The fire inside,
The ******* lies behind.
The years I loved and dubbed the best I knew,

You do know what you've done.
**** the memories,
I don't want them anymore,
Here, take them and disappear.

Every little lie.
Nary little fib.
I feel sorry for the other guy,

He'll learn in time,
All you know how to do is lie.

~Robert van Lingen

I showed you my heart,
Please respond

~Robert van Lingen

I caught myself peering through the haze,
Weary of the dark,

The dull glaze of my mirror silently stares back,
From the black, I speak tales of the maze of my mind,
I find, till yet this day has failed to share the  unrequited love for myself,
For my sense of self, I delve into the skies,

The dull shine, just over there,
The longer I stare, It just becomes stranger,
Which one is me? Which one is real?

Am I the reflection? Or am I the stranger?

~Robert van Lingen

The stories,
The worries laid to bear,
Fade and pass,
Fade and pass.

At last I find my strength,
What am I meant to be?
We will see.

When I breathe I will move the Earth,
When I speak I will burn the fires that held me back,
I will turn cracks to canyons,
The Rockies will tremble at my march,
The cliffs of Dover will turn to sand.

So,
Here I am.

Try to stop me.

~ Robert van Lingen

Little whispers in my ear,
Strike as silent screams,
My heart the amplifier.

Speak to me and I shall find meaning you can't understand.
Scream to me,
All I hear is death in my ears.

A gentle whisper,
A harmless little ripple,
Perpetuates in my torrid waters,
Becometh my reaper grim.

Your little words,
Whisper to me as I drown in the shallows.

~Robert van Lingen

The Dream,
The relenting call,
Here I,

I want to believe those fleeting dreams,
To move on and be,

But,
I am beguiled by the seas of everything I wanted to be,
Adrift on the forever of it all.

Writing the lines forming before me, ultimately trapped in time,
A relentless mind running blind in the wilds of what I will never become.

Unkempt,
Yet I am young.

I follow the beating drums of a different tune,
A strange mind,
Step,
Waltz to the curious muze.

~Robert van Lingen

O Sun,
O Moon,
Will I see ye once more?

By word I marched,
By order I bled,
There is a stale silence in this winter air.

I am last standing yet not unscathed,
Pain writhes through me,
But this man yet stands.

I carry on to see her, Sun.
I carry on to see her, Moon.

Sun shines on my heart and heals wounds all.
Moon cools heart and calms souls complete.

Without ye I may not carry forth,
Carry forth this weight of mine pains.

Yet shall I see these divine again,
The hurt shall be lifted,
The aches dispelled,
And Happily will this man live with his Sun and his Moon 

~Robert van Lingen
II-II-MMXII

Forever unending time scribes inside my mind the lies and self attrition,
Eating, chewing away.

Through to the day,  my dues I pay,
And forever unending time remains.

Besieged is he that breathes to thee.
Laying in his lonely steppe.
Battered, shattered, but somehow remained a whole.

To my mind, designed by he unknown,
I silently sing and pleade,
Peace,  please.
Just let me sleep.

~Robert van Lingen

At a glance,
The Circumstance advances the feeling.
I take my stance,
With yet a glance in the other direction,

Enhanced by my retrospect,
With respect to the other.

I sit quietly in my introversion.
All while I build my newer version,
Averted to the adversions of the life I quietly observe.

Here I am.

~Robert van Lingen

Lights sputter,
Ringing in your ears,
Held tight in hope's embrace.

Tears pour,
Muffled screaming,
Everything you knew is gone.

Ground is shaking,
Dust in your fingernails,
Blood on your arms,
Curled up, you pray this isn't real.

A bright flash.
Silence.
Nothing.

What happened?

~Robert van Lingen

------------
A poetic prologue to One Year,
a short novel by Robert van Lingen

The crushing,
The Crippling pain,
I can see the path I need but the bars ahead of me just say no.

I step,
I talk,
I scream and walk through this torrid wood,
Made of one part memory,
And one part of fear.

The glear* in my heart hacks away,
Chopping not at the trees,
But at the writer here,

The endless edge of the forest,
Perpetually out of reach.

Breathe.
Close my eyes.
Walk blind.

When I look,


Am I there?

~Robert van Lingen

The silent war between lovers' lines,
In the midst of endless time,
I find nigh, I am high,

To the core, in my endless mind,
The kind of hearts, that pry and pry,

Curses shouted to the wind,
Verses, written to the page,

A fast, and slow calling, just barely out of reach.
Touch my fingertips and look into my eyes,
As I slip, and fly away.

~Robert van Lingen

At last,
Abashed at the rash decisions of my heart,

The crash amassed the crass dealings of my past,
Fast,
The class to mask the blast,

Hide.

~Robert van Lingen

My problem is I fear.

I hold on.

I never know when to give up.

I blindly wave my hands in front of me in hopes that I'll find a hidden door to paradise,

Althewhile I fully expect to never find something that will allow me to stop wandering.

If that wasn't enough,
I drag the locked doors that I find along the way behind me in hopes that,
one day,
they'll magically open.

The written word,
The smitten hurt,
Dance hand in hand,

Step to the silent beat,
Wave your hands at the paper white,
Send me write to my dreams,

~Robert van Lingen

Miles and Miles, the isles file away,
Walking past, walking fast, and I find myself astray,

Bleeding deep and needing peace,
Let fly one more tear,


I find myself in need of that which I never knew I never had,

But wait,
The novel forever unfinished,
Read me one more page.

~Robert van Lingen

If a picture is worth a thousand words,
How many a memory?

I could read your eyes for a thousand years and it would be only the start,

Suffice to say,
I've written more than a few.

~Robert van Lingen

Dry,
Stale,
Pale in comparison to a heart dancing in tune,

Waltz to the songs my memories play,
Stand in the hand that plucks my strings,

Sing to me, Sing to me,
Your Siren Song

~Robert van Lingen

Hello, again.
He who whispers my name when I'm alone.
Hello again,
Cold winters' breath.
Cold splinters' kept...

Who are you to strip from me everything I love?
In every joy, you follow close behind to let me have a taste, only
to wrench from me my only wish, my reason, my rhyme,
function, and goal.

Only you can make hell burn hotter,
Take my mother and I will cry,
Take my love and I will fall,
Take my friends?

You spit in my face at every turn,
Kick my heels on every step and stride.
You utter into my ears your sadistic songs.

To you I say,
Go to hell,
I'll keep on walking.

~Robert van Lingen

Panic at the door,
Knock, knock.

I feel my waning mind,
My breath distressed as I try not to answer,
My heart beating in ominous tune.

The anxious wait,
Streaming thoughts turn to screams,
Thoughts darting here and there,

The incessant drumming,
Don't open the door,
Or everyone will see...

~Robert van Lingen

Today is yet another that pulls me back to pains of past,
Amassed sit the flowless tears,
I'm in shock.

I'd love to forget love,
Yet, It's not that simple.

I stand,
I walk,
I run,

Any manner of how far I go,
You are there.

~Robert van Lingen

When is the end of my story?
Where is my final line?
The heat slowly fades into my mind as I seek asylum from itself...

Bring me to me,
When is my end,
When is my goodbye?

~Robert van Lingen

Write my mind,
Stare me blind.

Feel the tale,
Sing the song.

Listen to the past,
Raise the Mast.

Everything we had,
Everything we did.

This is not the end of the story.

~Robert van Lingen

To my heart I write these words,
Spare me from my sickness,
Unchain me from my shackles.

I walk only because I must,
Not yet for myself.
There are good days,
There are bad.

It's sad to see myself in such a state,
When my efforts reap little reward.

Today, once again, I find myself asking why,
Why?

Who knows.
I do my best to restrain myself from my own fires,
And still they burn,
But not as the flames in your candle, no.
They burn with a searing, slow, and silent heat.

My stomach churns at the thought of this lasting forever.

Reprieve me of my prisonous mind.
I would love to love myself, and yet I try,

And yet I falter.

Why do I hold myself to such perfectious standard?

I bear the standard of the anxious and depressed, meanwhile no one knows how to listen for the silent cries that even I speak unawares.

I tear my own heart asunder, but why?

The silent disease with no cure.
The infection that cannot be understood due to its silence.

So how are we to solve this puzzle?
Where none of the pieces fit?

Solve the riddle unspoken.

~Robert van Lingen

A love won,
A battle lost,
A cost too dear,
Here I stand in my worst fear,
Here I am.

****,

What now,
So loud,
The thoughts,
The self screams.

Mother,
So dear,
I understand,
I know how you feel,
Take yourself into God's Kingdom,
And be free.

I love you Mom,
Goodbye.

~Robert van Lingen

There are a lot of answers I want,
But no questions I'm willing to ask.

There are a lot of things I want to say,
But none that I will.





The painful restraints shackle my wrists,
Yet I accept them with glee.

For the first time, I understand,
Some words lay better unsaid.

Some questions,
Better unasked.

To this moment I restrain myself,
Not in reluctance.

To this moment,
I learn the truth of patience.

To this memory,
I hold my tongue to not taint the skies that sail behind me.

To this one,
I stay my mind,

To save you the pain.

~Robert van Lingen

The soul mindless alone,
The whole yet to be filled.

Find one to another and breathe,
See,
Believe.

The soul mindless at home finds itself in the beating minds of the tormented,
Tormented.
Abashed to its own state of mind.

Signed the treaty to service of the lost.
Little do they know.


The chip, chipping away at the stone heart constructed nigh,
The stone heart slipping away from its own grasp.


Broken hearts cannot heal another,
Stolen minds speak no reason.


Find unto yourself reason for pride,
Your own heart must stand fast.

So that,
One day,
You may pave peace for another to stride,
And find their way.

~Robert van Lingen

Love, Pain, Hate, Shame, they are all one in the same,
What keeps us sane?

The peace of which we seek blinds our eyes of the ease with which we bleed.
We cease to peace when we give in to grief.

This is the law of love and life,
With which we walk unto our paths that we ourselves have never known,
and never will,

Save the day,
We pave peace with our tears and fears for others to stride,
And find their way,

~Robert van Lingen

In a day I fall,
To these walls I scream,
NO MORE!

Yet they play their sadistic songs,
Play my piano strings, dear, keep on.

You,
You who hated me for my past,
Abhorred me for my pains,
And yet you play.

Play on and slay what's left,
This man who bore his bones to you,
Who bled his last drop to show his love yet,

This blood isn't red enough for you.

~Robert van Lingen

It's funny,
One day you were there,
The next day you were gone,
You found me alone and latched on and held me and showed me love.

You saw the worst parts of me,
You saw the best,
In my darkest times you were there,

When I wanted to die,
When everything to me was a lie,
You were there.

When Nothing and no one meant anything to me anymore,
Except you,
Yeah, you were there.

You were my rock, my shoulder to lean on,
When I needed a heart and a reason,
When I needed a best friend,
When I needed a lover and a home,
You were there.

The day my world collapsed,
The night I lost everything and cried,
When my mom decided to end her own life and I had nowhere to run,
You were there.

You held my hand through every moment,
Through every day I was scared,
You were there...

~Robert van Lingen

When the day is down,
You look around and there is nothing there.

Just look around.
You will see the dark,
You will hear the sound of those who are.

When the day is down,
When the end whispers in your ear,
Say no.
Say no and go to where you will,

Your end is not here.
Say no and go to where you are meant to be.

~Robert van Lingen

The wayward scent,
Of sunrise's past.

Watch and wonder,
Watch and wander,

Breathe,
And see.
Be,
And believe.

An old morning's mist,
And old glories missed.

Wavering in stance,
A heart yet stands.

A wave goodbye,
May not be a good bye.

The wayward scent,
My way sent,

Show me good
And goodbye.

~Robert van Lingen

The hidden love,
For the friend who is always there.

Through every step,
Through long times and hardship,
No matter how long since we speak,
It's like we met just yesterday,

Through many friendships,
Come and go,
There is something different about you,

I hope my patience will last,
Because you just may be the last.

~Robert van Lingen

A broken heart defensive,
Shaken to the core.

My walls went up, Came down,
And went up once more,

After her my walls impregnable,
I built my heart of steel,

Until you,
Your enchanting gaze shattered any concept of holding back,
My walls crumbled and destroyed forever.

Now years past you left me bare,
My heart so broken to leave me in this hellish glare,

Once again I raised my walls,
But yet they fall.

Mortar made from tears cannot hold a heart,
Walls no more,
I've fallen apart.

~Robert van Lingen

Waking,
The peaceful yet painful silence,

Breaking,
The shattered past,

Cast the mind to the broken surf,

The peaceful yet painful silence,
The accursed slumber,

The waking dreams realized,
Yet intangible,
The ineffable plot,

Waking,
Eyes ***** upon the ceiling,
The turbid lullaby resound,

The haunting end ever present dichotomy,
The peaceful yet painful slumber,
The forlorn cure,
My inescapable truth.

~Robert van Lingen

With me I bring the ashes of my past,
At long last do I see what lies before me.
So I breathe...











My creed,
To believe,
To release the ashes from my hands,

To my knees,
As the lonely tear flows aside my eyes I say,

Steadfast, I stand before time Unknown.

~Robert van Lingen

Stand on High,
Revel in the peaceful noise,
Forget,
Forget.

Stand on high,
Atop the pillowy peaks,
Forget,
Forget.

Stand on high,
Toss the pebble,
Forget,
Forget.

As one stands on high,
And forgets,
Just a stone's throw,
May send you crashing down,

Forget,
Forget.

~Robert van Lingen

The deep songs sing to me,

Inside the mind the notes stride across seas of strings,
Strumming away,

The bellows feed my fires as well they fill my heart with the thunders alight.

I speak not yet,
I scribe my songs to thee, as to myself,
I sing songs upon my piano strings,

I speak not, yet,
I am fluent in Silence.

~Robert van Lingen

To waste,
To waste,

To waste such a love must be a crime,
Undermine the efforts of years' past,
Alas,
To waste.

But withall,
I bleed no longer,

I bled my tears,
I had my fears,
And today, I bleed no longer.

To thee I wish thine peace,
To me, I smile at least,

At what was not,
To waste.

~Robert van Lingen

Who are you?
Not a name,

Tell me your soul.

~Robert van Lingen

Love blunt my blade,
Set in stone my firebrand,

And show me a new way.

~Robert van Lingen

To Absent Days' Gone,

The strength of weakness Betrays Oneself.

The Weakness of Strength defaces the purity of a love so strong as to entwine ones' life and being.

A heart in chaos sees nearsighted,

The part I play is that of the puppet to mineself.

But Thanks to thou who'd show me the painful truth.

Set my aching heart free from itself and show me,

Strength,

Weakness,

Love,

Fear,

To coexist so tightly to seem as one in the same.

Truth speak,

I will listen.

I will learn.

I am not alone, not in myself nor in others.

I Am, Myself.

~Robert van Lingen

Who are you?

What is this?

What is happening?

Grappling with my defenses as I slip into despair and confusion, comatose.

Just as I feel all is well,

The gentle swells turn to tsunami,

Crash upon my shores.

The moors sink into the unrelenting waves.

I see you and I cry inside.

Why?

I don't know.

The mere sight of you still shakes me to my bones,

As I sink and drown I watch you float past in your bliss,

Sail past me, unawares.

Somebody save me...

~Robert van Lingen

What now?
Lies or Confusion?
Misunderstanding or Malice?
The truth is all I seek.
Give me something to believe.

Taint the starry sky.
Where even the truth speaks deception.
Believe this,
Believe nothing.

Who are you?
Why am I?
What were we?

Do I love?
Do I hate?
Feel or Fall?
Give me something to believe,

Taint the Stars.
The memories are hell and heaven entwined.
To one side I walk,
To the other, I cry.

Give me something to trust,
Yet what is this word?
To Trust.

To Muster the will to move along and turn a blind eye to the past.
To us? Trust speaks in tongues.
It's hieroglyphs read nothing we understand.

Taint the sun,
Its blazing light turns to showers of fear.
The rain turns red.

Show me something to believe,
Grant me reprieve,
N'er shall I see the same.

~Robert van Lingen

To write the fight is my way to speak,
To fight the might of life is my reason to live,

Set me free to my mind and I will never look back,
To myself I am the one and only.

I am in control.

To write the fight is my way to speak,

Breathe to me,
And show me who I am.

~Robert van Lingen