thirteen days left of summer i am thirteen thirsty for genuinity today served me nothing i am hungry to be eighteen in grass that is chrome green feeling ***** but feeling clean & not apologising for it
Has two close friends with depression and can think of another seven in the grade who also do. That’s me.
Knows three people who have attempted suicide, five who have slit their wrists, a girl who had such a bad panic attack she almost died, three people who have starved themselves. That’s me.
Only knows these few struggles of a few people. Knows there are probably countless more thirteen year olds who have to battle their own inner demons on a daily basis. Thanks God everyday that she doesn’t know what these demons look like and hopes she never has to. That’s me.
Wishes she could just help take away her friends pain but can’t because she doesn’t have the slightest idea what it feels like but she wishes she oh so wishes that she could somehow convince everyone that they matter because they do they all do. She believes any person anywhere can and will bring value to the world when given a chance if only we could make them see that. No one deserves to die! That’s me.
If my words were like a gun There would be smoke coming off my tongue I don't think about life during a sunrise, During a sunset or a star showered night. I think about life eating a plate of nachos, Drinking too much coffee with my wife. I know in a big picture, I don't make the portrait But when they torch these walls, I'll help restore them. I can keep calm with a poker face like you, But truth is, I'd rather be a joker getting wild with the twos. I'm one of the few honest liars left And we don't rattle. We don't rattle.
It's an odd feeling knowing the words, That keep me up at night, Won't matter once they're out, still unheard Only said as the emotion lingering in my head. I lie in bed putting my thoughts to rest Sliding my finger to turn the page Back to the real world behind the stage Of a notepad and metophorical pen Because a digital thought looks neat, If only you saw the backspacing eraser Scribbling out all my waste you'll never meet. But we don't rattle. We don't rattle.
today was yesterday and they lied about tomorrow. it doesn't exist. just like you. you are only one thing in a world of hatred recklessness. you were never planned. you are nothing. let me make it clear. i don't want you to think that you got it easy. because you didn't. no-one ever does. its a myth of constellations in the sky. i want. * don't say it * it breaks people and keeps them in eternal darkness. you are asking for something they can't extrapolate from themselves. what are you going to take from this. nothing. you fit. thats all you need to know. you certainly don't fit in. but you fit. within a world of your own. because of me. i wanted it to be perfect. it wasnt. it never will. and this is now my punishment. take it from me.
Traveling thunder And rolling lies Thoughts down under And scarred thighs Slashed feelings and thoughts of suicide Oh when god, when will I die? I’m feeling stuck, ****, I’m stuck So why god, why, why am I alone? Scarred thighs Scarred lies Scarred wrists And feelings dismissed I’ll open the bottle and count One, Two, All the way to thirteen Thirteen and I’m done. Thirteen and I’m free. Thirteen.
Can you tell I’m feeling down? Have a goodnight saplings. -TR