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Dec 2017 · 1.0k
Notes Of A Child In Distress
Lynn Al-Abiad Dec 2017
Sometimes I just don't know who you were or what holes of my memory should I fill you in.
It irritates my skin and scratches my throat.
How much did I love you for you to be this absent, to be ghost-like, almost flesh and bones that never were.
Yes, I'm grieving inside, but I love you even if I can't remember you.



- LynnAA
I miss you.

8/12/2017
Dec 2017 · 593
Notes Of A Nostalgic Dancer
Lynn Al-Abiad Dec 2017
You could make me bald, make me skinless, make me boneless, make me ugly. You could shape me in molds of your choice, you could take out my eyeballs and my vocal chords. You could damage me whole and think you have won but you can never stop me from dancing - this is where I reign.



- LynnAA
5/12/2017
Dec 2017 · 408
NYC
Lynn Al-Abiad Dec 2017
NYC
World,
May you take
And give back as
Abundantly as we deserve.



- LynnAA
(and need)
4/12/2017
Lynn Al-Abiad Dec 2017
... You're alone in the jungle.
Don't wait, don't wish, you'll be deceived.
If you see a prey, attack.



- LynnAA
The Lion Eats Tonight.

3/12/2017
Dec 2017 · 457
December Baby
Lynn Al-Abiad Dec 2017
November rocks me to sleep and on every 1st of December, I wake up at 5 a.m. with a skin scarred by light that turns into fire and warms up my winter flowers... Well, I guess everything changes.



- LynnAA
December Baby

1/12/2017
Dec 2017 · 354
Something
Lynn Al-Abiad Dec 2017
Everyone is a little of something and a lot of something else.



- LynnAA
29/11/2017
Dec 2017 · 730
Autumn Trees
Lynn Al-Abiad Dec 2017
"Tickle me! Tickle me!" says the sky,
And the wind plays with my hair.



- LynnAA
28/11/2017
Nov 2017 · 385
A Flower Amidst A Storm
Lynn Al-Abiad Nov 2017
My anger is so vulnerable, so fragile.



- LynnAA
Always.

7/11/2017
Nov 2017 · 408
Excuse My French
Lynn Al-Abiad Nov 2017
Some people seek attention the same way they forcefully drink coffee to be able to **** in the morning.



- LynnAA
2/11/2017
Nov 2017 · 388
لكِ ٦
Lynn Al-Abiad Nov 2017
لم أجد لكِ، يا عاشقة الأشعار، أيّ كلامٍ يُواسيكِ
و أصبحت أنا، كاتبة الأشعار، بَكماء


لين اا -
ِاشتقت لك
أحبّكِ

27/10/2017
Oct 2017 · 275
So?
Lynn Al-Abiad Oct 2017
So?
Is it about giving up, not feeling anymore, never having felt or just going with the flow?



- LynnAA
19/10/2017
Oct 2017 · 418
Night Cab
Lynn Al-Abiad Oct 2017
Today, as the wind started to cool down as I was going back from Beirut to my house, I sat in a cab, with the window wide open, listening to some oldies the driver was playing, feeling my soft hair revealing my face with my hand on my cheek, and looking outside the window.
I was at peace then, but I felt the urge to cry.



- LynnAA
19/10/2017
Oct 2017 · 415
Wednesday 18th of October
Lynn Al-Abiad Oct 2017
A lot of women were smoking today.



- LynnAA
Notes of an observant pedestrian.
Oct 2017 · 343
We Use and Abuse
Lynn Al-Abiad Oct 2017
There's a thin line between freedom and freedom.
There's a freedom that you abuse and a freedom that you wisely use.



- LynnAA
18/10/2017
Oct 2017 · 411
Take Away My Mirrors
Lynn Al-Abiad Oct 2017
I am all that is around me.



- LynnAA
18/10/2017
Oct 2017 · 1.1k
But I want to
Lynn Al-Abiad Oct 2017
... I'd like to stay up till the sun rises, doing nothing and everything, being nowhere and everywhere but I can't, because who I am not forces me back home.



- LynnAA
Glimpse of who I am.

18/10/2017
Oct 2017 · 318
Excerpt
Lynn Al-Abiad Oct 2017
Usually,
If you had told me this to my face, I wouldn't answer.
I'd look at you and maybe smile
Or I'd look around you and maybe smile as well.



- LynnAA
So I'll just leave it so, in binary means.

11/10/2017
Oct 2017 · 256
To You 5
Lynn Al-Abiad Oct 2017
Sometimes I wish I can miss her more than I do.



- LynnAA
Only to feel her more. Only to feel all the love I didn't show her.

I miss you
I love you

06/10/2017
Oct 2017 · 292
To You 4
Lynn Al-Abiad Oct 2017
Only then did I know that she could have been the one holding my secrets, that she could have helped me or at least listened - knowing that she didn't need any more secrets for her cancer to feed on.



- LynnAA
Even if I didn't write it down,
I miss you
I love you

06/10/2017
Oct 2017 · 356
To you 3
Lynn Al-Abiad Oct 2017
People die
But we carry on with our habits
We still sip 2 cups of turkish coffee 3 times a day
We still reunite around Sunday's meal
We still clean the dishes right after lunch
We still try to close our eyes and sleep
We still take cabs to get to our jobs
We still make little jokes here and there
We still drink hot cocoa in the morning and tea at night
We still sleep in our underwear
We still hug our biggest pillow in bed
We still wear the same perfume
We still nag about going to work
We still take naps
We still carry a notebook everywhere we go
Almost everything goes back to being the same
But there is this little something inside us, not a scar not sadness nor grief nor anger nor denial, but something that has twisted and changed, something that has cried and learned, something that can move a heavier mountain now, something that keeps us going with who we are.
Something like a storm, that destroys all the frail roads and all the frail apartments - a strong hurricane with all the winter's rain that blows away your clothes and makeup and washes you clean again.



- LynnAA

I miss you
I love you
Thank you
Visit me more often in my shower. I need to feel you. I have so much more to tell you.

01/10/2017
Oct 2017 · 237
To you 1
Lynn Al-Abiad Oct 2017
A presence can be so strong that when it goes you don't feel its absence.



- LynnAA



I love you
I miss you
Another form of denial.

28/09/2017
Lynn Al-Abiad Oct 2017
Even if your face is bathing in sunlight, you will close your eyes and sleep.



- LynnAA
While lying down on a couch that wasn't mine in a state that was completely mine.

Sep-17
Oct 2017 · 185
Bites*
Lynn Al-Abiad Oct 2017
All that is blind, bites*.



- LynnAA
*Bites.

Sep17
Oct 2017 · 237
On // Belongings
Lynn Al-Abiad Oct 2017
... My name can't protect you from each other anymore.



- LynnAA
05/09/2017
Oct 2017 · 261
Guilt Free Chocolate
Lynn Al-Abiad Oct 2017
...
No small football fields near us anymore.
No 2a.m. talks, lying on the grass, talking about the arabic language and listening to Alt-J's new releases, or Milky Chance's Blossom or Bruno Mars' That's What I Like.
No more passionate kisses as a stranger watches us, wishing he was you and I was on top of him.
...
Sometimes life belongs to us for momentary moments only.
And I'm happy that not so long ago, it belonged to me - once again.
...
And yes, nothing lasts, but if we can lie in new sheets again, or go on long car rides or ride your bike nowhere or meet for breakfast after you entice people's dilated pupils; if we could find our new bed of grass again with our same old music, we could make life belong to us again.
...
Meet me half way, D.



- LynnAA
When in A in A.

01/09/2017
Lynn Al-Abiad Aug 2017
...
I am a constant battle, but are you willing to fight with me or against me?
...



- LynnAA
Let's step out of bed.

13/08/2017
Jul 2017 · 419
Inch?
Lynn Al-Abiad Jul 2017
All I hear them talking is blablabla, gibberish, sounds I don't recognise, letters I have never pronounced, words that have no similarity to mine
All I hear them talking is another language that sets me in a box of my own no matter how close they are to me, even if their skin is on mine, even if they're talking about me and I have no clue that they are
And sometimes I just love it, being alone in this crowd, being my own island
Now I know what Bukowski means
They remain nothing but a noise in my background that I'd wish, so sincerely, to turn off



- LynnAA
What does consideration and respect mean to people like you ?

14/07/2017
Lynn Al-Abiad Jul 2017
بما إنّو هل إيّام صارو معظم النسوان يشتغلو
فتَقَر البلد باللَّتلَتة
فاجتَمَعوا رجال شرطة البلديّة عرَكوَة قهوة
و عبّو هل الفراغ الإجتماعي بقيل و قال
عالرايح و الجايي و الواقف و القاعد
العِلّة مش بالنسوان
"العِلّة بهل الشعب "المضياف



لين اا -
شعب آخر زمن

11/07/2017
Jul 2017 · 506
Heart Wide Open
Lynn Al-Abiad Jul 2017
It is a sunset after a dance
A light leaking in in the morning on a bed that isn't yours
A child's happiness in the prairie
The first dip in the sea
The gradient line the sun leaves in the sky after it disappears
It is how the moon is always in the sky
It is late night rides filled with love after a very long day
It is dancing till you drowse, till you have no more feelings to give, till you feel the tear swallowing itself back into the ball of your eye
It is how the sea looks exactly the same on early morning hours and early evening hours
A moment of extreme tiredness and you can sleep anywhere that supports your head
A realization that people you care about are looking for the exact same thing you're looking for
A bike ride
The longest way home
A cup of vanilla latte
A cup of almond milk
A kind cab driver that would make a turn so you won't have to cross the street

It is all around you if you look closely
Happiness is next to you if you choose to see it



- LynnAA
27/06/2017
Jul 2017 · 480
Puff
Lynn Al-Abiad Jul 2017
Give me a puff.
Drowse me and kiss me.



- LynnAA
24/06/2017
Jun 2017 · 401
And I laughed
Lynn Al-Abiad Jun 2017
I imagined it falling down the toilet seat, and I laughed.



- LynnAA
And I laughed

06/06/2017
Jun 2017 · 1.1k
Jupiter In Sagittarius
Lynn Al-Abiad Jun 2017
Yes, I am crazy.
I am a fire, I do things I shouldn't do, I don't listen to good advises, I venture here and there, I listen to everyone and talk to no one, I touch people I shouldn't touch, I get undressed inappropriately, I run away to places only I know of, I lose myself in a long car ride, I always take the long way home when driving, I go to the beach and stay in the sea all day, I cut my hair when a story ends, or get a tattoo, I build walls in people's faces and destroy them when I feel comfortable around them, I spend more money than I make, I hop into strangers' cars everyday, I wear heels and go for long walks, I take routes that lead me to people I love, I sit on the edge of mountains with my legs hanging, I buy dance clothes and wear them everyday, I play songs I fall in love with on repeat for weeks, I yell out of happiness, I laugh oh so loud, ...
I am crazy because I can't be contained
I am crazy because I am curious about this world
I want to die with not a single "what if I had the courage?"
I apologize to those I hurt and will hurt
And I love back all those who fell in love with me
But most of all, I hope I grow through it all
I hope that, on my death bed, I can tell every crazy story to my sons and grand kids and die with a smile on my face, die happy, with all my memories flashing back inside my head.
I hope I become a fire that eats everything it meets and grows bigger and bigger, without burning, without leaving ashes behind, only bringing heat to those who have been feeling cold for a long while.



- LynnAA
Fire Sign.

18/06/2017
Lynn Al-Abiad Jun 2017
و لذُروَة الحُب، غَشاوَة



لين اا -
و لذُروَة الحُب، غَشاوَة


18/06/2017
Jun 2017 · 645
Dessine Moi - Draw me
Lynn Al-Abiad Jun 2017
Dessine moi des moutons, des nuages, ou des astres, des êtres indignes, une atome de phényléthylamine, un inconnu dont je ferai connaissance, une lune gibbeuse en plein jour
Dessine moi, dans un lit, dans tes bras, sous la lumière des étoiles en une nuit d'une nouvelle lune, après une ****** embuée, après t'avoir embrassé, au reveil de mon jour d'anniversaire
Dessine moi tout ce qui te déclenche un battement de coeur
Dessine moi quand je fais battre ton coeur



--------------------



Draw me sheep, clouds, or stars, unworthy beings, a phenylethylamine atom, a stranger whom I'll meet, a gibbous moon in broad daylight
Draw me, in bed, in your arms, under the light of the stars on a new moon night, after a misty shower, after kissing you, after I wake up on my birthday
Draw me everything that triggers your heart
Draw me when I set off your heart



- LynnAA
Love note for the, yet, unknown

18/06/2017
Lynn Al-Abiad Jun 2017
Hide me in a man's skin and I'll show you what a woman really is.



- LynnAA
Because I know I have a man inside me. So does every woman.
Because every man has a woman inside him as well.

16/06/2017
Jun 2017 · 325
Accepting
Lynn Al-Abiad Jun 2017
It is a moment of weakness
It is a moment where I forget to love myself for a fraction of a second
It is a moment where I recall the past to fill up an empty moment in my present
I do not want to go back
I told you, and I'll still tell you,
I would rather choke than feel again everything I have ever felt every moment I told you I loved you
No, this is not a goodbye message, it is not a love note, it is not about you, it is not me grieving
It is me, a year later, stronger, older, wiser, kinder, happier, freed and waiting for more freedom
Even so, I will always colour the center of my mandalas dark red



- LynnAA
They come and parts of them stay. Because this is how things are. And I love how things can be.

16/06/2017
Lynn Al-Abiad Jun 2017
يمكن بعدَك متل ما إنتَ، مكَنكَن و فارش ببيت كل حياتَك عايش في و حاسس حالَك علقان، لأنّو ضيّعت مفاتيح هل بيت، ما فيك تضهَر خوفاً من إنّو يطبُش الباب و يِزِربَك برّا
بس إنت مش عارف إنّو الدنيا مليانة بيوت بوابها مفتوحة و ما إلها مفاتيح



Maybe you are still the same, feeling cozy in a house you've forever lived in, and you feel trapped because you lost the keys to this house - you can't get out, fearing that the door will shut behind you and lock you outside
But you don't actually know that the world is filled with houses whose doors are wide open, no key needed



لين اا -
- LynnAA
لإنّوالباب اللي إلو مفتاح بناسبك
Because a door with a lock suits you best

13/06/2017
Jun 2017 · 351
حَلْق - Larynx
Lynn Al-Abiad Jun 2017
ِأتمنّى أن تجدي صوتاً لحُنجُرَتِك



I hope you find a voice that fits your throat



لين اا -
- LynnAA
Next thing I know, you're in the Bolshoi.

13/06/2017
Jun 2017 · 338
Indian Skirt
Lynn Al-Abiad Jun 2017
In that moment, I was so happy to be here I cried
Then I folded some laundry, put everything back to its place, packed my stuff, hanged the keys on the front door and left.
My skirt felt lighter, played along with my legs as I was walking down the stairs.
I was lighter - my *******, my hair, my arms, my ribs, my sole, my toes, even my heart was lighter.



- LynnAA
Still am.

12/06/2017
Jun 2017 · 552
Where No One Can See Me
Lynn Al-Abiad Jun 2017
I kissed the sun and the sun kissed every inch of my naked body.
At that moment I was only swinging, basking between spots of shade, a little mountain breeze and the warm feeling of the sun on my belly
And I realized that right now I am alone with myself, with no one to call me by my name.

A breath of fresh air, a sun setting already and a tear on my face - the day is coming to an end, and I would have to go back where nakedness under the sun is a sin.



- LynnAA
Note To Self / Love Note
Happy.

11/06/2017
Lynn Al-Abiad Jun 2017
البيت هوي مرجوحة كبيرة عل فيراندا و أنا قاعدة عليها عارية و الشمس عم بتغيب عجسمي



Home is me sitting on a fairly big swing on the veranda as the sun is setting on my body



لين اا -
- LynnAA
Love Note / Note To Self

11/06/2017
Lynn Al-Abiad Jun 2017
تَمُرُّ أيّامٌ عديدة حَيث يَبيتُ الإشتياقُ في قلبي
حيث أصرُخُ في صمتِ أفكاري كم أهواك و أصرُخُ من قعرِ حنجرتي كي تسمعني، فهل تسمعني؟
ِلم أودعَك، فبقينا عالقين بين جروحاتِ الممنوع
و لو أمكنني أن أمس بشفتيك، و لحيتك، و طرف أذنيك
لو أمكنني أن أودعك بكل ما شعرته لك و معك
لكانت نجوم درب التبانة صارعت لوجودنا، صارعت لبقائنا
و لكن بَيني و بينك حائط



Many days pass by where missing you beds in me
Where I scream in my silenced thoughts how much I love you, and I yell as hard as I can so you can hear me; so, do you hear me?
I did not get the chance to say goodbye, and so we stayed stuck in-between the scars of what shouldn't have been
And if I could touch you lips, your beard, the edge of your ears,
If I could say goodbye with all what I felt for you and with you
All the stars of the milky way would have fought for us to stay together
But between you and me, there's a wall.



لين اا -
- LynnAA
11/06/2017
Lynn Al-Abiad Jun 2017
و لم يبقى لنا سِوى حُبٍّ لاحقنا طويلاً
عندما كنتُ لا أزالُ سِوى شُعاعٍ و ارتطمتَ بي



And we have nothing left but a love that kept running after us
When I was still only a beam of light and you slammed into me



لين اا -
- LynnAA
11/06/2017
Jun 2017 · 296
Partie
Lynn Al-Abiad Jun 2017
I take the decision to part from things that have never been a part of me



- LynnAA
11/06/2017
Jun 2017 · 269
Iluusions
Lynn Al-Abiad Jun 2017
I wear my night gown and go to sleep.
You were already sleeping with the moonlight leaking in, shading your traits.
I kiss your forehead and tuck myself under the sheets.
The next morning I wake up and it wasn't you sleeping next to me.



- LynnAA
May 2017
May 2017 · 152
We Lose Habits
Lynn Al-Abiad May 2017
I stop wearing all of the bracelets that remind me of you
I forget my favourite necklaces and I get accustomed to their absence
I wear a different perfume than the ones you loved
But sometimes I do still wear those bracelets that remind me of her
And I still go near his house whenever I get the chance to
Sometimes I even wear the scarf and the rings
And sometimes I still cry whenever I reach ecstacy
I sometimes still allow my mind to eat me up
Sometimes I let myself be extremely fragile to thoughts of you
And I remember almost everything
And I wear whatever brings me close to you
And I take off whatever I've set myself free from
But we are all susceptible to what was once a drug
We can all fall back into our past
And it's okay
Break down and cry
Yell out loud that you miss him
See his face when you touch yourself
Remember him till his face eats you up, alive
Do that
Do all of that
Then take a deep breath
And remember
At the end of the day, you only have yourself
Take care of your lovely self
Don't destroy yourself
Don't destroy your home



- LynnAA
26/05/2017
May 2017 · 609
Memories Are Courageous
Lynn Al-Abiad May 2017
And, sometimes, when I look back, I dont even remember how I got the courage to do it, yet I'm glad I've done it.
With all the pain I have inflicted upon myself at that precise moment, I'm glad I did it.
Because, today, I don't remember what the pain felt like, but I remember I heard my breath for the first time in a while.
I was alive.



- LynnAA
26/05/2017
May 2017 · 1.3k
بيروت بفنجان
Lynn Al-Abiad May 2017
خدني ع مقهى يونس



لين اا -
إدمان محتمل

24/05/2017
May 2017 · 948
Hug Yourself
Lynn Al-Abiad May 2017
What if, the secrets and answers lie in me?
I love myself,
I find myself,
And become enough for my own self.
No heaviness, no sadness, no ambiguous questions, no self-inflicted madness, no what if's, no imagining scenarios, no feeding sugar to my thoughts, no harm in being alone with my feelings.
What if, I am my sole saviour?
I would have to do nothing but redeem myself, because I should, because it's the law of the jungle - I get my own prey, I am my own alpha wolf, I lead my own pack.



- LynnAA
// It is all about choices.

21/05/2017
May 2017 · 386
Playing With His Hair
Lynn Al-Abiad May 2017
I'd like to know through you what he's wearing, what does he smell like what does he look like, what does he feel like, when did he last smile, is he wearing his purple shades, is he wearing the necklace I got him, did he shave, did he cut his hair, did he like his hair better before he cut it...
I'd like to picture him again and you are the only way. A way I don't like at all but it leads me to him.
Maybe I should stop searching for him through you and I should start looking for him in myself.
He lives in me and only I can see him inside me.
Everything else is only an illusion of him.



- LynnAA
How much love can you hold for someone?

18/05/2017
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