To all the goodbyes
I say goodnight
To everyone that dies
I hope it's bright

To everyone;
With a razor
Hand of pills
Tied rope
Dangling keys
Extreme height below
Finger over a light trigger
Electricity at hand
Open propane tank
Empty plate, with full glass

Stop, think about who you're leaving behind
I know my words aren't going to stop you, but just read
Did you bother to write and leave a note?
Is it worth it then?
Saying you're sorry, knowing you'll leave someone behind?
Stop. Think about why you're doing it
Do you have nobody?
Think about your opportunities that'll fly past
The chance of ever meeting someone?
Did you lose someone?
Think about if you'll actually see them again?
Being bullied?
Fight back, with whatever you have
Life shoved you down?
No, I'm not asking you to get up!
I'm telling you to get your *** into a nap
Think about all the possibilities that might not be
Think of all the opportunities and people in the future
Think of your legacy
Think of anything except the pain
Now balance the pain and everything else
Want to jump? Skyfall
Want to shoot? Paintball and games
Want to hang? Bungee
Want to overdose? Take 10% of it and party
Suffocate in propane gas, or blow up? Cook a nice meal, invite a friend or family. Surround yourself. No friends and family? Find a friend, build a family.
Want to speed wrong side of the road? Speed on the right side of the road and get carried with the wind, do it over again
Want to cut yourself? Cut off the pain and wrong influences
Electrocute yourself? Rather save electricity and watch a good movie with friends or family. Have none? Watch a movie alone, play a game online. Make friends, build a family
Want to starve yourself so you can get drunker and finally forget it all, when your liver gives in? Eat a lot more, blow off some steam at the gym and build a body that girls/guys would like, attract them and make new friends. Drink with friends.

I've tried many things, some of them didn't work out, or I couldn't stay awake longer. Create new dreams if the old ones died. Work hard for them. Achieve something
"At least leave a ******* legacy behind" is what my bestfriend, Steph used to say
"You can get out of this alive, but maybe a little ****** up, but anything damaged can be repaired" My bestfriend Josh used to say
"Life can carry you away without what you thought you needed" my bestfriend Divene used to say

Even more quotes from people I've lost in my life, so I ask you just think about it all
Still going through with it? Remember it's a one way ticket

I wonder if death is the pen
in the story of my life
and that life is the paper
like the canvas of an artist
I wonder if the pen burst
or if I have a creative author
I wonder and wish even more
that my paper can just end
and my story can be published
in your library of life
I wish, oh I wish
the paper will befriend the pen
like the beauty tamed the beast
and the sugar of sin held him tight

Received on February 14th, valentines day
Not meant to be this way
Just for my soul to train
The cup she gave me
my valued  possession
turned to the thing
blocking progression
I drink from it
Filled with rage
Wrists un-slid
again, this stage
Keep it to tease
the beast inside me
for if I throw it away
I would be the same
that I was the day
I broke her
and threw her away

When one finds a box of six puppies in the road
would one take five puppies and leave one?
Taking all six is proper human code,
"leave one alone to starve", said none.

I've been left alone and all my loved ones taken away
I have learned to walk alone, but I always stray

We may not compare animals to humans,
but the Romans can compare letters and numbers

A dog and a wolf is compared by us,
but a wolf fights for it's own survival
whilst most dogs sleep in comfort
and are fed by us

The million dollar question is...
why am I the puppy left in the box alone
to fend for myself, for there is none

When I met you I thought my life would change
I thought my life would have meaning
I thought I was becoming a man

When I met you
My life changed
Not the way I expected though

I stopped doing drugs and smoking
I found love and loved it
I found friendship and cherished it
Friendship betrayed me soon after
Love sent me on my way
I became a party animal
And drug addict

Highschool
When I met you
I thought my life would have meaning,
But my thoughts were deceiving
I was blind to what I was seeing
And lost myself

Tomorrow I'll send you on your way
And there'll be no way to make me stay
I'll never forget you
I'll never regret you
I'll never miss you
Tomorrow my life will change,
But wasn't that how all this started

There's the boy she never noticed
There's the boy keeping it in
There's the boy trying
There's the boy lying
There's the boy crying
There's the boy
Behind the mask
Broken at last
Extremely ashamed
And vividly tamed
Behind that mask,
Is a killer;
A breeding psychopath
Behind that mask
You look at
Into the mirror

I imagine an amazing meadow,
where we'd stay for hours
you'd wear your silly yellow
and we'd sit among'st the flowers

'Tis only a dream
or so to seem
you, my only seam
lost within the stream

I see he's ready
I'd wish him not
to take the shot
I see he's, steady

In this dream, I see you there
Your screams, In this nightmare

I'm extremely frustrated
It's difficult to explain
As well as infuriated,
but why complain?
Friendship deteriorated
And ended in pain

Darling what your words have claimed, is true. I have grown an affintity for you, and, but a mere fatuation would undermine my emotions for you. You could be as poor as the dictionary can describe it, but I would have no dispute with breaking bread on a futon in a one bedroom apartment, for my darling I would have you to share it with. I cannot explain in any way or word what linkage I feel towards you and what imminent, unborn quandry, disagreements or dilemas we might face. I'll be over and above to put those problems to their knees, shut them down and subjugate them. Eye, there will be exceptional recherche, eye there will be dissatisfactory and atrocious, but I vow to never slant in our interconnection. I'll stand by you during quandry and I'll stand by you in a war, because not only my heart that loves you so dearly, my soul has grown quite fond towards you, that never before have. And in all verity, I have gone far more than fall in love. I vow to preserve and protect thee love.

His vilification and forgery of happiness
Had scorned her love
And as he used to lay down
On the sweet and soft river bed
With the placid waves merging around him
The Crepuscular light peeking at twilight

He watches herfrom the corner of both eyes
Tearing apart as another man caresses her
He breaks even further apart
As he misses her warm embrace
Her silky touch on his ragged face
Her crisp ogling through his mind into his soul

Her precious love had him engaged
Her mellifluous persuasive voice had been
What he missed the most
He desired to taste such love again,
But he knew and he knew
That there is none quite equal to her

I lied when I said:
I don't like myself
I don't love anyone

for

I loved myself with you
I love you

then

Everything changed in an instant

Life is a delusion of meaning,
We seek direction without seeing.
Death is deceived as the end,
For none accept it is meant.
The people will forever live a lie,
We're not meant to live, but die.

Infinite possibilities of history,
But one day it won't be me.
Ineffable beauty we all desire,
Nefarious cruelty we all will acquire.

The only greatness we will find,
Is that destiny is very unkind.
Cupid is ****** and love's a lie,
Another arrow, and I will die.

Let me feel love again,
To leave this world in pain.
I'm not a poet anymore,
But maybe I never were.

The words here, I have said,
Are the memories I have bled.
Heal me, but never take my scars,
Feel me, for I'll be amongst the stars.
For death is darkness right?
In space, there is no ligh.
Forever, I'll float into the abyss,
And maybe find something to miss.

To tell people to not
Try to commit suicide
When It's my perfect plot
It's just a riptide

It's actually a beautiful noun
Though a dreadful verb
Like a stupid clown
Driving over a curb

There is no goal
It's all too unkind
Having no soul
And a dying mind

I wondered if I'd see you when
As I thought I missed you then

A boy, aged eight
Asked his father a question.
"Was my birthdate,
The cause of your depression?"
The father only watched the boy
Which started to annoy
The child's thoughts
Like PTSD and gunshots.

A boy aged ten
Asked his mother the same question;
She said it was war, then
That it woke his inner aggression.
She said it probably took his soul
And one day again he'd be whole

A man aged eighteen's
asked a question by his parents
"Are you proud to have those genes?
And to be in our presence?"
He didn't have words to describe
The emotions he tried to hide.
He always sought recognition,
Not their judgemental superstition.
He wanted them to be proud,
But as expected, he bowed.

He left their presence, knowing:
That his entire life, he was growing.
To be able to handle the truth,
About his entire youth.
He was never adored or respected
His parents were to be represented
By him, and that was his goal;
NO! I Did not sell my soul

Your reputation, is not my responsibility
My future is
You can't accept that,
And I understand now.
It's time for me to leave,
This toxic representation
Of a Home

My demise
I cannot despise
I'll look it in the eyes
And accept my poem dies
I'll soar in the skies
For days
While nobody cries
And everyone strives
After their derives

To my first love
That I let go
Free like a dove
With the wind you flow

To my ever sweet bestfriend
I will always love you
To whenever we may end
I've done all I can do

To my old buddy
If only we'd ride
I wouldn't have to study
Or set you aside

I wouldn't have lost the creed,
but in my mind it planted a seed

Our love was meant to be eternal,
But our love
Was wishéd upon the sun
Bound together as the sun shines
Unbound forever as the sun sets
 
Our love was meant to be eternal,
But our love
Was not wishéd upon the moon
Bound together as the moon shines
Bound forever, for the moon sets not

I wish I were richer
I wish I were smarter
Or in a better political situation
Send help
Please Send Help
South Africa is falling
The government cannot protect us
The government is too corrupt
The government keep making mistakes
Political parties in the country are killing farmers
Caucasian Farmers
Political parties in the country are promoting ****** of Caucasian men, woman and children.
Black Lives matter
What about the rest of us?
Don't we all belong as equals?
Send Help
Please Send Help
South Africa is falling
They're burning our buildings
They're burning the country
Our government prioritises money
Over the welfare of our people
One president to steal money and another to come
Send Help
Please Send Help
South Africa
Is Falling

Before you walk away from
Everything;
Please remember
The way I loved you
Please remember
The way I still love you
Please remember
I'll always love you

She
She stopped me that night,
she told me that it's alright

She told me that she's not stupid
the reason we're together's not, because of cupid

Me

I asked her what she meant
Her love cost me no rent

I told her she's confusing me
I knew what else it could be

**
She saw that I only want my once true love
she said that she understands it will be rough

We part ways and never again did we speak
I'll never forget the times we had at willow creek

Last of her that I heard, she was underneath the ground
at peace with herself, she and death is now bound

I think it's a strange world we live in dear
Such different places to visit
More adventures to conquer fear
Opportunities that do not limit

So many different choices
So little prodigious wonder
As well as so many different voices
That followed me as I went under

I think of life as different houses
I've built mine of wood
instead of stone with couches
so me moving would be understood

My element is not a home
For it's dark, and I'm not alone

I grant you to gently peek
Careful, for there demons creep
I wish you not to blindly seek
For I've gotten them to peacefully sleep

You may think you can handle
My mistake to reflect
For you'll never again be stable
Your qualities will deflect

I've been falsely honest
Inside lies Diablo himself
You have not yet earnest
your way to the shelf

Her hands perfectly followed my seams
and ripped it apart with my screams

This is not a poem, 'tis a story
The story of how I went so far backwards
'tis the story of me falling in love
and falling... out of life

I fell for a girl, and I ****** her up, because I was scared
This is not a poem

I lost this amazing girl, and drank away my sorrows
Under age and a drunken mess
This is not a poem

I had a friend, she helped me through that mess
and I hurt her more than I ever knew or realised
I was too stuck in my own ****
drunk and high
escaping reality
again and
she left

This is not a poem
I realized that she had not left and she only escaped me dragging her down
I cannot connect or attach with anyone
For I have lost too much of myself
to take that thing away from
another person, because
is a ravaged thing and
I'm and untold lore
and this is not a
True Poem
'tis a story of
a brokenhearted
and pathetic little boy
who had not told his lore
to anyone, but one and thus
He realized 'tis not a story
to be told for anyone
written words here
**This is not a poem

Hey, did you hear?
Sandman called yesterday
He asked me why my dreams are dead
He asked me about my nightmares
and how he couldn't change them into dreams

Hey, did you hear?
Sandman called yesterday
He asked me if I wanted depression
He's selling it on special
By the cost of a broken heart

You made me the happiest
With all your beauty
And perfection
You made me feel beautiful
And perfected

Everybody hated us being
Maybe, for we were perfect
Or 'cause you were too good
I was just too happy
Tough there were fights...
Those fights
Showed your
True colours
I'm sorry for bringing those out
Just know that
After 8 months
Of us being apart
I can still say that
I love you, always,
Was that not the promise?
The world is happy again
They see the old me, regain
And you under his strain
Goodbye my lover
You have fought in my mind
Fought with me side
By side
And back to back
Goodbye my lover
You have left my war
Poisoned my mind
And took my heart with

I thought of it again
and it seemed slightly
sweet and what a bright
withered memory it left
Some parts of me want it
Something inside me is
aching to go back there
Bothering me to find
the right people and
find my way back in

I want to meet my opposite,
And attract to her beauty.
We'll find places to visit,
And travel around free.

I want her to not be afraid of being afraid
To not be afraid of not knowing
I want to know that we're made
I want us to be glowing
Her positivity
My negativity
Together an eternity

I miss you more than my words can utter
and I miss you, more than any tear could clutter
Nor my liver nor lungs love me
Nor my brain that'd been damaged
by the sugar of sin
Check the heart I gave you
After I gave yours back
*******************
I miss you
so much

So fast I couldn't hold on
No darling, I didn't let go

I am not your Romeo,
nor your Antonio
You are the beauty in power
and the sweet after sour
The sovereign of my heart
from the utmost start
To where we are now
From down there below

We are free doves
Where none loves
Only flow with the wind
Where darkness clinged
White doves come along
With too many white lies
Black doves, move along
With such depressing pre-lives

Three years ago my eyes were caught
My words were not abroad
My life had many empty pages
My heart had many empty stages

Two years ago my eyes were taken
My heart was not mistaken
My life was re-written, on all pages
My heart was a concert, with full stages

One year ago, my eyes were mournful
My heart felt painful
Marks left of torn pages
Silence again, with no stages

Today is the day in between
Yesterday was the day to mourn
Tomorrow I will be reborn
I hope of love, never before seen

I sat and thought
when I was younger
I feared whatever lurks the dark
I feared a man with no remorse
I feared men on substance and influences

I fear that child now
for I've become
everything that I feared
and in the terror
of knowing a child fears me
and will one day become
me
i am afraid

As the evening reaches the hour of dark, and the lights inside cut out
Wed together as every star is visible
Bound to remember by the first-hand audience of two
Her gown and his pants hugging one another on the floor
As their lips may gently embrace with their ever so soft and perfect caressing
Un-married for not a sin
For the stars cross one another and they may intertwine
Sealed fate and opened gate
Together they may come,
But alone shall one leave
Forever they may part,
Or together they may start

Centered as always, but focused was true
Determined as always, but focused on you
Unwritten words in my head
Turn unspoken instead

The darkest of places of every corner in my mind
Has morphed you into something unkind
I've wished that time could rewind
So I'd remember those beautiful words

I survived the wrath of depression
once again
Was I too scared to cut deeper
for once
Was there not enough blood
To bleed
Was the blade too blunt
To cut
Were my tears too much
To see

Her pristine blue eyes
of crystalline seas
reflect the clear blue skies
as she gazes at ease

Life has lost colours
Love has lost emotions
Winter has lost cold
as
Summer got cold
Love became ***
Life became grey
as
Wood became smoke
Stone became dust

Wrath so bad the sun hid from it
Wrath so bad
even darkness
tried to hide
within the shadows
Wrath only a woman
that once poisoned a man's heart
can release

Mum said be a doctor, but no
I didn't like school, glad to go
I became a mechanic instead
It caught my heart in 10th grade
I could do better in life, compared
To my grades, my life is made

I prefer a simple life
Where my biggest problems are finding the bolt that just fell down into a void
Where my daily irritations are losing a spanner or socket
My worst encounters would be a client that insists on knowing the problem
My best moments would be spending time with friends and family
My best days would be vacations

I don't want to be a doctor
And worry about a cancer patient
Or huge accident coming in
I don't want to be irritated by nurses or patients that don't listen
I don't want my worst encounter to be losing someone's life
I don't want my best moments to be having expensive things to show off
I definitely don't want my best days to be going home and sleeping early

Does it end here;
in my hands;
where it began,
inside my mind,
where the war
would be silenced
******
Or would it be pausing
to once begin
when I have no defense

Love, what sweet despair
and what mournful joy
Is love, having a wife
To hold at night
To kiss after work
or
Is love, changing the lonely shower
into the ******* hour
To hold at night
To make love with after work;
Though:
Is love, the poison of our hearts
and the fuel of despair
To cry at night
To drink after work

My future was sewn in the womb
I spent the former chasing my tomb
Wondering and wishing to be a groom
Here I am now, but was it too soon
To think back to that afternoon
Where I stumbled and found truth
Whilst still in my youth
Intoxicated thinking it'll soothe
The pain I made myself loathe;
No, I've aged and I've grown
I should know, that I should own
These mistakes that I've crowned,
And the hatred that I've vowed
To these thoughts of an entire crowd
So here I am, back where I clowned
My own love and heartbreak
To one stupid little mistake
Which led to my rebate
So here I am, still stupid and young

She said he's an angel,
he knew his demons well
She said he's perfect,
He knew she's perfect
She said she loved him,
He loved her so much
She said she'd love him forever,
He loves her even after

{~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~}

She said she hates him,
He said he loves her
She wished him dead,
He wished him dead
She pushed him away,
He puller her closer
She moved on,
He let go so slightly
She's with him now,
He respects them
She forgave him,
He spoke to her again
She hates him,
He hates him
She's gone forever
He lives wherever
High enough in his own reality

Dear holder of thy heart
Please protect, the priceless
It might need some glue
So fix it for you

Dear holder of thy heart
Please revive, the unending love
I tore it, twice apart

Dear holder of thy soul
Please know I love her
Letting her go
Was worse than trying to forget

Dear lover of my true love
Take care of her
For I love her till this day
Treat her well
Like I should have

Dear husband of my true love
Love her, adore her, and always keep her
Let her strive
Let her live
She's a wild soul, concealed by a broken heart

Did you ever truly love me?
You sure as hell don't anymore