The curses in your name
Pale in comparison
To the love that surrounds you
From my every breath

The memories in my mind
Fade with the likeness
Of a ghost in the nighttime
A phantom of the mist

The voice
Laced with latency
Filling my mind with your agency
Taking my heart to your vacancy
Reminding me occasionally
Feeling your newfound saliency
Your aura has now taken me

The savior of the strings
The blade that softly stings

The beast fell

but it rose again

No matter what was thrown at it

it rose again

Inching further and closer
pushing further back, less room to retreat

I fell

But I rose again

I need to self motivate
Stop the self medicate
Stop the self deprecate
In ways I can’t emulate
I
Just
Need
You
To
Be there for me
Show you care for me
Stop this travesty
I
Just
Need
Love
To help me get through this
I
Just
Need
Love
To push me on
I
Just
Need
Love
To make myself believe
Everything is alright
Tonight

I passed you by
just like that, i just walked away
I had no idea I could pull myself to
And yet I am no longer imprisoned to stay

You looked my way
Just like that, you glanced by me
I hope you see I'm happier without you
I finally feel like I'm running safely free

I'm losing sight of what is real
Not sure what to believe

But I don't want to fall into your snare
I don't want to be all tangled up
Not in your lies
Not in my life

I sit alone
Taking in the view
Listening to my tune

I look at you
I think of what life would be without you
Then I stop

I look around
At all these people
Who say they care

I look inside
I see a wall being rebuilt
Stronger and less vulnerable

But I guess I’ll just sit
Alone and silent
Listening to my tune

My heart is icing over
Yours seems to be to
When I think about tomorrow
What is see I hope is true

My heart is icing over
My love is becoming frozen
Our lives could be forever bonded,
But I am not the one you have chosen

My life seems to have ended
But I'll rise from ashes
My ego I've defended
But still my life crashes

I am trying grasp to answers
On why I'm hurting so badly
But when I look, I see why

Why do I still love you
After all that you have done to me
But when I look, it's still there

There's still a glimpse of hope
In what is left of what we have
I still can't let you go

After all I still love you
Although I never got the chance
To say it to your face

My heart is icing over
My love is becoming frozen
Our lives could be forever bonded,
But I am not the one who you have chosen

The blade pushes deeper
And yet I smile
A sick enjoyment
Of torturous pain

The cage is loose
As so the beast
Within from depths
Comes with wounded hide

The gaze unbreaking
The bond unfaltering
The life unending
The pain unbearable

The enjoyment unwavering

I’ve hit a barrier
Between good a mediocre
A matter of writing well
And being able to produce

I know it should come from the heart
But call it heart burn
Because I’m burnt out
And can’t say the words I need

You’re rubber I’m night
My words bounce and hide away in the dark
Coming from the shadows
Snaring me like a hunter

And while I’m pulled as a bird from the sky
My doubts flood me
And I just have to ask myself
Is this the life I wanted?

The feeling of not knowing
Why you are
Or how to show it
Or what to do

This feeling has become a constant
It lurks behind a veil
A mask of confidence
A mirage of knowledge

Help me learn
Help me grown
Assist me in my blooming
Allow me to grow

Give me food
Give me water
Give me life
And give me death

I’ll continue to tell you I’m busy
As it releases me from confrontation
If I never must explain myself
I’ll stay in content sedation
Maybe if I push you away
I’ll get some sense of salvation
Simply need to escape this
Leave it to a simple serration

My phone buzzed and your name popped up
The sweetest message filled my screen
I wish all this was easier

I want to tell you everything, empty myself out
I feel like I’m lying to you every day
Maybe one day it could

I’m tortured by the constant buzz knowing
That I cross your mind
Knowing that I probably have a shot
Knowing I’ll waste it

We're like chromatics
So close together yet not in tune
We're like fanatics
So busy looking we miss our June

We're so focused on future
We miss what happening around us
We're so focused on the past
We miss the gardens and the flowers

Don't abandon me
Don't leave me alone
Please don't make me
Sit here with myself

We are lonely nightmares
Haunting pasts that will not leave
We are mental warfare
My livelihood you like to reave

Don't abandon me
Don't leave me alone
Please don't make me
Sit here with myself

Sitting in the dark
Your embrace like death takes me over
Wondering where's the spark
Just to hear you scream and lose composure

I want emotion
to feel your breath just one last time
Of pure devotion
to give it all up for my prime

I will take off my mask
just so long as you take off yours
I will show you myself
and all that's kept behind closed doors

My brain is wearing concrete sneakers
It’s laces and tongue a coarse rock
Intertwining through the synapses
Disappearing into thoughts
My brain is wearing concrete sneakers
The sole a cold and lifeless plane
Unmatched from the start
Thrown off the pier of memories

Have you ever been at your breaking point
Not sure where you’ll end
But the actions and words are telling you different narratives
And you can’t decipher either

When you’re about to fall and crash
And you can’t quite tell what’s going on
But you know what you feel
You just can’t place it

You know when you’re broken
And you’re picking up the pieces
And then you figure out what broke you
And you make yourself stronger than before

You know when you find it
And you leave your armor untended
And then at the last moment of trust
You feel the warm blood drip down your back

Sitting here on top of covers
I’m missing every moment
Every waking breath

Slowly watching you before me
I feel something fully new
I cannot place it

I feel like a cover
Something already done
I’m just repeating it

Cover me with love
Like I know you have inside
The type I’ve never been

What do I do
Why the hell do I do what I do
I feel like a train hurtling towards another
Yet doing nothing to stop because I love the thrill of going fast

There’s so much I wish I could say
But as the dam holds the floodwaters
It shall cease till the day breaks
And the waves finally crash down below

.
A period
The end
I don’t want it to come
Yet I know it looms over

I don’t know who I mean to be
But I want to move past who I am now

;
A pause
But knowing you’ll continue on
Simply a break from reality

I want the moon that captures your gaze and leaves you breathless
I want the stars that fall from the skies to your tongue
I want to swirl around the galaxies within your eyes and fly through the voids of your drifting to sleep
I want the suns of your afternoons that bring your smile
I want the orbits of our memories to complete fast revolutions
I want the comets that soar to face us in the same direction
I want the planets to align for you
I want the gravity to bring us closer

I’m never satisfied with you
No matter how much I try and change it I just can’t get a sense of fulfillment
Never wanting to show it
Not wanting anyone to see

I started writing this about my poems
It’s only now I realize it’s about you
Still not sure what I’ll do about it
I guess the world will have to wait and see

I sit here and wish I wasn’t alone

But I don’t want anyone to get close

I keep telling everyone
I’m staying away from dating
Because I can’t control my emotions

But over time I’m pretty sure
It’s truly because
I’m too afraid of getting hurt again

This used to be about you

I wiped it all away

Like the rain from a windshield

Your poem, my dismay

And yet with it still gone

And all the memory cleared

You will haunt this poem now

Exactly as I feared

We all feel
Whether it be to others or yourself
Feeling encompasses all
Swaying decisions
Changing us
Hurting us
Saving us
The more we feel the more we learn about ourselves
The more we understand about others
We all feel
Don't hide it from those who should see

Be free my lonesome, wandering mind
For you have taken the toll for too long

Be free my aching, pilgrim heart
For you have searched for a lost love too long

Be free my helpless, shaking soul
For you have suffered the cold and dark too long

Be free my crippling, growing fears
For you have crushed me too long

Be free my loving, trembling self
For you have felt this pain too long

He thinks she doesn't care

She thinks he cares too much

A big mess of convoluted madness

It's a little bit funny

Is it not?

You looked past today
I tried to catch your eye
But when I didn’t
I realized my fault

You drag me along
Fields of glass
Pushing my face in the
Shards resembling dirt
To your crystal cliff
Release me down
The spectral drop
Might be beautiful
If it weren’t the end

I want to be happy again
I guess I’ll just hide behind
My cold eyes
And empty smiles
Looking at you
Under the guise
Of childish hopes
And broken promises

I just removed your memory

so full of raw emotion

reminding me of the times

the feeling

your poem

with a button has vanished

maybe I'll regret it in the morning

maybe I won't

maybe I'll ***** the world and run away with myself

or maybe I'll just sit

and think

about what is now

gone.

They say the grass is greener
On the other side
We’ve all heard every iteration
Every delineation

So hear my quiet refrain
I will try and repay
Of how I was the first grass
And right by me you passed

A tear of dew runs down
Drifting into the soil
As you went over to the land of green
I hope he brings you to what you dreamed

Breathing down my neck
like the truth ****** out from hotel hallways

tears fall by the window
out past the scaffolding of emotion below

a breath of lifeless air
as a boulder falls upon you, and crushes my being

the snap of my heart
when you say things are getting better

the hall's silence
as you see my broken eyes looking upon you

glares falling upon me
as i chose the wrong path yet cannot turn back

the truth becoming free
from the hotel hallway

I'm happy

Your sweet embrace
and your soft lips

The beautiful betrayal
and your brutal pain

Your delicate face
and your deadly tethers

my selfish mistake
and your selfless love

I know we aren’t as close
As we used to be
I know we fell apart
Into the sea

I know I should have been better
And done more for you
I know I feel it’s all my fault
But you think the same for you

We push through this abyss
Running from the pain
Hiding from our monsters
Not seeing our true potential

We are our own main hinderance
We hold ourselves back with fear
We keep ourselves innocent
This dark world that we hold far too dear

But through all the pain
Through all the hardship
We pushed through
And made it history