I'd like to know through you what he's wearing, what does he smell like what does he look like, what does he feel like, when did he last smile, is he wearing his purple shades, is he wearing the necklace I got him, did he shave, did he cut his hair, did he like his hair better before he cut it...
I'd like to picture him again and you are the only way. A way I don't like at all but it leads me to him.
Maybe I should stop searching for him through you and I should start looking for him in myself.
He lives in me and only I can see him inside me.
Everything else is only an illusion of him.



- LynnAA

Why do we want to keep each other caged?
Why is it a norm for us to feel pain after a separation?
The only way to love you is to set you free. No. Not physically.
I set you free when the thought of you doesn't burden my heart.
I set you free when I understand that what we did was an act of love coated with our human needs.
I set you free when I leave out of love.
I set you free when I know that by leaving, I love myself and only by loving myself can I love you.
I set you free when I believe that you have freed me of you the day you first laid your eyes on me.
I set you free when I understand that freeing someone is letting go of our needs that we hang on to so effortly.
I set you free when you are no longer a need.
I set you free so I can be free.



- LynnAA

You and I are bigger than my madness
We are more important than the should have's and should have not's
We are more important than my choosing to leave
We are more important than your silence
We are bigger than our own selves
We are a mistake
We are a reason
We are a reaction
We are an eruption
We are chaos created by order
We are a once in a lifetime
We are memories
We are lessons
You and I together, are nothing
You and I together, are everything
Today, no matter what we do, my soul and yours have marked their meeting in the history of the universe.



- LynnAA

I am mad at you
For loving me so dearly
For allowing me to leave the way I left
For travelling a week later and not fulfilling your promise of seeing me
For not wanting to see me, thinking I didn't want to, you stupid fool
For coming back and not getting me back a nice little gift, something of you that would actually stay
For calling me on my birthday, talking to me in such a fake ease, convincing yourself that we are okay
But actually, we weren't talking to each other
I am mad at you for being ******* me even when I left
I am mad at you, because you don't break for the ones you love
Because you are one immense coward, running back to the arms that have been taking you back all these years after each one of your mistakes
Because you knew, with me, you had everything to lose
I am mad at you because if I decide to tell you all of this today, you wouldn't listen, you wouldn't understand
I am mad at you, for allowing me in, when my face should have been away from your fading memories of me



- LynnAA

Ever since I set myself free from you, mentioning your name was a burden to me
So I decided to push you way way down into oblivion
But here you are, defying black holes, making surface
Because I need to talk to you, I need to talk about you
Because you were indescribable, and you still are
And I need to know who you are and why you were and why you stayed and why me and what did it feel like
I have too many questions for you
I have too many unspoken thoughts
And I have no one but myself to narrate them to
After 6 months of muted thoughts
Here I am, willing to finally accept healing
Whether you decide to listen or not



- LynnAA

Yes, I know that some nights I cross your mind and I know you still love me - with all the concepts you assign to that feeling, to which I don't necessarily agree, but I do think about you as well, and love you my way, not yours.
You might carry me with you forever. I hope you will. I hope my home in you has a garden planted with flowers, with a beautiful little home and a nice veranda to sit there with you in the sun whenever you visit me.
I will carry you with me, until I'm old and senile and start to forget everything, even my sons' names, but not you.
Your home in me now is surrounded by thorn wires, but the day will come when the war will be over and I'll plant you a garden full of trees to shade you.
As for now, I'm accepting my war, because you are the war.



- LynnAA

No. I will no longer be ashamed. I won't fear anyone's opinion anymore.
The process of letting you go is a hard road for me. And I will talk about it.
Nothing is more difficult than seperating out of love.
At the time I needed you and you needed me and nothing stopped us, we didn't want to stop.
And today, I must tell myself that it wasn't "love" that kept us going, it was only two empty people that filled each other at the time.
There was love - only you and I hold and understand - that served the lust and the infatuation that fueled our urge to be together.
And when this urge wrapped itself around our necks, I accepted us ending in a separation anchored with silence.
Today, streets and roads and houses and villages and trees remind me of you.
Tomorrow, the same streets and roads and houses and villages and trees will still remind me of you, and everytime I'll miss you or think of you, I will go there hoping I'd see you.
Because boy you were beautiful, and a mess and soft and lost and I couldn't handle you anymore, I was suffocating.
I am mad at you but thank you for letting me go.



- LynnAA

What is this trap?
What is this none sense of not expressing our feelings?
Why is it better not to to reach for our past emotions and talk about them?
What is this trap?
To feel so anciently and never express?
To refrain from feeling because we should heal?
Why do our feelings become traps?



- LynnAA

Time was sweeping me off my feet
I knew I was never going to touch you again
So I held a war against time
How to ask time to understand me, to slow down, because a whole day wasn't enough in your arms?
You only know the value of a moment when you know that it will die.
I am jealous of my memories
They still hold you, laugh with you, smell you, ride with you, tell you they love you, feel you looking at them
Time was never enough
And maybe it would have never been.



- LynnAA

I miss you.
Sometimes it's like that.
I do believe in the goodness in your heart, the care you held me in, the look that insisted ever so intensely that you love me
But love, we were only an experience.
I was supposed to come
I was supposed to go
And sometime, I miss you



- LynnAA

I unconsciously go there, hoping you'll pass by and you'll recognize me and I'll recognize you
We'll look at each other, lose control of the gear, lose our presence on the road, lose all focus and win a chance for death
But in each others' eyes we have already leapt into death, for you must go on and I must go on, silently
the same way we said goodbye
Because stopping the car and running to hug each other will only lead us to more death
because what comes after death, now that we are already dead?



- LynnAA

Light leaks into my favorite room
An orange ray over light blue floor and walls
We point our toes, open our arms, extend our fingers, hold our heads high and our legs higher, we turn, leap, grab the floor and embrace our temporary wings
All that with us unaware of the light having it's own dance on our bodies.
This room is a home for angels
This room is for bodies who found home within their souls
This room is my home
This room is who I am
I am blessed to dance around light and with it
I belong here
I belong home
Now I know



- LynnAA

Engrave your fingers in me and pull me out of my presence.



- LynnAA

Say hello to the monsters.
The ones that bed in you,
The ones that reveal themselves
The ones that turn into one
And the ones that find you.

Monster n°1 / The Fake One
This monster would want to prove itself and will use you because it can't depend on itself due to its insecurities. It's easily detectable.
This one is the least harmless.
All you have to do is simply lose contact - it won't need you twice.

Monster n°2 / The Backstabber
The one that crawls behind your back and leaves prints with every step it takes.
This one is the most vulnerable.
All you have to do is turn around, catch it and watch it tremor in-between your fingers.

Monster n°3 / The One That Dances With Your Demons
This monster dancer would do anything to get under your skin and show you what you'd wish to see.
This one is the most naive.
All you have to do is notice how it agrees with you on everything that comforts you instead of everything that makes you step forward.

Monster n°4 / The Puller
This one acknowledges itself as a monster and would show you, with all its ways, a road that meets your eye, but effectively, this road would eventually lead them to their goals.
This one is physically the strongest.
All you have to do is be mentally stronger and K.O. it.

Monster n°5 / The Choker
This one is an alpha monster. Its aim is to destroy you. It knows your power well and would do anything to stop you. It will make you love it as it poisons you. It would wrap itself around your neck and you wouldn't even notice.
This one is the most dangerous.
You can do nothing about it but seek help from people that can save you from all of what that monster has drained you from.

Say hello again to these monsters.
Now that you know them, don't become one and don't let them in.



- LynnAA

All that people have left are memories....
On Facebook.



- LynnAA

I do not know you yet, but I am wondering what you might be doing right now.

Do you ever wonder what I would feel like in your arms under thick sheets in winter with the window slightly cracked open?

I do not know you yet but I love you too.

When nothing starts, everything ends.



- LynnAA

What if, my dear, you wake up one stormy morning and not even realize that it had ever happened?



- LynnAA

It is heartwarming, being aware of all the stones, knowing they are getting heavy in your becoming-frail hands.
They are stones, no matter how beautiful they are and I carried them for a long while. But I have decided to let them down, one by one, until my hands soften, until my hands are again empty to welcome lightness, to welcome a soft cheek, soft hair, thick eyebrows. To draw the edges of lips, a jawline, an earlobe. To hold a nape, a chest and hands that, I believe, fit into mine.
They will become so light that I'll be able to close all the buttons on the back of my dress.



- LynnAA

one lovely voice whispers in my ear and scares all the heaviness away.


- LynnAA

If she doesn't talk to you
If he leaves meaningless messages
If they use the same words
If she colours the same way
If he creates layers
If they act kind, even though they really are
If she pokes you constantly
If he looks at you always
If they keep you away
If she can see you
If he can't see you
If they pretend they don't care
If she shoots the same sunsets
If he dips his feet in the same sea
If they talk to the same flower
If she makes sure to know everything
If he chooses to know nothing
If they choose what to know and ignore what should be ignored
If she rages
If he looks calm
If they take roles, to impose strength
If she looks like a lion
If he is as big as a whale
If they mark their territories
Know that
None of these are real
None of these are true
None of these keep peace
None of these make you grow
All of these are inner fights
All of these are loops
All of these are grudges held within
All of these are closures that never happened
All of these are simply echoes that we are deaf to
They are echoes that make us go as mute as the wind in summer, if there was ever any wind.
Once you know that all you should do is pour your heart out, every other venomous act will dissolve into non-existence.
Be kind to yourself, and grant yourself a closure.



- LynnAA

What does she look like when you can't see her?



- LynnAA

And the race continues, gloriously.


- LynnAA

You're with someone you don't feel comfortable with and you drink huge amounts of water until your bladder can no longer hold it in - only to use your urge to *** as an excuse to leave.

Little cowards.



- LynnAA

You are only an image, an image of who you'd like to be.
Yes, your image doesn't resemble you.
You project strength but your eyes gleam weakness.
You stand tall, but your acts are hunchbacked.
You bore me.


- LynnAA

I am bigger only when I know how big I am instead of how little other people are - and that is your problem, you don't know how big you can be and the only way for you to know is by belittling every person you potentially fear.



- LynnAA

Because I know I need a shelter when mine crumbles
Weakness is a disease that makes us estranged from ourselves and seeking a home other than our own bodies and minds can heal us
When nothingness starts bedding in the heart, we all need someone to push us to feel
When we are obliged to be stuck where we never belonged, even someone's chair to sleep on would make us happy
It's true, we are strong on our own, but our strength attracts weakness and with it the need to pull our hand out for help hoping someone would take it
And probably this is why I need you



- LynnAA

Doux et amer
Du café avec de la cardamome
L'odeur du garam Masala
Et l'air du paprika
Framboises, myrtilles, mûres et cerises,
Un cépage fruité de la méditerranée
Les oliviers nous ombragent et je regarde le soleil se coucher sur ta peau
La nuit se prend à mes paupières
Et je me laisse aller à l'odeur de la mer, à la chaleur de tes rêves et à la lourdeur exquise de ta tête sur ma poitrine.


---------------------


Sweet and sour
Coffee with a hint of cardamom
The smell of garam Masala
And the breeze of Paprika
Raspberries, blueberries , blackberries and cherries
The fruity taste of a Mediterranean wine
The olive trees offer us shade and I gaze at the sun setting on your skin
The night conquers my eyes
And I abandon myself to the smell of the sea, the warmth of your dreams and the lovely heaviness of your head on my chest.



- LynnAA

I learned never to alert certain people when they're being disrespectful
- they don't care who they hurt and they'll disrespect you in return. No exceptions.
Not to mention the judgmental sheep that applaud for them. Yeah... Those people-oids will boost ****** egos higher down cracked soil.
Archaic humans don't deserve my time, they don't deserve kindness - they don't even know it exists.
Let them drown in their cynical tones and mental complexes on their own.



- LynnAA

Kiss the beast and he turns back into a human
- just like you,
I hit you straight in the heart and the human in you turns into a beast.



- LynnAA

If your aim is to play games
If your aim is to hurt souls
Stay away.
Don't try to step on a soil you  don't know how to walk on.
My wild plants will eat you alive.
I am no woman to be fooled.
I will draw your limits with a brush of my arm, like the ballerina I am.
Drop the masks.
I don't like clowns and you're a really bad one.



- LynnAA

Loss Tastes Like Your Mouth



- LynnAA

Kiss my mouth
I am youth I am beauty
I am a bass song in the midst of a cruise
I am lost between being here, being in my mind, being on the sun, being on a cloud, being with you
Kiss my mouth
I am a Goddess
Zeus or Jupiter
Riding a storm
Raining on your garden.
Kiss my mouth



- LynnAA

Flashes of images.
Lost and reconstructed.
Arbitrary memories.
Words, people, places, actions and feelings stored for rememberance or oblivion.

Flashes of images.
Deformed by desires.
Revoked to feel.
A dream wide awake.
A passageway into the past to escape the present.

Flashes of images.
Shelter of secrets.
Short, re-acted and unclear.
Abstract yet vivid.
Unreachable but so very near.
A black hole that ***** you into another dimension then spits you out.



- LynnAA

It's all a preparation for a blow you are intending on.
I've been sailing on high tides and land is near. Will you break the waves in halves or will you raise them to double their size?
Grow or destroy. That is the game. And you are unpredictable, like a sudden storm in the midst of March.
Unpredictable but Harmless.
Harmless.
Therefore, blow in my face spring's breeze. Let me close my eyes and feel your breath on my eyelashes.
I've forever told you you are beautiful, and you forever will be.



- LynnAA

Nostalgia.
I knew the word but I never thought of using it before someone actually knew that that's what I was feeling.
This urge to run away from everything only to attend what I love to do the most.
I said,
"It's as if, in my past life, I was a dancer who has danced on stages around the world. I give myself to my body. It's more than love, more than adoration, more than passion."
"It's nostalgia." she said.
I was struck.
Yes. It feels as if I never stopped dancing. It feels as if it's the only thing I know how to do ever so naturally.
I sleep knowing tomorrow I'll dance.
I dream about the dancer I have yet to become.
I wake up thinking how to dance throughout the day.
It's not about The Nutcracker and the Sugar Plum Fairy, nor the last dance of the Dying Swan in the Swan Lake, nor about Giselle and its romanticism.
It's about Clara's courage that saves The Nutcracker, and how the Dying Swan feels pain in her broken wings and how true love saves the man Giselle loved from death.

I've always told myself that at the end of the day you only have yourself, but now I've came to realize that I've forever slept with an immense love in my heart - the dance world, a world that has found me decades ago and left in me a nostalgia, a longing, an approach to how amorously  I can embrace myself.



- LynnAA

Secrets - When you're alone in your bed, they are harmless, in fact they might induce a sense of pleasure.
But when you are around the people you're keeping your secrets from, they nibble slowly on your heart until the pain of every nonexistent bite numbs you.
But dear, being numb is losing all senses, it is losing all feelings, therefore being numb is losing yourself.
Be careful what you wish for at heart.



- LynnAA

Notre vin est rouge et nos levés de soleil sont rosés. Enivrons-nous.



--------------------



Our wine is red and our dawns are rose. Let's get drunk.



- LynnAA

Once more it was you
This itchy thought in-between my legs
This greed, this insufficiency
This urge to run away, the force of habit of coming back
Once more to you, with you, beside you, on you, in you, under you, on top of you, next to you, close to you, to you, you, you, you, you.
Never satiated. Never will I be.



- LynnAA

...
Second of all, I wish you encounter all the kindness, all the sun rays, all the beauty there is out there. May happiness bless your heart in every way possible. May nature kiss you fondly. I hope you find what you wish to hold and lose what is keeping you in a cage. If you find flowers remember me and smile. If you find a man who sells balloons, take one, tell it the secrets you'd wish to send away and let it go in India's sky.
Much much love to you. Sending you all the protective thoughts I can send you.
Stay safe like a woman would, go wild like a kid would, be strong like the man you are.



- LynnAA

Because there is something about people after they take a shower
They look very infantlike, very innocent
They feel warm and susceptible to breakage
They look like they want to be loved, like they can be easily loved
They are at their cleanest, as if born anew after each wash
They smell of nature and their hair is untouched, heavily hanging off their heads uncovering their faces
You just can't not look at them
You just can't not love them in that instant
Because for a fraction of a second they look, feel and smell like something that has never encountered life's heaviness.



- LynnAA

Your crying eyes are gorgeous, tell me all your little secrets.


- LynnAA

When cuddles turns into curfew and happiness into radicalism

-

When you can't let go of someone because it feels like a home you're about to rent.

-

Je te promets, si tes yeux caressent encore une fois mon corps, je m'en prendrai à tes lèvres comme une lionne qui s'est abandonnée à ta parade nuptiale.

-

We seek each other's lips and avoid each other's eyes.

-

To run away from the things we desire but can't have.

-

When people give you something nice to get used to, your life can become a mess, waiting for it everyday.

-

You make me want to wonder what you look like.

-

A sunset is an eternity with you.

-

We smell of love and violence.

-

You and I live in a bubble of dreams crushed by the reality of who we are.

-

Although we'll be strangers soon, he'll dream about me tonight.

-

We try to physically escape a cage that is in our mind.

-

Even when he calls me to tell me he loves me, he breaks my heart.

-

بدَّك تكون عَنيد؟ كون عنيد ع غيري




- LynnAA

It was never about possession.
It was about yearning to feel. It was about the immensity I was drowning in with every look of his eyes.
Feeble was I for feelings were taken away from me at many stages of my life; and greedy was I for I was given back, all at once, what I had lost and this time as well, it wasn't mine to take.
I hold on to anything that moves me, even when my arms extend out of my body and I feel the world at the tip of my fingers, I hold on to it because my being fluctuates with it.
I am in love with whatever holds love, with whatever represents it and it's consuming - to feel so deeply, so dearly, so beautifully and know that this as well will be taken away from me.
Probably nothing you encounter is yours, not even your own body, but as long as you get to have it, even for an instant, take it, love it immensely, and if it goes away, it would have been nothing but felicity - felicity embedded with gorgeous memories which, at the moment of redolence, would scar.
But the scars will heal, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not in a month, maybe not before your birthday, but they will heal.
It is all in your head, and sometimes it is hard to keep control of it, but you will look over it and life will go on for you and feelings will flow your way then ebb away then flow your way then ebb away again and you will be granted memories soft as clouds in a calm January sky.
Only don't be afraid to feel, no tree would blossom in spring if it hadn't forsaken all of its leaves in autumn.



- LynnAA

I remember well -
A stroke of light leaked in and touched your eyelids.
You opened your eyes and I was lying so close to you that all I saw was your pupil shrinking and your iris growing light honey.
You were looking at me -
I swear I lost my breath - No sunsets behind clouds, no gibbous moons in daytime skies, no poppies in the last days of spring could compare to the awe I sunk in at the sight of your eyes.
You were ever so beautiful in that instant that I made sure to look at you long enough to carve one more photograph of you and keep it in a memory that defies the flow of Lethe.



- LynnAA

Aime moi comme si les feux de l'enfer s'éteindront demain.



----------



Love me as if the fires of hell will extinguish tomorrow.



- LynnAA