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Jul 20 · 184
Meet thine dagger
Chloe Jul 20
Now you got what you wanted
My life is a waste
You got what you ******* wanted
I threw it away
You have what I gave you
I gave you my faith
Now where is my end of the deal?
Take me away

You have someone special
What did you do?
You took something from me
What have I done to you?
You just couldn’t leave me alone
I was okay!
I was fine until you took him away

You are pathetic
I hate being alive
What is so perfect
and holy about you, Christ?
Why did you save me?
I would rather die in sin
than in your vanity, you forsaking
*******

Why did you take him?
Now he can’t breathe
Why would you take him
instead of me?
I would give up my soul,
I would give up with haste
I would give you my flesh
if you just let him stay

The smell, relentless,
it swallows the air
The smell of death is disgusting
and remains in my eyes, I swear
Why would you do this?
Death, like life, is unfair
I cannot understand,
to death, I declare.
2012
Feb 1 · 75
The line
Chloe Feb 1
Sometimes I feel like a body-
sentience too hard to comprehend
Sometimes I feel like an animal-
and, after all, I am

Toes curling in the shower
It is amazing what we do for pleasure
The line is fine as death is final
All I want is to try again

Sometimes I feel uncomfortably aware-
subjected to overanalyze everything
Sometimes I feel helpless and infantile-
all I ever do is cry

Legs shaking in the shower
It is amazing how it kills the hour
The line is permanent as misery is terminal
Nothing ever pacifies

All I need is a second chance
Jan 28 · 74
Untitled
Chloe Jan 28
It devours my soul
I leave it hungry
Jan 23 · 1.0k
I’m so wet
Chloe Jan 23
It makes me sweaty
I’m so wet
I want to remember
But I forget

It makes me comfortable
Fills me with blissful ignorance
I don’t want to be
But I am and that’s okay

Is it raining?
Or did I do too much?
I want to remember
how to touch

It makes me remember
But I don’t want to this way
Nothing will ever
make it okay

It is hard to wake up
Because I don’t want to
if I cannot feel you
anymore
Jan 19 · 133
Chasing betrayal
Chloe Jan 19
How could you have taken me there?
I was just a little girl
in every possible way

You knew you loved me
but I didn’t know
Would it have mattered either way?

I spent my life chasing betrayal
because it is all I’ve ever known
of you

You can live with it in your own way
but I cannot
It eats away
Jan 17 · 345
taking the pill
Chloe Jan 17
Are you taking the pill?
Is that your only question?
Did you even ask?
I don’t remember

Are my requests
only a suggestion?
Why is it that I never demand?
I don’t remember the last time

Is it because I resisted
that you restrained me?
Did you even need to?
I was empty
And I don’t remember
having ever felt love

Is it because it was easy?
Is it because of something I said
the night we met?
You have tainted everything
I cannot stop revisiting
and now I don’t remember
how to feel love
Jan 15 · 441
Everything sucks
Chloe Jan 15
You said, “how do you do that… with the words?”
I said, “well, I know the English language…”
You said, “but the way you use it, I mean.”
I said, “Everything is poetry.”

So, you sat down with your mom
and you had a tough conversation
At the end, she asked you-
“how did you say all that to me?”
to which you answered-
“well, I know the English language.”
She said, “but the way you said it.”
and you replied, “Everything is poetry.”

Your mom went to bed early that night
and thought deeply about the end of that exchange
She pulled paper out of her printer the next morning
and she started writing
Nothing in particular- a stream of consciousness
A friend at work found this paper
and she read it out of concern for your mom-
she had been acting off
She went to your mom and she said,
“I love what you have written here.”
to which your mom replied-
“well, I know the English language.”
The friend continued,
“Yes, but what you say with it…”
Your mother’s response was, of course,
“Everything is poetry.”

The friend from work mentioned that conversation to her struggling artist boyfriend
He scoffed, feeling belittled in his craft, yet newly inspired.
There was an open mic that night
and he unveiled a new poem he’d been working on all week
At the end, an audience member called out-
“That ******!”
to which he responded-
“Everything *****.”
Poem
Short story
Jan 15 · 310
Stumbling
Chloe Jan 15
I try to push it inside of me
but it is too ******
Why was I made this way?
Is it because Eve was hungry?
Starving for love

I try to take it out
but my fingers are stumbling
Never been good
in times of gushing
I hear your change of tone
Is it because you don’t want me?
Is it because of me?
I am starving for love

It is much lighter now
but that is always deceiving
I love the way you love me
but hate how you leave me
starving for love
Jan 10 · 552
in cold blood
Chloe Jan 10
I had hope for today
You didn’t have to **** it
But you did

I had hope for tomorrow
You didn’t have to **** it
But you did
In cold blood

I had hope for it all
You didn’t have to **** it
But you did
In cold blood
*******

I had hope
You didn’t have to **** it
*******
Daughter of a *****
Girls can be god, too
Jan 9 · 50
Webs and Vines
Chloe Jan 9
Good for nothin
Always trying to be the best at everything
To prove them wrong

Good for nothin
Always trying to be the best at something
To prove herself wrong

Through webs and vines
Addiction and crime
It is going to be okay
We are all good for something
Jan 6 · 691
therapy
Chloe Jan 6
It is hard to believe you’re sad
when you are sad all the time
I think your clock is broken
Let’s fix it
Keep talking to me
I need you
Jan 5 · 434
creation
Chloe Jan 5
It is always a different number-
one that I don’t have
I dream of you often
as I would dream of the dead

It is so confusing
how I want to tell you
but I don’t want you to know

I want to leave you
Move on with my life
We both know I’ve created a better one
Jan 2 · 635
mantra
Chloe Jan 2
Frostbite of the teeth
Bite into me
I will not bleed
I am strong

Frozen to the core
Hit me
I will not shatter
I am strong

Crackling in your water
Swallow me
I will not melt
I am strong

I am not angry
It is no fight
Whether I bleed,
shatter, or melt-
I am strong
Jan 1 · 430
grow up
Chloe Jan 1
I feel so miserable
Nothing is going to change
I feel so caught up in
all my rage
… grow up

I feel like I deserve
to die and if not
I deserve to hurt
I feel so overwhelmed
I need something
to cover my head
…. grow up

I feel empty inside
and yet so full
I could explode
What I feel right now
is all I will ever know
… grow up
Grow up
Grow up
Grow up
GROW UP
GROW UP
GROW UP
GROW UP
My New Years resolution
Dec 2021 · 536
Expansion
Chloe Dec 2021
It is strange to think
that I will never again
smoke a cigarette
for as long as you
and I live

Does the universe
expand?
Or do we just
push it to its
limitlessness?

Already I feel
so unworthy of you
You are an angel
but I am no god

Maybe I will be better-
benevolent and unenvious
I would be anything
for you

It’s strange to think
that I could produce good
into a world
that has brought me to my knees
I now cradle you in my heart
and fall asleep
Dec 2021 · 513
love brings life
Chloe Dec 2021
What is fertility
but a little you
and a little me…

Like a car that’s been driven for too long
Overheating

Watching it stick before your eyes
Slip and die

No hope of my own
But love is infectious
I love you
And love brings life into this world
Dec 2021 · 363
17 Again
Chloe Dec 2021
I let you escape
out of my grasp
to perpetuate
your task

I let you escape
No fluid left
Too much time
has passed

I let you escape
I couldn’t believe
Oh, you were so sick
and pretty

I let you escape
out of my grasp
I didn’t know I deserved
to say no
Chloe Dec 2021
I don’t want to deal with heartache anymore;
don’t want to feel you in my pores
I want out of here
I know you are the only way
So, can you stay, just for tonight?
Can we pray for some light?
And if we stay here all our lives,
can we pray that it is right?
I just want to feel good
and to make it feel good for you
If you think I should,
I will kneel before you
ON THE CROSS
Oh, my hands are bleeding
You never said! You never bled!
I don’t see why I am being punished anymore
I have praised all my demons with justification
Though, I still need a way to find
instant gratification
So, can you forget just for tonight?
Can we pray since we can’t fight?
And if I say that I will be all right,
can we pray that the end is in sight?
I just want to feel you
and in one touch find the truth
If I pull through
I will kneel before you
IN THESE CHAINS
Oh, the dirt, it infects my blood
You never rested! I’ve been molested! Oh, my friend!
If you were resurrected
I may slay you again
This ******* holy water tortures me
Hey, I found a bible; it was burning
You left me soulless and yearning to believe
****, at this point, I would believe anything
So, can I pray if just out of fear?
Can anyone say if the end is near?
Can I battle off all my fears?
Will this be my last year?
And will I ever be born again?
Can my body ever be cleansed?
Lead me to a mirror to make amends
SHATTERED GLASS pierces all my friends
I was never told this would be easy
I was never told I had a ******* choice
No one ever told me it was okay to speak
I was never told to have a voice
So, I don’t
Also, *******.
2014 I think
Dec 2021 · 597
call of death
Chloe Dec 2021
Is it the smoke
or is it my breath?
Either one-
the call of death

I think of my mind
as a gold mine
But how do I tell
such an awful story?
Dec 2021 · 468
Not well
Chloe Dec 2021
Time stands still
and nothing changes
I don’t know how to survive

Time stands still
and nothing changes
I take my life

If only there was
something perfect
I could exist
And if you were real
and I didn’t miss you
it would be different

In a dream
we fixed this
distance between us
I wake up
and everything changes
for the worst

He liked to watch
a woman struggle
I can’t change that
I’m no one’s savior
You’re not helpless
I am only here
to lift you up
so you can leave

Do you feel empowered yet?

And I would much rather
tear you down
so you will stay
But that’s not my agency
I am sorry for everything
I’m still not well
Where did you go?
Dec 2021 · 631
what it means
Chloe Dec 2021
It’s the buzz to the brain
and the lack of restraint
and all this pain
I carry with me

It’s the way it catches fire
and makes me a liar
so I have reason
to hate myself

It’s the way people
say my name
without any understanding
of what it means

It’s the reflex,
I guess,
that causes all this
pain seeking
muscle memory
Dec 2021 · 440
too bright
Chloe Dec 2021
Darkness
shines light
Don’t make it
too bright
No one needs
to see it

The quiet
is loud
Can’t make it
out
No one ever
listens

Darkness
abounds
Don’t make
a sound
It is too bright
I see too much
Dec 2021 · 464
a dream about a hospital
Chloe Dec 2021
Wake up in an unfamiliar cold bed
Warm blanket, back exposed
Not sure how you got there-
but you did it to yourself

Fighting tubes- back to sleep
You only wanted to apologize
They will never understand
And again- you never want to wake up

Rushed back into full consciousness
No compress for your bruised arms
Honesty becomes your worst enemy
when all you want is to go home

Neighboring, neglected withdrawal cries
A midnight delusional in your room
Halls filled with the souls of strangers
You never asked to be woken up

Rough socks, ammonia scented floor
Bolted windows- no escape
All you want is to go home-
but you did it to yourself
Dec 2021 · 1.2k
make an angel
Chloe Dec 2021
She said “you’re smoking”
I said “you are, too”
She asked me to put it out-
something I could never do

She said “it is snowing”
I said “it is glowing- I am afraid”
She told me to make an angel
before it’s too late
Dec 2021 · 462
it makes me tired
Chloe Dec 2021
Self soothing
turned into
holding my own
hand
It is comforting.

Staying awake
to watch you sleep
It makes me tired
I always want to
attribute my pain
to something
but everything
is fine

I hold my own hand
It comforts me
when everything
goes wrong

Falling asleep
before you
I miss everything
and it is all my fault

Everything is fine
Don’t comfort me
I am in so much pain
There is no relief

Everything is wrong
How do you complain?
I am only reaching out
for your hand
Dec 2021 · 396
sunlight in hell
Chloe Dec 2021
Why must you tear it
from my hands-
they have borne
so much for you

Do we all go to the same place?

Foiling all our plans-
does it mean
that much to you?

Do we all go to the same place?

There is no sunlight
in hell-
that much I know
is true

And if we all go to the same place
I will not go with you
Dec 2021 · 432
Tool
Chloe Dec 2021
You always watched
us getting off
in the mirror
as if the reflection
did it better than me

Bringing the phrase
“foot in mouth”
a new meaning-
as translucent as I am-
deep down I wished
you could see

A ***** West Virginia girl-
maybe you saw more
than I care to admit
You knew how to
give it to me
like the soulmate
you could never be
Dec 2021 · 242
the cure
Chloe Dec 2021
Searching for something
that stars with “S”
and ends in “tonin”
to heal my thoughts.

Just hand me a cigarette
I already have cancer
of the soul

Searching for something
that starts with “Oxy”
and ends in “tocin”
I drain the ocean
from me
as it drains from you

Just prescribe me
the ******* Prozac
I’ll never feel pleasure
ever again, anyways

Is there a cure for dry mouth?
Dec 2021 · 659
Burning leaf
Chloe Dec 2021
Will I be the last leaf
hanging on to fall?
You are the fire
that keeps me burning
through winter.

Will I be the last leaf
hanging on to fall?
You are the fire
that keeps me burning
through winter
Like burning ash.

Will I be the last leaf
hanging on to fall?
You are the fire
that keeps me burning
through winter
Like burning ash
It is too much.

Will I be the last leaf
hanging on to fall?
You are the fire
that keeps me burning
through winter
Like burning ash
It is too much.
And I am sorry.

Will I be the last leaf?
You are the fire
burning ash
and it is too much
and I am sorry.

Will I be the last leaf
hanging on to fall?
Nov 2020 · 861
A place in time
Chloe Nov 2020
The here and now
A place in time
The world feels so soft
and open

Fulfilling my wish
A three part kiss
where time stands still
and I seize the moment

On the brink of lust
With each healing touch
And suddenly the world
appears less broken

The here and now
A place in time
Our soft worlds collided
and wide open
13 October 2020
Nov 2020 · 223
On the outside
Chloe Nov 2020
I have an awful habit
of always going
where I am needed
and never having
my needs met
until someone
realizes it
and relieves it
A gust of wind
pierces through
my soul
Buttons torn off
and floating
Blouse torn
down the middle
as I walk
into mourning
I own a body
I don’t believe in
If only it could
match my soul’s
experience
I try to age it
by smoking heavily
and then burning
all the evidence
Such lies
always lead to
happiness
and never
severance
I wear my heart
on the outside
like an infant
held in reverence  
simply for surviving
02 June 2020
Apr 2020 · 208
Not heroin
Chloe Apr 2020
I do it because
it feels good
but I don’t
want to
I use words
to get away
with the ******
of myself
Sometimes
suicide is
the only
answer
In my mind
it will never
end because
it never began
I can’t lie
because
I believe all the
******* I say
If only you
were lucky enough-
I would really
go away
We can hate
anyone who
treats us poorly
but not ourselves
We can ****
ourselves slowly
with alcohol
but not ******
I watch a fight
on a screen
and there’s people
in the audience
The closest man
to the fight
only stops them
sometimes
How does
someone win
with blood
on their hands?
Why even
teach our
children
not to fight?
Why even teach our children not to fight?
05 April 2020
Jan 2020 · 144
Untitled
Chloe Jan 2020
There is a light than blinds me
It binds me to this earth
The light shines down upon us
its beauty
but I don't yet know its worth
I capture my life with words
and I wish to watch them burn
so they can, too, shine brightly
and be left as my ashes
as my body dispatches
to leave a part of me in this world

— The End —