thirteen days left of summer
i am thirteen thirsty
for genuinity today
served me nothing i am
hungry to be eighteen
in grass that is chrome green
feeling ***** but feeling clean &
not apologising for it
8th grade, thirteen years old.
Has two close friends with depression
and can think of another seven in the grade who also do.
Knows three people who have attempted suicide,
five who have slit their wrists,
a girl who had such a bad panic attack
she almost died,
three people who have starved themselves.
Only knows these few struggles of a few people.
Knows there are probably countless more
who have to battle their own inner demons
on a daily basis.
Thanks God everyday
that she doesn’t know what these demons look like
and hopes she never has to.
Wishes she could just help take away her friends pain
but can’t because she doesn’t
have the slightest idea what it feels like
but she wishes she oh so wishes
that she could somehow
convince everyone that they matter
because they do
they all do.
She believes any person anywhere can and will
bring value to the world when given a chance
if only we could make them see that.
No one deserves to die!
8th grade, thirteen years old.
Dinner on the 13th floor.
Traded a life with a kiss on the cheek.
A tree held the rope for me,
As I traded the life back.
I was number 13,
Of the 12.
Some time in may
Last year, 2018
It was a warm day
I was thirteen
You said you didn't want me
You broke my heart and changed me
But that's not the end
I thought I'd never finish
To die was my dearest wish
But I turned fourteen
You may have broke my heart
But it fixed on its own
You messed me up real smart
Now my hearts on airplane mode
Won't let anything in
That includes memories of you
I'm going to win
I will forget how I loved you
You you you you you
On my mind
Me me me me me
Please be kind
You're still alive
Look at you
Heart still going
My heart's on airplane mode
At least it's still beating
Living on my own
No more feeling
Thought I'd be dead by now really I did pretty proud I'm still here hehe
today was yesterday and they lied about tomorrow.
it doesn't exist. just like you.
you are only one thing in a world of hatred recklessness.
you were never planned. you are nothing. let me make it clear.
i don't want you to think that you got it easy. because you didn't.
no-one ever does. its a myth of constellations in the sky.
i want. * don't say it * it breaks people and keeps them in eternal darkness. you are asking for something they can't extrapolate from themselves.
what are you going to take from this. nothing.
you fit. thats all you need to know. you certainly don't fit in. but you fit. within a world of your own.
because of me. i wanted it to be perfect. it wasnt. it never will. and this is now my punishment.
take it from me.
this is all about me. don't take it personally
i am 13 years old and in a brand new
yellow two piece swim suit when
your gaze flickers up then down
you are 21 and it is okay because
i “look old enough to be 18”
but my mother doesn’t think so
she snaps at you to “keep your
eyes in your head boy before you
lose ‘em i promise you that”
i am embarrassed for all the wrong
reasons but it doesn’t click
until years later when i realize it
i wanted my mother to keep it down
let him look but don’t let him touch
it’s okay mom it’s flattering to me
but it is not okay
i was not embarrassed because my
mother had every right
i was ashamed from the way his
male gaze swept across my body
as if he were searching for a meal
i was ashamed because i thought
that’s how women got complimented
how girls were suppose to behave
i was ashamed because “am i
not **** enough for him mom
should no man look at me?”
i was ashamed because i
was 13 and it was the first time
i was introduced to sexuality
but now i am not ashamed
i am angry because
i am not the only one
And rolling lies
Thoughts down under
And scarred thighs
and thoughts of suicide
Oh when god, when will I die?
I’m feeling stuck, ****, I’m stuck
So why god, why, why am I alone?
And feelings dismissed
I’ll open the bottle and count
All the way to thirteen
Thirteen and I’m done.
Thirteen and I’m free.
Can you tell I’m feeling down? Have a goodnight saplings. -TR
thirteen reasons why i love you
1.You made me smile like never before
2.I never seemed to cry when I was with you.
3.I thought you were the one
4.The memories weren't scaring
5.The pain wasn't as strong while being around you
6.My scars started to heel.
7.My smile never leaved while around you
8.I was actually happy
9.I enjoyed being around you
10.When I laughed I wasn't faking
11.When we talked it wasn't awkward
12.My emotions were alway defined
13.My heart wasn't confused about you
thirteen reasons why i hate you
1.You can't make up your mind
2.You never said you wanted us to work
3.My emotions never made a difference to you
4.My feelings were alway wrong towards you
5.We never did what I wanted
6.We didn't talk about our problems
7.I wasn't want you needed
8.I did things that you didn't argue with you
9.My beliefs weren't agreeing with yours
10.My friends could never hangout with us
11.Changing opinions wasn't what you ever wanted
12.Changing for me was alway a no go
13.Someone alway came first
one reason why I left
1. I loved you
one reason why you left
1.you didn't love me
I was sitting at my desk, randomly got this need to write thirteen reasons.