kick rocks, use my pedals to find peace
pluck them petals and repeat
my routine engraved, my days are grey
my actions are too discreet
i crave the sunlight but worry of burns
i summon the rain but fear for the worst
floods, hurricanes, eternal monsoon
drought, famine, no more breaking news

can’t stop the waves
wane until they dissipate
caressing your bleach blonde waves
crave until it dissipates
everything is impermanent, imperfect
until you came into emergence, unearthing
roots that travelled deep towards the centre
i did not think i could ever have a happily ever after
but your potency feeds my possibilities
your royalty fuels my bejewelled dreams
there is no competition, no adversity

Upon the announcement of my arrival
my ancestors weaved brillant threads to make a quilt for my bed
with steadfast hands, they weaved themselves a plan
who i was to become, what kind of man
upon the days of my arrival
my ancestors fantastically wrapped me up in the quilt of blue and red
this quilt housed me for many seasons
itched me, pinched me, left me cold at night
bit me, tripped me, straggling my rights
the brillant quilt made to protect became my golden cage instead
their plan created my strife
their plan corseted my life
after years spent suffocating in the threads
i decided to break away from the plan
emerging like a little chick out of an egg
i chose to live my life today
still the foundation laid was unscathed
every trigger sent my heart into disarray
independence fortified, return to the egg
the quilt might be itchy, it might be tight
but it is easier than learning how to fly

ride the disco horse into never-land
sparkling, shining
do you understand?
power is birthed from these hands
alchemy is all you have
so cut, chop, slice
push, pull, fight
your way up that mountain to gain wider sight
the disco horse responds to your light

Discovering all of the holes in my boat
changing channels, moving remote
wonder how far my legs can take me
ponder where i hid my hope
clinging then climbing
stimming then silent
i have anxiety that i wear like a backpack
i have meds that keep my grey train on track
tired of wildfires and thunderstorms
they say its natural you know?
that my autonomy is second hand
to the chemistry
its factual you know?
the cocktail of chemicals that ruminate
dispelling a flesh body’s gloomy state

indite my insights
emotions caught in my windpipe
journaling makes it easier
label my pain a distinct kind
not a single tear shed when the king died
sinking into the riptide
giving myself some time
to grow, to show all my tremors
to know, Monroe, angel feathers

my roots weave a basket in this shallow ***
wish i got more than i got
wish i got what i sought
my face feels different in the mirror now
shot with an arrow but it i caught
the only thing i could ever stop
wish i got what it sought

tall glass of water with a refreshing personality
feeling quenched with your arm around me
-
i cannot stall this out any longer
there aren’t volcanoes that are hotter
feeling better whenever we are together
my tall glass of water

walking on shards of glass whenever we interact
i am unnatural, nervous
usually feel so authentic and perfect
you mix my energy like a bartender
misrepresent my ability like my father
leading me to walk on shards of glass
sweeting the darker moments in the past
it is easier like that
it is easier to unpack

going to go
now, bow out of this town
i need to go out of bounds
i have been too tied down
let my wings flap, my nails scratch
keep my feet and hands busy
i need to get out of this city
i am going to go
out past the river bend
see if the world ever ends
count the leaves, follow the ants
distract a wonder lust man

sun coated my skin and hair
until the dark clouds came rolling in
steel coloured bullets raining down
houses, trees, animals unbound
once on the ground, now in the sky
my upside down life is facing right side
11 minutes is all it took
to completely rewire my life

this place is a pond
destined to dry, destined to die
i fashion some wings, white and long
i left before i could see it was wrong
spending my seconds before the sun
before tumbling down into the blue ocean
serpents and mermen
sharks and eels
my lungs fill like swimming pools
my restlessness got me killed

the place i got my mirror you threw me through
filled with machines, unearthing roots
old old patterns rewritten
old old narratives revisited
is there room for forgive
my face washed by shock
never thought i could bare witness
dissolve the dividing mirror
seeing more than ourselves
makes this easier
makes it clearer

tumbling to the tide
the screams inside won’t die
plucked all the pretty petals
now all i have is vines
tie them tight around my windpipe
tumble into the tide
sink into my sadness, meet divine
this was my destiny, my time
kissing the only memories i have of you and i

twilight, dusk and dawn
unfollow, report, and block
my emotions inconsistent like waves
my memories blackened of our dates
riding around in your car, pounding heart
driving out too far, lost our spark
twilight, dusk and dawn
our connection was not for long

pen to paper
tears to soil
the interactive process makes me
what am i without the mercy of paper?
what am i without the abundance of ink?
what am i without?
footprints in fresh snow
bloodstains on a sheep’s wool
what am i when i am no longer broke?
what am i when i unfold?