Walking alone in the midst of the trees
the wind there was blowing gently and
everything was moving it seemed except me.
The birds were twittering in the branches overhead
singing out their love for nature and whilst listening
didn't share in their praise but envied them instead.
I could feel something watching unsure of what I intended
and sense something telling them about me to take caution;
keep out of reach, fear and harm is perhaps what I represented.
But what was this thing or feeling that I was sensing?
Could it be the ceasing of the wind and the stillness that
was effected or the hours of darkness that were falling?
My presence and expanding awareness was perhaps the likely answer.
But there was also, I could sense, a general saline moisture in the air
reminding me of tears and the ocean, from which did the wind transfer?
I kept on walking slowly along following a path I could barely see
seeking some place where I could find my joy to rejoice in and so
nearing the edge of the forest had no idea where that place would be.
What lay ahead in the stretch of land seemed like mere desolation
so, after hesitating a little and pondering, began traversing that land
because there was much more to witness from direct observation.
That which I witnessed amidst the trees was only part of what there was to see
and as I continued making my way slowly forward along the land,
I stumbled on something and fell thinking how cruel nature was to me.
While laying there for some time propped up on elbows with head drooping down
could not help feeling the way I did and wishing the grass was much taller
so that I might bury my head in it and become one with the ground.
When one is alone and lonely one does often think of many things,
not necessarily depending on the state of mind or mood one is in;
calmness, quietude and reflection are the fruits that solitude brings.
People, it seems to me that, when they are running the risk
of being swept away by a strong and prevailing tide
that could drown them, always try to find a higher more secure ground.
But how high can they go and how long there can they abide?
This was almost the case with me for I was drowning in my own thought
and with the onset of darkness perhaps I was trying not to get caught.
Thus I ventured forth straight into the unknown it seemed.
How far and which way could or would I go was deemed
only by time which would tell if I reached my destination
with no one and nothing to guide me but my imagination.
Sitting up I realised, after looking about me, was a kind of day
in which everything seemed serene and beautiful with the sun
shedding its last warmth and light, the air gently blowing away
its freshness and sense of freedom, this day was almost done.
Yet the darkness still was falling and thought provoking
and bearing all of its weight there upon me.
Could it be that only when, under pressure experiencing,
does one look then at what is really to see?
For ere the sun and moon fully exchanged their places,
to govern the land and sea, in the majestic sky awe inspiring,
I saw looking up into those vast luminous starry spaces
there was still light that shone upon me which was much desiring.
The sun on the horizon was going down in a shimmering sea
of calm movement, shedding as it were its reserve flood of light
in my eyes, warmth on my body and actively seemed to guide me
as the path lying ahead was still unforeseen and nowhere in sight.
Heavenly light was enlightening my world before me and binding
my mind in a state of exalted wakefulness as if there was yet more to come.
Although we can only all go on until so far as our fate is allowing,
will we never see through our blindness what's awaiting us under the sun?
For every man, woman and child there is a story that will never be told
and so we can surely hit the target but, will we ever meet the mark?
The wrath wrought through the misinterpretation of nature's role of old
in our lives will have its share to account for our being in the dark.
The moon with its full glare of moonbeams was there starring at me
as I looked up into what was so much more to behold and happening;
the stars were sprinkling their light in the heavens and could also see,
they were holding me captive beyond comprehension and beckoning.
And I began feeling a sense of attraction rise somewhere from within,
responding to this outward magnitude of enchantment transfixed stood,
and closing my eyes experienced a tingling warmth from my waist begin
rising up my spine and reach into the crown of my head as if it should.
And to seemingly flow out above through the recesses and ends of my hair
as if embracing and reverentially acknowledging, on some deep inner level,
a magnificent presence, comforting and soothing, invisible yet somehow there.
With feelings of inexplicable security and overwhelming love I began to revel.
As if nothing else existing; a conscious knowing of Almighty Being
which was centred within and yet everywhere all around revealing.
A step beyond imagination with a higher faculty operating
it was a bewildering and profound experience of becoming.
Yet I was very young then not knowing what age now
and oftentimes I found myself yearning as if somehow
there could be an almighty Splendour such as He
so reassuring to know that He was always with me.
And whenever turning within humbly, sincerely addressing,
He would always receive motherly - like my love offering,
comfortingly remove my sorrow and feeling of separation
embracing me in His invisible ***** - friend like affiliation.
Through the simple sayings and stories old assimilated
of words the Lord Jesus Christ sometime said indicated
in daily living I would find encouragement and confirmation
of the truth my mind then grasping subtle as if in revelation.
A little was almost too much and yet so overwhelming
an ever present certainty the more one tries expressing
the use of words are near futile it seems
like memories of half forgotten dreams.
Many were the days that passed and very few were those amongst them
in which I began to find favour once more with that Old Friend and Gem.
Being as it were in life's quest, bedazzled by the apparently real, I saw my mind
which was caught as a fish in a net and offered freedom of a very limited kind
and even much less if one was not knowingly overcome; seeking release in
its strong captivating charm of illusory values and make believe ways within.
After many years and in a certain place behind some church
in a car park early in the twilight it happened so unexpectedly.
To my amazement, I saw a small tree growing in a little garden beside
the parking area, and as I got out of my car stretching my legs walking
towards it, and with eyes gazing at it, saw that this tree was alive and could see the sap
which was coursing through its trunk and boughs circulating around in it like blood
passing through the veins in a person’s body but of a transparent colour and so it was
that nobody else was there and everything for a long moment seemed very quiet and still.
_______________________
From unpublished book "The Seeds Of Life" - compiled 1996. This is a long poem and it also took a long time to write and complete as presented here.