather in our assumptions that we are the protagonists
when there are so many other characters whose live's are disasters.
And truly the stories of the villains or helpers,
though exaggerated in their own right,
ring of far more truth and parallels
than the lead's perilous plight.
For I am no breathtaking beauty.
Won't stop some prince in his tracks.
I can't dance, I don't clean, my food is no good,
and when I sing my voice gargles and cracks.
I often can't find a shoe that will fit
for my toes are too long, or perhaps it's my heel.
So I can't identify with the hero written
because I have no idea how that feels.
It seems that when I went to audition,
though my intent was for the part of the lead,
the director thought I was joking
and then casted me as the Evil Queen.
For I'm afraid that I more closely mimic
An ugly stepsister or morally unsound witch—
so is it any wonder, then,
that life turned out to be a *****?
And I know—yes, I know—that these stories are just that:
fictional weavings of a life never lived,
spoon fed to children to teach them some lesson,
their intent, I’m sure, not to misgive.
But at some point the stories become more than just stories;
they are born from us and so us they do bear.
And you and I and us and them and this
is a reflection of what's written there.
And if this is so, which I argue it is,
then the fairytales are very true indeed.
And so, too, the happy endings, hero's journey,
villains and monsters and thieves.
Every story is an entire world,
and every world becomes our own.
And there simply isn't enough room for us all
to fall in love and call a castle home.
Someone has to be the villain.
Someone the foil. Someone the friend.
Someone the helper and someone the lover.
Someone that person that meets an untimely end.
But someone gets to be that princess.
Someone gets that "happily ever after."
One in a story forges ahead
with a chipper "the end" in the final chapter.
And to some, perhaps, this is good enough?
A small glimmer of hope that helps them to sleep.
Because if one it could be then perchance it is thee!
But the standards of entry are steep.
I already know that I’ll never qualify:
I don't measure up to the criteria offered.
As mentioned before, I'm not one to adore,
and so it seems I'm destined to remain a pauper.
But I won't sit back and just be a side character
(for the part of the lead I'm deemed unfit).
I refuse to bow down to the ideals that abound—
And if that makes me the villain? So be it.
I will wield my wicked power.
Set a curse across the land.
Have a vendetta against our hero
Because for their antics I will not stand.
And I know that this means that I'm destined to lose—
The villain rarely survives (except for a sequel).
And the protagonist will tell my story
And make my actions and choices seem evil.
Perhaps my ordeal will seem useless
since the morals of the winner will persist.
But just because it is a fight I cannot win,
Does not mean I shouldn't resist.
Because life is fairytale, sure,
but "happily ever after"s don't last as long as the name implies.
There are too many losers, too many misfits,
that the values of the protagonist leave behind.
So in this story I might be the bad guy.
But that's based on someone else's word.
And stories can change, lenses be rearranged,
and I'll fight until my story's heard.

One amongst the millions
staring into oblivion.
I stand amongst the world and yet
I stand alone; alone except--
except for all the cells in me
that quiver with anxiety.
From afar I'm just standing there--
seemingly unaware.
But I can feel everything:
the love, the hate and all it brings.
But I'm just another in the crowd;
You won't hear when I cry out.
So I'll keep it all in my mind
and hope I make it out alive.

Tracing constellations,
Across a dark abyss
A simple line, 'cross space and time
Making sense of rifts

A twinkle in our pupils:
Ancient light well traveled
But while we gaze through earthly haze
The universe unravels

Mindless scribbles.
Endless riddles.
From the roots
I am whittled.

Good intentions.
Wrong directions.
Consequences:
Aforementioned.

Fire burning in my heart;
Open up, let out the sparks.
Fire rushing through my veins;
Set the whole world ablaze.
Few around because they've learned--
Get too close, you'll get burned.
Fire rushes across the plain.
Forest home goes down in flames.

But I never did mind a little heat.
It keeps me up and on my feet.
Rejuvenates the earth it's scorched--
So light me up, I'll be the torch.
They're so afraid of the destruction,
For bridges burn when there's combustion.
But something I have come to know:
The best bridges are made of stone.

I'm sure they have reasons.
I'm sure they sound good.
And however they preach them,
They are understood.

But I see the damage,
And I feel the loss
Inflicted by faith and justice
And their noble cause.

And I stand on the rubble
Caused by their shaky ground.
All else has crumbled,
Why haven't they fallen down?

And I stand, not silenced,
But my screams are not heard.
They are drowned out amongst
The sound of their solemn word.

And their intent's not malicious,
I know they believe,
But this is the outcome
Of the the ideas they preach.

It's not enough not to mean it.
And a sorry won't do.
We're both fighting for something,
Why am I not right too?

If you are so sure that
Your cause is better than mine,
Then by all means continue,
And, to the damage, be blind.

Or claim the loss is worth
The future you're fighting for.
And that the ends will justify
All casualties of war.

But as you rally your soldiers
By any means,
Give a big speech,
Pull on their heart strings,

Remember that it's only one story;
It's only one side.
And if you silence me now
You'll never hear mine.

This little trifle with the devil
Has got me all ******* in knots.
I called out to the angels--
Never did get a response.

They are shrouded in the veil
Of evils justified,
But out here we are fighting
Because there is nowhere to hide.

I'm left battered and bruised
And utterly confused,
For what was once important
Is now insignificant and obtuse.

I don’t want to have this conversation
I don’t want to feel this pain
I don’t want to think about it
But I do, all the same

It's floating near the surface
Always just within my reach
And I’m slipping—nearly drowning
'Cause I’ll probably never breach

I let it consume me
Every single time
Because, as you have shown me,
I have a past where it wasn’t all in my mind

Thought I might go to the moon;
Give myself some space.
Pass away the afternoon
far away from this place.
And if I like it better there
it'd be no surprise to me.
I never did fit in much here;
Maybe it's time to leave.

Knife in the back--it cuts me deep
Out from the cracks the blood does seep
It paints my skin in scarlet stripes
Stains my feet for ghoulish strides

Walk to the waves, fall to my knees
Let rushing water wash me clean
My shoulder blades tense and shudder
Removing iron you buried under

My skin rips against sharpened edge
Struggling to halt the blood that sheds
I lie flat against soft earth
Embrace recovery amongst cold dirt

This blood will dry, run down the drain
Wound will close, nerves cease their ache
Crooked skin replace this ****
All to remind of deeds that passed

I catch a glimpse in bare reflection
Cheeks flush with tainted recollection
Raised blemish--may it never fade, patch never renewed
I cherish the imperfection--all you left of you

I wander,
I roam;
someplace far from home.
All on my own.

I ramble,
I wade
through rivers and lakes.
For my own sake.

I venture,
I seek,
though tired and meek,
for something complete.

I am unaware of the time right now,
I haven't got a clue.
The sun is gone.
The night is black.
And all I can think is you.

Usually the night time
is time for my escape;
time for me to slip to sleep
and dream of better things.

But lately I've been hesitant
to lay myself to bed
for I can't get thoughts of you
to stop spinning 'round my head.

I cannot fall into sleep
once switching off my light
for thoughts of you
and what we were
keep me up all night.

Until exhaustion finally pulls me
into long awaited sleep
where I wander aimlessly
through memories that I keep.

And, though I want it badly,
I know my rest can't last
for nightmares quickly drown me
in memories from our past.

Once again I am awake,
stirred restless by my mind.
I count sheep, not to sleep,
but to simply pass the time.

I am unaware of the time right now,
I haven't got a clue.
The stars have gone.
The sun is bright.
And all I can think is you.

Sprinting through the meadow--
Sun warmly brushing skin.
Tickled by the wild grass
As afternoon games begin:
Exploring creeks and forests
And all that lives within.
Scrapes and bruises commemorating
The quest for long lost kin.

Tiptoe through the garden;
Whisper through the tress.
In illuminated darkness,
Be hushed by rustling leaves.
Flowering rows exposed
So as to be kissed by passing bees;
Dancing down the aisles,
Damp earth cooling your bare feet

Sitting on the window sill,
Watching the passing day.
Attention turned towards the hearth
Once night takes the view away.
Surrounded by the things you know,
Comfortable in the array.
Simple now, was simple then
And simple may they stay.

Scratching scribbles across the page:
Meaningless if rearranged.

Meaningless scribbles scratched,
Until meaning we attach.

Scribbled meaning scratched in stone;
Whatever it means, culture will erode.

Shattered
broken to bits
I tried to clean up
but I sliced my skin

Scattered
into the fray
I pushed them out
'til they all washed away

Weathered
time's funny like that
the edges have softened
and the waves washed them back

Remembered
as I walk along
colorful and harmless
pressed to my palm

Seventeen,
with my whole life ahead of me.
Wondering what will I be?

I've lost some friends
a while back.
I close my eyes;
hear fading laughs.
It makes me long for the past.
I wish that I
could turn back time,
stop all that
which made me cry;
prevent all those hard goodbyes.
But I can't.
And that is that.
I must survive from where I'm at.

Seventeen,
a confused me.
Unsure of what I want to be.

So many choices
now to make.
I choose my path,
pray I won't break,
struggle on through my mistakes.
I try to do
most things right.
Early mornings,
later nights;
hanging on for dear life.

Seventeen,
ashamed of me.
So scared of what I'm gonna be.

Starting to think
of what life will bring:
a husband? kids?
a home? a dream?
Who will be there,
at my side,
through both the great
and horrid times?
For what and whom will I cry?
Will the friends
that I have now
survive the years
beyond somehow?

Seventeen,
barely me.
No need to fret of what I'll be.

I am young
and in my prime,
a thousand ways
to pass the time.
The days will come
and I will know
what is down
this winding road.
For now I'm
ignorant and naive
with my whole life
awaiting me.
No need to know everything.

Seventeen,
completely me.
For now I'm all I need to be.

You filled me up then pulled away:
left me empty inside.
Now I'm on a beach somewhere
just lying here
for someone to find.
Maybe the tide will come
and sweep me out to sea.
Sure beats a life in a jar  
on a shelf
as someone's memory.
No, I think
I'd rather sink
to the ocean floor
than to live an empty life
up here on the shore.

Here is my heart
and here is my soul
poured onto pages
that nobody knows.
Nobody's read them
and nobody will.
My mind, though so restless,
must remain still.

I found a piece of your heart.
You must have left it behind.
But that's all right because with you
I left a piece of mine.

Tell me of rivers that run through the glen
Elucidate the trees stretching high without end
Take me to places I've never been
Whisk me away in a song

Borrowed words: all to describe
Stolen moments, rented time.
Diction that I now transcribe.
A story that's not wholly mine.

In my bed I sleep; I dream.
Surrounded by walls that seem
Adequate to serve my needs.
But these walls weren't built for me.

The walls have ears--the ceiling, eyes.
Speak through our tongues--our own demise.
Nowhere is there now to hide,
For I (and you) am a loyal spy.

Woven into fabric rendered
To fulfill some view of splendor.
But no one here can remember
Why we stitch torn cloth together.

Too short, too tall, too weak to handle;
Must reinforce to insure it's ample.
But how can I shatter what is fragile
If I am what I wish to dismantle?

Stare at my feet--
Bite my tongue;
Habits learned when I was young.

Smile more--
Sit up taller;
Lessons taught when I was smaller.

Calm down--
Don't be so wild;
Words used to tame the child.

One does not simply write little sonnets
Like my English teacher wants me to do.
My mind wanders to tales of hobbits
And wish I were writing simple Haikus.
Old men, so bored, had to make this stuff up.
Iambs, pentameter, all lost on me.
And some rhyming pattern I’m forcing: sup?
Simply stated, it is not how I think.
Trying to be clever while writing this,
With some deeper meaning that is unknown,
Though—tortured soul I am missing and wish
That that Shakespeare would have left it alone.
But I suppose that’s why he’s important
And all my poems come off as abhorrent.

I feel the breeze brush my skin.
I feel nostalgia begin.
And I just want to sit awhile
And let it all sink in.

Sit here with me
Under the shade of this oak tree,
Whose branches we would climb
When we were younger,
Long before we lost the hunger
To go beyond the world we knew.
So what do you say
We pass away the afternoon
Just staring up at the sky?
Finding pictures in the clouds
As they go passing  by.

We can talk of days long gone,
The things we've done,
The roads we're on
And people we use to know.
Discuss all the little things:
Family, friends and enemies,
And see where the stories go.
We can let the day fade
As we sit within the shade.

I can feel the night time cold.
On my memories it pulls.
And the familiarity
Has got me feeling old.

Lean against the bark with me,
Where we once carved our names for all to see.
Etchings that have long since faded
Through the battering storms.
The same clashes and bashes and lighting flashes
That left us all weathered and worn.
We can name the constellations
That our memories still retain,
And make up our own
For all the stars that still remain.

Let's discuss the existential questions:
The meaning of it all.
Embrace the cluelessness in
The conclusions that we draw.
And when there's nothing more to say,
No more answers to be reached,
We can pass away the darkness
In the silence finally breached.

Look at me-- I occupy
The world that they all left behind.
This world is now an empty one.
But there's still water. There's still sun.

The stars do not shine as bright,
But I've come to enjoy dark nights.
I can still see the ground
As I try to move around.

I'm still here. And I'm still fine.
With them gone, this world is mine.
Everything still works the same.
No need for everything to change.

Here's to summers in the sand
All our best laid plans
That we never could see through
Here's to loving me and
Knowing you and

Days
Lost now in the haze
Romanticized by memory
Not truly you
Not really me, just

Time
That we have left behind
A time I never will forget
A time of love, and yet
A time I can't return to
That's not me
That isn't you, we've

Changed
Love faded away
Worse or better, whose to know
New things come as old ones go
I guess we'll see
So here's to you and
Here's to me

The ground shakes beneath my feet--
Rattling me to the core.
I reach out to grasp your hand,
But you aren't standing there any more
My eyes slip slowly open--
They've been closed for a long time.
I look around at the place we loved,
The place you left behind.

Everything has fallen down.
Everything is broken now.
And in my heart I know,
It is time for me to go.

I pack up all our memories
But am perplexed to find
That all they do is weigh me down--
Shall I leave them behind?
I try to walk, to start my journey
To somewhere far away--
But my feet refuse to move;
I'm clinging to my yesterdays.

The emptiness surrounds me.
The pain of it astounds me.
And I'm not crying because you're gone,
I'm crying because I can't move on.

Door slams-- it wasn't me
Echo of a memory

Haunted past means haunted home
Down the halls the spirits roam

Shadows dance across these walls
Screams running down the halls

Demons whisper in my head
Monsters play beneath the bed

Skeletons in closets
Make for restless ghosts
To all my long lost nightmares
I am now playing host

I'll be like the wetlands
I'll take the brunt
When the storm rolls in
Let the flood wash
across
my skin
I know how to survive being drowned
So I'll stand my ground

Lost in the lullabies, stories told to sweeten
Life's sour aftertaste from which we all have weakened.
We are the storytellers, weaving webs of lore
Made to be our weight bearers when we can bear no more.
This world is just a story; This life: fictitious folly.
No rights.  No wrongs.  No this or that. Just tales to keep us jolly.

It may be demons you're fighting,
But it's angels dying.
And people like me caught in-between.

Good intentions you're laying,
But the path you are paving?
Not sure if it leads where you think.

And I 'm not saying you're wrong.
I'm not claiming I'm right.
Not conceding that there's one or the other.

I just want you to wait,
Halt your raging crusade,
Before one thing leads to another.

So caught up in the ends
That you forgo twists and bends,
And turn a blind eye to the means.

You have something to prove,
But much more to lose.
There is time: you're still green.

And while there are battles worth picking,
And wars worth pursuing,
How you fight matters just as much as who wins.

So just take a breath,
And take stock of what's left,
Before you can't turn back because you're too far in.

There was once a stingy, little toad
with fire upon its head,
a shrilly voice of ignorance
that left annoyance in its stead.

The rules it made were silly
and gave good reason to rebel.
It wouldn't let the others speak.
Why? No one could tell.

Its disconnect was obvious
when treating toads like flies.
And all pretended to do what told
until it turned its eyes.

It sits upon its lily pad
as if better than the rest--
unaware that the other toads
are, frankly, sick to death.

I wrote you a poem,
But you never saw it.
All those years ago,
Folded in my pocket.
It didn't say much.
It was short and it was sweet.
It said just enough,
Explained my thoughts complete.
I can still remember
Just how it goes:
I said that I loved you,
But now you'll never know.

I meant to be cliche,
Slip it in your notebook.
Something you could read
When you were alone, but
I guess I chickened out,
Or perhaps I just forgot
Because the next thing I know
I sent it through the wash.
Couldn't read a thing.
Ruined, had to go.
I wrote that I loved you,
But now you wouldn't know.

Never was the one
To discuss my feelings.
Couldn't open up,
Reveal vulnerabilities.
So instead I wrote them down.
It seemed safe that way.
But I knew if you read it
The result would be the same.
So I never tried again,
I let it go.
Still knew that I loved you,
Relieved you'd never know.

Perhaps it was fate
Or the things I couldn't say,
But we reached that point
Where you went your separate way.
Now I only write
For myself and strangers.
Anonymity means
Very little danger.
And I understand
Why you had to go,
But I'll love you forever,
Even if you never know.

There's a story on my lips--
Unwarranted, can't let it slip.
On my pen I'll cling, I'll grip;
Bleed my heart through fingertips.

Ink stained page, a wounded soul;
Fine point to slay my self control.
Carnage I could never show
To those I have come to know.

This is a side meant only for
Fellow soldiers out at war.
Faceless under armor worn--
But words we jab revealing more.

I didn't give up!
I just didn't adjust
To the stakes getting higher;
Fuel thrown on the fire.
Now I burn away,
But am I to blame?
I'm not the one fanning the flames.
But I'm just standing, unmoving,
Not shouting or screaming.
Perhaps I'm compliant.
Perhaps I'm just dreaming.

And perhaps it is better:
Reduced into embers,
Crushed into ashes,
Scattered on the wind.
Not giving up, but
Perhaps giving in?
Say what you may:
Weak, brave.
I'm in no position
To reject your opinion,
But, if you're asking me,
I wouldn't mind being lost to the breeze.

Love and all its bandits
steal lives
and souls
and hearts.
No discrimination--
Won't tell good or bad apart.
With an arrow at their fingertips,
a bow that's poised to draw;
Love and all its bandits
steal
and give
to all.

This is my
This is my
Nightmare
This is your
This is your
Dream
We're not seeing eye to eye
I think it's time to say goodbye
Just need to figure out how to leave

Something isn't right
I can taste it on your lips
Feel the tremor through my fingers
Resting on your hips

You are scared of me
Scared what I can do
Someone else has hurt you
Now you're scared I'll hurt you too

You had secrets you'd been hiding,
But when the blood started spilling
So did they.

You always had an argument,
But when it erupted in discontent,
You had nothing to say.

And you hide behind your innocence,
Blame it all on ignorance
So that you'd be safe.

But in the concoction you'd been brewing,
It was problems you were stirring;
You just couldn't let them lay.

So go ahead and sleep soundly,
But this war that is surrounding
Will eventually make you pay.