You’ve given me hope
Not in the sense I imagined
But  none the less

I feel a sense of calm
Burning in my mind
Taking contol
Taking me away from myself

You give me hope
Your given me dreams
I know what I desire
I know what my heart says is true

You’ve shown me your light
You’ve shown me my life
I brought my own emotions out of my head

I can tell what I want
I know what I need
It’s not what I imagined but it’s here

The answer lies in the next step of our lives
And yet at the start
Keeping me glued together
Yet pulled apart

Why do I feel this way
Oh help me through this hell
You have brought me heaven

I am whole alone yet still broken without the pieces of my brain

I sat alone
the train car bouncing
and saw the flash of red

Perhaps if not
I might just be
Going out of my head

However it's true
the crimson blaze
that was set before my eyes

I watched the world
get burned to ash
yet I don't feel surprised

This dreading feel
That pours within
from the depths of my soul

Takes me o'er
And leads my out
assuming all control

As horsemen clad
In various garb
pour from within the flame

I hear a voice
call out to me
so violent and yet so plain

The voice tells me
That I must run
lest I face my doom

Still i'm enticed
To further on
into the smoky fumes

I fall to the ground
my head on the dirt
body and mind both numb

You see my love
the horsemen sang
the end has already come

Few suffer like the top of the hourglass
Drained by the bottom
Eternally powerless to gravity
Forced to repeat

I know you see it
Still remains
Dragging me down
But I enjoy the pain

The pain so sweet
It makes me strong
I love the feeling
For which I long

My eyes arise
To greet the sun
So pleasing yet
No victory won

Alas one day
I’ll come to find
I miss the treasure
Left behind

Words are used too often
And yet even more misused
Showing our weakness

Such as sadness and pain
Shifting from physical as a child
Simply meaning a splinter or cut

To emotional when older
With shattered dreams
Or failed friendships

You seem to be illiterate
Throwing words you don’t seem to know what they mean
Like love and feelings

You seem to be illiterate
You held my heart in your hands
And slowly crushed it wish the guise of a tender embrace

Maybe I'm illiterate
Unknowing what to say or feel or how to show you
Not knowing how to tell you and pour my heart to you

I sit and wonder
Why you acted like you cared at all
I guess i discovered
You can't accept it when I fall

I don't know what I did to you

But it's done
And we're done

I imagine you thinking of me
but then it just corrupts
I was hoping that you'd rid my misery
and your pain just interrupts

Ghosts of prior friends in waiting
Haunting, shrieking as I pass
Serving as a stark reminder
That I built my house from glass

Under watchful eyes I whisper
Only loud enough for you
Speaking unconditionally
Hoping it reflects My truth

Even with your reassurance
I can’t help but second guess
Do I actually belong here
Is this why my heart confessed

Slowly jealousy controlling
Feeble mind is wearing thin
Cast out from the iron table
Waiting to be let back in

I met with a vampire today
Standing, freezing, and so unsure
It pierced my heart and soul
Burned me to my truest core

As I sat there in it’s stare
Unable to breathe, think, or go
It whispered with a thundering voice
Asking what I know

I trembled upon the cracked cement
Not knowing what to say
Yet without words or spoken tongue
It went along it’s way

And in that moment filled with fear
I finally understood
The vampire was just myself
Draining my life for good

It’s roughly time for a jailbreak
Time to escape from hell
Now that the guards are down and sleeping
Time to sneak from my cell

As I begin to leave
I think of all I’m going for
Then of all the bonds I’m leaving
Which would splinter more?

As I pass through rusted gates
And cross the dusty way
I think again of those behind
And whatever they shall say

But in the end I’ve come to know
This woeful, echoing descant
Many of those who you leave behind
Wouldn’t think of you if they had this chance

I stand out here, truly tested
Looking at the world through new eyes
Thinking I could be normal without it
Thinking I could keep the guise

So this is it, truly the end
Of my long and distant prayer
As I sat back in my prison cell
Knowing nothing else but the pain I’d face out there

I tap away at the keys
Not a care in the world
Unable to realize what those notes mean to you

I tap away at my keys
Looking for a sense of accomplishment
Looking for the perfect story to be told

I stare at the keys
Not knowing what to do
Pressing but not quite knowing where to head to next

We tap away at keys
Whether be piano or screen
We never tap in time

I like to play with knives
It makes me feel alive
The danger of their sting
Why should I survive?

The knife begins to dance
My skin it wants to glance
The blood it wants to bring
Drifting into trance

The knife comes to a close
Its ballet now has froze
It's handle I will cling
And bleeding canvas grows

But knives will lose their touch
And thus I leave it’s clutch
And now my heart doth sing
For you do just as much

Grow wild
Grow free
Mowed down again
Controlled by what tears you down
Try to fertilize
Pollinate
Cannot stop the blades

Swallowed in a sea of black
The perpetual motion above me keeping me sane
In a desperate race to understand
I never want to feel your pain again

Leave me alone
Just leave me be
I thought I was free of this mindless pursuit
Some things just won’t lay to rest

Those who are lost can be found
Those who seem found may be lost
Those who may help the lost be found, may be both

Some will make others feel lost
Just to try and find themselves
Even if they can’t

Be the light
Show those who may be lost
Help them find the way to where they can be found

I may be thick skinned but this situation is hard for me
Wanna be on the defensive but you raided my armory
Want you out of my heart but you’re in my arteries
Want the melody but you have me stuck on harmony
Trying to help being a personal pharmacy
But with you I seem to have hit the lottery

What is love?
A chemical?
A feeling?
The rush of knowing who is there for you?

no.

There is no comprehensible way to describe love

There is no single feeling to show love

There is no definite's in the world of love

but.

When you know love?

Don't let go

Doesn’t matter what it is
Who it’s for
Or when it comes

Just don’t push it out

Mannequins
Staring blankly
Motionless
Unfeeling
Yet fearful
Scared of what comes next
As they cannot do anything
To prevent it

Maybe we have chemistry

Maybe we have math

Maybe we have writing or reading or feelings that have passed

Maybe I’m annoying

Maybe I’m too bland

Maybe I’m just simply something you don’t understand

Maybe I still love you

Maybe I might not

Maybe I still crave the things we said but never got

Maybe I’m a nuisance

Maybe I’m just wrong

Maybe all I really need is myself all along

Serendipity in the Mundanity
We sit and we observe our lives
And we simply live day by day
Not prepared for the cycle to end
But the it does
And we’re lost
As a boat in a storm
As shoes with no feet
We sometimes must just sit
And appreciate
That though we’re cyclical
We must break the cycle
To truly appreciate life

I don't have a great memory

That's how I forgot all the pain you caused

That's how I forgot the using

That's how I forgot the sleepless nights you caused

That's how I keep forgetting why I still love you...

Often travelers who start to thirst
Are greeted by a vision
Perhaps of an oasis
Perhaps maybe even a whole caravan
But although the traveler
May seem so content
His vision tempting his salivation
Throat cracking
The heat beating him down
Bones dried upon the sand
Calling for the lost prayers
From false gods

My own muse
The words drain from my mouth
Can’t describe you
Can’t ever encapsulate you
My own muse
My words drip to the floor
Can’t satiate you
Can’t seem to overcome
My own muse
The words flowing to the cracks
Can’t slip you
Can’t ever break through the floor
My own muse
My words drying up
Can’t win you
Can’t ever seem to wash the mold

Music is the root of all
Inspiring good and evil
To show people the light
And the dark
Pain
Happiness
The drummer boy
Pushing the dreams of the troops
The beginning
The end
Music
Silence
Nothings

Why am I the way I am
Why don’t I like my choices
Why am I so regretful in life
It’s simply my nature

It’s just the way I am
It’s just the choices I make
It’s the regrets I face
It’s simply my nature

If that’s just how you are
If those are your choices
If that’s the reason for my regrets
It’s simply your nature

If I still can’t let go
If I overthink everything I do
And keep looking at the past
I can’t stand my nature

Imagine if I was normal
With normal thoughts and normal feelings
In a normal family in a normal house

But why be normal
Because if I were normal

…

I wouldn't have you

call me selfless
she said with a grin
yet behind the sinking smile
lay the actual chagrin

call me selfless
despite what we know
peering into minds
what secretly lies below

call me selfless
she said laced with pain
although it may have been stricken
the grief reigns supreme again

call me selfless
i respond with a tear
i’d give so much more
just for you here

When i tell you I'm ok
I could be living
I could be dying

When I say I'm alright
I might be doing great
I could also be breaking down

When I'm fine
I could be happy
Or I could be crashing

But when I say I promise
I mean it

Once upon
I felt the call
To take a midnight walk
And stumbling through
The misty streets
A voice began to talk

Fear not said ye
The angels call
I must have reached the Lord
But falling through
The gravel road
The stone and I’m the sword

The king of far
And futures will
Be beckoned by the light
With fist and tongue
He rules below
The tempting of his might

And yet we see
His gentler heart
Indulging in the arts
The king at last
Usurped from throne
The Jester’s reign then starts

The midnight walk
Turns into morn
And visions fade away
But jesters in
the place of kings
Will never go away

Maybe I’ll finally start writing well
When I finally figure out who I’m writing about
Because it always starts with you
But I really don’t mind

You're hurting me more than you'll ever realize
You're causing me more pain than you'll ever imagine
but like the candle to the flame
the flame gives the candle life
and yet slowly brings upon it's death
You deteriorate me
Break me down to dust
And yet like the pheonix
I am reborn

The paper picks up the marks
And only after it is tainted
Is it beautiful

The sailor looks upon the horizon
Seeing a beautiful isle
Waves the crew to dock
Heading for the shore

As he reaches his destination
He sees sweet fruits
Tall trees and shade
And long elegant beaches

The sailor looks out
Back at the sea
Remembers his sense of love
But pushes it down with another drink

After time
The sailor cannot take it
And as nobody else shall leave
He takes a boat and makes way

Weeks later in the open ocean
Weak and dying, hungry and thirsty
He closes his eyes
Then a smile portrudes

Push me away all you want
Love me and cast me astray
End my soul and show me darkness
Allow me to leave on my own
Send me your condolences
Envy my happiness

Maybe I need to shift polarity
Maybe that’ll bring you towards me
If only I became a bit more positive
Maybe a bit more negative
I’m not sure anymore
Maybe then you’d become attracted again

What gives you the right
What power do you derive authority from
And yet you come and act like you're in charge
Or you have some divine permission

Alas why but not to know
Come my bitter heart from within
Asking why you never notice me
Or why you can't accept your fault

I mean no disrespect
I do not mean to jab, poke or ****
But if you continue to act like you're better than anyone else
You'll have to be brought down

When Icarus fell from grace
The waves did not catch him
When you cast a glare upon my face
My hope began to grow dim

You crushed me
You destroyed my inner self
You killed me
You’re bad for my health

I thought I could love you
I was wrong
For once in my life
I thought I was in control
So just leave me with my empty soul

I grew up to trust you
You made me who I am
I thought I could be made new
But you were the slaughter and I was the lamb

But I’m coming back
I’m defeating who you tried to make me
I’m stronger than I was before
Back when you used to berate me

And now that life is different
And I’ve moved past
After everything you did
why do these feelings still stay

What a funny word it is
As if said by a child
Bringing back all I’ve lost
And the lives I’ve left behind

The rose that withered to dust in my hands

And I’m trying to sew it back together

They say by any other name it would smell as sweet
And yet you’re the sweetest I’ve seem to come by

The steel constrictor
wraps tighter around my
aching bones

Every gasping
painful breath
leads me away from home

Why do I feel like
I need you to live

Why do I
want you back.

Putting the shell up to my ear brings sounds of the ocean
Oceans near
Oceans far
Perhaps somewhere between
The oceans of your eyes still linger
Dripping from the shell
The empty exoskeleton
Remove the shell from my face
Place it back on it's pedestal
Remaining till the sea shines through my mind
Once again

Consider me selfish
But I’m moving past it to heal my wounds

Consider me selfish
But I don’t need you in my life to be happy

Consider me selfish
But I’m living my own life and not trying to live the life of another

Consider me selfish
But I care about me more than you

Lost in my writing you peered
Left me my devices but neared
She wanted to know
How I love her so
But she doesn’t know what I’ve cleared

She wanted a poem to her
And out this one came in a blur
And yet she won’t know
How I love her so
For previous ones I am sure

I hope she can see what I see
How she’s so important to me
Just please let her know
That I love her so
And how my heart belongs to just she

Sitting in the dark just gives me visions of you
No matter either way the wall is built
No matter the covering
No matter the adversity
Take me into your simple arms
Your sinful arms
Return me
Release me

We’ve all heard it
The ups and downs
Of life we’ve all felt them both

And life right now
Is like a boat
That’s starting to overflow

And yet with this
This simple truth
I would just like to say

This slant of life
Is going up
And tends to go your way

Do not throw out
These words I say
I mean them serve you well

Your life is short
So don’t hang on
To when you are not well

Alas it comes
My parting words
So please lend me your ear

Don’t give up hope
Don’t get so down
Your happy days are near

I tried to be a secret agent
I smuggled the keys to your heart
Little did I know
You had changed the lock

The spear moved in slow motion
As if moving through water
Heading for your heart
Finding the mark
And tried
Gone

You came to me like a stranger in the night
Alone left with my thoughts and emotions
You arose from the dark
Pulling me into your snare

I had gone so long without you
But your embrace of death constricted
Reminding me of the time
Keeping me in your clutches

I had struck you down
I had pushed you away forever
We still haven’t yet met again
A shadow of a past eternity