Favorite color yellow.
Yellow means healing.
Broken veins
Not all caused by "bumps" into now bent lockers

I hate the way I cause you pain.
Making teardrops fall like rain.

I hate the way you make me think.
clouding my mind like I'm half asleep.

I hate the way I feel so weak.
I always feel like such a freak

but though we both make clouds and sleet.
we must try to stand on our feet

hope

is what we have.
this bleary endeavor will not last forever.

Life's just a bottle of embarrassment with a lemon of succes.

im crying!
now my mothers hands around me
shes talking staight to my heart
and shes always here
hold my hand
my head up high
she can look at all these broken shards and see a glass slipper
shea looking now
for my heart to open to her words
but theres only closed doors here
im sorry
all the pain
and the strain
and the hurt
and the blame
i had to lock it all away
before my mind began to fray
but she wipes it all away
along with my tears
boy,and i glad to have you here
With all these closed doors
Your the only one to check the locks
Well theyre all loose and free
Shes the only one to see
These broken parts of me

Hand in hand
We float across this icy land
Stiff and stumbling you take my hand
Through clouds we fly
But never land.

Nightclub atrocities to background melodies

With you beside me
The coldness Is subsiding.
Though here for another
We found each other
With a dashing smile and blue green eyes you steal my heart

No longer floating
But now, we glide
Through skies of blue and red
Through seas of deepest green
Just touching the water
We hold one another

*I believe my love has been found this afternoon.

People can leave and burn their bridges,
but I'm always willing to jump the river.

The presence you hold in my heart will forever be sewn of silver and gold.
At the draw of s string
It all will unfold.
For you my dear.
All for you.

For you my dear
Open the screens and the gears.
All for you.
The pumps
The tanks
The engine
All thud in unison.
You perceive a beautiful melody.
I block out shreiks and creeks.

Circling the heart
Similar to a stray dog fight or a used car dealer.
Are you a man or a mouse?
From which did this come out?

So treat it like another plaything.
Similar a goldfish

Ivory scars line her chest
Sharp stings when touched
Sharp stings when untouched.

To think...your heart a goldfish?

I love all my faults.
people without are so bleak

Youve grown to just the way your supposed to be
If you look close enough
I'm sure you could finally see.
You are perfect.
At least to me.

don't give up hope my friend.
rules where made to bend

its okay to weep.

but if you promise me this I can sleep

do you promise to keep your head up?

to sing to the broom when you sweep?

to not be scared when your floorboards creak.

picture a mouse.
small and meek

life is no chore
let it bore no more

Do not let it scare you
Tease you
And wear you (down)

I will not let you attend your own funeral my friend

for this is not the end.

The friends he has are wonderful and magestic to the fullest

He creates them

Coming to life in his own reality
He creates abstraction.

myaddiction

I'm addicted to love.
And
I'm addicted to blond hair.
And
the color blue.
and
I'm addicted to the smell of smoke.
And
I'm addicted to the way I feel around you.
And
I'm addicted to green eyes.
And
Im addicted to sunshine.
And
warmth.
I'm addicted to sadness.
And
I'm addicted to hiding.

But most of all.

*I'm addicted to being alone.

He is my saving grace.
He is my grave.
Without him I cannot breath.
With him I will always have only him
All or nothing.

I hate myself.
But when im around him I can forget all this.
This really hurts.
*I dont want to drown but im already sinking

He went to bed for the first time in months, without anybody telling him that they loved him, and telling him to sleepwell
and he found it in his favor.
He found it in his favor to not think about the girl he left behind
with nobody to say that they loved her
or to wish her a goodnight.
He found it in his favor to be alone late at night
with no extra warmth in the blankets beside him.
He found it in his favor to not think about the girl, with nothing but a broken heart and empty sheets.
He found it in his favor to think only about the cool pillow against his cheek
and not the tears on hers.

The only thing she found, was that she was no longer in his favor.

i wanna sit next to you
and watch that smile spread across your face
and i wanna kiss you, run my hand across your face
but...
i wanna hurt you.
feel the tears roll down my face.
i wanna scar you.
in your heart, without a trace.
i want your eyes to know the shadow in my heart, deep within your own.
i want your eyes to know all the blackness and the pain that you.put.here.
you put it here.
the lines you drew to cover up my smiles were all too dark.
and it seems they won’t erase
and i want you to know how
this beating red soul
turned to black marble, from one heartbreak.

Loss of you
Has left me blue
Filled with hate
My loves abate
To find another
My one desire
To fill the space
Unfillable
Forever empty
Without you here

He broke my heart, shattered to bits, and i thought it was the healing that was hurting.
But he hadn't broken my heart, he had given up on it and shoved it back into my chest as he bit my neck.
and began to tear it apart.
tortuously slow.
grinning as my smiles disappeared.
and my eyes darkened.
the shreds left are far and thin.
and i cannot talk it through.
and i cannot make-believe myself into a happier existence.

i look at you and i’m wondering if you feel angry or cheated
(i know i do) because you threw all of us away
for the new unknowns
but the unknown never came
and all you're left with is the same people
but not the same friends.

when you tell me Im okay.
And that i'll be better soon,
All the hope fades away
Because I dont feel better at all
I feel so much worse
Nothing can help me now
I am always broken
Glue wont keep the water behind the dam.
The water always finds a way in.

I stare into your eyes
defiant
Who are you to question me?
I who stands curagous and brave.
Strong and willing.
Greatfull and compassionate.
I have won

Armies of jealousy and propaganda
Holding no power.
They tumble and scrape.
A fit for escape.

Eyes open for the first time
*They are alone

A fish in a river he is.
A bear in the wild they run.
Wouns he inflicts on himself
Drawing blood
The scent draws them
Their pupils dialate
see the dark demons residing in the enchanting mask of the iris.
Wild, with rabid laughter they tease.
Seeing how far they can push a life.
Embarrased and humiliated he goes home
Carving knives in hand.

Sleeping in your jacket tonight

It's nice to think of myself going to sleep with your smell here beside me

It's nice to think of your arms wrapped around me, warming me up from the inside out

You won't ever be here with me, you won't ever lean over and whisper good morning to me, but you can always be here by giving me the strength I need to face tomorrow, and the strength to close my eyes

Thank you, for keeping me safe at night

Your gone now
And
Im not sure
If im happy
Or just, incredibly sad beond words
Because you where so important
And then
You turned.
And i saw you
Not the you that i had fallen in love with
Not the you who was my best friend for five years
I saw the you
Who didnt care.
Ignorant
small minded
and selfish
You left.
Or was that me?

The most topical color
The biggest sigh
The faintest regret
A lurch of sudden memories
Bringing emotion and no tears
It's tough to cry with you right here
All my biggest fears
Fulfilled in an hour
A week of paradise
Is hell without you
It's hard to say no
To the most topical shade of love
One night stands
No holding hands
Swings and dips
The sway of hips
Bursting bubbles and causing troubles
Matters of the heart
Have become an art.
The most topical shade of art.

I hate your hugs.
Because when im okay all day long.
Feeling so proud of myself.
Evading my own terrors.
You bring them back.
Why does nothing help anymore?
Why do I feel so sad?
Am I so unfixable?

I am the one hit wonder
Who has a big splash and big attention
But all my efforts boil down to zero
As i try just as hard
And cry just as much
And sing just as loud
*blink me out of the background

Feeling up your aspirations
Nibbling at your concentrations
Noticing that gleam you hold
Feeling cold
Our love is old
Striking eyes and soft goodbyes
Looking back at all the lies
Redened eyes and smallish sighs

I don't want to fight you anymore
Red cheeks and bitten lips
Couldn't help a softer kiss
Squinting through the daylight hours
Pouring over love turned **sour

Feeling dizzy all day
ever since the night you called me crying
ever since you've been gone
I've been a mess
I can't see straight
Im falling on the floor
*I cant take this anymore

Words form rocks in my throat
And drop to my stomach.
Her sobs become mine.
The tears on her face
Become the tears on my pillow
Smothered in the unaccompanied darkness of night

The leader of school rooms
The master of essays
Eats in the bathrooms


Keeps his head down in the hallways
They laugh and they stare
They point and compare

The burn in my chest is always there.
Bit by bit I'm changing.
Am I melting?    (in your arms)
Or am I flaking and charring?
Either way I am no longer the same.  (Soul)
Am I hardened from you leaving me out in the cold?
Or am I soft from all the heat?
                       (Temper temper,love)
We both always knew that I was no match
However much it subsides it will always return
This thing we call friendship
Is the cause of our cracked skin
Our white knuckles

Our melted hearts are now turned to dust.
The fiery embers that set them aglow have faded.

Our words scatter with the wind.

be careful,love

Wouldn't want to choke..

Through his own abstraction he creates the tunnels
They bear the harassment as well
For that is a thing that haunts.
His friends.
they tower over the noise
For all the lust in their eyes they must not lay a finger
For pain
Is no game
And he sees that to the truest extent.
Through broken bones he has suffered
And not a false word he has muttered
now tell me.
who has won?

Your eyes see a passionate love,
Burning hot and you expect me to rid you of all your pain.
But i already have enough strain.
In my head this is just a game, playing not to win, playing for your wishes, im a pawn on your chess board and you ,my fairest, are the mighty queen.
A mirror of another life
A flash of a tv show
As you scroll through the channels
Surreal,there is no emotion.
You can scream and yell and cry to the entire world!
but my broken radio will never pick up your signals.
I am alone,
Cut off from your love
Cut off from your hate

Let me inspire you.
I want my voice to crash waves in your head.
I want my eyes to shine like the night sky.
I want them to remind you of all the things that could've been
and everything that is
I want you to notice the red in my hair
Secret glances.
I want you to see the warm smoke from my mouth on a cold day
The way I talk when I'm tired.
Let me inspire you.
Let my ideas spark voices and stories in your head
Let my quiet demeanor make you picture my thoughts
Let my smile plauge your mind.
Let my stories succumb to background music in your own.
Talk to me late at night
Pull quotes from our altercations.
Notice me.
Notice the bandages always wrapped around my fingers
Notice when I tug my ears.
Notice how I encourage my hair into my face.
Notice the way I walk
The way I stumble over my feet
The way I stumble over my words
The way I stumble over compliments
The way I stumble over you.
Will you pay attention where no one else has?
Don't make me a wallflower
I want to be the rose on your dinner table.
Your coffee in the morning.
Your warm blankets
I want to be cared about.
I want you to miss me.
I want to be noticed.

Forgetting what it's like to live hand an hand
I used to touch things as they'd break apart so fascinated
But you gave me such a close look
I never wanted this
Watching our memories tumble and fall
Watching our love fall apart
Piece by piece
Looking back and suddenly seeing the rot along the edges and in the cracks.
What once was soft and fluid, is now brittle and torn.
My memory is shining new and sharp
And I'm realizing who you really are
And I'm forgeting my attraction to you
Mean and hateful
Angry and resentful
You are
Smashing my wings under your toes then kissing them better.
Again and again
*you've completely played me

I lost my halo
The one that made my eyes sparkle
The one that spread on my smile with my morning toast

Now I dont eat
My eyes stay on the ground
And I can't breathe.
      is this a poem or a self diagnosis you idiot?
I dont care.
Feed me needles and nails.
Maybe then I will understand.
The pain she feels when she looks at me.
When she looks at me

*cant even bear to see me

The feel of you
silk between my fingers.
The things you say, do they burn true?
Your hand lingers
All the same now
Your taste on my lips
Mine, on your hips.

My love didn't fade, smear or go away
To love me is a trade.
To give your heart away

To break it is a blade
Sharp and cold
Straight through my veins

Sadness fades like morning dew
Fading with Sunshine
So softly they flew.
Flew through heaven,
Flew through dust
Staining their color like rust.
Dark and grey
They turned to rain.
Only to settle deep in drains.
They sat and they thought.
And they moped quite a lot.
They missed their early few (years)
They where not morning dew.
Not fresh and new.
But tears
Stained by dust and rust.

Then sunshine came to meet them.
Through metal bars so cold.

Then they flew.
Flew through heaven,
Bold and new.
The wet on your tongue.
A breath through a lung.
A baby's first rain.
*They flew without pain.

Alone here without you!
No choice but to doubt you!
You never where here for me!
You blinded and swindled me!

Boys flock to her dark lashes and painted cheeks
They want a taste of her cherry red lips
To run their hands through her soft chocolate hair
They want access to the buttons on her clothing
Wrapping around her perfect curves no longer

She wants only the kindness that comes with lust.
Only the fake smiles following her jokes.
Kisses are nice.
Friends are better.

But the again.how would she know?
never had any of those.
always got a boyfriend.
Never had a real friend.

Telling people how she feels
Has never helped.
"look at all the people that surround you"
there are no eyes meeting hers.
they aim towards her hips and torso.
her lips.
these are my friends?

she wonders if anybody enjoys her company

im afraid that i've become sour.
im looking for the bad in people.
i am no longer looking for the best.
there is no more benifit of the doubt.
i dont believe you.
i dont trust you.
the is always a catch behind your kindness
there is always a sneer hidden in your smile.
perhaps it is a loss of trust
in myself
in you
in humanity
are we really so selfish?
or am i seeing through tainted glass?

I can't tell you about the pain in my chest because I don't understand it.
I can't tell you about my emotions because I know you can't stand it

It's bigger than the highest mountain

It's longer than any bridge could ever cross

And it's farther than any eye could see

It's the love between you an me!

The painted roses have wilted to shrubs.
Rain showers against glass windows and my drawings.
Water seeps into ink
moving down my desk like a grey shadow
They cast tears down my portraits and fog through my still-lives
my fascinated eyes sit and stare.
Ruined and no longer beautiful
They refect the change in my life
How quickly came the rain's results.
How quickly came life's consequences
My insides filled with my crimes and sins
I find this injustice the worst.

The same salt in our tears is searing our cuts.
But yours,I'd tend to first.
To try and show how much I care
I will try my best to bear
The consequences life has given me.
Remember,the salt in your wounds must be cleared before mine
I really dont mind.

the anger that consumes them causes their eyes to go white
blind
they lash out
at who?
they dont know.
you    me   everybody
themselves.
they cant hear anything but your words echoing thrpugh their heads
they yell so that you can hear them.
will you listen?
do they want you to listen?
somethimes all they want is to speak
to feel the power of their speech.

"the world is so wrong.
and you need to know why."

It tends to hurt
On this end of the knife

What about all thoes times you ran your hand through my hair?
now I have to act like I don't care.
blunt and dark
a rock in my heart.

Through pity parties and costume parties
fond memories are all I hold

A blue drop.
Shielded by the light of silver and gold.
A symbol of our love
Never to be old.