boy meets girl
girl meets boy

boy falls in love
girl doesn't know

boy tells girl
girl gets scared

boy is always there
girl just doesn't care

boy gets wounded, starts shutting her out
girl wants to be close, gets hurt by the wall

boy suffers guilt from hurting her
girl suffers guilt from hurting him

boy can't stop loving her
she can't stop being afraid

round and round they go
in circles they orbit

boy wants to let her go but can't
girl just wants to find real love

boy ends it all because love just hurt too much
girl finally opened her eyes and saw love was always there for her

too late

Lately I've been struggling to look Up
My faith is fracturing, not reflecting
I know God is just sharpening me up
To be the warrior that He's called me to be
In order to do that He's inflicting the pain
But I'm trying to handle it in a fleshly way

I'm trying to say I'm sorry for getting so consumed
By all this hurt that I don't know how to let go of
I'd rather hang onto it and then blame You
Take it out of Your hands and lose my way
Lord I don't know what to do anymore
I'm angry at You for all the things I do
I'm so sorry, I never meant to become this way
I hate the fact You died so I couldn't condemn myself

God, please don't ever take away the anger I have
I just pray You show me how to redirect it away from You and myself
I pray you don't take my pain away, but allow me to endure it
Give me the strength to crucify myself and the demons in my head
Please let me trust in You again, because I know there's no other than You.

Before you get in bed with me, there's a few things you need to know.

I'm a lot more than just a warm body you lay with, I promise.
Don't get me wrong, I love a woman's curves as much as the next man; but I know it's not the thing that matters.

I'm good at what I do when we get between those sheets, but I'm not going to just run there to get laid. I'll take you to a world of ecstasy and pleasure you may not have ever had before, but I don't get there so easily anymore.

I'm really a sensitive guy who's heart has multiple scars on every wall. See, I've been in love. I mean real love; the kind of love that should be made into a chick flick because it's so unrealistic but it actually happened to me. And it happened to me twice. And I lost them both.

So I have a lot of trust issues, and a lot of pain - really I'm terrified of being hurt again. I'm so tired of being hurt. And I know you want to take my pain away, but if you're just going to use my body then that will hurt.

I don't really care about the ******* anymore. I care about what's going on in your heart, I lust for the emotional intimacy and security and vulnerability that comes when we take off more than just our clothes. Cuz I want to be close.

So take that all in, I'm an open book. I won't hurt you, please don't just leave. If you're okay with something more than just flesh, then let's give us each other until morning light.

maybe we're all
a little bit tired of
fighting for things
that aren't changing

maybe we're all
somewhat bitter
about the people
we failed to love

maybe we just need
a little more hope in
our heads when we
go to sleep tonight

maybe i'm just rambling
like a madman unhinged
& nobody will hear what
i'm actually trying to say

Some days I'm finding my heart to be increasingly distanced from my friends and family. I'm feeling so incredibly alone and unable to shake the feeling that I'm not going to find my way out of this maze that is my mind. I mean, most days I'm feeling like my mind is still asleep on my bed and under my sheets.

I'm tired of these trust issues I have slowly tear away at my mind. It makes it hard to open up to people and get the help I know I need but am unwilling to accept... I put my friends through a lot because I'm a total mess inside.

This last year has undone me in ways I didn't even know were possible... I've lost and lost and somehow am still losing more because I'm leaking out of myself as if I'm a broken pipe.

I never expected to struggle with alcoholism. I never expected to not know how to trust my closest friends that have been there for me through thick and thin for years. I don't know how to cope with horrific nightmares, or the paranoia that I'm going to lose somebody else...

All I ever wanted out of this life was for somebody to love. I know I'm a good guy with a lot to offer, but it seems nobody wants that anymore. Maybe everyone is just as ****** up as I am. I don't know.

I just know these empty nights are killing me and empty days are leaving me hopeless. What's a Christian without hope supposed to be? ****...

It's hard to keep going everyday without you...
I miss you, y'know? I miss you...

I miss your smiling eyes that belied your emotionless face
I miss all our long conversations into the deep night
Whether they were absolutely meaningless or serious
Just to lay with you long after I should have been asleep...
Yeah, I miss you...

I miss kissing your forehead everytime we had to say goodbye
I miss the anticipation of seeing you after we'd been away
I miss all of your poetry you carved into my spirit
Barfight
On How to Love a God
If You Talk Enough Sense You'll Lose Your Mind
Nadya and Fatima (Such a great one)
Sun Kissed
Woman Lay With  Wolves...

I bet you didn't think I'd know your poems like that...
But you overcame my stubborn heart & I carved you into me
Molded and sewed every stitch of you to me
& I miss how you stole my heart away...
& I miss how I fell in love with your mind long before I fell in love with your body. (What a body it is, too)

I don't know if you'll ever see this letter to you
Part of me doesn't want you to because you'll know
Just how many tears I've shed missing you
& how bitter I am that you were ripped away from me

I miss you, y'know? I miss you...
& even though you're gone away
You left your sparkle in my eyes...

it's hard to lose somebody
       you used talked to everyday
& they aren't there anymore
       so a little bit of you dies
day by day, night by night
       until the face in the mirror
isn't           you           anymore

Oh Lord, I am a broken man

I've got a thousand things to tell you
& a thousand reasons not to say them

They shall stay locked within my heart
& never see the light of the day, my dear

Oh Lord, I am a broken man

A Christian should not struggle with suicide
& wake up wondering if today's the day I die

But these demons claw at my head
& they are relentless in their attack

Oh Lord, I am a broken man

The sins of the flesh and of the eyes
& sins of the life I've locked inside

Yeah I have a thousand things to tell you
& I have a thousand reasons not to say them

Oh Lord, I am a broken man

I took a walk today
One and a half miles
To where I work all day
Walked past a line of crows
Sitting on a telephone wire
Giving me curious looks
Because every step
Was downhill all the way
Like a metaphor of my life
I raged on the inside
Until I got to the office
And got to work

Yeah, we're broken,
Torn apart and led astray,
Scarred by wounds you never see,
Jaded against the world and it's beliefs.

We are the misfit *******,
That keep loving through the pain,
Because we'll take the hits for the rest,
Because we know that we are the best.

So raise your bruised arms up high,
Let the world see your black eyes,
Cuz we know we're misfit *******,
And we're proud to bleed for you.

Why is it I see nothing but my death in front of me?
I promise you it's not dying that scares me so much.
What scares me is that I could die completely alone.

*That really ******* scares me...

Sixty days straight you've been on my mind;
  sixty days straight is a helluva lot of time
  to go without seeing your face, beautiful face;
  Time's a race and I just want it to be erased!

If I have to be honest let me say:
  I'm angry about losing you, today.
No more of pining for what I lost;
  today's the day I'm angry of the cost!

Babe, I hope you're feeling the same way.
We melted into each other's
                                     cracks and crevices.

We intertwined in love like it was a design
  and our hearts aligned, our souls combined,
  torn apart, unkind; now all that's left is a
                                                               ­  chalk outline!

I know you'd probably want me to move on and be happy;
All I know is  I was happy when I was with you, so happy.
Our story shouldn't be over, why'd it get torn apart?
Like a trilogy cancelled halfway through part 2...

There's a lot left to say;
Not a lot of time to say.
I'll be dead before I'm 30,
And I wish I could stay.

I have given you all of my heart,
For I have loved you from the start.
Your eyes look through my soul,
You see your name on my heart.

I don't know when, where, or why.
I know one day we'll be together.
I don't know how long, but I'm sorry
That you'll have to live with losing me.

I don't want you to know that I'm going down/
All the words getting stuck in the back of my throat/
My blood turning still and lifeless within my veins/
I chased you without knowing the price to pay/
Oh baby I'm a tormented soul in this world/
It's so hard for me to let go of the stars/
Oh I'm going down in flames today/
Someone give me a reason to stay/

I know that I can't be what you want;
  because my heart is absolutely true
  and know I will not give up on you.
  That's why you can't ever love me.

He holds you the same as I would,
  plays and messes with your hair
  just like I would if you were mine.
  Every soft kiss on his lips kills me.

You sit up late and talk with him on the phone;
  just like we used to stay up late and talk
  like that time we spent 24 hours of a weekend
  being in each other's company... just talking...

But you never fell for me the way you fell for him
  or the way you fell for your last boyfriend
  or the one before him, or the one before him.
  Five years. Five boyfriends. None me.

                                                        None love you like me.
    *And that is why you can't ever love me.
                                                 Because you know that I'll stick around
                                      When everything falls apart
                         And try and be your everything
                                                    Be­cause I truly love you
                                             And you fear that love

There was never a Valentine's Day
I have hated more than this one.
Because I think of you, my friend
You're not here to share with me.

I had dreams of us riding into the sunset,
Until you disappeared, went dark on me...

I believed I was immune, invincible;
  to the scorching heat of your surface.
  That I wouldn't be burned up or
  consumed by the fires you stoke.

I was not strong enough to endure
  and turned to crystallized glass
  and fell into your atmosphere,
  shattering into sparkles of dust.

I fell apart in your atmosphere,
  shattered like a comet across
  the scorched plains of your
  heart and soul.

& in the darkness of your being
  I look up to your skies and I
  see your Aurora Borealis &
  I know everything is okay...

Oh, the sheep have fangs!
   They have buried them
   within my fickle flesh!

They tear and gnaw until
   I am, to the bone, broken.
Woe to me!

I found my heart today;
   buried underneath smoke
   & sorrows not meant
   for this world...

Edges sharp as razors,
   cold to the touch;
   ice would be warmer
   but I'm so ******* cold.

You are the one I'm talking about,
   When my words aren't there anymore.
Where the memories are bound to my heart,
   You gave my heart reasons to live.

My dear friend, I am only a skeleton,
   Stripped to bones by life's winds.
If you could feel my emptiness, death,
   So long ago, I was alive with you.

The raindrops fall in this desert,
   How I fell for you.
Reminders, remains, tell me all your secrets,
   Where is your heart, love?

The force behind my words, the reasons I write,
   Every letter a drop of our blood.
Sand falls out my mouth, you move on,
   *But did you know you were the one?

Though I have lost you from my life,
  You dwell forever in my heart;
Scars borne from being torn away,
  I shall wear as a badge of honor;
An unjust separation, too quick and harsh,
  Cut to my core, separated heart from flesh.

You were so much more than friendship and lust;
  You were true love, true love, oh you are true love!
You are my friend, you dwell in my thoughts;
  You are my love, you dwell in my heart.

I will endure for you these hardships.

The bitter taste of losing you
   I'd rather lose everyone else
I miss you every day
   Think of you every day
Please come back to me
   Please come home

Just another suicidal night
Everything comes crashing in
Loss
      Pain
            Alone
Repeat
Over and over and over in my head
While my prayers bounce off the ceiling
While my tears fall mute on deafness

So I suffocate slowly suffering
Razors across my eyes
Filled with blood
Voices killing
All alone
nobody
nothing

Another moment
Another thought
Can't stop it
Thinking of you
All your words
All your twinkling
Bright mind
Beautifully entwined
Our broken souls
Please be okay
I'm so sorry
Another moment
Another thought
Can't stop it
Thinking of you
All your passion
All your embrace
Heart of gold
Adorable girl
Our broken souls
Another moment
Please be okay
please be okay
*please be okay...

How can I love you with all my heart,
When there's only a fragment of it left?

Why were you always so scared to fall?
My promises weren't enough for you?

My heart has been broken so many times by you,
Yet with this remaining fragment I still love you?

How can this be?

I know there's no water in this pool of love,
But I'm still going to jump off the high board.

Someone please tell me they can set a broken leg.

My mind feels cold, damp, dark,
A cracked stone drips water down,
Drip drip drip drip drip,
Everything recedes away revealing,
More darkness, shadows of darkness,
Everything is slipping away into,
A thousand shades of grey and dullness,
The precious jewels, valued metals,

They have corroded and turned to black ash,
Leave them at the still riverbed. Stilled by death,

Companion, my only companion,
A raven, and a crow,
Each pecking at an eye,
Trying to break into my soul,
I loved you, locked it away,
And now I love nothing,
I have sacrificed myself for you,
Walking into the grey sunset,
Remember me.