ride the disco horse into never-land
sparkling, shining
do you understand?
power is birthed from these hands
alchemy is all you have
so cut, chop, slice
push, pull, fight
your way up that mountain to gain wider sight
the disco horse responds to your light

Discovering all of the holes in my boat
changing channels, moving remote
wonder how far my legs can take me
ponder where i hid my hope
clinging then climbing
stimming then silent
i have anxiety that i wear like a backpack
i have meds that keep my grey train on track
tired of wildfires and thunderstorms
they say its natural you know?
that my autonomy is second hand
to the chemistry
its factual you know?
the cocktail of chemicals that ruminate
dispelling a flesh body’s gloomy state

indite my insights
emotions caught in my windpipe
journaling makes it easier
label my pain a distinct kind
not a single tear shed when the king died
sinking into the riptide
giving myself some time
to grow, to show all my tremors
to know, Monroe, angel feathers

my roots weave a basket in this shallow ***
wish i got more than i got
wish i got what i sought
my face feels different in the mirror now
shot with an arrow but it i caught
the only thing i could ever stop
wish i got what it sought

tall glass of water with a refreshing personality
feeling quenched with your arm around me
-
i cannot stall this out any longer
there aren’t volcanoes that are hotter
feeling better whenever we are together
my tall glass of water

walking on shards of glass whenever we interact
i am unnatural, nervous
usually feel so authentic and perfect
you mix my energy like a bartender
misrepresent my ability like my father
leading me to walk on shards of glass
sweeting the darker moments in the past
it is easier like that
it is easier to unpack

going to go
now, bow out of this town
i need to go out of bounds
i have been too tied down
let my wings flap, my nails scratch
keep my feet and hands busy
i need to get out of this city
i am going to go
out past the river bend
see if the world ever ends
count the leaves, follow the ants
distract a wonder lust man

sun coated my skin and hair
until the dark clouds came rolling in
steel coloured bullets raining down
houses, trees, animals unbound
once on the ground, now in the sky
my upside down life is facing right side
11 minutes is all it took
to completely rewire my life

this place is a pond
destined to dry, destined to die
i fashion some wings, white and long
i left before i could see it was wrong
spending my seconds before the sun
before tumbling down into the blue ocean
serpents and mermen
sharks and eels
my lungs fill like swimming pools
my restlessness got me killed

the place i got my mirror you threw me through
filled with machines, unearthing roots
old old patterns rewritten
old old narratives revisited
is there room for forgive
my face washed by shock
never thought i could bare witness
dissolve the dividing mirror
seeing more than ourselves
makes this easier
makes it clearer

tumbling to the tide
the screams inside won’t die
plucked all the pretty petals
now all i have is vines
tie them tight around my windpipe
tumble into the tide
sink into my sadness, meet divine
this was my destiny, my time
kissing the only memories i have of you and i

twilight, dusk and dawn
unfollow, report, and block
my emotions inconsistent like waves
my memories blackened of our dates
riding around in your car, pounding heart
driving out too far, lost our spark
twilight, dusk and dawn
our connection was not for long

pen to paper
tears to soil
the interactive process makes me
what am i without the mercy of paper?
what am i without the abundance of ink?
what am i without?
footprints in fresh snow
bloodstains on a sheep’s wool
what am i when i am no longer broke?
what am i when i unfold?

unique and divergent
unearthing the curses
i am to be studied
omnipresent burdens
burning at both ends, keep working
keep hurting, keep turning
the pages of the holy book
hoping nobody looks
when a single tear spills down my cheek
florescent fish flustered by the hook

oil slicked skin, smothering sunbeams
when did we get so far?
once upon a kin, could we do it again?
soaking up your energy like a sponge
been waiting on your remedy for too long
i have been too strong, waiting for the one

jumping to conclusions like a frog
drinking your delusions with ciroc
drowning down all the clinging thoughts
ribbons tightening, dreams frightening
swimming through the blinding fog

melodies fill my lungs like air
to sing is to be, frequency quartz clear
melodies fill my lungs day in day out
check in and check out
to sing is to be, been mute too long

excellent ears hear the secrets whispered at dusk
incredible intuition detects the creeping predator before it thrusts
marvellous mind can always find a place to hide amongst
crawling up into the corner of the ceiling like a spider, stay there collecting dust

heavy golden mangoes
gushing golden rivers
where the birds are treasure chests and sing like my momma
where a shellshocked man can rest and release the burden of trauma
the grass kisses your skin and the warm wind hugs you from behind
i could not believe my eyes
i found El Dorado from peeking inside

my smile is louder than its ever been
the storms in my eyes has never been this
quiet
entrenched violence; reduced tiredness

water sheds from my eyes
floating on the river instead of panicking
i never felt so helpless in my life
trying to hold on but i am vanishing
slipping into the starry night
tripping into my violent mind
trying to hold on but i am vanishing

land of untold stories
where our half baked entanglement resides
there are no roses on its graveside
just poppies, remembrance in our minds
our muted mouths invisiblize those nights

lizard on warm rocks
an artist in their paint-speckled smock
the wind carrying fallen flowers
jade eyes meet brown
chastity belt unbound
hours upon hours
spent in between the sheets
delicate, delectable, free

my body carries a river of insecurity
causing floods upon innocent harbours
insane membranes, complex DNA
nobody is wired the same
no candle burns the same
but they all end the same

smoking like a chimney
exterminating the negativity within me
each **** relaxes my worrisome bones
each stroke relaxes the perpetual unknown
from this vice to that
from peace to combat
the contrasting colors within me
is why I'll smoke like a chimney
until cheap thrills **** me

watching the clouds from my plane seat
listening to Lana Del Rey speak
compounding words and motifs
wondering how this all came to be
me in the sky, diamonds in my eyes
and worry draped over me
trap me in the mind, time after time
the power of potent poetry

split mind
dichotomy between my head and feet
running away, leave towards the sea
explore the depths, explore me
the shore is suffocating and time is draining
my ankles feel burdened carrying all this dead weight
let me float into the unknown
let me scream at the waves
let me unfold
let me be reborn again

you incubated my fears
bottled up my tears
yet i cannot help but keep you near
you told me here, you hold me dear
but you treat me unfair
let your lies smear, mascara tears
drunken stupor off cheap beers
stuck within your toxic atmosphere
i pray to see the light of day
outside of this

get your hands off of my mouth
feel the smoke in my lungs while you burn down our house
ashes litter my hair, scratches litter my skin
drowning in this love drought
watching the new cycle begin
is love as destructive as a fire?
why is my heart as malleable as tin?
I thought it was ok before the light started to dim

kisses laced with poison
ropes squeezing my joints
is there even a point in struggling?
juggling all these expectations
hear my stomach rumbling
tumbling to live up to my name
dazed, trying to keep sane
who is the owl watching me?
who is the man under me?
why won’t it stop thundering?

my greatest dream and worst fear
my saving grace, my cheating dear
the hearth that burns deep
the emotions i keep
inside my shell, inside my tears
i wished for times, when i didn’t just roam
i wished for kind eyes and a tender soul
my wishes were granted
insecurity vanished