Animosity allergens,
dark as the Dracula’s dungeon,
insidiously infects the heart.
Vivacity begins to part.

In the realm of my subconscious,
I've confronted my madness.
There’s a monster in me that should die-
my morale withered and dry.

My spirit polluted with hate-
toxic as organophosphates.
The psyche is a perpetrator
who lusts for the power of ******.  

Drowning in the depths of darkness
of my wild imagination,
I’m shocked by this revelation!

The epiphany of my evil-
influenced by the vile devil,
my ego- sinful and gruesome.
Dear Lord, what have I become?

I’m addicted to my bad boy
like a druggie snorting on crack.
Bad boy- my succulent junk food.

Toxic love dark as chocolate black,
you do more harm than good.
This attraction is not healthy.

There is a strange dopamine hit,
though I’m discarded like a used toy-
I chase the thrill for him to commit.

Abusive and brazenly rude,
smugness as fat as greasy cheese,
his hurtful bites leave me hungry.

Shame clogs in cholesterol plaque-
infecting ailing arteries;
I’m going to have a heart attack!

Bad boy, why do I crave such ******?

(c) 2019 Jo Swan

We drank a cup of Oolong tea,
its forlorn fragrance wafts;
atmosphere awkward with silence-
ineloquent like writers first draft,
this tea taste of grievance.

Stumbling lips, we finally talk.
Woeful, you asked me why
I choose to leave and walk-
bidding you with heartless goodbyes.

My eyes fogged by tea’s heat;
tears form like dews of rain,
forehead furrows in sweat-
emotions rich in pain.

We drank a cup of Oolong tea,
This moment I’ve long dread!
Whirls of traumatic emotions
had left me angry red-
your actions were ghastly.

For many years we did not speak.
Bitterness brewed in tea,
memories of the past all bleak,
my self-esteem you’ve malign.

Oolong aftertaste so unkind-
our past painted with hurt!
Will my emotions blurt to
reveal repressed resentment?

We drank a cup of Oolong tea,
my mental assailant,
I shall not fear your chide.
The truth shall be revealed,
no longer my voice shall hide!

Addicted to bad boys-
taste of toxic love leaves a toll.
Relationships flavoured with brutes;
kisses hook my naïve soul-
lips sugary as jellybeans.
Body package in suave suits,
like an ad of Vogue magazines,
they’ve become my junk food.

Addicted to bad boys
like a druggie on crack!
Their hearts can’t commit,
I’m just one of their play toys.
I seek for a dopamine hit
with the thrills of bad boys.
Bite of their love leaves me hungry,
this attraction is not healthy!

Addicted to bad boys,
they’ll laugh and be so crude.
Abusive words will whack;
arrogance as fat as greasy cheese.
Shame clogs in cholesterol plaque,
polluting my own arteries-
all ready for a heart attack.
Why do I crave such ******?

Addicted to bad boys,
addicted to bad boys,
for the sake of my health,
it is time for a detox!


(c) Jo Swan

This Picture Perfect Family
Is family of contradiction.
Hands hold the frame of the Portrait;
Bitterness seethes with friction.
Repulsive as summer cockroach,
Its artwork I wish to reproach.
Faces full of fake smiles-
Cloyingly sick, I want to puke!
The portrait presents many lies.

This Picture Perfect Family,
The truth is it has been defiled!
Father fights Mother; home havoc!
Harmony crushed by clamor.
Though I may be a naive child,
This family has a vicious void.
Resentment rattles with full force;
The essence of love long destroyed;
Hatred only settled with divorce!

This Picture Perfect Family
Can only appear in my dreams.
The tone of painting I abhor;
Behind our smiles, gloominess gleams,
It does not show there is a war.
My mind screams in frustration
Like the ******’s first castration.
I wish this wretched pain to bury-
Emotions blurred by apathy!

This Picture Perfect Family
Will not exist any longer!
I wonder now what is at stake-
Foundation of love macerates.
Hands tremor in anguish anger;
The Family Portrait drops and breaks.
Glass frame shatters; heart lacerates.

Oh, let this Portrait rot in hell…
Picture Perfect Family farewell!

(c) Jo Swan

In my dreams,
I see a Prince,
His eyes gently glint.
Has his Holiness come?
I cry to him not all is well.
In my loneliness,
passion for life has languish.
Spirit tainted by sinful spell,
I’ve drank the cup of anguish?
Will the heart heal?
His calm silhouette-
caress me with warm zeal.
Heaven and Earth embrace as one.
In pain, I can survive.
Like the radiance of the Sun,
I feel my spirit revive.

With the wind,
the Prince disappears
like pollinated petals.
I implore him to reappear.
I’m a vulnerable child;
afraid to be back in the wild.
His voice whispers
that it is time to awake.
He will not forsake me.
One day when I’ve blossom,
I’m destine to meet him again.
With his holy army,
slanderous shadows will flee.
With the Prince of Peace,
Life’s lamenting will one day cease!

(c) Jo Swan

Born in Dusk,
the daughter of shadows
inherit parent’s pain
for which she does not know.
Past sins have left a stain.

Born to the world of lies,
Her life- a dark drama.
Her blood infected by
the virus of trauma.

Secrets shroud in shadows
from the time before birth.
Cursed by forgotten woes,
Will the truth be unearth?

She’ll one day see the Light
That will melt the shadows
As it burns blazing bright.
Stars written in her fate
To be awake from dark
And release all past hate!

(c) Jo Swan

Mum plays a game of hide and seek!
A dangerous game of survival
Where she can not show she is weak,
Even though there’s blood on saliva.
She carries me to a safe house
to flee from an abusive spouse.

In her arms, I sense her despair
For we live in uncertainty.
Must this be the burden we bare?
Always running in urgency
to avoid mum being a battered wife.
Must this be the game of our life
When we play hide and seek!

(c) Jo Swan

There’s a House made of Ice
Haunted by sinful vice.
Wilting winter flowers
As frozen frost gate towers.
House is cold and empty
With no lustre of glee.

Lost in the fields of snow
Tears echo in sorrow.
Memories of trauma
Sneak behind like cobra.
House is inhumane
As relationships strain.

To those who reside there
Must be fully aware
There’s a secretive curse
In the House made of Ice.

(c) Jo Swan

It is time for her to drown
into the abyss of darkness.
An emotional breakdown;
The salty taste of bleakness.

She must swim across her
Sea of subconscious
And though her soul may stir,
I will fulfill my promise.
The darkness has deep depth.
Even in the dark, I’m here.
I’ll blow the breath of strength,
to face your inner fear.
So that you’ll reach the shore
And cherish me-
Your Saviour!

In the Shadow Valley;
Ferocious Black Crows strike
Like poisonous propaganda of Third *****.
They circle around:
Viciously striking Children at first sight-
Leaving their frail body with ****** wounds!

Black Crows nastily grin;
Children cry; tears of fright.
The Children’s spirit scarred with sinister sin.
What will become of them?
Innocence lost by this evil sickness.
They are discarded like infected phlegm.

Voice so powerless!
Black Crows pure victims;
The Children has tasted the world’s wickedness.
Darkness now stronger;
Lost in the wilderness of dark shadows,
Will cruel corruption of evil conquer?

In the dusky distance,
The rod and staff glimmers-
Black Crows tremble at the sight of its existence.
A fire torch shimmers-
Sparking hope; Children follow like sheep
To the mystical luminous sight.  

Though wounds may be deep,
Their soul shall heal with the Light.

I stare at the Kettle:
Reflection of your vile face.
Has left me in aghast!
Oh, how I wish to erase
Flashback of grotesque past.
Heart seared by the venom
Of disturbing memories
Caused by antagonism.
This rage can’t be appease
Mind becomes murderous.

The Kettle begins to hiss:
The soul simmers with wrath-
Insanely dangerous,
Hungry for a blood bath!
Oh, I wish for a knife
And stab you many times
As you left me in strife
From your abusive crimes.
Wounded me as a child
And left me powerless.

Boiling Kettle rattles:
My madness is wild
Have I lost my saneness?
Many years I’ve been irate-
Tolerating in silence-
Blood boils with sinful hate!
My spirit seeks the thrill
For an eye for an eye-
As it lust for your ****
And to see you die!

Gas sparks, Kitchen ignites:
Body burnt into ashes-
Soul seethes in resentment.
Revenge sweetly slashes
You to my contentment.
Hands stained with red blood
Like trenches of war mud.
Eyes consumed and blind -
Peace of heart now confined
By rapacious rage.

Mind is a Murderer!
Am I a Murderer!
Will I ever surrender?
Will I ever surrender
And taste tranquility?
Or is my spirit cursed?
Or is my spirit cursed
To be trapped by the thirst
Of the boiling kettle
That will never settle
Until vengeance scorches!

(c)Jo Swan 2018

In the new land we seek refuge
there is no war -
Am I free from my life’s deluge?
My spirit contains many scars.

Though we have found an oasis
I’ve been left in a depressed state-
Cursed to be born into chaos
Is this my bitter fate?

The past becomes a faded dream-
Memories of fear and terror
Is no longer what it seem.
Yet is my life any better?

Painful past I wish to forget;
Mind represses all memories!

(c) Jo Swan

Faraway from home and lost with the wild
the mystical fog has surrounded my sight
From seeing the road that lies ahead.
should I despair and sensed be in fright?
My predicament has left me in dread.

Fog slowly suffocates me from my breath.
In my anguish, I cry out to the Lord,
“This path could lead me to my imminent death!
I’ve no guts to walk through the forlorn fog.
Must I walk alone through gravel road and sward?”

Through the smoky fog, a Lyre Bird flutters-
fans his feathers in majestic manner
and sings sweetly like warm days of summer.
Has the lord listened and made his answer?
In the fog, the dusk of doubts dissipate.

Though I walk on this unforeseeable path,
My body burns with vitality of hope
as I've finally found faith in the fog

Broken Boy, Broken Boy, Please do not cry!
Your eyes is filled with terrified tears.
Can you see your father is nearby?
His eyes burns with the fury of Ares-
Causes your spirit to whimper in fear.
Like fragile porcelain dolls been shattered,
He brutally beats your bruised body-
Leaves your spirit broken and battered

Broken Boy, Broken Boy, Please do not cry!
Oh be a sweet darling good boy and listen!
Can you hear the sound of your father’s fist crunch?
Drowning in deluge of emotional distress,
Your eyes has lost its innocent glisten.
With each punch,
Your aura of gentleness gradually dies.
Your heart cold like gargoyles in fortress

Broken Boy, Broken Boy, Please do not cry!
The Broken Boy has now become a Man.
His haughty handsome face sneers with disdain.
His soul now barren as the desert of Afghan.
His subconscious mind haunted by past pain.
Lost in the wilderness of his own wrath,
His breath is drunk with the taste of violence,
Has he grown up to be a psychopath?

Broken Boy, Broken Boy, Please do not cry!
You have become a man of vendetta!
Following the footsteps of your father-
Belt your boy till his skin turns magenta-
His affection for you begins to languish.
This abuse is a never-ending cancer.
Like you, your son shall wear a mask of anger
To camouflage his heart’s suppressed anguish.

Broken Boy giving birth to another Broken Boy
Will the curse of Broken Boy ever end?

In the shadowy, silent street I walk
The darkness of the night engulfs my spirit
Like the soddy soils covering the rock’s
Brilliant colour of ruby, red passion.
The daring dreams for the future
Has caused my soulful eyes to ashen-
Blinded by the present reality-
The dreams begin to fade.

In the shadowy, silent street I walk
The mind has lost its mentality
And strength to wade
Through the current bleakness of life.
The midnight shadows of the street
Have caused me to lose sight.
Can the faith of the heart bring light?

In the shadowy, silent street I walk
The cicadas buzz bitterly in the quiet street,
Stirring memories of mundane voices
That has caused me to cheat
Myself from making personal choices.
I cry silently in despair
For fear has swept my sense of direction.

In the shadowy, silent street I walk
A distant street lamp lit up the solemn street
Providing me with a sense of protection
The heart burns with a passionate heat
Providing strength for my body to move with affection
Towards the mystery of the shadowy, silent street.

(c)2018 Joanne Chang

Alone I sail across the formidable sea,
Many men have drowned in this stormy weather!
Will the waves devour me to my death?
Where will the Wind of Destiny lead me?

My mind is fatigued by feeling of doubts
As my body has fought many hours to survive
And navigate the dinghy in search of land-
Where will the Wind of Destiny lead me?

Shivering silently in the darkness
My spirit crushed by the ravenous rain!
Should I surrender to the sea of pain?
Where will the Wind of Destiny lead me?

In the brink of suffering and strife,
I realise I am powerless against nature-
Only heaven can bless me with the breath of life.
Where will the Wind of Destiny lead me?

In the chaos, I made a personal prayer
And felt my soul submit to a serene state
As I ask the Lord to decide my fate-
Where will the Wind of Destiny lead me?

For the first time in my vulnerable state-
I felt the love of the Lord embrace my spirit
And all the fears and doubts dissipate –
Where will the Wind of Destiny lead me?

I realise life should move in a motion
Where love tames the wild weather of life
And relinquish all dark emotions-
So the force of the Wind of Destiny can awake!

With this new knowledge,
My spirit renews with vibrant vigour
As the truth of life finally been acknowledge
The force of the Wind of Destiny has awaken!

The sun wakes up from her sleep
The waves gently rocks the sail boat
The cloud calms down from her weep.
The force of the Wind of Destiny has awaken!

I feel my spirit soar
Like seagulls roaming across the sky
For I finally tasted the joy of God’s grace.
The force of the Wind of Destiny has awaken!

What lands shall be discovered?
I do not know what tomorrow will behold
Only courage and determination it will be uncovered
The force of the Wind of Destiny has awaken!

Staring sentimentally at the Sunrise
I feel the fiery breaths of the wind
Blowing my sail boat across the vast ocean.
Where will the Wind of Destiny lead me?

The ghost in my mind
Behind fortress of shadows
Haunts me in my sleep

In the fields of fragrant flowers,
I see Mother’s supple silhouette
shimmering with the soft sunlight.
Her hair tied with peony barrette;
Sweet smiles radiate at sight.
The sentimental scents of myrrh
Wafts from her body; my eyes gleam;
I run towards and embrace her.
Is this a dream? Is this a dream?

In the fields of fragrant flowers,
This time and space is of great blest-
I wish there was no tomorrow.
For months I have been left bereft.
I tell mother of my sorrow;
I wish to be with her and roam
Away from life’s chaos and gloom.
Return to the land of our home,
And see orchid blossoms bloom.
I ask mother if I could stay;
Thousand tears cloud her gentle eyes;
She kisses me like rainy day;
It is time to awake and part!

My heart weeps with the wintry wind.
Her spirit; many miles apart.
I am alone and left behind
To face this world’s reality.
Must this be my sad destiny?

All that is left
Is scents of fragrant flowers.

(c) 2018 Joanne Chang

The darkness of secrets had kept me in shadows
The pain of the past had caused my family to weep
For they experienced life full of unjust woes!
Yet the Heavenly Lord has awakened me from sleep.

I hear the echoes of my forefathers’ voices,
They tell me to rise like the Mighty Sun,
It is time for me to wake and rejoice
On their legacy of what they have done.

The wise wind of fate pushes me to my destiny,
My blood burns with a new determination
As I am resurrected with a new identity
For my forefathers have impacted the entire nation

For many years I thought I was ordinary
Yet the cries of my ancestors beat like a drum-
Telling me to soar like a golden dragon.
In love and hate we have all endured and succumb

I give thanks to the heavenly divine sky
As he has given me a gift of armor made of courage.
“Awake my dear daughter”, the mighty Lord cry,
“Do not let the army of fear make you feel discourage.”

So the wind of destiny has revealed its plan
That I am to inherit their legacy,
Reclaim the throne and be the Princess of Han
For this is my destiny!

(c) 2018 Joanne Chang

A ***** duct tape silences my mouth
People say blood is thicker than water
Yet your thunderous voice screams at me
Does daddy cherish his daughter?
So why can’t your eyes open and see
You’ve become a Mein Kampf tyrant?
You want my obedience and silence!

A ***** duct tape silences my mouth
As it leaves a residue of disgust
Must this be our memory?
Though silent my heart feels unjust-
Must you **** all my energy;
Leave me to feel lost and astray
As mental state starts to decay

A ***** duct tape silences my mouth
Will your anger subside and be quiet?
Fear suffocates vulnerable heart;
Wrathful words ready for a riot;
Confidence crushed as it’s torn apart.
Verbal abuse moves like a torrent flood,
Affecting those who share the same blood!

(c) 2018 Joanne Chang

As an only child
my mind was my friend-
it enchant and beguiled
me in a foreign land.

The bills had to be paid
so mother left for work.
I had to be not afraid
and be alone at dark.

With no one to play with
I lived in make-believe
and land full of myths
as tales would unweave.

In my tiny bedroom
I was a female knight
who fought against her doom-
sword ready for a fight

In a world of fantasy
I was no longer lonely

(c)2018 Joanne Chang

Dearest Douglas,

Is it strange, we meet in a moment of chaos?
The mystic forces of fate pull us together,
In a time where our life path is full of woes
Fate calls us to fight against the stormy weather
So this encounter, is it what heaven has bestowed?

For years my heart hid behind the gates of darkness
As memories of the past burned with resentment
I felt the sinister shadows of life’s bleakness,
Where the affection of my father had been absent,
The stains of sin had taught me to become heartless.

Yet in this fleeting moment of life, our paths meet,
My heart burns passionately by your gentle grace
The ravenous linger thoughts of you taste so sweet
As I felt sense of peace when I glance at your face-
I am lost by your eyes that glow with gracious heat.

In an autumn’s day where solemn truths were revealed,
Your dad’s poor health had left you to feel dejected.
Tears of pain touched my soul so that it can be healed-
To release grudges that had been infected
By the violent past - a new hope has been sealed-
Three different people’s lives have been affected!

Though our life paths moved in opposite direction,
Forces of fate push us to an uncertain life!
In a distant sky there is a strange connection,
An alliance formed when the world is full of strife,
We enter into journey of introspection!

In this moment of personal revelation,
You haunt me in my thoughts; you haunt me in my sleep.
I think I am a fool to have such affection
Yet this fate left a lasting impact that runs deep
My heart smiles to see your caring complexion!

Time wafts like Mother Nature changing its season,
Yet in this uncertain world we reunite again.
This fate is strange but there is a divine reason
We are to meet as there is a lot we have gained
At least for me I can feel the love of the Son.

I know these tender feelings you can’t reciprocate
I look at the sky and thank him for his full bless
To have met you in my frail vulnerable state.
I feel the moonlight embrace me with full caress,
Maybe it is time for us to depart on this date.

Do not feel these feelings I have is of sorrow
As one day I will meet a General of great might.
This strange fate has allowed my soul to heal and grow.
Wherever you may be, I wish you to shine so bright!
I don’t know what destiny beholds tomorrow,
But fond thoughts of you will drift my soul with delight!

(c)2018 Joanne Chang