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Carolina Feb 2020
Going to bed with a kiss to give.
But instead of a warm embrace that puts me to sleep
all I get is a weep that weighs on my lids.
Carolina Mar 2018
The wrath inside me
I cannot control,
the monster growls
begging for more.
This sickening pleasure
I inherit from a fiend
of powerful rage
and a delight for fear.
The messed up in me
will soon dominate.
Blood, weeping and misfortune.
Oh, it will be divinely great.
Carolina Feb 2018
What would it take for me to feel real?
Maybe money or someone that for me would kneel.
What would make me happy?
A university degree or just chocolate toffee?
I see people finding their way and everything stays strangely in order.
Maybe I have to sign a contract or just to cross the country border.
I'd feel content if I knew how to paint, how to write or how to do a speech
or simply it would make me want to escape to a quiet beach.
My head finds places, feelings and people that seem surreal
and I watch the sweet alyssum die while I skip another meal.
A simple but terrifying question burns my mind,
will I always feel so empty even if all of it I tried?
If it is all pointless in the end, what is it then to be living?
I refuse to exist in automatic but does life have any meaning?
Carolina Apr 2020
The sanity slipped right through my eyes.
My heart was torn apart
and life ended by that time.

Now I'm a living dead.
Walking with a blank stare,
headed to nowhere.
Carolina Dec 2014
I hear the rain outside
while I'm lying in my bed.
I hear the wind outside
while my soul torns apart.
I hear the thunders outside
and I'm feeling numb again.
I hear the sound when drops crash the ground.
I want to cry but I can't.
I hear the world outside
but I can't be part of it.
So I just listen in silence.
I just listen.
Carolina Oct 2015
Look at the depths of my soul through my eyes,
you'll find the most painful hell and there you'll die.
Carolina Mar 2018
Ella escribia,
palabras sin sonido,
palabras que nadie leia.
Y estas la sanaban
al igual que una curita;
Cubriendo el dolor
pero humedeciendo la herida.
Carolina Nov 2017
Slow dance with me
at 3 a.m
to the sound of rock and roll,
keep up with me if you can.

The notes of your guitar,
the way you play your song,
your hand between my thighs
makes my flower grow.

Messy black hair,
cigarette smell,
sweet ***** lips,
enchanting me under a spell.

****** friends,
he sits and stares.
Burning smoke through my throat,
he doesn’t even care.

Motionless wrapped in your arms
Is this another way of suicide?
He’s making me drool all over the place,
fast calloused fingers through the strings with grace.

Sitting on his lap,
I can hear his heart.
He could soften mine,
fill that missing part.

Black and blue,
I don’t want to know
who you’re playing songs for
late at night tomorrow.

Cause I’m only for fridays,
I’m only for fun
but it hurts so good,
I adore when he’s bad.
Carolina Mar 2020
I write, deep ache inside.
I cry, not knowing why.
I sleep, one more pill.
I drink, just want a thrill.
I read, not to feel alone.
I eat, not to reach my bones.
I dream, fed up of my life.
I quit, one more time.
I smoke, feet leave the ground.
I fly, elevated mind resounds.
I apologize, failed again.
I fall, wish to be dead.
Carolina Oct 2020
I am crossing the ocean,
you said we would do this together.
I am trying to cross the ocean
but I stop for a second and you are not here whatsoever.
I am floating alone,
you were supposed to be by my side.
How far is the shore from here to be arrived?
Everything is blue including myself.
I cannot see where the ocean ends
and the sky begins.
Oh no, I forgot I do not know how to swim.
I do not know how to swim.
Carolina Apr 2018
I idealized you
and the possibility of us.
I clung to the idea
that you were the love of my life.
I gave you my heart,
my mind
and my body.
I saw colors in the blackest sky,
and every time you rejected me
I never asked why.
It seemed you didn't care whether you kissed me or not.
I had so little from you but even that got me caught.
The insecurities exploted inside,
so many fears burnt my mind.
Please love me,
please need me.
Don't go,
stay with me.
I gave you all my fire
and yet you were freezing cold.
Not feeling your presence hurts,
but being with you hurts me more.
I thought I could be happy with you,
I thought you were sincere
but after all this time
the aching is still here.
Not resentment, not blaming fate.
I was blind, it's me who I hate.
There was so many red flags,
I was so stupid to ignore.
And I'm so sorry
for wanting something more.
Your actions didn't show you could change;
for the rest of your life you'll be a cruiser.
Oh, poor little fool that I am;
how could I fell for such a loser.
Carolina Aug 2021
I wish I could go back to the day I met you,
back to that december,
and never stop your way.
If I could make a wish
it'd be to feel better
all by myself.
Today, I am in a place I hate to be.
Today, the love I felt does not exist.
My friend pain is the air i breathe.
And I wonder why I won't just leave.
Carolina Mar 2018
I grab my phone,
no messages at all.
I look at the clock,
it works no more.
I say hello,
the replay is an echo.
I sit in silence
trying to let go.
I look down to my hand,
the bruises bleed again.

And I understand that I have waited for too long
and all I've ever known is gone.
I'm alone.
Carolina Mar 2015
I could wait forever
just to feel your warm embrace.
Fate chose you to be a server,
squads are ready in the base.

They send you to death ruthlessly
and we all cry in disgrace.
If you survive then it's the darkness
but no one can go as a replace.

It feels like it's never ending
You say to yourself "hold on"
Million bodies tainted red...
You are never coming home.

Years have gone by
but pain and memories last.
You're another star in the night sky
and will never turn to dust.

We're all full of pride
due to something you left behind.
He will be a wonderful man
This little loving child.
Carolina Jan 2015
I love it
when you look deep into my eyes
and when you put your hands
in my cheeks, holding my face.

I love it
when we're holding hands
and you start doing that stroky thumb thing
down the side of my hand.

I love
the way you grab me
from behind in a sudden hug.

I love it
when you talk about us
in an emotional way.

I love it
when we're sleeping
and you snore softly.
I love watching you chest
going down and up
with every breath that you take.

I love
the little things you do
making me feel as if I had
an hurricane inside of me.

I love
every single thing you do.

I love
the beautiful person you are,
even your flaws are beautiful.

I love it.
I love you.
Love is beautiful when you find the right person, even when that person only exists in your head.
Carolina Jan 2018
Sentada en mi cama, rodeada por una cortante oscuridad.
De a poco voy perdiendo el brillo
y el ensordecedor silencio se vuelve una agonía.
Ya no puedo hacer rimas,
tampoco puedo llorar,
incluso creo que lentamente dejo de respirar.
¿Tan complicada soy? ¿Tan triste y aburrida?
Pregunto a mi interior mientras me abrazo, mis respuestas me destruyen un poco más.
¿Tan insuficiente? ¿Tan vacía?
Carolina May 2018
Mujercita soñadora
de labios color cereza.
Músico de bares
de labios sabor cerveza.

Él la consumió
como a los 20 cigarrillos
que fuma por día.
Jamás aclaró
que a largo plazo
no la quería.

Y cuando se fue,
lo hizo sin decir adiós.
Músico de cuarta,
el enredo lo causaste vos.
Carolina Nov 2019
The absence of will
What it takes to feel the thrill?
Bury yourself in bed
Waiting for life to reach its end
Goodbye
Don't cry
Carolina Mar 2016
I want to be happy,
but the world is dark enough.
I want to be healthy,
but I'm still too fat.
I want to fill myself with life,
but I just keep smoking my lungs black.
I want to hold your hand,
but this bottle is the only thing I've got.
I want to be free,
but I'm in love with these chains.
I want to be forgiven,
but I keep making mistakes.
I want to be talented,
but I only create mess.
I don't want to feel all this pain,
but I'm chemically messed up.
I don't want to forget
but I keep drinking the night away.
I don't want all this blue,
but what else can I do?
I don't want to hurt myself,
but I feel this is all I deserve.
I don't want to hide anymore,
but I'm locked in the darkness.
I don't want to get burned,
but I like playing with fire.
I don't want to stay,
I'd like to learn how to fly away.
I want to set myself on fire to burn bright,
but it won't stop pouring.
I want it to stop,
but the clock still does that 'tick tock'.
Carolina Jan 2021
I can't forgive you and I won't.
Indifference burns like cigarette smoke through my throat.
And I think I'll drink to sleep,
I won't lie awake and weep.
Once again I'm on my own,
once again my dreams are gone.
Keep on smiling at your phone,
hope you find there something more.
I was here but now I'm not.
Where am I?
I do not know.
Where am I?
I'll wait the call.
Carolina Mar 2016
I wonder what it feels
to be wrapped by your arms.
I don't even know you,
but for sure they are dangerous guns.

I wonder what it feels
to be caressed by your soft hands.
I don't think that will ever happen,
but I could make some plans.

I wonder how you look while you sleep,
the movement of you breathing chest.
Too fast. I've got to meet you first.

I wonder how soft your lips are,
what it would feel to stroke your hair.
I can't help this feeling,
I wish there'd be something for us to share.

I wonder how it is
to stop imagining and take the step.
I'd like to know about you,
but I'm a coward and that's what I get.
Always in my mind, never in my actions.
Carolina Jan 2021
I would break my heart in two
to take you out of there.
I would cut my brain up
just to forget.
Carolina Dec 2014
This is my little world of broken dreams.
Once you come in there's no way out.
Dreams turn to dust,
they're forgotten.
This is my little dark world,
where people are on their own,
they're all alone, sad, broken...lost.
Come with me.
Hear my lullaby,
it'll guide you
to our little world.
We're waiting,
we're singing to you.
Fall asleep and join us,
we're across the haunted forest.
Just walk through the mist.
This is our little world.
You'll break.
You'll be forgotten.
In our own little world.
Carolina May 2018
Joven taciturna de labios abandonados,
quien, ya sin esperanza, busca amor en cualquier lado.

El estado recurrente de aislamiento marca su existencia
y empeora su obsesiva limerencia.

Si dejara de decir ojalá y comenzara a actuar
quizás su vida empezaría de una vez a cambiar.

Pero es pasiva, soñadora que no se guía por la realidad.
Su carácter y comportamiento siempre la llevan a la soledad.

Los ademanes tan dulces y su enorme compasión
generan el mismo sentimiento agradable que da el petricor.

Gran hallazgo para quien logre conocerla,
pues ella no se abre a nadie. Escondida perla.

Llegar a su centro puede ser complicado e incluso un hastío,
pero es encantadora aunque su cabeza sea un lío.

Si te esfuerzas por entrar en la casa del caracol
te sorprenderá ver que es tan bella como el arrebol.
Carolina Apr 2020
Una inmensidad vasta de amor
en la que te encuentras,
rodeado de vida, de ilusión.

Una persona que no escucha el clamor,
en un mundo diminuto,
robando la pasión.

¿En cuál encontrarás la dicha?
Carolina Jan 2018
I promise I will follow.
I give you my word.
Late night lover,
can I steal your last glow?

Push me up against the wall,
kick me out of your house,
pull me on back to bed,
can I be the cat or will I always be the mouse?

Please, stay with me.
Invite me over tonight.
Cancel your plans.
Will you always make me cry?

I spend the night alone
and once again I regret
that I opened up, what a fool!
Will I always lose my own bet?
Carolina Apr 2018
The leaves have started falling
and the cold is coming fast.
It's hard to be okay
when you can't bury the past.
What I called "us" fell to the ground,
among the leaves it disappeared.
The heat between us is now winter
and it turned out really weird.
You didn't say goodbye,
you just hid away.
Not a solid ending,
drove me utterly insane.
I hope the winter frezzes my heart
and cools down my mind,
I hope when the spring arrives
I can finally feel divine.
Carolina May 2016
Se encuentra a la deriva.
Sin un manto, sin calor.
Sólo el frío en su alma,
y en sus ojos vacío eterno.
Si pudiera verse a sí misma,
a través de la mirada de otra persona,
se sorprendería al observar
bellísima tristeza que a su rostro decora.
Sin embargo sólo ve aquello visible al ojo,
lo que está más allá es invisible
a su pobre visión en su pequeño mundo gris.
Gris, gris como su cabello;
El que tanto desea acariciar con sus frágiles dedos.
Gris, gris como la neblina;
Similar a la de la naturaleza,
aunque ésta se encuentra en su corazón,
tapando sus conductos; causándole una silenciosa agonía.
Gris, tan gris como como el azul;
nunca sabes cuando se vuelve triste.
Y si hay algo que ella pueda hacer,
no lo sabe.
Porque si lo supiera sería capaz de sentir,
es un hecho.
Lo que no es certero
es el sentimiento que ronda su interior.
El cual atrae pensamientos oscuros
que su cansada mente no parece soportar.
Quebrándose cada noche,
oculta todo bajo una sonrisa.
Su cabeza sigue gritando,
monstruos aún susurrando
y ella casi a duras penas escapando.
¿Podrá algún día vivir?
¿Podrá algún día despertar de la pesadilla?
¿Será notada por alguien?
¿Será esta noche su última?
Ella quiere saber,
yo me quiero esconder.
Ella quiere vivir,
yo sólo quiero morir.
Ella está atrapada en un gran espacio vacío, sin encontrar salida.
Es espacio se encuentra dentro de mi.
Carolina May 2018
Start again,
a brand new plan.
You're young and free,
allow yourself to be.
Leave your doubt aside
and bury what already died.
The lights await,
there's nothing to debate.
Let your sense be the guide,
you'll fly in the blink of an eye.
Just risk it now,
it's now or never.
Please, quick, hurry.
You won't have forever.
Carolina Jan 2021
I wrote you poems,
I've written you a million lines.
You don't deserve a word,
you deserve none of my sighs.
For you've tricked me
into believing
that love was kind this time
but you ran out of fuel;
Unmoving, unloving.
An empty space behind your eyes.
Now what sleeps next to me
is a living corpse
whose actions show no remorse.
I will turn my car into a hearse
and take you down below to end this curse.
Carolina Apr 2017
And she spent all night in loneliness,
wondering why.
Wrapping her arms around herself
because she knew no one else would.
Even her dreams have turned into nightmares,
life has no meaning, not even asleep.
So as she lays down, silently crying,
she waits.
Not sure of that she's waiting for yet,
but
she just waits.
Come rescue me.
Carolina Mar 2020
I've been looking for a man
         to caress my soul
         but my new true desire
         is one that calls me his own.

I've been looking for a man
         with no love soft nor sweet
         going over and over in my mind
         those guys from the streets.

I've been looking for a man
         with a heart black as tar
         no innocent angel,
         the one who'd crash the car.

I've been looking for a man
        who would break the walls.
        I find myself inclined
        to those who have the stones.
  
I've been looking for a man
       who've been burried in sand,
       who'd fight for any reason,
       who's got blood on his hands.

I've been looking for a man
       to ride or die with,
       to help me get going,
       to fill me with ease.
Carolina Nov 2019
No hunger, no stains,
just numbness and decay.
A phantom, an old pain,
still consumig from the veins.
Getting through each day
with empty masquerades.
The staring role has lost its part
and now just wanders round the park,
sitting on benches under the dark,
pretending to be one of those who leave a mark.
Carolina Apr 2018
It's not just about the butterflies in your stomach.
It's also about the peace in your heart,
the calm in your mind.
If you miss one then it's not right.
Carolina Feb 2020
Every kiss you give is a stab I take.
Getting closer to beheading.
Careless and cold your touch, your hug.
I'm so tired of the begging.
Carolina Jul 2018
You may be what I need,
what will wake me from sleep.
An holographic dream,
a mix of love and ******.
Carolina Dec 2014
If you only had seen
how much you were destroying her, maybe,
you would have stopped
being such an *******...
but maybe, maybe you were aware about it and you never cared
at all.
Carolina Jan 2015
Unknown forest, haunted place.
She's dancing through the fog amazed.
Every night she meets him in her dreams
without knowing he's the most dangerous thing.
She shyly gives him a glance
and he holds her by her waist.
Heart beats out of control,
her body's losing its warmth.
Cold blooded man
and the most naive woman.
Trembling inside.
Life's taken away from her eyes.
Lost in a painful paradise
she finds the dumbest way of demise.
Loving a deadly monster
who loves nothing but slaughter.
Stealing souls, ending freedom
The most powerful demon.
Love might **** you.
Carolina Aug 2017
The enteired town knew me
as weird, lonely and sad
And as the night slipped away
I couldn't sleep, just thought of that.
If you're real,
If it's meant to be
Come take me out,
Come rescue me.
Being part of the wasted youth,
wrapping my arms around myself,
wondering how I ended up this way,
staring at the empty bottle that now sits on the shelf.
If I could just get away,
If I could just disappear,
If I could make you stay,
If I could make my mind clear.
I wanted to feel special,
Closed minds, they always judge.
I have lost all light in me,
Anything left inside? Not much.
Overthinking during the night,
keep on doing it through the day,
I wish I could make things right,
If I'd still believed in a god, I'd pray.
Will it always be this way?
I ache like a thousand piercing needles.
I still wish upon falling starts,
all I want is to find my people.
Carolina Apr 2018
My mind's full of thoughts
I don't want.
Sequences, images of things
I can never have.
It's not about fantasizing about a better life
before you get to sleep.
It's about dissociating from reality
and excessively gritting your teeth.
You want and try to stop
but in a few seconds
you find yourself lost.
I can't remember when did it all begin,
probably way back before I was even a teen.
I want to cut my skin open and get out of my body, leave behind this broken mind.
It smothers me, it takes me to the edge,
it's eating me alive.
I'm losing it. Oh, I'm losing myself.
I don't want a way out, I want to be dead.
As I write this I'm imagining things.
Stop! Someone, rescue me!
I'm losing it.
Can I go crazy? I think I will.
I'll **** myself before it ends me.
I'm losing it.
Carolina Apr 2016
Remember when they came?
Remember your desperation?
Remember your blood they drained?
Your mental state changed; you had a revelation.*

Stay awake when the night begins.
Lock the door and the windows,
don't let any light come in.
Wait for them to come out crawling.
Pretend to be under fear spell,
and when they're about to take your soul
make them regret the day they escaped from hell.

Once you're done, clean up the mess.
Put on suit or that non-pure dress.
Try to look perfectly nice
and they won't notice the rage inside.
Your eyes show insanity,
your head turns out twisted.
You lost all humanity,
so dark and sadistic.
Carolina Nov 2017
Nicotine corrupts her lungs.
He lustfully smiles to the thought of her cherry.
Sad lonely girl looking for love
“In order to feel something the night I should marry”.

Fun fun fun
This will not erase the pain,
Love love love
you will **** yourself in vain.

Liquid substance burns her throat.
She feels safe when she’s flying.
Soft caresses on her cheek,
soon turn to violent touch, devouring.

It’s done it’s done it’s done
Asleep consumed love affair,
Impure impure impure
paralyzed by his side with her cold empty stare.

Desperately looking for life
since she died a long time ago,
trying her best to revive
but she’s rotten to the core.
Carolina Jan 2015
La oscuridad de tu mente es un laberinto sin salida,
el más minimo rayo de luz se extingue. Enloqueces,
te deprimes
y las ganas de vivir
se anulan.
Carolina Jan 2021
The comfort of a lonely bed.
A bed that wraps the body in soft warm sheets.
Hugging sorrows away,
pillows kissing heavy lids.
So the body crawls back to bed
way too many times
in need for its company,
missing every sunrise.
Carolina Oct 2020
So I wipe my tears
and dispose of my fears.
One more step forward,
the dome has disappeared.
Carolina Jan 2019
Neighborhood baby
selling her lie
of being bold and happy
most of the time.
Fed up of daydreaming
about a better life.
Pleasing everyone else
is the sickness of pride.
***** princess, lazy lover
who's deepest side
is a madness of beauty
that'll get you flying up high.
But careful who you're talking to
when she's mad, heart dried,
cause she's soft as a petal
and sharp, thorn alike.
Carolina Nov 2019
I waited all night for a shooting star
to wish upon,
to feel its light.
But the night went by,
too numb to cry.
The stars looked petrified
from all their lies.
The meteors shined
for a way short time,
blinding my sight
with green and white.
At last the only hint of light
that would meet my eye
was the neon light
from a club nearby.
Carolina Apr 2018
I'll go bottled blonde,
I'll be, again, fragile and skinny.
In plastic surgeries
I want to waste every penny.
I wear makeup
until my skin's all messed up.
I took thousands of pills
until my stomach said stop.
I work out until fatigue,
I write down every meal.
When you say I look better
it gives me self esteem.
But fear strikes evey time
that I get closer to the scale.
It scares me that instead of a number
it'll show the word whale.
I desire to be
the prettiest in the land.
I long to have
the perfect golden tan.
Delicate flower
for everyone to stare.
The magnetic one
that has nothing to repair.
I want to look radiant,
I want to look like a star.
My idea of the perfect weight
will make me take it too far.
But I don't really mind
about my health nor my spirit,
as long as I'm adored,
as long as I have a merit.
They only see you if you're pretty,
they ignore all the wrong;
You may be unstable
but you're worthy of a song.
And I'm not even concerned,
not like someone will notice.
No one did the last time
but anyway I'll tell you this:
I don't care if you find out
all the things that I conceal.
You can talk all you want,
I have nerves of steel.
Carolina May 2015
Take me somewhere I belong,
I need a place to call home.
Give me happiness, set me free.
Drain the pain inside of me.
Let's run together, run away.
Show me what it's like to want to stay.
Carolina Nov 2020
No sé escribir

Solo desbordo emociones
Que no se dónde dejar
No sé con quién hablar

No sé escribir

No poseo técnica ni estilo
En vez de un bello dibujo solo es un garabato
Que me distrae por un rato

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Así que sólo lo hago
Sin pensar mucho
Entre mis dedos un pucho
Y releo lo que ya leí y me hace reir

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