new ways to feel sad
new ways to be disposable
new ways to be auto destructive
new ways to be the same riff
just playing on repeat
new ways to stop myself from going

like Syd and Nancy
like Paul and Linda
like Kurt and Courtney
like John and Yoko
like Elvis and Priscilla
I want us to be reckless
I want us to be free
I want us to not to be afraid of what's coming
I want us to be just us
but I know it's not going to happen

Why should they care?
why should they say?
denial
go on
I know what you're thinking
and it's okay
irrational
nonsense
everything
you're just being **bent

Sigh
I can feel the emptiness killing me inside

"everything is a copy
                                     of a copy
                                                         of a copy
                                                            ­                  of a copy
                                                            ­                                      of a copy"

should I make a story?
should I make a confession?
or should I just write?

I wish sometimes you could trust me

bañar al perro

                       colar el café
          
                                            lavar la ropa
                                                          
                                                                  cocinar en la madrugada
                  
                                                                                                              *ser tuya

odio tener que admitir que mis recuerdos siguen tomando vida cada vez que se cruzan con tu mirada

odio tener que sentirme indefensa, inútil e impotente a la vez cada vez que pienso en que tú ya no quieres

cientos de pétalos buscan un escape del cerezo
terminando muertos en el concreto

la última vez que me quedé callada por tanto tiempo no recuerdo haber explotado en llanto

la última vez que me sentí tan estúpida preferí callarme
¿por qué ahora no?

ah, cierto
antes tu sonrisa no me debilitaba
antes fingía tolerar y ser fuerte
antes tu mirada no me afectaba
antes era más

I'm falling apart**






















I need to be back











I'm not being myself

currently waiting for you to come
waiting for your voice to speak to me
I'll breathe you in

currently waiting for the night to fall
so we can speak about your fears
I'll let you in

what am I to you?
a leaf falling to the ground
or a flower blossoming in your heart?

I hate this
I hate you for this

what in the world gave you the right
to violate my privacy
my own space
and do it like is yours

what in the world gave you the right
to take away from me what's mine
and do it like is yours

what in the world gave you the right
to love me like this and leave
and do it like is yours

it's eating me
destroying me
complicating me
making me wonder
"is it?"

grabbing me by the wrists
grabbing me by the hair
grabbing me by the neck
grabbing me by every piece

every nerve
every cell
every single bone
every bloodstain

it's taking over me
and I like it
I enjoy it
and I don't want to end with it

beautiful words
for a beautiful lover
how could I know how to stop this?
because I was in love
that's my excuse
my one and only
how could I not feel alone?
**you know we're much more than that

I feel wrapped-up in this nonsense you call love and I don't get how can you tell me you love me with those eyes and then hurt me with your smile I feel wrapped-up in this nonsense you call love and I don't see how you can love anyone and how you can kiss me and slice my heart like a piece of cake I can't see I can't understand I can't do anything other than think of how can you live with yourself after everything you've done after everything we've been through after everything after everything after every little thing I'm drinking and drinking and dancing and singing just to stop thinking of the things you're doing and I kiss you and it hurts me and I can't take it anymore the pain is just too much I feel wrapped-up in this nonsense you call love and I don't understand the way you are and I'm not available to try

"How can I make my poem a trend?"
I've been wondering
So I made a list

step one
Stop thinking about yourself
Stop thinking about what you want
Stop thinking about the other half of the glass
Then you will realize that it doesn't matter how far you are
It always seems to be so near

step two
Think about the trends!
Not interested about love?
Then try all of the above!

step three
I really don't know what to think

Just remember
You choose to be recognized for being part of something
Part of something you don't even like
Part of something you're just in because it's a trend
Or to be recognized for doing what you like
Even if you're bad at that you could be recognized!

*but don't stop doing things

It's like you're reading my mind
It's like I'm standing there
Next to you
You make me feel like I'm almost dying
You're my favorite left-handed creep
You're wasting my time
You're filling my life with words
Words of things I could never know
You're just ******* with my head
You're just ******* with my mind
You're just ******* with me
That's what I like best about you
I enjoy being destroyed by you
You were almost my lover
You were almost my love

I don't like to hear you singing my favorite songs

You're just thinking about it and already crying, don't you?

I just got this empty feeling
I wanted to stand out by myself
I wanted to be the living proof of something
I just turned out to be the living proof
The living proof of insecurities

Wondering why
Breathe
Don't try to waste it
Try not to do anything stupid
but you just can't help it
The sadness is always there
I'm trying to read your mind
Based upon you ****** expressions
Based on the way that you whisper to me
Because you don't talk
You just whisper
I love when you try not to being sad
I love the way you think when you're sad
I know that you're not okay
But that's how depression is
You just can't help it
It covers you
It comes to you
It is not afraid of you
Because it's you
It was always you

desvanecerse sería más sencillo si cada esfuerzo no fuese frustrado
permanecer sería una opción si no fuese tan dispensable

I'd like to think you're waiting for me
I'd like to think you're missing me
I'd like to think one day you're coming back
I'd like to think you're thinking about me
I'd like to think you've always been there
I'd like to think you actually loved me

That's why I don't like to think
It keeps me away from reality
It keeps me away from you
It takes me away from myself
I'm really losing it

Feeling empty isn't new
I've been chasing this feeling many times
It drives me crazy
I can't stop counting time
I can't stop counting lies
I can't stop counting lines
I can't stop sighing
I wish you were mine
But it was a pleasure to not being with you
Because disappearing and not being noticed
Can make the difference
Why would I do something like that?
I missed you
I dismissed you
I hate this

There's no such thing as
"good" and "bad"
     there
          are
               just
                   things

la fricción entre las uñas y la pared
el frío al sentarme en la silla
las noches cortas de verano
sonidos agudos
pérdida de conciencia
estornudos frustrados
ausencia