There are times
when I wish
I was blind
so I would not have to watch
loved ones
fall
and
break
and
stumble
so I would not have to watch
the world crumble
around us
like the howling before the storm.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-

Placed in earth
corroded with poison
they expect me to bloom
as the other flowers do.
Esther L. Krenzin
Roguesong

Plants, like us
require sunlight and dew
in the midst of droughts
when the sun is barely a glimmer
they shrivel
diminish
but hope hope is around
the corner
for those who seek with hands
that fumble and quiver
for what is beyond them
and after every storm
when the sky has caught its breath
there will be hope
if only in the form
of a rainbow.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong/

Such an fierce yet kind-hearted soul
you grew your own little world
one made of flowers and ferns
that responded like the unfurling wings
of a butterfly
straining for sunlight and warmth

You've touched so many hearts
held so many hands
mother
daughter
sister
friend
you've claimed your spot in our lives

Even as I stare ar your face--
so worn from burdens
so lined with laughter--
a glimmer of the woman you were
peeks through the cracks of your eyes

Squeezing
clenching
gently grasping your hand that so lovingly
tended to your own
an mere murmur of your former glory
remains

Loved ones flock
shaking under the weight of your death
distant beeping of machinery
mocking our attempts to hold on to you
if only for a little longer

"Don't leave," I inwardly beg
your lashes flutter
as if in response to my plea
I clench my fists but it's no use
you choke but never falter
my mother singing while you gasp

Red lights
whirring machines
as you
breathe
your last
I taste salt
it lingers in the air
and I think
it always will.

Esther Krenzin
Roguesong

i know that you see yourself
as a jigsaw puzzle
that will never truly be assembled
but braveheart
life is about gaining those missing pieces
and losing them in turn
so be complete in knowing
that you are incomplete.
Esther L. Krenzin

I wasn't lesser
no
that was never how you said it
there was just nothing more to me
then what met the eye

You singed bridges
cut ties
left me alone with nowhere to run
when I left myself bare to you
naked
wholly exposed
and you took my brokenness
and threw it at my feet

Yet,
I blame myself for your absence
"If I had just..."
I whisper
"Than we wouldn't be right here."
"We would be happy."
But happy, is not a word I understand
and sometimes
I think I never will.

Hold me up
I can't stand on my own
don't let me down
when I need you now.

Esther L. Krenzin
Roguesong

Sometimes I can't be anything but sad.
I don't want to find a reason, or try
to find the light,
I just want to feel,
and allow the truth of reality to sink in.
I'm scared of what the future will be,
and what else I'll have to go through.
I'm exhausted, tired of enduring,
pushing on,
surviving.
I feel old, ever so old,
centuries lived, centuries weathered.
The intensity of it hits me hard,
and I gasp from the sheer feeling of it.
I can't breathe, can't move,
only let the sobs pummel me again,
again,
and again.
I only let it out when I'm alone
with my shadow,
No peering eyes, no sympathy,
just me and my sorrow.
And as I sit there, I wonder what I'll be
like years from now.
Still broken?
-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-