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Carolina Dec 2014
I like staring at the moon
during the cold and lonely nights
because I know that someone, somewhere
is staring at it too.
And I know, deep inside, that I'm not alone.
At least I like to think that way.

*She was a shadow in the night,
her skin seemed blue under the pale moonlight.
She had her eyes full of hope and sadness.
Carolina Dec 2017
En mis sueños me atormentas,
e incluso en ellos te vas.
Me dejas sola, abandonada en la fría oscuridad.
Juro ya no hacerlo,
prometo no caer,
pero una dulce sonrisa me vuelve a convencer.
Y ahí voy, una vez más, pensando que vale la pena.
Fingiendo no ser consciente que tu cariño envenena.
Con un estúpido mensaje me desarmo, lloro y muero.
Con otro insignificante mensaje revivo y me río, pero sé que no es lo que quiero.
Quiero un cuerpo a mi lado, anhelo una mente llena de universos.
Deseo un toque, un roce, un cálido abrazo.
Sólo pido una conversación, que deje tu mente al desnudo, que nos enrede en un lazo.

Papi tiene razón. Papi sabe bien.
Él me explica, me aconseja, me hace despertar.
Pero como una niña caprichosa tengo que chocarme contra la pared un millón de veces más y mi cabeza reventar.

Cuando el tornado se vuelva brisa
y ya no tenga lágrimas que llorar.
Hasta que mi corazón ya no soporte,
y aprenda a sumergir mis pies en el río en vez de hundirme en el mar.
Carolina Sep 2020
Never there,
absent mind, empty eyes.
I try to reach out
but you have no sight.
Your drooling stare,
fixed on the screen,
my voice is on mute to your ears.
I'm not even here.
Carolina Dec 2018
Staying up late till the morning,
another day that wasn't saved.
Hanging from an old scar,
wishing you'd gotten out unscathed.
Carolina May 2019
I was fantasizing
about death and life
when I came across a wish
I had left behind.
Written digitally
so the tears won't blur the ink,
I felt my mouth dry
while I chewed gum of mint.
Carolina Feb 2020
All the poetry inside of me
burns down to nothing,
just like the love I felt,
just like the dreamed I dreamed.

Once again I have failed,
I have reached a dead end,
love is only in my head.
Carolina May 2018
And I guess
the only special
thing you had
was the way
I had
of seeing you.
Carolina Jan 2018
Una noche cualquiera,
mientras se asomaba por el balcón,
la luz de la luna atravesaba
su ***** y azul corazón.
Ella recitaba sus poemas secretos,
en cada fonema su voz estaba al borde de quebrar.
Despreciable rasgo humano, solo observa
las lineas de sus lagrimas brillar.
Carolina Sep 2018
Niega toda razón lógica,
absorto en un va y ven
de pensamientos incesantes.
Inmensurables fantasias
desgarrando la realidad.
Mientras el domingo
le da la bienvenida a la noche,
todos están moviéndose.
Paso los días abrazada
a la vieja soledad,
le digo que su visita ya es abrumadora,
pero aún así la invito a una taza de té.
Y pasa el día,
llevándose mis ganas,
llevándose un poco más de vida.
Carolina Jun 2019
How is it that time
pushes me back and forth
How it is that life
makes me want to grow
The spirit grows old
My mind lost control
Survivals of war
The world won't reach its dawn
Carolina Jun 2021
I see the extension of a countryside
at sun set.
I see a deep orange horizon.
I see hills, light blue from the distance.
I see a file of trees that at this time seem black.
I see a windmill at the right of the lot.
I see an only star shining bright.
I see my childhood.
I see freedom.
I see you.
Carolina Mar 2018
No tengo recuerdos de haber nacido. Quizás nunca lo hice.
Quizás sólo soy un alma vagando eternamente sin sentido.
Aferrándome a lo único que me conecta a la vida,
unidos por un delgado hilo *****, demasiado fino para soportar la distancia que recorro.
Dolencias que llegan de ninguna parte, llegan para no irse. Tal vez un asunto sin resolver... o varios.
¿Qué debo hacer? ¿Hacia dónde debo ir?
¿Acaso me permito quedarme un poco más? ¿O debería desistir?
Carolina Jan 2020
I touched the wood of the door,
slipped my fingertips through it.
It opened without being knocked,
I doubted, I looked, I'm in.
Carolina May 2018
El corazón ya muerto,
los ojos hinchados.
La continúa espera
que no lleva a ninguna parte.
Veo la luna brillar
pero el sol nunca sale.
Y en una noche eterna
te sueño entre mis piernas.
Y siento ese olor dulzón
de las amarillentas páginas
de un libro viejo
que leíste mil veces
y, aún así,
esperas un final distinto.
Las polillas empiezan
a comer las páginas
y con ellas se llevan,
de a trocitos,
tu recuerdo.
Carolina Nov 2019
A witch told me the prophecy
but I never thought I'd see
all my dreams defeated
all the fear breaking me
Carolina Sep 2018
Will it become a part of me?
Can it renew my energy?
I'm afraid love's not here.
That fragile state is where we live.

Crossroads that lead to the same place
and it's somewhere far from grace.
But he finds peace in that purple haze
that takes his head up there in space.

I daydream about a joyful ride,
among friends, music and wine,
not worrying about the passing time,
sitting with my back against the pine.

But I open my eyes and it's all gone,
there's not a place to call home.
The aching inside burns up a hole,
filling it up has kind of become my role.

So, I disconnect to pass the days
but I still have those phantom pains.
Staying inside dreaming away
the blurry reality that's in decay.
Carolina May 2018
Y es que nadie sabe
cuánto añoro
esos gentiles labios
que acababan
con mi triste soledad.
Y es que ya no encuentro
una muestra de cariño
que de un solo golpe
se lleve la tempestad.
¿Volverás algún día?
Vaya uno a saber.
Sólo sigo pensando
en todo lo que pudimos ser.
Carolina Jun 2021
My eyes, wet.
My lips, dried.
The fantasies, they're all about a new sunrise.
And I wonder why
you play with my mind.
Your screams echoing at night.
And, again, I cry.
The pain is only mine.
I hate this confessional poetry style,
but it lets me fly
as I was high.
And once again I stop the time;
you're warm for me to remind.
I find the light
within my sight;
On a sunny day
I pass you by,
and I reach the sky.
Me and I,
we unify.
My only thought
I should retry.
Carolina May 2018
Incandescent heart
that roams in empty rooms.
Tormented state of mind
that corrupts the soul.
The moon has gone black,
the stars show no reflection.
The sun is not in the sky,
clouds are the only vision.
An angelic voice
has been silent for too long.
The sleeves are empty
but the mind overflows.
Unrecognized by them,
a blank space
where the face should be.
But yet the mirror screams
and those shady dreams appear.
The candle is now consumed
but there's still remaining wax.
Untold promises,
unconcealed lies.
The dying child within
takes the last breaths,
the ones that promise death
and the revival
as a warrior.
Carolina Jun 2018
I try to find something but nothing's there.
I try to talk but my mouth's stitched.
I try to walk but I have no feet.
I try to crawl but I have no energy.
I try to move but I'm boneless meat.
I try to feel but I am machine.

And no one notices.
Or worse... No one cares.
Carolina May 2019
Lead me to the dark blue ocean.

Push me down, help me sink.

It can’t get any darker.

I am ready, drowning is my will.
I wrote this a year ago when I was headed to the bottom again. I'm glad I don't identify myself in those lines anymore, at least most of the time.
Carolina Apr 2018
If I search for you,
               I never find you.
If I wait for you,
               you never come.

So what do you do
when the thing you want the most
hides away from you?

So untouchable,
                 unreachable,
                           so distant up high.

Do you keep on searching and waiting?
Or do you let it pass?
Carolina Jun 2016
I heard him closing the door.
He lives in the flat next to mine.
Some seconds later I was right behind my door,
trying to catch a glimpse of him in the night.
Trying to go unnoticed,
though I wished to get his attention somehow.
If I just was a little pretty
I would run to have a small talk with him now.
He was already gone,
but there was something driving me crazy;
His perfume was sneaking into my house
through the door lock, making me dizzy.
I got on my knees just to inhale deeply,
closing my eyes and feeling a growing desire.
Hand on my chest,
and my heart exploded into fire.
I get jealous of that tiny perfume drops,
because they end up touching your skin.
Oh, if only my lips could do it,
but there's an universe in between.
Imagine being next to you,
to that perfume and your own skin smell.
You got me kind of in love,
you got me under a spell.

How can I feel this way when I don't even know the guy?
I just don't know, but I want him to be mine
.
The struggle is real though, ha.
Carolina May 2018
I know exactly what will happen,
I just play disguising it in pink.
Oh, self fulfilling prophecy...
I guess you are what you think.
Carolina Feb 2018
Shall I bite my tongue not to hurt anymore
or in the coldest loneliness I will persist
and my aching soul the void will devour
and I'll be forgotten until I no longer exist.
Carolina Dec 2019
I saw the plane,
I stared at the white mark,
it cut through the sky
dividing the world.
Which side am I on?
Thoughts life decisions doubt
Carolina Apr 2020
Breathe in, hold, breathe out.
To take care of a garden.
To take care of one's soul.
Sit in the grass, sit facing a wall.
Silence reveals it all.
Quieten the mind,
quiet the body,
emotions will get slow.
Then you understand them,
then they let you know.
You can integrate them,
and see how it flows.
Carolina Apr 2018
The road is too lonely
for this silly town girl.
The road is too dangerous
for this hidden fine pearl.
She has boiling blood
and some vivid dreams
but she has no one,
from most eyes she's unseen.
For the past few years
she wakes up to survive
all by her own
surrounded by lies.
But she breathes and takes courage
to embrace each new day
and in a trance she keeps walking
to the rhythm of lay lady lay.
Nomadic crature,
no home, no men.
Wanderer enchanter,
for how long this life will she stand?
Deep down her core
she wishes to have
a stable surrounding
that more than a heartbeat could last.
So tonight as she risks her light
walking through the road
she repeats to the stars her desire,
not to be forever so alone.
Carolina Apr 2020
Not a kiss nor a caress,
not even when you see that I'm a mess.
Crying in the bed,
sleeping on the floor,
begging "I don't want this anymore"
Giving all I have,
giving all I can.
You turned on your back,
you don't even care.
Carolina May 2018
I still crave you;
your touch, your kiss
(both the gentle as the desperate ones)
running through my skin.
Heavy breath, wet with spit.
Sweet or loveless,
just please go deep.
Love me like you can,
hurt me like you know.
Warm skin or sharp knife,
make my tears fall.
I want you to leave
bite marks on me
from those crooked teeth,
make me feel I've been set on fire.
Tell me I'm yours,
own me from inside;
my one true desire.
Carolina Nov 2019
A girl singing in a club,
nothing stood out but the dark.
She sang a line that made me smother,
she summed up all of my days throughout
sometimes wish I'd stayed insde my mother,
never to come out

and then the piano notes floted in the air
falling softly like dust
melting everything it touched with no care,
my life was on the edge to combust.
https://youtu.be/TSydmQoW_9g
24:24 smother by daughter
Carolina Nov 2019
Palabras sin sentido,
ven la luz del día,
aunque no tienen motivo,
nacen dormidas.
Rimas que consuelan
mi falta de control,
llenan el espacio
carente de rol.
Carolina May 2018
I promised myself
I wouldn't write about you.
Not a sinlge line.
But you know,
I still keep that picture
in the second drawer
of my night table.
I stil try to find
what is not there.
desperatly
I still hold my pillow at night
pretending it's you.
I allow myself to sin
(way too much)
but maybe in that way
it will all get out my mind
someday,
somehow.
Carolina Feb 2020
"People come and go" they say
but I just want someone to stay.
Carolina Oct 2018
The new car is a facade,
you can see it in his smirk;
there's a black tar soul
under its white bodywork.
He sells his demons
under a snowy form,
he finds his peace
on a green heavy storm.
No one has ever
know him very well
but they know
he's related to a cartel.
He has lots of fun,
too may things he enjoys,
not realizing
he's the devil's toy.
But I think he's the evil,
as cruel as can be.
He preaches his word
of magnetic philosophy.
You're cough just for fun.
Glowing sparks in aquamarine.
Comfy sea-scent room,
you wish to stay in.
You get a sugar rush
every time you see him.
Waiting for his company,
not the best way of being free.
You sit there beside him,
pretend to rely.
He offers you something,
you don't have to pay.
Tho his soft touch
turns your skin into concrete
you find yourself at his door
dying to repeat.
Carolina May 2020
Whistling a song we wrote together
while the wind plays with my hair.
Dancing in the backyard, movements of a feather,
buzzing bees and colorful spring weather.
Carolina Feb 2018
I still wish upon falling stars
and birthday candles
because life cannot get better
unless it's superstitious luck or magic.
Carolina Dec 2018
And I'm sorry if I keep on spinning.
I'm sorry I made you believe
that I was someone appealing,
that you could trust in me.

I'm not playing the victim,
I'm just trying to explain
that I'm always quitting,
that your efforts are in vain.
Carolina Nov 2021
Land of no one,
devastation at sight.
This body of mine
seems to have no pulse,
the feet keep it moving
but in slow motion.
There's a war approaching
and nobody to fight.
This piece of land
has stayed behind.
The steps of my feet
are not enough
to get out.
Carolina Mar 2023
I no longer
try to avoid the arrows
that are thrown at me.
I let them sink deep into my skin.
I no longer care
to stop the bleeding.
How am I still alive?
Carolina Jan 2018
It's Tuesday 23 of January and I'm trying to forget
the nervous wreck I've been lately. All for you; the stone wrapped by velvet.
Because you say that it's fine but I know that you lie.
You hug me some nights but never too tight.
The man who's a stone is so cold it burns,
and he makes me beg but he's already gone.
The bluish grey smoke hits my face. Is it allowed to smoke inside the bar?
As the place fills with... let's say haze, I admit cigarettes are better for me than you are.
It's a tug of war game and I want to yell ''Hey!
It's not fun, please stop, I can't breathe from all the mud."
It's been a week and a half since I saw you
and it makes me depressed because my mind's all about you.
You promise this will change
as you turn off your phone to travel with your friends.
It's 12:45 am and I'm waiting, you said we'd meet. Once again you were lying and... here comes the anxiety.
But then you answer almost at 2 am, getting in bed to sleep, there's no time for me, said your were with the team... is that were you've really been?
My friend Ro is so in love she cannot go and see me.
My mom just yells, she's not stable. Another night with no dinner on the table.
My dad's at work and when he's home it's just his ghost, I'm alone.
And when you're here, just once a week, you seem happy but then you leave and I'm filled with unease.
My heart slowly beats as I beg you please
but you ignore and you don't call, you meet them all
but not me.
So I lose control but I stay at home and to you I reproach but all your words mean nothing if you never show.
Please don't go, please don't go.
Carolina Oct 2018
We pressed our lips together
and that made my knees go weak.
You ran your hands through my back
and that made me feel the heat.
But I know it's fresh and new now
and after some time, bored, you'll go away.
Guys have cruelly taught me
that nothing gold can stay.
Carolina Mar 2017
Skinny body, pale skin
You couldn't believe it
Little freckles painting her face
You thought you were dreaming
Black wavy hair, up in a messy bun
Is she an angel?
White snow smile, crooked teeth
Or does she involve danger?
Soft voice and sweetness
It hit you the first time she looked at you
Red shirt and black jeans
Even if it meant nothing, just what she had to do
She made that uniform look like a fancy dress
It hit you the first time you looked at her
Tiny fragile looking hands
It hurt you when you had to leave
"Good evening, what can I help you with?"*
I can't even remember her name,
but I'll for sure remember her smile.
And as I lay in my bed
dreams about her haunt me at night.
I wonder if I'll ever see her again,
cause I don't want to forget.
I don't want to forget.
Carolina May 2020
I will lay myself down
and cry to the inner sound
of my heart breaking.
Carolina Apr 2018
The innocent girl
is searching for a man
in all the wrong places.

Wants to grow up fast
and prove a point,
and find where grace is.

Wants to form a gang,
wants to run the world,
wants to become a woman.

Laying in bed,
picturing herself
being the cruel one.

Surrounded by guns and bad men.
The baddest *****,
the one not to trust.

You want to know
what she's made of,
careful not to mess up.

Because she's dysfunctional
and dangerous.
She's willing to do all the don'ts.

She will keep on dreaming
and searching everywhere
until she gets what she wants.
Carolina Apr 2018
He said he loved me
but he never showed it.
He said he missed me
but I hardly ever saw him.
He said he said he said,
too many words.
I lost all my bets.
Was it all just lies?
I guess I'm not the type that you like;
I'm too silly,
too innocent,
too much of a dreamer.
You like your women
filthy,
experienced,
disposable *** dealers.
He has a machine heart I couldn't cut through.
Day through day, sad and lost, I made myself believe I could be his muse.
I like the idea that he had good intentions,
he just couldn't take responsibilities, too much tension.
And I wonder
if there was truly any feeling there.
And I wonder
how could someone change
the way they always were.
Carolina Mar 2018
The mind of that girl is a pain sanctuary
whose aching decreases due to a world that's imaginary.

From home she goes out to get away,
and all those nights in stranges she relies.

The soft morning breeze
tenderly dries the tears in her cheeks,
and childishly it peeks
through her bloodshot eyes looking for a trace of peace.

Nobody could really tell
if she, bones and flesh, is still alive
or if she's just a wanderer ghost.
Probably the only one of her kind.

The dark circles under her eyes
are a proof of the restless crying nights.

The tangled auburn messed up hair
tells she didn't sleep at home, but no one cares.

Picking up flowers on the way back home,
humming songs that once made her feel whole.
She rests for a few hours and once awake she grabs a pen,
she writes down a poem before she gets drunk again.

Somehow she finds calm
in the simple things of life,
and she tries not to think
about the coldness in her eyes.

Barely getting through, day by day,
trying not to be absorbed by all the grey.

Amassing countless heartbeats
to the final point where life she quits.
Carolina Dec 2017
He's done after so little shared,
and now she knows that he never cared.

After days of crying she has realized
it was a game she lost and she now pays the price.

All that we could have been but never will be.
She whispers as she remembers the latest nice memory.

His perfume, his electric guitar, his cigarette smell;
the perfect combination that got her under a spell.

The worn out black leather jacket soft to the touch,
she wishes to hug, to keep it forever, a craving clutch.

Without explanation he suddenly disappeared
leaving her alone, all she, from the beginning, feared.

I will never love, I will never trust.
I will be careful even when it's just lust.

Will it get better? She doesn't know.
She will never admit that it felt like true love.

Unworthy person, a player, a bane.
But it will pass and she will try again.
Carolina Jun 2021
Saw you today
and I didn't even say hi,
but you did, right after I turned.
Everytime I see you I get kind of shy,
but I responded.
Wished I had kissed you longer
the last time we met.
Carolina Jul 2020
Drained from love,
drained from desire.
My heart has lost its fire.
I came in one piece
and left as a ghost.
I'm always the one
who loves the most.
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