Suicide isn't the way
Talk to me, I'm here
Allow me to help
You are worth it!

I'm not here to tell you why or how.
I'm just here to help you through when life goes POW!

I wonder if death is the pen
in the story of my life
and that life is the paper
like the canvas of an artist
I wonder if the pen burst
or if I have a creative author
I wonder and wish even more
that my paper can just end
and my story can be published
in your library of life
I wish, oh I wish
the paper will befriend the pen
like the beauty tamed the beast
and the sugar of sin held him tight

and once again here i am
not knowing what's even flowing through my fingers

          hoping ,
this will soften the things floating around my mind.

For the broken
For the lost
For the confused

I’m here

For those who need a hand to hold
For those curled up in a ball on the floor
For the scared

I’m here

I will hold your hand
I will help you up
I will stand up for you

I’m here

"I am worried about you"
      "Don't be I'm fine I promise"
"Please just talk to me"
      "I'll text you tomorrow"
"Okay.. I love you"
     "I love you more"
That was the last conversation I had with my best friend before he attempted suicide. He lives across the country and is currently getting help in a mental hospital. If you're thinking about suicide, please stop. Someone cares about you, I promise.

She was there.

7:25pm

I'm out with some friends., we find a spot on a hill, I know some of the people, I don't know some of the people.

I'm there having a good time. Trying to make conversation, not seeming like a complete loner loser.

I make due with what social skills I have left.

10:45pm

The fireworks have started, sparks of colour fill the sky and loud exploding noises fill my ears.

It's so dark out.
I watched the sunset not too long ago...

The sounds, the exploding bursts of shimmer and shine.

The fireworks are so vibrant, so alive...
I don't feel scared to die right now...

Maybe I should, but I don't.

11:30pm

I found my car and the parking lot is filled with people trying to get out. I grab a map and sit on the trunk of my car as I wait for an opening.

The night is calm if you don't pay mind to the drivers.
And I don't, I just stare at the map, searching for a way home.

12:30am

I made it home about 10 minutes ago and I'm not tired yet.
I make myself a cup of hot chocolate and sit at my computer watching episodes of an old sitcom from a time I didn't live in.

2:00am

I'm here.
Lying in my bed, next to nothing and no one.
It was only hours ago that I didn't feel so scared.
And now I'm here.

She wasn't there was she?
She couldn't have been...
If she was, I couldn't possibly have...

She was there.*

She was.

Our paths just missed each other.
Never crossing.

Just hours ago, I was watching fireworks.

And now I'm here.

Watching the darkness.