the ebb and tide of diamond waves slosh in the most serene celerity.
it is then that i know i am safe.

i lie in the ocean's arms,
and become a grain of sand,
until your song is sent my way
and i crystallize.

oh i am a pearl, born from pain.

your timbre plays melodies on my heartstrings, siren.
your beauty shadowboxes with my soul, siren.
i am not yours to keep, siren.
i am the tidecaller and i have a place.

but oh siren, why must you sing when i want to sleep?
why must you sing when i want to weep?
oh, siren, take my soul to keep.

no longer my sea.
sea of sirens, sea of song.
your song always lets me know that i mustn't tag along.

i feel like a flower
born backwards

because i love the feeling of golden light all for me

but i shrivel in fear of my own sight to see

i feel like a shadow.
nothing more than a bleak, distorted reflection
of what is
and i am not

i feel like a shadow.
my love for you is false but unbroken
blind and unspoken
but i still take the pill everyday

i feel like a shadow.
and every day i pray to god
for completeness and think about
what sick monster
could yank at the chains of the lonely

i am a shadow.
maybe it's better that way

sweet bright eyes, what can i say?
i wouldn't lie to you if i told you that your light led me down this way.
sweet amber eyes, why can't i stay?
maybe it's better that my heart is nothing more than your prey.

celestial, copper eyes, with lashes that shadow like a veil,
a stare, a glare, physique that could never compare.
lustrous, luminous eyes with the allure of a panther,
it didn't take long to see your eyes bore the answer.

i shake and shiver.
sweet brown eyes, make my soul quiver.
serrated lashes that stab like knives;
sweet bright eyes,
become my soul's reprise

the sheer look of catching your seemingly intent stare
hit me like a blow to the heart.
i'll wear the bruise like the finest piece of jewelry.

everything and nothing is what it was,
and if i could
i'd make the sky cry feathers,
and diamonds would muse out of the back of heaven's throat.
a heavy song for the heaviest of loves.

but i can only want and feel,
as you stand, i kneel.

off with my head!
god, help me heal!

there is no one but him,
and oh it kills, it kills

beacons of thunder,
glow of a kindled lantern

small embers that whisper,
but clap like god shot a gun

shimmering in that darkness
of disconsolation and remorse
a diamond of its own

a soul looking for a love to call their home

and my heart still glows
bright like the lights that leads me off cliffs

god gives glory in defeat and
i search through that darkness that
excludes and gives light to
heavy hearts.

darkness that is contradictory in its ways because
it gives birth to lux in secrecy and
play, then allows you to succumb to better things.

like an evil queen he hides her up in a tower,
veiled by turbulent, tumultuous clouds that thunder and roar
to drown out her screams for rescue.

as i trek on i tell myself,
"**** a demon today, face the devil tomorrow.",
but i have been in hell too long,
and i can no longer tell the difference between
feathered wings and ghoul kings.

on stone-paths, i hear the angels of mercy sing.
their notes lead the way,
but somehow i get caught up in the stupor.

i search through darkness to find the light.
light shone on darkness and
darkness did not come.

yet i still wear his helmet.

Rain falls like a lead sheet beating
ages on my back. The water rises,
but through the muddiness of the dividing sea  
your light stands clear. You stand 
beyond my riverside,
the birth of Venus before my eyes.

Skin like seafoam and eyes
like amber coax my hands into fists, beating
ripples into your image that not even the riverside
rain and my own reflection could rise
over. As the waves ripple across your cheeks, I stand
to remember you are also across this sea.

Caught between this love like religion, the sea
breeze makes poetry of your hair in the wind, and my eyes
have never been drowned deeper. I have never had to stand
a love so murderous; even your mirror image gives my soul a beating.
All the while, the water rises,
crashing against the riverside.

Across the riverside,
your gaze is resolute and colder than the sea.
The sun rises,
to find her light breaking the horizon with her eyes
that held back whirlpools, beating
my soul with crashing waves of division, which I can no longer stand.

Too deep to stand,
dangers of the divide bound my desire. A prisoner to the riverside.
The chains of star-crossed lovers crash with the waves, beating
my sense into sea.
Pain is no stranger to your eyes.
The beauty of the sea would always rise.

Hurricanes beat you into perfection and you rise
and stand
above the ordinary eyes.
Storm-beaten and Tempest-tossed on this riverside,
A godly daughter of the ominous sea
has overcame a beating.

Beyond the riverside,
across the sea,
my heart is beating.

funhouse of self-reflection,
i indulge in your distraction,
make the best of every one of my heart's contractions,
to scintillate, to shine, to epitomize a refraction
that is all mine.

a start's best contender
to finish, always inclined.
for the heart's say is that gold is always underlined.

glitter of shimmer, of glistening hues.
what creator could produce formations as iridescent as you?
but coruscation of shadows, perpetually anew:
why do you always crack my mirror and skew?

mirror, mirror.
mirror of my mind:
tell me where it is that all my secrets hide?

i have learned to breathe under holy water -
grew gills so strong they are
lined with celestial gold.

the ocean is a puddle to me now.

and i ***** pearls of pain,
lick them clean with my acetylene
tongue.

my acids will heal what the world cannot.

pills and love potions  
can't take away
my virginity.

i am clean, so clean.

the devil watches me and
cringes at my radioactive light.

for i am dead and alive all at once.
poison, poison.

the radium drips from my lips like
babyspit and i am too pure
for god himself

so i offer my golden blood
to a higher power

that would take the pureness of it all
and make it an ounce
of what i could have been

apollo's dead-set light shines on beauty.
the gushing of blood boils high in the guilty crowns of gored kings.

TO COURT BEAUTY IS TO BATHE IN IMMACULATE, ETHEREAL ECSTASY!

YOU ARE NOT WORTHY.

ichor spills in the cursed name of the light-born.
blessed with the scrutiny to scorch the iciest of hearts.

they sit on their faux thrones, just above Olympus,
with the wide eyes of wander and lust;
the bodies of gold and trust.

they sit high on their thrones,
with their own
black-light sun.

they sit on their broken thrones
stained with the blood of seraphim.

beings of smokeless fire burn away the truth

and we love them anyway.

an eternal walk is what i'd call it:
oblivion,

much like my current standing.

i step blindly, not sure of where i'm going:
who to love, who to trust.

there's nothing i can do but keep on going,
because if i were to stop, i would shame those who came before me.

pity the living.

oblivion is what i was given,
i'm not sure if i can take the split

so i'll take the iron stake,
and see what i can make of it

there is a raven who sings me to sleep,
if could,
i'd dream every night.

that abyss of whom i am born,
cradles me in its arms of stars
and heart of clouds.

the moon is my light,
my goddess: lenore.
wings of black soul beating the air of love, forevermore.
whip me a whirlwind.

raven, oh raven, if you could see me now

So it's us against ourselves.
The mind is the adversary.
And what is that?
A mere dream within a dream.
What does forever mean?
Some hazy lines...
A blur of self,
A little talk,
Between you and me?

A heart lost in translation is in me, while forever is to be free of wonder.
Humans hungry for home and hopeful for hunger.
Life is one long plunder
For the lost ones of
Silent thunder.

Are these lost ones so lost?
Or will these sons of thunder
Flash like lightning?
How far do you have to go
Before no one understands at all?

As far as the fog found clouding the light that sits quiet in the souls of the stormborn.
The light that breaks the beaten barriers of sound and gives life to the lifeless.

That distant light called Hope by some;
A hope that may only protract disharmony.
A skillful prolongation
To the battered.
It is said that hurt is proof of love,
But what's left to prove
When the uncalmed storm
Engulfs us?

*By light I live, but by love I die.
Pray to every god that we are left in the eye.
The only proof we need is meaning, something bold to live by.
But we crave happiness, and there can only be one,
So what could anyone do but try and cry?

The rapture is night.
As the stars align,
And tell stories of God's oncoming reign,
I decline.
The rapture is night.

The rapture is night,
And I speak with my feet, tapping, creating tremors in the souls of the dead.
Then my foreboding angel flapped her wings.

The devil sat outside my home,
Left his beauty's scent and stone,
Left me raked and raw,
The rapture is night.

When judgement came,
Hera held my hand
And whispered a secret into my ear,
that filled my cheeks with flame.

The rapture is night.

somethings can't help but be looked backed at,
reminisced upon, though forgotten, a different kind of broken

like when i threw my jewel into the sea,
knowing it never loved me

and everyday the tide brought him back,
like some god-sent, torrent of a smack.
leaving me a bruise beyond pain,
amour's unforgiving, incessant strain.

sometimes i feel as if the words are going to shy out of my throat,
but i only find myself swallowing hope

Why does the sun
Bother to get up
When all his children
Can't stand the sight of him

lies wet on my lips
eyes set to the sky
ears keen to the sound
of your reluctant goodbye

the gods hold my silence,
as aphrodite sews my lips shut,
all the while your fading silhouette
becomes just a bit too much

for years i'll long for your touch,
but i'll forever wear this hue
of a red so strong
it brings back visions of you

there are times when i watch you and think i'm watching a sunshower.
and i can't help but want to feel your every drizzle and ray against my skin.

do you know what it feels like
to be hot and cold?

I.
i kept my eyes off.
turning to face away,
as if god might have tapped me on the shoulder,
and told me to let my love smolder.
my eyes followed the distractions,
as they beat on marimbas,
and as i kept his gaze,
it started to feel like
they were beating
my ribcage

II.
heartbeat altered,
i began to falter.
moving my sight from the dancing mallets,
to my lukewarm palms,
that seemed to tear in passion.
in a sudden fashion,
i raised his head
and looked straight at it
with its wary eyes closed,
and i thought,
that i might have heard,
with a rush of raising concerns,
a heart shatter in shallow nearness,
like a shaky hand might have dropped a crystal.

III.
after the shatter,
my heart began to patter,
at a faster tempo in spite of the latter.
it is because of this,
that i promised to never looked again.

i drip my arms over your tired shoulders.
my hands cascade down your paper-thin back.

you're always crying.

and you're terrible wings tremble, but my dew-soaked fingers are
nimble
and unkind.

this is why no one can love me.

my heart is ill and beating with the strength of a
dying light.

pulsing off and on and off and on.

i carry scissors.

while i hug my poor self,
i clip my wings with the ease of a
psychopath.

there is an end somewhere
but not here.

i hear the sounds of
banshee screams
like series of unruly
crime scenes.

they call to me,
and as if god
himself stabbed me,
i shatter.

but oh they call to me, and if i were to not listen,
i would be struck down by spears of novas.

so i tug on starlight,
and chant:

why is it that i can't
cross the cursed crossing ?

it is the silicon veil
dear god i am the shadow's blossoming

This isn't about you anymore.

          I'm starting to see a pattern. It's kind of like, staring at the tiled wall in the shower. You want to slip and fall, maybe break your head, but you can't seem to stop looking at the wall. The art.

             The faces and the places on the wall, they talk and breathe, and the more you see, the more you know. And the more you see, the more you want to know, but it all seems to stretch out into nothingness. Everything blurs together, and the more you know, you find you actually know nothing at all.

          That's where I'm coming from, I've always known where I was coming from, but I have never known where I was going. This isn't about you anymore. I've come to realize that my life is a lot like that wall. Winding and endless, like if Satan was a snake and he made a home around my neck. Coiled tight enough to make me see stars in your eyes, but loose enough to make my head pound with pain.

              So it's all about me, and I'm endless. I'm sad and I'm tired, and I have no answers, and I'm all alone. I know that I'll have to keep going, but I also know that I think I'm going to leave you behind. This isn't about you anymore. I'll take my heart back and leave it for someone more special - maybe my dog or my best friend, Carolina.

      I think they'll take better care of it, and I can focus on what really matters: living a life that doesn't involve drowning. Drowning in thoughts, drowning in tears, drowning in possibilities. I think I've had enough of that.

I think I can swim.

i reach out, fingers stretched and aching;
across galaxies, my bones are breaking.

i spill my spacial despair into the cosmos,
and pour my tears into Andromeda, and think "almost."

my binary star, a galaxy gushes past my lips.
when i reach you, i will know that our love has eclipsed.

i am in love with the sky and his crown of ichor and heart of plenty.
i am taken by love with the every day shock.
it is to be in love, that you relish in his every heartbeat - many.
i am in that love that makes me perpetually walk.

he slings a spear of singularity,
i am to be noticed.
but he is in the sky of celerity,
and i am grounded.
i take the golden light all at once.
the sun will never set in my soul.

the heavens part and leave an abyss,
the longing for his static lashes makes my sun itch
for his crackling discharge of power. oh how i miss !
the arc and flow of his lightning whip.

i hold my sun to the sky.
its celestial light shall carry me high.
king of killers, teller of lies!
heed the angels' song of wry.
i am the storm, and this time i am also the eye.

i am a mouthful of acid

cheeks puffed with sin,
dripping down onto my waning grin

a divorce of possibility
burning me out,
and my heart keeps breaking
every time the sun brings doubt

there is a broken promise in my bones
cracking and cutting me into
worthless stones

a puddle on a winter day,
letting ripples break the counterfeit painting
of a happy fade

******.
a choir of omens
that fly on wings of death,
and soar on winds of agony.
harbingers of oncoming storms:
what lies beneath cacophonous cackles?

solace in the chains of sorrow.

i swear i can feel your glacial, sticky breath cling to my soul,
and as every second goes by, i find myself wishing to be completely frozen:

a ****** statue of ice.

there are times when i wish to take your own scythe-
reap the light's end,
but sadly, every attempt's pretend.

i can't quite bring to mind on what keeps me here..
what keeps me alive?

it is obvious i am not for this life...
i feel you with every toe and step.
would it be any different if i am dead?

i already feel like a corpse walking.

what keeps my heart starting when it needs to be stopping?

i finally get to feel your touch
the knife through my heart wasn't what i was expecting,
but it'll suffice

my blood turns to ribbons on ice, and
i'm crying

you've ruined me, and i love you so much

i am a wicked thing, filled to the brim with you, and
every time you're near i pour
out the emptiness

you're killing me, but i can't stop smiling

god won't **** me and you want me dying

the swarm engulfs my being with love and blood;
your horrific cleansing of amor among life in death sends a shock of terror among the world.

so insidious that the stars hide behind their veil of opaque mist.
little do they know that their pale haze is only a shimmer of anonymity.

the fire-baptism commences, and i can not feel the burning of unholy light.

this must be the end.

my blood turns to ice, my eyes see only streaks of apocalypse, and my mouth is sewn shut by the infernal creatures of purification.

the hellmouth speaks for me now.

the sleeper woke the world and it bled.
the flames of rebirth purged the world and devoured it.
the lover remains comatose and shattered.

seraphim swoop down from a silent heaven to clean the mess of a love too strong for one to bear.

blood oozes out of the ears of those too occupied and diluded to care

mother of mine, crashing,
sea foam lady of veins and black-blue,

with the waters of healing and pain.

how is it that you bear the power to mend and rend?

some sort of demon is what you are...
a twisted form of lucifer.
that type of being that can nurture and attack all
at once.

and as if only you held the sky, you blame me.

when it is you who tosses and turns the unforgiving tides of your terrible sea.

HE is the ultimate omen, the satan-slayer, the real mephistopheles.
he drips into my panicked mind like rancid blood, oozing into every
nerve and crevice.

stop; i'm already breathless.

there's no way you could dance through the shadows unseen, unheard, undetected.

but still, you bypass my every defense and creep behind me,

your aura radiates disease and ******, i feel your cold breath against my neck, and red is all i see.

my mind runs rampant with the ideas of the terrors that be.

i turn to face the awful red-death, the demon that makes god's army of angels flee.

he licks his lips and pounces only at me, i turn back and count to three.

my conniving, cunning cat
so quick to pivot on paws,
but caring enough to walk the alleyways that are my
head and heart.

your claws cascade on my soul,
and i know you love me,
but you are a collective culling..

i can't bring myself to return to sender,
love my ender.

my alley cat,
i can't help but surrender,

to your every rake and take of my being.

you are the poison i crave,
the liquor on the top shelf.

the cat that possesses the power,
to bleed me raw and,
steal the love i can't help.

snake lady with slit, slivers of obsidian for eyes:
i beg you to **** the light, turn me to stone, make my darkness real.

i want nothing more than to be frozen in now,
offer me the stasis, **** me somehow.

that type of halfway point between the knife and
a weakened atlas is where i lie.

turn to me and transcend my paper-thin skin to emerald.

your eyes are the portal to freedom,
god's final mouthpiece.

give the gaze that kills the half-lidding living.

he sweeps me off my feet and lays me by a tombstone,
his volley of crows rain down like black-night javelins,
and i can't quite realize if i am to be shocked
or mesmerized.

the moon shines high in the heavens now,
and her eyes are stuck on me.
she can somehow bear the audacity to watch me
be taken by such a goes-around-comes-around
type of guy.

he smells of sterility and tears
and peace and closure
and happiness in relief;
like roses on blank stones
and lilting monologues.

i can only be struck dumb by the
compelling, coal nocturne
and my hourglass of a lover.

his dual-edged shadowing forms wings of blackened bone on my back,
and i can't bring myself to
turn the sands of times.

so i ask you now:
before you leave me alone in this world,
would you lay me to rest,
kiss me good night,
and tell me stories of what could have been?

sky of oblivion darkness holds the image of you plainly
black on black but still sheerly visible
amidst the murderousness of this
everlasting night

your eyes are storms and your teeth are the
dark stars in the sky

little knives that i wish
could **** me

hair that falls effortlessly, gracing the perfection of your countenance -
a devil in your own right
you are my mistake

nocturne haze keeps me living
but your radioactive gaze
has left me in bones

a hollow man walking
into the blacknight horizon

where he would sprout wings of ash
and fly to you

I don't quite know where the lightswitch is, but I know that the dark is much more friendly.
    
      Sometimes I dance with a ribbon lacing my body, and it feels like the last day. The string gets tighter and tighter,

and I am cut into a million pieces, but it's so dark. So have I really fallen apart?

          In the dark, all sounds the same, and the whispers.  Yes, the whispers. They're hushed and urgent. Like water rushing into my lungs, they take root, and evaporate.

              I've been going up, up, up

and I still haven't see light.

warning / disclaimer

LOW SELF-ESTEEM, BUT CAN SEEM HIGHER THAN QUEENS AND KINGS.

**************
totally cute at least one day of the week.
lots of emotions to love and beat.

under 18, so but don't worry ! ! !
you're probably not mature enough for me yet

anyway.

I like long conversations about art and me and that cat that likes to give birth in the middle of the road.

how inconvenient am I?

I only need a few things to be ace and be completely worth your daily grace.

bathe me in your electricity, feed me diamonds, sleep with your arms around me - door locked, but wide open, kiss me like Cassandra told you that Troy will fall.

Buy now !

i will
rise above the fray
and slay the beast
that keeps me at bay.

i will
rise above the fray,
no longer do i hide behind the glimmer of the cosmos.
i am the night and day.

i will
rise above the fray.
become the flower and the flame.
i am the hunter
the world?
my prey.

It is on this day,
that ice breathed fire

It is on this day,
that I was born

16 glacial years,
and still no body
to mourn.

And if I was to receive a gift,
from winter Snow,
I'd ask him to bless me with the love
I always yearn.

my heart goes out to my soul sister,
who took the heat to the head,
and leaves me alone in this bed.

i wish you were here instead.

my heart goes out to your words,
that tattoo themselves onto my mind
and heart.

words that catalyzed my art to start.

even though i've never met you,
i feel like i do,

because if i could go back in time,
if there was something i knew

i would abandon all
to stop and save you.

poison trembles above,
looming,
dripping rancid memories that
rip into my bones and
claw out the life

even with the gun in my hand,
i can tell there is blood in the water

the souls of fireflies flutter and wander

toward them i find release

following them to the fields of chernobyl,
walking barefoot in a minefield,
crushing diamonds with my hands

darkness cannot pry open my
gores of gold

i will not die tamely

he will come in a dance of
letting go
and holding on

life loves a fist to lift levels of lamentation onto my being.
oh, how i feel the rise and fall
-so freeing.
to be uppercutted to the clouds,
only to fall right through.

life is a lie.

there is no one to catch you.

i've been hanging from the crescent moon

strung up by
the sinews of a heart that
pumps no blood

a celestial noose
of angels

and i can hear them every so often as
the wind blows -
strong underneath their
skeletal wings

it's getting tighter,
but i can feel no pain

i am hanging from the waning light, but i am not dying

the white, glowing disc among the blackness
attracts lost seraphim
like vultures

swarming around my fading flame like
a secret pagan ritual

they all wait for me to kiss the devil
with my eyes wide open
and i will wonder why
i fell in love with the wrong person again

you got those eyes from the gorgons themselves
big and begging
to be seen

the pools of coal abyss are your pupils and they form into
cerberus's frothy, unpure mouths

gnashing and howling until the
bloodletting roars
devour me

i fracture my soul, a piece for you and one for me.
maybe then i could offer eternity.

we reap what we sow, Innocence tells me.
i am my own, and forever is what we shall be.
pulled a tooth, a wish to be granted;
godsend, our love will not be outlasted.

i take a new color, new face, new soul:
will you ever love me as a whole?
identity is what my youth writhes for,
i take you for your words, because you promised, you swore-
then i remember Youth doesn't cry for me anymore.

i'm nothing to you until i'm everything,

hollow human,
nothing more than an echo
of what could have been.

an echo that rang so sweetly
and sent pangs through his heart.

human with no insides,
no feeling, no way out.

human that bore a sign that read: "all hollowed out"

jack-o-lantern left out on Halloween.

please let me know that i am seen.

you were vanquished, forgotten, left in the dark of a past i refuse to turn back to.

yet you come to me at the witching hour with your eyes of greek fire and face forged from ichor.

you come to me and rip my soul from my chest with a fist that felt like true love.

now gold, gold, gold is all i see and you are all i want.

but you flee back into the pits of hell, and i am left yearning for the sin of my love to take me with you.

rituals and incantations so strong that they make heaven roar in protest fail to bring you back to me.

i am left with a hole for a heart and a soul stained with sin.

now completely forsaken, i wait;
forever dancing with the devil in my head.

in the act of damning your soul to shackles,
one can only look up:
it is the sky that holds my solace.

i like to think that each of my wishes for you
became stars,
alas my sky has darkened

perhaps the sky is only for the living

with my head bent to hell
and my heart turned to a storm,
i pay reverence to the sky,
because at last it is time to say goodbye

i am in stasis, prisoner to the nightsky
and all his dreadfulness

laying, helpless - waiting
for someone to steal my heart and end this
senseless aching

no more pain shall be felt in the name of a ******
angel

the lord has no sympathy for those who speak with their eyes
i am deaf to the silence and my ears bleed everyday
tell me you were crying on the day i stopped loving you

watch me as satan's hellboys
laugh with glee
while they pull apart my rib cage

bone to bone

watch me wonder if the pain

is worse than the love i felt for you

tell me that in the wake of all this destruction,
i have been made stronger

a black pearl waiting to be torn from its home
some day i wont have to wait anymore