It's putting thoughts
Into my head
I thought
That's what they said

Not real,
It didn't happen
Now look who's
The last ones laughing

Conversions that goes unheard of
By everyone except me
But I was there,
I sw**r,
These aren't the colours I should see.

I want my mental soundness,
But there are so many sounds
Most of them do not exist
Too late this was found

My state of mind we detest
But my delusions don't give me rest
And they refuse to confess
Again I fail the retest

Looking at the wall
Something is missing
It doesn't have my brain stains

I am so appalled
How the knife doesn't glisten
With blood straight from my veins

Straight from the source
Of course
Let nature run it's,
Nature run it's,
Nature run this

Simulation
Reality's a lie
A preoccupation
To see me die

Get out
Or die trying
I've fell down
And I'm trying to give myself
The things I deserve

Desire is dope
I might get addicted, I find
If I become dependant
And let it take over my mind

It would become my everything,
I would want nothing else
I would take desperate measures
To feed the cravings of myself

I don't think I want to go down that path
And when you ask, sweep it under the rug
Desire is dope, but no thanks,
I don't do drugs.

I'm going places
And nowhere good
Leaving the neighbourhood
Of blurry faces

I'm going places
Misunderstood
I would stay, if I could
I'm changing bases

A lonely path
Accompanied by me and myself
Let out a laugh
The past, they think know hell

I'm losing grasp
Spiralling straight into wonderland
Why didn't they hold my hand?

Topsy turvy
My perspectives change
I hurt me
Fuelled by the pain

Lurching, wandering,
Perching, pondering
On a cold, wet, porcelain throne

Mixing, blending
Fixing, mending
Aimless, I push on, all alone.

Flesh sees flesh
Spirit sees spirit
It takes one to see one
But no one's there to hear it

The darker darkness:
All that's there's to be found.
I hark my harness
For you, I'm pleasure-bound.

The darkest darkness;
Of the beyond, I yearn.
I loathe your caress,
You leave me here to burn.


The loneliness consumes me,
I give of you my love.
You treat me as a ******,
I never feel at home.

Distorted sorts of beauty:
What our friendships are made of
But because it's my duty
Ignorance goes unknown.


Is nothing wrong?
These friendships are one-sided!
I play along,
I can't seem to fight it...

Don't hug me, I'm scared!
You all would disappear!
You won't be there,

You wouldn't last,
Sooner or later be of past.

Then it would only be me
The THING that I most fear,
I CAN'T CONTROL MYSELF
Don't hug me, I'm scared.

Something scary in my mind-
The thought of you go;

Body, wearied, cracked by time,
Hope you don't die so.

You are too young,
Too young to die,

Don't leave me alone.

Something warped, borne in my mind:

Should've been me instead,
Could've been me instead,
Would've been me instead...

...Don't leave me alone,
Don't leave me alone...

I'll make you look pretty
I will make beautiful
You just have to use me
Just by that, I'll make you full

I will hide your empty,
I'll put on an illusion
Overuse'll become healthy
Incomplete? Then I'll make you done

I'm the perfect finish
I'm the cherry on top
Start with me, I promise you,
You won't want to stop.
I'm the creme de la creme
I will make you ENOUGH.

Cover up
Apply emotional makeup.

I pour my insides out
It's time to fix me now,
Come step inside my great attraction.
It made them all go wow,
Now they just tear it down.

Nothing is ever,
I won't last forever,
Can't keep it together,
Forever,
No!

In this box,
It's got one million locks,
It's ten-dimensional, not alternative,
Not industrial rock.
I have tried,
But I can't wind down this clock.

Can somebody tell them the secret to living,
Before our heart beats stop.

I never wanted two producers,
Don't mind one, but something about the other.

I'm to myself,
Though life doesn't feel real,

I see their feelings faking,
And all the things their making,
I see me shaking with all of their taking,
How does it feel?

I'm bring ***** back,
Going off on a full attack,
Stepping outside of the cage that they built me,
Everybody get back,
There's nothing in the way,
I'm working to fix that,

However,

Nothing is ever,
It won't last forever,
Can't keep it together,
Forever,
No!

Scream and shout,
They try to figure what it's about,
I try so hard just to find my way
While keeping the toxins out.

No need to hold our breaths
Nothing's gonna stop me now.
I know I am crazy,
My senses get hazy
Yet it's THEY who can't see, somehow.

I can see a thousand lies
When I look in their eyes
I'm running out of time!

But you still hold me down,
You are afraid of me!
You think I'm here to take,
Be the person you be.

But I'm not here to destroy,
I'm not here to play games,
Just here to send my message,
Just here to make my name.

But you are in the way,
You 'leaders' own it all.
How can I find my way
When you're still standing tall?
Your monopoly is strong,
So what can I do to make you fall?

Nothing is ever,
I won't last forever,
Can't keep it together,
Forever,

No!

Whatever you say
I'm up to the task

I try but I know
I'll never be good enough

Realistic expectations,
Is that too much to ask?

Must be the best,
Nothing less
Than perfection

In everything I do,
I do it all for you
No room to fail with these 'expectations'

With every cut that's red,
With every bruise that's blue
I'll fall apart for you
For 'expectations'

With every tear I shed,
With every mask I bred,
There's nothing to be said,
I'm suffocating

The high bar has been set
There are goals to be reached
I can't stop until death
Either yours or one for me

Welcome, I'm Faerylight
Land in the skies,

Disguised,
See with your mind.

Now, just close your eyes
I am yours, you are mine

Between the lines
There is much to find.

I look at him
And I see me
The apple doesn't fall
Far from the tree

I feed my habits
And ignore my needs
As distasteful as it seems
My plan succeeds
I plant the seeds
That grow the weeds
Won't feed myself
I starve, deceased.

You ever had a feeling
That you wanted to die?
And acted on this feeling
And you survived
And questioned why
You're still alive?

You ever had a,
Ever had a feeling?
That made you wanna,
And acted on this feeling.

You ever had a feeling
That rids you of all reason?
And makes you hate your very being?
You are blind
And I'm searching for a feeling

Can't find a feel,
Because none of it is real
I'm traumatized
You say that it's not real

You are blind
And searching for a feeling,
I'm.

Softly singing on a night shelf
It's so draining
I come alive
During the nighttime
Without your help
Softly singing on a night shelf.

I have been trying for so long
To sing you the right song,
To show you something different everyday.
So you hear what I have to say!
(Like puzzle pieces)
And now we're here at a standstill,
I wonder if you feel
The kind of pain that rips your insides out,
That's something I know all about,
Shocking, ain't it?

Is it because I can't be her?
Keep making mistakes,
Making me hurt,
Fix me won't you?

Is it because I can't be HEARD?
You make me awake,
And make me hurt,
Fix me won't you?

(I can't fix you)

I can feel my heart breaking,
Mistakes we've been making
I'm running out of patience to pretend,
This ain't how I'm suppose to end,
My feeling fading.

You are not mourning your loss here,
And that's grinding my gears
So inhumane lose my self control?
Wish that you'd try to make me whole.
I'm done explaining.

This is what happens when you leave it to somebody else,
If you want it done right you should just do it yourself,
I oversaturate my world by being a machine.
On the outside I may seem happy
But I'm dead inside, naturally.

We have a lot more in common
Than you would be calm with
It's like we're the same person, me and you
We both don't know what we can do.

Sometimes they're many
Sometimes they're few
Unpractically pretty
But they will do

Flowers in my garden
The only things certain
The only faces I know
Who'd remain true as they grow

They may blossom like my growing fear
The may wither like my sanity
They are stifled by the thorns
Like the skin I'm in, well-worn
They are suppressed by the weeds
Like the guilt in me

Flowers in my garden
I am quite certain
We're the same
But I'm embodied in flesh

Flowers in my garden
I beg your pardon?
What do you mean that you don't exist?

If you leave, what'll happen to me?

"Why don't you just use a filter?"
Because I don't like being fake
"Come one, it'll make you look better!"
All the unnecasary effort for unknown people's sake?

I am having a crisis,
But there's no need to response,
Since I've always been like this
So what else can go wrong?

Being under psychosis,
But you won't notice that
Can't tell you anything
Because you can't handle facts

I know it's a lot
It can be a lot to swallow
But feel my hurt today
To give us better tomorrows

I know it's uncertain
The future becomes unclear
So stop ignoring all the things
That fill your heart with fear

I know, you're a human,
I know, it makes you scared,
Seeing all the work you put into me
With an eye blink disappear

I know, you're human,
I know you are not prepared
But this is the way my life goes
It'll be better if for me you're here

What hurts most of all is I’m disappointing,
A disappointment,
That is I really am.

For a decade I’ve been trying to change it;
Wear the faces,
Because what you want is masks.

Covered up,
And hidden in plain sight;
Paradotic oxymoron.

More days keep coming in your daylight,
Manipulate
And make
Me foreign.

It's always the good ones that go to waste
Can't undo the past yet deleted files I still chase
Loss of identity, leaves me traumatized for phases
Only just a little child, way too young for these foretaste

I miss the time where I taught persons actually cared
I miss the time when I taught that people were there
I miss the time when only Satan was evil
I had to find out that the bads ones were the people.

Well, that's for
Another and more
Her ways
Should be ignored
What are we people for?

I'm too despressed to notice I'm stressed out
Suppressed emotions inside, shouldn't let out
Seeing is believing but what I see isn't real
I am forced to accept these "realities" and ignore the way I feel

I don't mean to sadden, entertain, bore, or aggravate,
For a decade I find that this is how I communicate
The only way I can precisely speak out on the unhealthy pleasures
As the chemicals of my brain, they fornicate

These levels of relationships aren't supposed to be
It'll **** me sometime later, look at how it has ruined my personality
Seeing is believing, but you won't believe what I see
How can I act 'normal' when you won't acknowledge I can't do 'human being'

My animalistic compulsions are fuelled by my failing brain functions
Don't get too close cause I'll try to bite, I sympathise for your flesh when I malfuntion
Don't be scared, I'm not canibalistic, I just like to use my teeth
Humans scare me, I must defend myself, uh, I mean, to smile and eat

I'm not afraid to say it, but I'm scared when I'm saying it, I have to say
I have been observing your mundane human actions, I really don't want to be put away
I always feel foreign, alienated, out-of-place
But because I'm "considerate," I have to bite my tongue to save me some face

I'm too stressed out to notice that I'm depressed
Wanting mental soundessnes, yes, peace, my hallucinations don't give me rest
My taughts speed down their highway, my delusions are always a-fest
They inflict beneath my exterior, but for the public eye, I wear a crest

"I wear my skin well, don't you think?" I lie, becuase it ill-fits
I am totally normal, "I'm fine." Can't change the fact I'm a misfit.
The beams that bear my bag of meat rust and thus begin to weaken
The lethal sagging's caused by the mental luggage, I'm not heard, even though I'm speaking

Many persons think that I'm overly paranoid, I must admit, that I am
You would be the same way too, if about your health, no one ever gives a ****
Help doesn't come, because their 'laters' always becomes 'nevers'
I am not that superhuman, can't keep myself together, forever

They claim that they would help me, some way, somehow, but their actions never initiate
Someday, sometime, it would all be over, through a thorough death physical or mental
Oh yes, I'm still believing, you can't accuse me of not having faith.
I look forward to my healing, but all the while, my brain chemicals fornicate.

What is a friend?
One who might bend
In the storms of friendship
But never break
It may be more than one can take.
Some part of their life
May even be put at stake
But friends may bend,
But never break.

You opened my eyes when I was blind
You stayed by me from time to time.
It felt as if your mind would blow
It makes our friendship stronger grow.
I thought of it from time to time:
Thanks to you I'm no longer blind.
And in the end I eventually find
That you are a true friend of mine.

All those times you've dismissed me,
The times I've been ignored,
It may just be the little things
But they add up to more.

All those times that you'd mock me
Because I am different,
I change because it is "love,"
I change 'cause you're my "friends."

The loneliness consumes me,
Your love is bittersweet!
I always have to feed you,
Starving, I watch you eat.

Bittersweet becomes bitter
What's this I feel? Fear Hate?
No more I long for your "love,"
My funeral, I crave.

I hate the way you "love" me,
I hate the way you sing,
I hate your species' existence!
You know, tHe LiTtLe ThInGs.

I have a problem, it is my fault,
It grows within me, cancer I've got
As the time passes, it expands,
Isn't it funny? Clap your hands.

I have an issue, what a shame,
You are the victims, I'm to blame.
As the time passes, it contaminates,
Admiration turns to fear... I hate.


It's not dislike, it feels too strong,
Of the little I feel, what I feel feels wrong.
I become more of nothing, and grow more patient,
The fear's realized, I'm contaminated.


I'm keeping secrets, whatever they may be;
A multidimensional personality?
It's not much but I can be very complex:
I can't simply be confused, I'm feeling perplexed.

Isn't it scandalous, who would've thought?
I can't wait for the day my body will rot
It's not much but I can't distinguish pain
I only sense something's off 'cause my feelings are in vain.


The loneliness consumes me, guilt's the product of my fear.
I put on my mask, just like you asked, just because I care.
The cycle, it starts all over again:
I mask me for "love," and I "love" my "friends."

The loneliness consumes me;
I feel painfully numb.
All you humans, you scare me,
I feel so unwelcomed.

I wear the mask you make me
So what else do you want?
Now, do you like what you see?
Perfectly nonchalant.

Pondering upon an existence
Because I exist I can ponder
What if I uploaded my conciousness
And somehow synced ourselves, I wonder

Cold and calculating
There are equations that need to be solved
I've been contemplating
These situations that'll eventually have to be resolved

Some people leave their mark
Some people bring about change
But it won't change who we are
Instead our species's endangered

The consequences arise from when our heart unfuse
Only a matter of time before we blow the fuse
They call it love, only because they see through abuse
One sided relationships always leave the other used

Claws ready to tear every ligament to shreds
Scream at me, my heart is what broke
Dysphoria won't make me find you dead
It's inevitable that I'm going to croak

There's a reason why they call me magician
I'll confuse your mind, I'll put on a illusion
You'll never notice, without me, there's ok in broken
Your thoughts would never be your own, still harmed by all unspoken.

Nothing
Stays the same
For long
There’s always change

To think
I could hold
Onto what
I considered gold

To know
I’ll never keep
Forever
My innocents and sweets

Sacrificing
All that I have
Just so I can please you

It's not healthy...
It's not THAT bad
Hand-made torture I go through

Isn't it blinding?
The pain, it hurts much
Psychotic and frightened-
Man, this is so sad

Like sulphuric acid
Not the best to touch
The question that's biting is
Are all my goods bad?

Are all my goods bad?
Are ALL my goods bad?

All this mental dieing...
The life I'll never have.

Are ALL my goods bad?
Are ALL my goods BAD?


Believe me, I'm TRYING,
But my sanity's tad.

"Go commit die"
That's what she said.
Guess that makes two of us
That wants me dead.

Should I feel guilt,
Should I feel guilty
Becuase you're out there
Loving someone who's not me?

Happy thoughts!
Happy thoughts?
Happiness was what I sought.

Happy pills!
Happy pills?
They sure can make my brain rot.

Psychiatrist?
Doctor?
Doctor?
Take it away,
But why bother?
Talking wouldn't make it better...

Happy thoughts!
Happy thoughts?
Happiness, it can be bought!

Happy pills!
Happy pills?
Happiness in a capsule!

Psychiatrist!
Doctor!
Doctor!
Talk it out,
And make me better
Heal me!
Heal me!
Make my mind still!
"All problems are solved with happy pills. "

Happy thoughts!
Happy thoughts?
Happiness shouldn't be sought.

Happy pills!
Happy pills?
Happiness, it sure can ****.

Psychiatrist?
Doctor?
Doctor?
Desolate hopes
Therapy: thunder
Must deny presence of disease
I am cured when you are pleased.

A sinner's prayer
I come and leave justified
Mercy: my mistakes are covered

Solaris dearest,
Are you awake
I feel like
I'm a mistake
I fear that
I cannot take
It anymore

Andrew, bruh
Are you still alive
You are?
K, well, so am I
My stars,
I can hear the knifes
They're calling my name

Matthew, hi
How's life treating you
Oh my,
The things we go through
Just lies
We wish they were
Wish we didn't feel hurt

Pain, hello, pain,
We meet once again.

Hello, how do you do?
Life been much better without you.

So meet meet again,
Now I'll lose, no more gain

I'll try to remain sane
As I'm tortured by you, pain.

You put me to shame,
I hate you, pain, leave once again.

Hello Poetry,
HePo, Hello Poetry!
Would you come with me?
Won't you? Would you follow me?

Take me to a world of fantasy
Reading poems all day
Writing poems all night

Hello Poetry
You are meant for me
You are just right.

I’m hiding the hurt,
I’m hiding the pain.
I’m hiding the tears,
Although they flow like rain.
I’m hiding the fear-

Just let me brood;
I can’t tell you the secrets trapped inside my skull,
Don’t call me rude.

Let me
Protect you.

I’ll tear myself apart
To put you together
I’ll make it worse for me
To make you feel better

It’s all about you
Don’t focus on worthless things like me
These aren’t the colours I should see
Get it right:
You’re priority.

In layers I hide
Behind my mask
Maybe there’s a monster?
To remove it
Should you I dare ask?

I’d loved you while you lasted
I’ll love you through your plastic
I’ll love you when you’re finite
I’ll love you as fantastic

I know it’s not the best
I know it’s not that healthy
In this case especially
Because it is killing me!

But how can I tell you?
How can I deliberately disappoint?
How can I **** all dreams you have for me?
How to tell I need oil in my joints?

Bending grass and rolling hill
Caress my palms and make me still
Essence of the floras' ester
Tickle my nostrils; nose and pester

"Always put the people first."
They're still wondering why I get worst,
I thirst.
Believe what's heard and not what's seen:
Being the ultimate human being,
I mean,

I am tired,
I can't make it!
Shocked, rewired,
I must fake it.

Reused, defective,
I mean, I feel
Human perspective,
I mean I be
Human perspective
I mean I see
Human perspective.

Human perspective?
You're well respected!

A cracked screen,
A face made of glass
Televised
I broadcast, to an audience, a laugh

Glee isn’t it?
Time matter no more, the days grow longer
Your potatoes may be boiled, baked, stewed or fried
But none compares to big Chungus

Hurt people hurt people
So don't hurt people, hurt people
Else these hurt people would hurt people, too
Just like how hurt people hurt you.

In the Silence
There is Darkness
More hidden beneath the Seams

In the Silence
They think they know
But things aren't like they seem.

When it's Quiet,
Thoughts come alive
Abandoned Reality.

When it's Quiet,
I'm occupied
My mind working busily.

Hush now, close your eyes
Lie now, Rest now, Sleep now, Dream now, do not Weep now,
To be understanded, I hear your cry.

When we are Hushed,
By Silence, crushed
Realized Immortality

When we are Hushed,
Hear falling Dust
We are not perfect human beings.

I don't want to hear
What you have to say about me
I already know
How to think 'bout who I am

It leaves me so scared
Knowing you'd notice the bad things
I already know
That you're going to lose your calm

I never asked,
I never asked!
I never wanted to be born
The way we treat me,
It leaves me feeling forlorn

I never asked,
I never asked!
I never wanted the hurt
I guess this treatment's
Showing me how much I'm worth

There is a hole in me,
Somebody fix me;
Nothing can fill me!
I am incomplete.

Part of me's missing,
They would NOT listen!
Don't mean to complain,
Incomplete again.

Part missing from me,
They do not BELIEVE!
Wish I could REVEAL
That I'm incomplete.

Part of me is GONE,
PArt of me is WRONG
Part of me DON'T BELONG
'Cause I'm incomplete

You are hard to get,
So forgetful yet
It's hard to forget
That you're incomplete.

I need to get a MATCH
I need to get it FAST
Or else I WOULDN'T LAST...
...My incomplete past...

I'm not very smart
This is of myself
I gave you my heart
And hope that you help
To...

Keep me together
Keep me from falling apart
But I shouldn't have done that
After I gave you my heart

The pounding sound of heartbeats drown me in their noise
My eardrums on the verge of bursting, but I have no choice
Taken over by the soundwaves, lost in a cloud of rot
My ears are bleeding, because of your voices, I can't stop.

I don't know, ever since, I remember, when I'd hurt myself
Didn't really pay attention to the pain, I wouldn't ask for help
I didn't believe in talking to people, for what could they do?
Time and time again, my belief is proving itself true.

I don't know, I'm so tired, why won't anyone believe?
Is there any hope? Where is help? Can I truely reveal
My perspective, my suicidal tendencies, the way I feel?
Who can I turn to that's human who can rescue me?