"do you have what it takes?"
-to simply put it, no.

i am a failure in darwin's eyes,
a freak to show.

there's no spark of flame in me,
no catalyst for innovation.

i just lie in a sort of dull pain,
lost in translation.

not quite meant for this life, maybe there's another.
the sun flares up at me, and all i want to do is duck and cover.

i am the moon on a black night,
when there are no specks of silver or wisps of angel breath to accompany me.

my light is not mine, i am not a child of clarity.

the moon
took shelter in my chest and
made a home
of my husk of a body

but it's too
big and bleeding
to hold tight

sweet sucker of crushing cruelty,
dripping my sanity to the very last bit.

you come and go as you please,
leaving destruction in your path
in the form of poetry.

i cry at the fires you set,
and rebuild myself again;
***** myself with a pen,
and start, begin to end.

i'm running out of arteries to slice,
not having you puts my thoughts on ice.

i'd like to think you keep me from
burning the whole world down,

that sweet, sweet song
brighter than the mountain's sound.

i now bear the burden of the phoenix,
but your heat is what sets me ablaze.

day by day,
i take the beating of your rays,
and sizzle and frizzle
in your stay.

when the time comes to turn to ash,
i find myself with charred hope.
for some reason i still swallow the same smoldered smoke.

my wings dance with the tongues of your ardent flare.
wither and thither boy,
who still whispers wisps of wild prayer

the wind brings you to me in a whisper.
hushed noises breathes wisps of
poison into my ears.

i can't helping listening to,
the sin, the sin.

you are a flower, a shadow, my reflection in the mirror.

but i didn't let you in,
i didn't breathe the breath, you haven't touched my skin.

venom courses, passively forces
you into my blood.

i didn't wish you here, god didn't put you near.
poison, poison, you are a flood.

my mouth has been filled with a flood;
the waters are tainted with the acid of the world.

it wears my teeth down into
pearled-knives,
and they cut the insides of my cheeks -
mixing in
bad blood with
a devilish pollution.

i cannot release a cry.
i cannot stomach the feeling.
i cannot ***** the sickness.

i've been sleepwalking into blackholes,
turning cartwheels by oblivion
with a hell
stuck between my lips.

i've been swallowed from the inside out -
flashing in and out of life
with the firestorm of
sirens.

the reds and blues scream in unison
for a world greater than you and i.

i knew that when fire
  would come down as liquid rain,
     it would be the day god choked me into loving you.

now it's too bad my Lord left you in the storm's all seeing eye,
     and me to be carried away by tempestuous winds of lies

to love without eyes
is to have Hope whisper lies.

instead of letting love glow red,
i tie a blindfold around my head.

I dare not
look at god's scintillating
scorcher of an eye

only the bold would walk forward into hell

concrete callings
beckon to the place where
at least the prince knows

the blood is on your hands

fire take me now
no one could teach me to
see the devil for what he is

smoke wheels manifest from the
fog oozing from the
forsaken ground of
crying corpses

I am lost, I am lost
in the month of hollow hearts
if I close my eyes
I see the shard of heaven in your chest

don't dare look away
I have always killed for you

a peach beginning upon a
snow-born face of hope for a
purer tomorrow

chewed up and spit out by
the harsh lips of a
cigarrete kisser

he had lucifer's lies and
hellfire for a heart, yet
she loved him all the same

something's can't help but crave the pain of
being
choked with feeling

like
a secret
spoken so silently
that not even god himself
can hear it

Research papers require
a disgusting amount of disease
and desire

this is an ending

i'm dancing to my swan song
in a room of unlit candles

restless shadows dance despite the
absence of hollowed light

i am so alone yet not
abandoned

my spirit is still
but my body is crying

for my aching heart that is
tired of dying

the californian ******* will keep me up
but i can't keep up with this bluff

oh i am drunk on your spirit
spiritdrunk, spiritdrunk, spiritdrunk

i am imagining my guts spilt all over
your bedroom floor;
and you are licking my skin clean of all the
***** blood -

but the bones are all white and strong,
built tough from the labored years
of having a life
not worth living.

you will pick your teeth with them and call the police -
tell them:

there's been an emergency...
i'm a killer, stone cold killer
and there is no blood on my hands

i'll blow my brains out
to your favorite song;

if you see the lyrics
spelt out in my gore
maybe you can see
how much i cared

hi there !
how are you, then?
really now?
oh wow.

let me grab a chair.
since when?
really now?
oh wow.

so that's why you wanted to share.
gosh, I feel ten.
really now?
oh wow.

really?
wow.

you really had me going at here comes love - POW
; man sorry -

I think we can talk about me now.

as the blacklight morning
eats away at god's empty heaven
angel's cry tears of blood and
shed their hair -
gold as the sun at the midday hour

diamonds cut out the throats of
lovers

they bleed

the crimson rage oozes,
and drips in thick, blobs of terror

heaven waits for hell to freeze over and
the devil welcomes me home

and all was the same as if
the world had held its breath for me

there is no getting rid of him

each day goes by and i wonder if i'm getting better or
losing myself in the hysteria

by now i thought he'd be dead, but each saving grace of his absence is met with my sorrow

and the devil always brings him back
******

a reminder that i failed

he is not mine, and i do not want him

if you are real, show me what it means to live
if you are real, take this heart and choke the blood out of it
if you are real, i ask you, to steal my breath and give it to the dying
who need it much more than i do

i am dead, i am dead
if there's anything i know, it's that i'm beyond saving

this is a plea to god,
who i know does not exist

there is a darkness between us,
my boy,
you are poison in a body

the tragedy of us,
something like
the death of a child

i can't seem to bleed out -
the pain is
a strangling by gentle hands

a suffocation of hope

and we're off to the races, you and i
arm and arm

it's all fixed, and i'm still betting on you

i
break

i am the ash of a holiday fire
in a house
not a home

the wind whisks me away and
the remnants of my essence
sit crying
by the void

sobbing to black mirrors and shadows
in plain daylight

my eyes no longer see clearly
the emptiness is all i hear

the sound of a door closing
leaving a life i
never wanted anyway

how quick i was,
to bite into the forbidden fruit

o temptress, i will always believe you weren't a ruse

because now he's coming out of the shadows,
and like some false prophet your preachings no longer lead me to shore

so now i am looking for a needle in a rather larger pile of needles, aching for more

the forbidden knowledge i've taken, it's not like you've been mistaken

but now i can't find the key to the door

that silly metaphor about
weights being on your shoulder,
always holds true,

because whether it's you
and love
and lies
and hope
and smoke
and tears
and water
and fire

all that pain,
it inspires.

under pearls by the water
trickle down the tears of an angel's
daughter

in the forest deep below
resting her head on an earthy pillow

the animals guard and keep her safe
shine and pray the light away

the moon is her companion
for it she dances
the sun comes over and delightfully prances

in this finest hour
the world is no longer ours

a union of more than two
a trust greater than me and you

the sky cracks open and screams  
the dance is no longer for thee

maybe she was a little too free
perhaps the forest stifled her pleas

lies are only lies to those who know
i've watched the lights flick out of the brightest eyes.
  light but no shadow

cloaked by thunder and into the murky river's flow
some tell others the dark is only right at night
   lies are only lies to the ones that know

death clinically reaps and sows
   men, women, and children all break the same
    light but no shadow

  the living walk blind, their hearts show
  shades of gray, and with grief on its way, right or wrong: they will grow
     lies are only lies to the ones that know

and if i were to bleed for tomorrow
  my wound would ooze grey, dripping into the far and unknown
    light but no shadow

the sun and moon do not glow the same glow
on the shade that would reveal that good isn't always good
   and lies are only lies to those who know
    light but no shadow

a red beginning on the crown of his head;
king of nothing,
prince of everything -
yet

there's room to grow.

under a black horizon,
the shades of red hidden in bleak
discreteness
are delicious and
demonic.

demon king, demon king

he spreads his wing under the eclipsed sun:
a shadow of a former self.

no longer does he wait for the world
for a seat at the table.

he has learned that hell can be raised
when heaven won't come down.

Dead, black lips feel the empty tears of disappointment.
I miss the warm glow of your words on my heart.
Little have I known the day's grace,
But it makes me happy.
I just want to be happy.
And in a perfect world
We would be arm in arm, but more than human.
I would know your call was mine, and we'd sing together.

Arm in arm, greater than the galaxies.
You'd guide me through foreign lands and seas that would have jubilation intoxicate me;
resuscitation.

Take me down that cosmic castle, show me what it means to live.

I'll stare at the blank, black, blanket of a heaven until you return

a caged dove sits on its perch,
and listens to its own silent song.
while the veiled sun ascended to its throne of flames
and gave rise to its free wings.

***** filled the air
and all the while a new song chimed on
like a call unanswered.
as the dove listened, it began to hum;
their tunes began to intertwine.
all the while the dove thought:
that song sounds like mine

it roars and
is born

a love so quick that it
isn't safe in its own misery

lust born from sheer attraction

like magnets we repel and
blood lightning weaves its way between us

crimson shocks galvanize me
but are numb to you

the thunder claps and
reverberates throughout my being

the lightning strikes and
you are gone

I was there when you fell from heaven
the fire in the sky burns,
blazoned by the jade
tint of satan's Greek fire

the air was poisoned with the unholiness of you

it's easy to blame coincidence
if I am broken, perhaps I cannot fix you

my eyes are replaced with slabs of molten rock and the soulfire gaze
sears your shadow from your towering image

you are yourself and reflection
an end and a beginning

the steps toward dawn
and it's sunbleached essence
baptizes and breathes

death into life

but dusk comes not long after
closer than sin
thicker than bad blood

there's no light at the end of the tunnel
just the passing glimmer of your
one last wish

there's no light at the end of the tunnel
i won't dance with the devil
there will be no
one last kiss

everything about you makes my whole being echo
and i long for nothing more than to sing in unison

the sole amplification of your answer
leaves me waiting for another and

i now know how it feels to be left hanging
off a cliff

i wish i could tell you i love you, but i can not.

the words are too heavy on my tongue
to utter such a
bone-dry lie.

i'm high on your tar-black darkness -
that sick cloud of evil;
deep, dark, and broken.

my sun-blood will swallow you whole, so i can not tell you
that i love you.

you must split my lip and lick the lie from
my dripping
red
gore,

then beg me
to **** you again.

dreadfully into the night, raking
clawing into the black infinity
being dragged away from
the world as you know it

a man of fire
kissing the limitations of faith while his lips
are still wet with lies

face turned and steady
we are alone

unyielding, undying
drifting, but fleeting
breathing, and bleeding

alone, but together

life isn't slowing down for you
you are a speck of dust in heaven's snowstorm

a bullet in a firefight

lost in the flames,
no one will remember
the man who was

swallowed by the sun

there has been a silence in my life
that has been ringing  
with the furor
of gunshots.

the hot-smoked blow of air
giving birth to death in metal -

and my ears bleed a red
more red than blood.

i am deaf to all reason and numb to every feeling.

i am a doll made of dirt
and fake gold.

no marks of teeth will ever scar me.

i stand proudly with a broken back
smiling
even though
there's nothing to live for.

i am a disguise, the haze on a dew-dressed morning, the tears on the faces of the brokenhearted

i am the moon in all its mysticism, the star out of place, the quiet before the release - that never came

my life is sitting on the edge of a cliff and waiting for someone to pull me away or push me over

my life is laying in bed, thinking at 4 am about why i am so alone, hopeless, and lost

i'm starting to think i'll always be this way

there must be a purpose: a curse or a hex, some devil put me here to suffer

i want love, i want happiness, i want to be more than just another lost boy


my life is sitting on the edge of a cliff
waiting
for the sun to die

i stretched my arm out across the world
to find someone's hand to hold,
when the sun was cold,
and the moon was black pearled.

twice they turned their back on me,
and twice i faltered in the spilt blood of three.

oh, stars, i can't reach you.
carry me, ascension!

only the stars know true

my love began in lies.
a web of what-ifs i wove to fall in when the sun refused to shine,
and the string of loveless red around my ankle no longer feels the pull and tug of possibility.

and i yearn for the kiss that would
fracture time.
like an itch i can't scratch,
like trying to make ice in an oven.
i then see my love lies limp.

wound in my web, venom in my veins, hung by the noose of love's insane.

bruises, contusions.
i live a life of illusions.

i box with shadows day and night,
my life is a never ending fight

of the self.

i stand on the edge,
but lean towards the elms

to try to teeter,
but only totter.

one side or the other,
will i fall
or will i falter?

i would tell you about the way i lose myself when you come to close,
and sear your image into my heart
with every appearance.
the most beautiful of all scars.

i would tell you that speaking your name feels like breathing fire,
a pain i can't bring myself to feel,
so skirt the scorch
and let my feelings sway

but above all i'd ask you
why?
because if there's anything i know,
it's that my love didn't show

choke on hope,
no love to stoke

rest in peace,
boy of feather and fleece.
leave the world,
your pain will not cease.

you carry coffins
like jagged mountains of knives in your back.

to your death you'll take,
your soul that breaks
whenever you get up in the morning

my baby whispers to me in soft, sweeping tones.
his breath breaks bricks against my neck.
a bloated song of corruption that continues its infectious drone,
so he has me singing soul-less strains of wreck.

i writhe against him just to feel the notes that carry sweet half truths grace my being.
sweet arias tell me that seeing is deceiving.
he rubs my shoulders with his hands of menacing gold.
the colossus has struck me with his blessing , my story to tell when old.

the hymn plays on, a story to be told...
a scene to lay waste on a magazine centerfold.

but his grip grows iron on my neck,
and i shatter to pieces.

his anthem strikes me down,
my scream becomes a yawn and ceases

hopping along the river rocks,
earthblood courses

veins of nature ebb and flow to the
place where it all started

along the coasts and in the middle of nowhere
where my fathers lie

"you are not mine
we are divine,"
they say

there will be better days
although my heart stays

in the bloodwater of the past

the veins keep moving
nature's heart keeps beating

i am still hoping
for better days

the sun still shines
down by the riverside
everything is the same

i am still hoping
for better days

i can't help but to love you like the sun loves the moon.
upon first sight, i reflected your light, and made it
pearlescent, sporadic, and needing,
when all i wanted to do was scintillate and love as bright as you.

then i remember your rays not only touch me, but earth's and all its inhabitants.
perhaps a reflection of you is all i'll ever be.

but the reality is,
we are parallel ,
and i need to know that you like me
as much as i like you

barren and cold, there is no sun to hope for, no stars to wish on, and no moon to guide me

it's been sixteen years and and i can't remember if i've ever felt light

in this twist of life, in this world of darkness, there is no time, no distinction between what is real and what isn't

i would tell you what it would feel like to be free, to be cleansed, to be me

but you see, i was born in umbrage, it is my home, it is my essence, my eternal disease

if only they knew what it was like to be left at the bottom of the world

if only they knew what it was like to be afraid of escaping

if only they knew that the only light there was in this world came from death himself

maybe you should hang it all up

sixteen years,
more than half unbearable to look at

a putrid punch to the soul...
somethings you can't let go

perhaps tomorrow will be kinder

is there anything that can **** darkness?
no light turns on

the fire is a butterfly,
its wings flap and
sparks fly

burn, burn

this world wasn't meant for you

smother the fire

some souls are just too tired

my spine is made from the bones of you
staunch and unmoving

stuck in a stupor that caves out and eats in
cutting through the insecurity

so deep i can't lick the wounds clean

i am the living dead scoured by maggots and attended by
my own sorry spirit
looming over the death like
a funeral turned pity party

****** ******, ****** ******
the words shout from heaven and hell

but i am dead
and you dissolve

into paradise

i've cried a thousand times.

you hold the gun in your hands,
but you can't look me in the eye.

red is all we are

a pair of strangers caught in between
nothing and everything

hopefully the wounds
can bleed me out

sea bruised and translucent -
you hold the world in your hands
and put it on display for me to see..

yet even you seem far away

i can still look...
still see the
airplanes rocket upwards
into a world
much kinder than mine

maybe i will join them one day

i reach out;
every light is a wish
for you and
it claws into my heart
and rakes it cleanly

like a daylight killer

dare I jump and
see how much I'm worth

dare I jump and
see how much I hurt

i love,
but i will never surmount.

oh, how i've lost thought of
all the ivory i am,
and all the gold you've become.

my supply of you is endless,
different mold, my bursts are trendless.

i'll take you and bathe you in my self-thought, assumed glory.

i am in love with beings i find precious,
and if i find my heart senseless,
melt and begin again.

perhaps it's all pretend,
my love doth not end

i'll be screaming to no avail.
i am of ivory
and my
gold impales.

in
toward the darkness that engulfs souls and
forces the eye to peer
into oblivion

dare i look into
my hell and turn my back to the hollow world
as i know it

out

amongst the blackness, amongst
the fear
is
the unknown

in

times like these i wonder
when i'll start seeing light again

out

your heart isn't true
can't see what's good for you

when all you feel is blue
and you feel like starting your life anew

feel the love brew
let it break through

the world will swallow you
and it won't even chew

i take the stride,
of spirits and soul.
i take the stride,
my god shall console.

there are times when i speak to the sky,
and no one answers.
there are times when i speak to the sky,
and the silence is all i need.

walk down Jerusalem,
there's not much to say.
walk down Jerusalem,
i wouldn't have it any other way.